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WWE Main Event - March 20, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last week on WWE Main Event... I don't know. I had to miss a week for personal reasons. I'm also suffering from my first case of baby elbow, so if my typing comes across as a bit lazy, my apologies.

- This week, Main Event is coming to us from Cincinnati, OH, originally taped on March 19th. Michael Cole and the Miz are calling all the action, unless otherwise noted. Don't forget that WrestleMania 29 is only 18 days away (well, 17 days as of the writing, and possibly 16 or less by the time you read this. Who cares, I'm not ordering it).

R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett (IC Champion):

Wait, this is the biggest match of the night? I guess with WrestleMania around the corner, you can't give away too much on the taping before Smackdown. I hate to see how bad Superstars is (reads consistant involvement from JTG and Michael McGillicutty) Ehh... Barrett finally won a match on Raw, too bad it was a sneaky heel win. It's been a good two months since his last real victory. Goes to show how important the championships are (hint: they aren't.) Barrett pounds away to start, and Truth retaliates with a jumping heel kick for two. Truth with a clothesline, sending Barrett to the floor. Back in, Truth with a drop toe hold, followed by an arm drag, sending Barrett back to the floor. Truth tries to follow, but gets a leg swept from under him on the apron. Barrett gets smug with the Miz (Main Event Bingo: heel annoys Miz), then goes back to pounding away. Neck breaker for a two count. Barrett with knees and a running boot, knocking Truth to the floor.

Back from commercial, Barrett comes off the ropes with an elbow and slaps on a chinlock. Whip to the corner, he meets a boot on a charge. Truth comes out with a pair of clotheslines, followed by a spinning head scissors and DDT for a two count. Scissors Kick misses, but he counters a sidewalk slam with a crucifix for another two count. Barrett with a running boot for two. Truth slips off Barrett's back and a Russian leg sweep gets two. Barrett rolls to the floor, then hangs Truth up in the ropes trying to follow. Back inside, the Bull Hammer connects, and Barrett gets the clean victory ay 6:19 (minus one commercial, but including a 30-second spot for the Rock being on Raw). Good, Superstars level match. Truth is just too low on the card these days to get top Main Event billing without the show looking watered down. Post-match, Barrett gets in Miz's face in an angle that I'm sure will go nowhere... remember when Sin Cara went over Antonio Cesaro in a Non-Title Match?

- Raw Rebound #1: Triple H signed the contract to face Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania XXIX, and beat the crap out of Paul Heyman. You see, the stipulations are that it's No Holds Barred and if Triple H loses, he must retire... so they pretty much lured a practically retired guy back into the ring, just to retire him? My God, the booking and writing leading up to WrestleMania is lazy as hell.

- Matt Striker interviews Sheamus about wether or not he and Randy Orton will choose Big Show to replace Ryback in their match against the Shield at WrestleMania. Ugh... why?! Big Show absolutely fucking SUCKS as a babyface, and if this last heel run was all the gas they had in the tank for him, give him the old yeller treatment and spare us of 3-4 more years of his blandness and/or goofy comedy as a face.

Natalya & Layla vs. Alicia Fox & Aksana:

Oh my God, what have I done to deserve this level of suckitude on Main Event? I never understood remixing Bret Hart's theme music into something completely terrible. We delay the inevitably bad match with some lame attempts at getting heat, with Alicia Fox using an overseas tour with starving children as a way to run down Natalya. FOR SHAME! Nattie with a headlock takeover on Aksana. She counters with a head scissors, and Nattie escapes with a nip up. Layla, with new look, outclasses Aksana, practically using her in place of a broomstick. Is this a comedy match? I guess Layla slapping her in the face with her butt is enough to answer my question. I guess a head scissors is the only move that Aksana can competantly perform, as it's the only thing she does all match. I would like to note that the camera work is very not PG, considering Layla's revealing ring attire. Miz with a Major League reference to sooth the pain, and Nattie finishes Alicia off with the Sharpshooter at 4:09. And that's the end of that chapter...

- Raw Rebound #2: CM Punk continues getting under the skin of the Undertaker, doing an impression of Paul Bearer and using the lid of the urn as his mouthpiece, among other things. Does anyone give Punk a shot in hell of going over? Sadly, no.

The Usos vs. The Primetime Players:

It's Round 702 of the on-going series between the children of Rikishi and two guys who have clearly pissed someone important off. Jimmy and Young start. Young with a side headlock, followed by a shoulder tackle. Jimmy comes back with chops, and Jey comes in with a clothesline for two. Scoop slam, and jimmy comes off the ropes with a headbutt for another two count. Arm drag into an armbar, and the Uso's with some double teaming in the corner. Jey with a back suplex for two. Double team elbow drop on Young, and Titus is wise not to run into a double crescent kick as we take a break in the action.

We come back with Titus catching Jimmy off the ropes with an elbow. He takes him over with a snapmare, but an elbow drop misses. Jey with chops, but a charge meets a boot. Titus sends Jimmy into the corner with a hip toss, causing him to spill to the floor in the process. Back inside, he covers for two. Odd looking wristlock and slam combination, then O'Neil drops Young across the chest with a front suplex for two. Young with knees and shoulders to the midsection, then momentarily grabs a BEARHUG. Really!? Titus in with a back breaker for two. Whip to the corner, with authority. Jey tries for a body press, but Titus simply catches and throws, then lays him out with a clothesline for two. Jimmy finally gets the hot tag, running through Young with clotheslines, followed by a diving headbutt and crescent kick to the chest. The Bubba Bomb connects, as does the running butt to the face spot for two. O'Neil runs in, only to be sent packing. Samoan drop on Young, and the Superfly Splash finishes at 8:45. 1-minute job to open Raw to John Cena, and now laying down for an Uso... did Darren Young piss in someone's Fruity Pebbles? Match was watchable, if not by the numbers. I've seen these two teams wrestle way too many times in 6-months.

Final Thoughts: This was definitely NOT a Main Event show. A mid-level Champion on job duty going over a JTTS, a randomly thrown together Diva's Tag Match, and yet another Usos vs. Primetime Players match makes for a very lukewarm episode of WWE Superstars, which doesn't even air in the United States. The quality of two of those three was watchable, but it was an incredibly not-must-see show if there ever was one. WWE is in a bit of a rut the past few weeks, and it's making it harder and harder to look forward to any of their programming.

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