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WWE Main Event - LIVE! - March 11, 2014

by Scrooge McSuck

- Well, not really live for me, as I work Tuesday Nights (typically), so I'm watching the network broadcast version on ion Television. Last week on Main Event LIVE!, Daniel Bryan rolled up Corporate Kane, and some other stuff happened... oh yeah, the Uso's made their first successful title defense against Los Matadores, subbing for the New Age Outlaws. There was also a crummy Divas Tag Team Match, but nobody cared about it. This weeks lineup features not one, but TWO Championship Matches. If this were 2000, it would be European and Light-Heavyweight, but being 2014... I'm guessing Divas and Intercontinental. I don't think Ambrose is allowed to defend the U.S. Title now that it's a recurring issue in the Shield's current storyline.

- Live from Little Rock, AR, with Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips calling the action. Not that these two don't sound competent (most of the time), but I do miss the odd chemistry that Michael Cole and The Miz had.

Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) vs. Curtis Axel & Ryback:

I'm sorry, I refuse to continue listing them as "RybAxel." That Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale must be a big thing, because Curtis Axel actually cuts an insert promo about it during introductions. I guess he's trying to get "Better Than Perfect" over as a catchphrase. I tried giving him a chance, but you can't fix bland. Speaking of falls from grace, Ryback goes from PPV Main Event's with CM Punk and John Cena... to this. Axel's used to it, but it's still a step up the ladder from Superstars Jobber Michael McGillicutty. Winner for most over Midget Sidekickô, El Torito (the Bull) or Dink (the Clown)? (Editor's Note: Shocker's old 10% Guapo sidekick resembles that remark) These two teams have worked together, A LOT, lately. Ryback starts with Diego. They do some back-and-forth, with Diego playing to the crowd a lot. Axel gets the Better Than Perfect Tag into the match, and quickly gets taken over with a hurricanrana. Fernando misses a charge, and Axel lays him out with a Better Than Perfect Clothesline. Ryback pounds away and hits the rest holds. Fernando "tries to create space", but can't get to Diego. Axel with a Better Than Perfect Back Breaker, followed by a Better Than Perfect Elbow from the second rope for two. Better Than Perfect Chinlock. Axel with a Better Than Perfect knee to the face. Ryback with a delayed suplex, but a splash misses. Diego with the hot tag, and he hits Axel with a big chop to the head and a pair of elbows. Diego with a twisting body press (Arriba!) and spinning head scissors (Ole!). Ryback charges in, and there he goes right back out. Fernando follows with a senton. El Torito gets a Better Than Perfect boot from Axel, knocking him off the apron, onto Ryback, and Diego rolls Axel up for three at 8:32. ** This was Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling, but the finish could've been better than "crappy roll-up." I've officially beaten the "Better Than Perfect" joke into the ground, one match into it's run.

- Don't miss Friday Night Smackdown, where we are treated to the Big Show taking on Corporate Kane. I guess we're tied 450-450 in the Best out of 1,001 Series between these two, dating back to 1999. 15 years later, still incapable of breaking one-star together.

WWE Diva's Championship Match:
A.J. Lee © (w/ Tamina) vs. Natalya:

Well, we're 1 for 1 in the Title Match predictions. This has a chance to be good. I questioned why this isn't A.J. vs. Nikki Bella to follow up the match from Raw, but a helpful recap reminds us that Natalya made A.J. tap-out in a Tag Team Match on the previous episode of Smackdown. I guess all the jobs is their way of punishing C.M. Punk. A.J. is on Day 268 as Diva's Champion, and cuts a "I'm better than everyone else" promo that is no doubt inspired by Punk. I'm still waiting for the obvious "Tamina turns on A.J. and demolishes her" storyline, but that would only make sense in a logically written storyline. WWE doesn't do those anymore. There's something about Nattie's face that reminds me of someone I know. Wink Wink?

Natalya starts with a headlock. A.J. kicks her way free and goes to work on the arm. Nattie counters with a leg sweep and tries to grapevine. A.J. looks like she's lost weight: Her skin-tight shorts are practically hanging off her. Nattie remains in control, so A.J. heads to the apron for a breather. Back inside, Nattie grabs another headlock, and surprises A.J. with a school girl for two. Abdominal stretch time, with extra torque on the leg. Someone has watched there "Best of Scott Hall" tape. A.J. finds her way onto the apron to escape a slam attempt, and gets dropkicked off for her efforts. Back from break, and A.J. is in control. During the break, Tamina created a distraction to allow A.J. to take over. Natalya goes for a slam, but A.J. counters with a Dragon Sleeper. She escapes, so A.J. switches up with a standard Sleeper. A.J. misses a charge, allowing Natalya to take her down with a clothesline, snap suplex, and a basement dropkick. Michinoku Driver gets two. A.J. with the Black Widow, but Natalya fights free. Sharpshooter attempt is countered with a small package, for two. Nattie blocks a spinning heel kick and gets the Sharpshooter on attempt #2. A.J. eventually finds her way to the ropes, with a little help from Tamina. Nattie is distracted by the shenanigans, allowing A.J. to nail her with a Shining Wizard, and the Black Widow finally finishes Natalya off at 10:07 (including one commercial). **1/2 Not as good as the match they had on Main Event in the weeks before Survivor Series, but it was still pretty good for a Diva's Match. Nice to see an actual finish and not a cop-out DQ spot, again.

- Santino and Emma are being goofy together backstage, sitting down for a nice meal from the catering buffet. Santino is curious about Emma looking for a "fun" buddy", and I guess that's so exciting, he falls all around and slams his own face into their table. This was kinda' stupid. We should all know "Friends with Benefits" is more harmful than you would think... no, I'm not admitting to anything! STOP BUGGING ME!

- Raw Rewind: Daniel Bryan hijacks Monday Night Raw with the Yes Movement. The ring and surrounding area is filled with random Jabroni's dressed in Yes Shirts, and they're not leaving until Triple H gives in to Bryan's demand (Rock did it). He finally gets his match with Triple H at WrestleMania XXX (Boo!), but he also wants a stipulation that says he will be included in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match if he somehow wins (YAY!). This was a pretty well done segment and almost restores faith in the nonsense leading up to this. To think, if not for CM Punk walking out, Daniel Bryan would be stuck in a midcard program with Sheamus. AGAIN.

- Total Divas is back for a Second Season. I have lost all faith in society. Only cast change is Summer Rae replacing JoJo, who may or may not work for WWE anymore. Who cares. She's a waste of roster space.

- Main Event is brought to you by Burger King, the official Burger of the NCAA Tournament and Final Four. I'm sorry, I had to add the last part. It's in my contract. Still smells like French Fries... and not those crappy "Satisfries." Honestly, they finally have me saying SATISFRIES as some kind of weird, normal lingo. What's wrong with "Crinkle Cut"? Doesn't sound Kindergarten enough?

WWE United States Championship Match:
Dean Ambrose © (w/ Rollins & Reigns) vs. Mark Henry:

Woah, I whiffed on this one. I actually expected to see something like Big E. (Langston) versus Jack Swagger or something equally uninspired. Ambrose is my favorite member of the Shield, so there's the silver-lining in the Cloud of me being wrong. Hopefully Henry doesn't split his wig too badly. Phillips has the nerve to bring up something between these two that happened over a month ago, and neither of them dares bury Ambrose for his seldom title defenses. These guys need to learn to work WWE Style! Burying the talent and ignoring logic and previous encounters is a must for on air personalities!

Henry easily over-powers Ambrose to start, forcing him to re-think his game plan on the floor. Henry works a very lethargic style, mostly clubberin' poor Ambrose, who bumps around like a pinball to make up for it. Henry has a stare-down with Reigns and Rollins, allowing Ambrose to dropkick to knee, knocking him to the floor. Ambrose comes off the apron with a double knee across the back as we take a break. When we return, Ambrose is still in control, putting the boots to the former Sexual Chocolate. Ambrose with a twisting elbow for barely a one count. Henry kicked out like his name was Doug Furnas. Ambrose continues to work the left knee, but gets careless and slammed off the second rope. Henry with clotheslines and a "running" powerslam for two. He does the stupid JYD headbutt for another two count. He heads to the floor and punks out Rollins... because? Pick on someone your own size, jerk! Reigns gives him the stinkiest stink-eye for the remainder of the match, distracting him as he climbed the ropes for a Vader-Bomb. Ambrose yanks him off and quickly finishes with the Bulldog Driver at 9:36. * I wasn't feeling this, but I am still interested in where the Shield is going. I honestly don't want any of them as babyfaces, but if it's got to happen, then Reigns. Ambrose has too much potential as a creepy heel to waste away on a terrible face push. Henry looked old and tired out there, and barely mobile.

Final Thoughts: Not a great episode this week, but there's some decent stuff to check out, if nothing to really go out of your way to see. A.J. and Natalya delivered (as best as the Diva's division can), and there was a solid Tag Team Match to open the show, which shouldn't come as much of a surprise considering Matadores and Ryback/Axel have worked together practically every week for the last two months courtesy of Main Event or Superstars. Ambrose vs. Henry was a bit of a let-down, but it was short, and it's hard to complain when the Shield are featured. The Road to WrestleMania continues, and the big question is... who is winning the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale?!

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