WWF at Nassua Coliseum
June 9, 1995
by Scrooge McSuck
– The first of three nights in the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan Area™. Unlike their tours throughout 1994, by this point the WWF learned to shuffle the cards around so that they weren't doing identical shows in the same market on consecutive nights.
"Man-O-War" Aldo Montoya vs. Jean Pierre Lafitte:
We've got a pirate versus a guy with a yellow jockstrap on his head. Welcome to the New Generation. Lockup, Pierre with a side headlock and a shoulder tackle. Crisscross and Montoya with a hip toss, followed by an inverted atomic drop and dropkick, sending Pierre out of the ring. Montoya follows with a slingshot plancha, rolls Pierre back inside, and comes off the top with a flying FIST ATTACK for two. Pierre fights out of an arm-bar and drives a knee into the midsection. Pierre slows things down with a body-scissors. Montoya fights to his feet and slams the dread Pirate, but a splash meets knees. Pierre drops Montoya across the top rope with a gourd buster, causing Aldo to fall to the floor. Montoya fights his way back in the ring but misses a blind body press from the top rope. Pierre traps Montoya in the ropes and hits him with a pair of body presses. I wanted to call it a cannonball, but that's his finisher, so I'm not bothering naming the spot. Montoya counters a powerbomb with a Franken-Steiner for two. Pierre pops right up and turns Montoya inside-out with a clothesline. Montoya surprises Pierre with a twisting diving forearm to spark a rally. He unloads with rights, sends Pierre to the ropes, and hits a double chop. Aldo with a diving clothesline for two. Montoya goes high risk and hits a flying body press for two. Whip to the ropes and Pierre counters a body-drop with the DDT. Cannonball finishes at 8:48. Solid but unspectacular opener. **1/2The Smoking Gunns vs. Jacob & Eli Blu (w/ Uncle Zebekiah):
Woah, springing to bus in Dutch Mantell, you know it's an important market. Eli and Jacob attack before the bell because they're HEELS. Bart gets dumped out of the ring and Billy planted with a double-team Boss Man Slam. The Blu's immediately cut the ring in half, working Billy over in their corner. Whip to the corner, Billy avoids a charge and takes the Blu (Eli?) over with a sunset flip. Bart tags in, laying into Eli (or maybe Jacob) with boots before going to work on the arm. The Gunns with a double suplex for a two-count. Whip is reversed and Jacob takes a shot at Bart from the apron. What, no pulling down the ropes? That's Bart's go-to spot! Jacob with shoulders to the midsection and a snap mare out of the corner. Eli in and Bart cradles him out of nowhere for two. I would've popped if that was the finish. Eli with a powerslam for two. Jacob with a slam but he misses an elbow from the middle rope. Billy with the hot tag. DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER. He tosses Eli out and lays into Jacob with rights. Whip to the ropes and they hit Eli with the Sidewinder for two. Jacob breaks the count and pulls Billy to the floor for a brawl, and we get a cheap Double Count-Out at 8:29. Post-match, The Gunns clear the ring with a pair of dropkicks. These two teams didn't have any chemistry here. *Doink (the Clown) (w/ Dink) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
Jesus, this undercard is the most mid 90's WWF card I've ever seen. Now we've got a Greenwich aristocrat against a clown and his midget doppelganger. DOINK. GETS. PYRO. ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME. Doink's opening comedy routine includes goosing the referee. Helmsley's side headlock is broken with unwanted sexual contact. Helmsley and Doink trade wristlocks, with Helmsley looking better after the exchange. Doink with a bit of chain wrestling, but Helmsley counters a hammerlock with a hip toss. Doink regains control, wiggling his fanny, and mocking Helmsley's bow. Whip to the ropes and Helmsley slams Doink face-first to the canvas. Whip and Helmsley with a diving back elbow for two. Not a move I'm used to him doing, that's for sure. He plants Doink with a slam and comes off the ropes with a knee drop for two. Doink survives a brutal abdominal stretch. Helmsley misses a charge and gets taken over with a sunset flip for two. Doink with an inside cradle for two. Back slide for two. Helmsley ducks a flying body press and finishes with the Pedigree at 8:30. Started awful and improved to boring. *1/4Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Skip (w/ Sunny):
I'm deliberately ignoring looking up the match list. How much weaker can this undercard get?! Now we've got a waste management collector against fitness gurus. I wish I was making up all these weak descriptions of all the gimmicks we're witnessing, but there's a reason why the mid 90's is considered the lowest point in WWE history. Skip looks ridiculously small compared to Droese. Lockup and Droese shoves Skip on his gluteus maximus. Skip grabs a side headlock but is knocked out of the ring with a shoulder tackle. Somewhere, one lone fan does the Nelson "HA-HA" laugh to my delight. Skip with a takedown and celebratory jumping jacks. Skip wants a test of strength, unfortunately Droese's height makes it hard for him, so Droese drops to a knee to oblige. Crisscross and Droese with a shoulder tackle, followed by a hip toss. Whip and Droese with a back body-drop and press slam. Sunny hops on the apron for a distraction, allowing Skip to attack from behind. Droese blocks a suplex, countering with his own, but misses a twisting elbow drop. Skip with a leg drop for two. Droese escapes a chin-lock and takes Skip over with a sunset flip for two. Droese with a jaw breaker to escape a second chin-lock. He lays into Skip with rights and sends him into the post with a slingshot. Droese with a whip and elbow, clothesline, and back breaker for two. Whip and a powerslam. Sunny with another distraction. Skip misses a charge (HA-HA!) to the corner. Skip escapes Droese's big powerslam and pins him with the O'Connor Roll at 9:36. Droese was a solid hand, unfortunately his gimmick was death. See also Chris Candido. **1/220-Man Battle Royal
(Participants: King Kong Bundy, Henry O. Godwinn, Jean Pierre Lafitte, Duke "The Dumpster" Droese, Mabel, Mo, Aldo Montoya, Adam Bomb, Jacob Blu, Eli Blu, Tatanka, Mr. Bob Backlund, Doink (the Clown), Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Man Mountain Rock, Billy Gunn, Bart Gunn, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, and Yokozuna):I think we all know who the favorite is to win, but I'll leave that for you, the reader, to decide. With the lighting, it is VERY hard to keep track of everything. Shawn immediately lays into Hunter in a bit that would mean something in later years. One group goes after Yokozuna, unsuccessfully. Michaels takes his shot at Yoko and finally leads another group in dumping him at 1:43. The Gunns and Blu Twins go at it. Mo dumps Billy and a Blu at 2:06. Bart dumps the other Blu at 2:17, and Mo tosses Bart at 2:23. WHY IS MO GETTING SHINE?! Michaels clotheslines Mabel out at 2:44. Mo tosses Montoya at 3:05. Jesus, Mo is a one-man wrecking crew. Droese dumps Godwinn at 4:01. Man Mountain Rock eliminates Pierre at 5:04. Tatanka gets rid of Doink (the Clown) at 6:08. There's nothing to note except punch and kick or elimination. Shawn FINALLY eliminates Helmsley ay 6:35 with a high body-drop. Bundy sends Mountain Rock out at 7:07, having yet to leave one quadrant of the ring. Michaels throws out Mo at 7:38, and Tatanka tosses Droese at 7:43, leaving Shawn against Bundy, Owen, and Tatanka. Shawn runs wild but Bundy cuts him off. The three baddies take turns putting the boots to Shawn. Shawn manages to send Owen into Bundy and clotheslines Owen out at 11:09. Bundy and Tatanka pick up where they left off. Tatanka charges and clotheslines Shawn over, eliminating himself like a geek at 12:37 while Shawn skins the cat. Bundy celebrates prematurely and a dropkick sends him over and out, giving Shawn the victory at 12:46. Battle Royals are hard to make interesting, especially when not intended for TV, and this was not very interesting. It's hard to rate these, and even harder when it's a house show version, but it's near the bottom of the barrel.
WWF Intercontinental Championship; Ladder Match:
"Double J" Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Razor Ramon:
A Ladder match AND Battle Royal on the same card? This IS a loaded house show. These two traded the belt on the house show loop through Quebec shortly after In Your House and have been doing Ladder matches for most of the last few weeks. Some light stalling early (doing 2-3 of these per week for a month is probably not favorable physically). Jarrett goes for the arm, but Razor knocks him silly with rights. Jarrett with a boot and swinging neck breaker, followed by a dropkick that sends Ramon out of the ring. Razor cuts Jarrett off from getting to the ladder and grabs it himself. We get the expected spot of Jarrett hitting the ladder with a baseball slide, bashing Ramon in the midsection in the process. Back inside, Jarrett comes off the ropes with a flying fist drop and smashes Ramon across the back with the ladder. Ramon prevents a climb, shoving Jarrett off the ladder, into the ropes. Whip to the ropes, Ramon catches a body press and tosses Jarrett with the fallaway slam. Ramon makes his first attempt for the belt, but Jarrett shoves him down and drops the ladder across Razor's body for bonus douche points. Razor makes a comeback, sets up for the Razor's Edge near the ropes, and you can finish this sentence yourself. Both men do the slow climb, with Razor tossing Jarrett off, falling off himself, and the ladder landing on Jarrett's leg to cap it off. Jarrett recovers first, positioning the ladder in the corner. He pounds away on Razor in the opposite corner. Razor reverses a whip, sending Jarrett crashing into the ladder. Now it's Razor's turn to blatantly use the ladder as a weapon, knocking Jarrett out of the ring. Razor climbs, but Jarrett recovers in time to push the ladder over and retrieve the belt to retain at 12:45. Wow, I expected a cheap finish with the Roadie. Pleasantly surprised. This borrowed a lot from the Mania X match, and for obvious reasons. It didn't have any "wow" moments from Jarrett but was still a strong performance for a non-televised show. ***1/2
Adam Bomb & Man Mountain Rock vs. Tatanka & King Kong Bundy (w/ Ted Dibiase):
Excuse me while I take this opportunity for a 10-minute piss break. Seriously, this is going to be terrible, and I know it isn't going to be kept to 2-minutes. Bomb and Tatanka start, but not before Bomb and Man Mountain have a tender moment in the corner. Lockup, Tatanka with a knee to the midsection, followed by chops. Whip is reversed and Bomb with a hip toss and dropkick for a one-count. MMR in to work the arm. Maybe he'll start cutting a rug to celebrate such fine work. Whip to the ropes and Tatanka with a diving shoulder tackle that is no-sold with vigor. Crisscross and Rock Mountain Man with a hip toss, sending Tatanka to the floor for a breather. Back inside, Rock comes off the ropes with clotheslines. Tatanka with a handful of tights to send him out of the ring. Back inside, Tatanka… slowly… puts… the… boots… to… him. Bundy in for the first time with clubbering. Whip to the ropes and Rock with a shoulder tackle. Bundy rolls away from an elbow drop and hits a knee drop across the chest for two. Rock Man (not to be confused with Mega Man Tom Magee) gets worked over in the Corporate Corner™. Tatanka with a clothesline for two, then a chin-lock for ten. OK, maybe not that long, but it usually feels like that. Tatanka with a DDT for two. Mountain Rock fights out of another chin-lock and bulldozes Tatanka with a shoulder tackle. Dibiase cuts the comeback short by tripping the geek up. Tatanka unwisely goes for a slam of the 300+ pounder. Bomb with the hot tag, laying into Bundy with rights. Whip to the ropes and Bomb with a diving clothesline. Rock ‘n' Bomb with a double clothesline on Bundy, and Bomb with a flying clothesline for three at 11:57. Bundy did a pin-fall AND battle royal job in one night? HOLY HELL. Match was meh, but I had fun with it. *1/2Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sycho Sid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
Bigelow is subbing for the injured Diesel. Bigelow does a cartwheel to set off his flame pyro. I like Kane's better, to be honest. Sid stalls, of course. After 2+ years of watching Bigelow work heel, it's odd seeing him play to the crowd as a babyface. Lockup to the corner and Bigelow with a clean break. WUSS. They do it again, this time Sid has no hesitation in throwing a terrible right hand. Whip to the ropes and Sid with a shoulder tackle, taking Bigelow off his feet. Bigelow comes off the ropes with a diving tackle, sending Sid through the ropes. Dibiase's distraction doesn't do much, as Bigelow catches Sid coming with time to spare. Whip to the corner is reversed and Sid hits a diving shoulder tackle. To the opposite corner, Bigelow avoids the charge and plants Sid with a DDT. Bigelow to the top rope, but Dibiase with another distraction. Sid with a soft running high knee that wouldn't hurt a fly. Sid with a camel clutch as I beg for the end of my suffering. Sid with a high-elevation leg drop for two, then grabs a chin-lock. Bigelow escapes with elbows and rocks Sid with a running clothesline. Snap mare out of the corner and Bigelow misses a falling headbutt. Dibiase with some cheap shots on the floor that Bigelow shrugs off. It's still enough of a distraction for Sid to take advantage of. Back inside, back to chin-lock. Bigelow eats a boot in the corner and Sid plants him with a one-handed chokeslam. Sid sets for the Powerbomb, but Shawn Michaels comes out of the distraction and Bigelow rolls Sid up for three at 9:05. God, I hate that finish. Then. Now. Forever. Terrible match to end the show. Sid working more than 3-minutes is a crime against humanity. DUDFinal Thoughts: Lots, and lots, AND LOTS of bad gimmicks. The Ladder Match is worth giving a look, and there's a couple of decent matches in the undercard, but this lineup serves more as a time capsule of where the WWF was creatively in 1995 as far as establishing talent. The top babyfaces are some of the best the WWF had all decade, but everything else, the entire heel side especially, on top of the undercard of bad gimmicks, is head-scratching.
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