WWF Global Warfare
by Scrooge McSuck
- Just think of this as the 1993 edition of the World Tour series, as it follows the same basic formula. Released during the summer of '93, all of the matches are pulled from the European Tour following WrestleMania IX. Jimmy Hart is the host of this particular video, and actually breaks kayfabe a little, by talking about composing the theme music for many of the superstars in the WWF. I only mention this because it seems interesting, by 1993 standards.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Shawn Michaels © vs. Crush:
From the UK Rampage PPV, originally broadcasted on April 11th, 1993. I never quite understood the WWF running Michaels/Jannetty around the country, then going with HBK/Crush in a one-shot match on PPV, instead of the obvious booking decision. It's not like Jannetty was canned again, like he was following the '93 Royal Rumble, and thrusted Michaels into a pointless program with Tatanka for WrestleMania IX. the crowd is JAKKED for this, by the way. I hate confessing this, but I dug Crush quite a bit and could've believed in him as a main event level threat to Yokozuna. Lockup, and Crush easily over-powers the Champion. Michaels goes for a slam, but Crush pie-faces back to the canvas. Crush continues to showcase his strength advantage, while Michaels cowers. Michaels thumbs the eyes to escape a bearhug, and pounds away. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Crush catches Michaels off the ropes with a back breaker. We play cat-and-mouse, giving Michaels a brief period of control. Crush puts Michaels down with a press slam, and sends him flying out of the ring with a clothesline. Back inside, and Crush with the heel-ish choke lift. Whip to the corner, and Crush misses a charge. Michaels comes off the ropes with a running high knee, sending Crush out of the ring. Michaels comes off the second turnbuckle with a series of axehandles, followed by an elbow drop across the back of the head. Michaels with a DDT, then he turns up the dial by slapping on a chinlock. Crush escapes with elbows, then wipes Michaels out with a clothesline. Irish whip and a big boot, followed by a delayed vertical suplex. Crush with a leg drop, and he signals for the end, but Michaels rolls out of the ring. Michaels grabs his belt, and chooses to take a walk, and it's a Count-Out victory for Crush at 8:53... what a lame finish. Afterwards, Crush brings Michaels back to the ring and executes the Cranium Crush, Head Vice, or whatever lame name that was given to that move. Match was going just fine until the terrible ending. Again, Crush kind of ruled in 1993, but once they went with Luger as the new Hogan and then turned him heel, that was it for him.
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji):
From the April 8th, 1993 card held in Paris, France, and yes, I have recapped that entire card before. Considering that review was fairly recent, I'm going to have to return to Copy and Paste mode, since I'm sure my opinion hasn't changed much in the last year. Yokozuna's ring trunks of the night are a black-on-black combo. Weird, I guess he forgot his red stretchy pants back in "Japan." Jim Duggan does NOT have an American Flag with him tonight. I guess he learned his lessons from the crowd in Toronto for WrestleMania VI (getting boo'ed in favor of heatless Dino Bravo). Back-story for this one... Back in February, Yokozuna had destroyed Duggan during a special challenge on an episode of SuperStars, putting Duggan out of action for about a month, and to the point he even pondered RETIREMENT. Sure he did. Duggan, sportsman of the year, attacks before the bell and hammers away on Yokozuna. Duggan goes for his 2x4, but the referee prevents him from using it on Yokozuna, and in turn, allows Yokozuna to put Duggan back down on his ass. Duggan fights back with some more soup-bone rights, but Yokozuna puts Duggan down again with a double thrust to the chest. Yokozuna with a back elbow and more choking across the middle rope. Duggan fights back again, and Yokozuna once again knocks him back down. Yokozuna follows up with the fat-assed leg drop from hell! Irish whip and Yokozuna catches Duggan in a bear-hug. Duggan fights free with elbows, but is caught once again in the bear-hug. Duggan escapes again, this time opting to chew on Yokozuna's nose. Yokozuna knocks Duggan back to the corner, but misses a big butt avalanche. Duggan with with a series of clotheslines to put Yokozuna down. Duggan calls for the end, but Mr. Fuji trips him up, allowing Yokozuna to squash Duggan in the corner. The Banzai Drop is academic at 7:33. After the match, Duggan recovers and sends Yokozuna running with his trusty 2x4, then celebrates in the ring as if he won the match. Yawn. Not awful, but quite boring. These two were capable of better, with their match from the SummerSlam Spectacular as proof.WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Money Inc. © vs. The Steiner Brothers:
(Ted Dibiase & Irwin R. Schyster vs. Rick & Scott Steiner)Taped in Barcelona, Spain, on April 24th, 1993. I never bothered to think about it, but what WCW always seemed to have over the WWF was a deep tag team division. At the time of the Steiners jumping ship, the WWF had three heel teams: Money Inc., the freshly debuted Headshrinkers, and the on the way out Beverly Brothers, and the Steiners went through two of those teams within their first few months, leaving no original or interesting teams left except for this one. When you're borrowing a team from SMW to fill the Tag Title Match at SummerSlam, you've drained the pool. Before we get underway, the referee bans the briefcase from ringside... Hebner means business tonight! Scott quickly disposes of I.R.S., and Rick does the same with Dibiase. Back in the ring, and Dibiase slaps a headlock on Rick, and takes it to the mat. Criss-cross sequence leads to a belly-to-belly suplex from Rick for a two count. Scott Steiner tags in, and goes to work on the arm. I noticed that there's only one camera at ringside, and so far, the hard camera has caught all of the action. The Steiners make frequent tags, working the arm the entire time. The camera pans the crowd, and leaves it there so long, Jim Ross, Randy Savage, and Bobby Heenan all voice their frustration with the poor camera work. We get back to the ring, and I.R.S. takes over for Dibiase in the role of "get worked over." I.R.S. takes a hike, but gets caught by the tie, and hung up across the top rope for a two count. Scott slaps on a headlock, but he gets knocked out of the ring, allowing Dibiase to introduce Scott into the security rail. Back in the ring, and I.R.S. drops an elbow for a two count. Dibiase tags back in, and chokes away on Scott. Irish whip, and Dibiase with a clothesline for another two count, and then it's chinlock time, although Scott is acting like it's a sleeper. Dibiase accidentally throws Scott into a tag, allowing Rick to clean house with clotheslines and slams. Scott nails Dibiase with a second rope clothesline, and Rick covers for a two count. Irish whip, and Rick with a powerslam. Scott tags in and hits the Frankensteiner, but I.R.S. uses the belt to break the pin, and it's a Disqualification at 10:17. For whatever reason, the Steiners celebrate with the belts... I don't think I need to make a joke about how stupid they have to be. Match was perfectly acceptable wrestling, despite the brief period of incredibly bad camera work.
Mr. Perfect vs. Headshrinker Samu (w/ Afa):
We're back in Sheffield, England, home of the 1993 UK Rampage PPV. I know the outcome isn't going to be much of a mystery, but it's definitely a unique combination. I'm surprised Fatu isn't at ringside, and SPOILER: He does not make an appearance, pulling the old "partners swapping mid-match", as typical with matches like these. Perfect was in-between programs with Michaels and Luger at this point, so he gets to wrestle Samu? Blech. Someone is going nuts with an air-horn... bastard. Lockup, and Samu shoves Perfect back. Perfect with a standing side headlock, and a shoulder block. Criss-cross sequence ends with Samu missing a body press, and Perfect coming off the ropes with his own. Perfect with a pair of arm drags and dropkick, sending Samu retreating to the floor. Samu returns to the ring, stalling, of course. They do another criss-cross, and this time Samu clotheslines Perfect out of his boots. Samu pounds away and lays Perfect out with a headbutt. Perfect gets dumped over the top rope, and Afa gets in his token cheap shot. Samu comes off the apron with an axehandle and rams Perfect into the ring steps for extra punishment. Back in the ring, and Samu misses a charge to the corner. Perfect goes to work on the left leg, then slaps on a spinning toe hold. Samu thumbs the eyes to escape, and knocks Perfect out in front of Afa, who again takes liberties behind the referee's back. Back inside, and Samu puts Perfect down with a crescent kick for a two count. Perfect mounts a mild comeback, but Samu thumbs the eyes, again. Perfect gets tossed outside again, and gets sent into the ring post. Samu with headbutts, a sweep of the legs, and a headbutt very low around the midsection. Samu with a slam and another headbutt for a two count. Perfect engages in a slugfest, and gains the upperhand, pounding Samu to the canvas, then kicking him in the face, but Samu with another dangerously low shot to kill the momentum. Samu rams Perfect into the buckle, and he looks dead on his feet. Samu goes for a slam, but Perfect counters with a cradle for a two count. Perfect gets dumped, again (enough already with that!). Perfect pulls Samu to the corner, and wraps the leg around the post. Back inside, Samu remains in control, but misses something off the top rope. Perfect with the Perfect-Plex, and it's over at 13:35. That seems quite long for a Uppercard face vs. mid-level tag team heel, and Samu's transitions of tossing Perfect from the ring over and over got quite old, but otherwise, a solid match, and much better than I anticipated.Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow:
We're back in Barcelona, Spain for this, and I'm pretty sure this was featured on the Bret Hart DVD set released back in 2005. Bret's rocking the all pink attire for this one. Lockup to start, and Bigelow throws Bret to the canvas. Bret grabs a headlock, and a shoulder block knocks Bret out of the ring. Back in the ring, and Bigelow pounds away. Irish whip, and Bret comes off the ropes with a dropkick. Bigelow uses his momentum to come off the ropes with an elbow, but Bret rolls out of the way, and goes to work on the arm. Bigelow sends Bret to the corner, but misses a charge, and Bret with a series of knees into the elbow, then back to the armbar. Bam Bam with a press slam, but Bret lands on top for a two count. Bret with a series of rights and a diving elbow, knocking Bigelow to the arena floor. Bret leaps off the apron, into the arms of Bam Bam, and gets rammed into the post for his efforts. Where's the count-out, Bret's been on the floor for a good minute now. Bam Bam heads outside, and gives a repeat performance. The broadcast team sells it like death. Back in the ring, and Bigelow stomps away on the back. Bret tries fighting back, but gets whipped hard into the corner. Bigelow continues to pound away on the back, then catches Bret coming off the ropes with a bearhug. Bret slips out and grabs a headlock, but Bigelow quickly takes him down with a back suplex for a two count. Bigelow with a series of headbutts across the back, then lifts Bret up into an overhead backbreaker. I'm sure that's got some fancy name, but the hell if I can remember. Bret struggles free, and manages to take Bigelow down with his own back suplex. Bigelow gets up first, and connects with a double underhook backbreaker. Ouch... Bigelow to the top rope, but he misses his signature diving headbutt. Bret traps Bigelow in the corner and pounds away, then takes him down with a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Bret to the second turnbuckle, and he connects with a clothesline for another two count. Bret with a second rope bulldog, but a sharpshooter attempt is kicked away. Bret gets trapped in another bearhug, then gets crushed going for the back suplex, again. Whip to the corner, Bigelow eats boot on the charge, and Bret with the victory roll for the three count at 11:57. I'm pretty sure they did the same finish at the King of the Ring. Solid match, probably the best one on the tape. Nothing spectacular, but worth a watch.Crush vs. Doink The Clown:
Back in Paris, France, and I'm sorry, but Copy and Paste is making a second appearance on this review. Doink hides under the ring before the match, but the sneak attack fails, and Crush pummels Doink with a series of headbutts. Crush uses his ultimate power to throw Doink around the ring and stomps a mudhole in his ass. Crush with a sledge off the turnbuckle, and now we get a game of cat-and-mouse. Doink pounds away at Crush, but that doesn't seem to work, and Crush continues to make Doink his prison bitch. Crush continues to dominate, and plants Doink with a back breaker, followed by a big leg drop. Crush continues to bring the pain, and who can really get bored watching Doink get his ass kicked? Even if it's heel Doink? Crush heads back to the top rope, and misses the Knee Drop That Always Misses, and now Doink is in control. Doink stomps away on Crush's leg and wraps it around the ring post to add injury to insult. Doink continues to work on the leg, but it doesn't last long. Doink heads up to the top rope and comes down for a nice helping of boot. Crush beats the tar out of Doink and connects with his tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Doink with a rake of the eyes and whips Crush to the ropes. Crush reverses, though, and a boot sends Doink out of the ring. Doink climbs up on the apron, and from there, Crush applies the Cranium Crush. Crush lets go, allowing Doink to run away, and give Crush the Count-Out victory at 8:14. An entertaining garbage match. Not very good, but watchable at least. This feud would just go on and on, and never really had a true blow-off. The direction of Doink seemed rather empty, until someone had the "great" idea of turning him babyface after SummerSlam.Scott Steiner vs. Irwin R. Schyster:
We're coming to you from Milan, Italy, originally taped on April 25th, 1993. I never quite understood doing matches like these... why do a half of a tag team match, instead of giving us the actual teams, and giving them time to develope a good match? The Steiners, Dibiase, and Rotundo were all, at least in their primes, all quality workers. I'm sure no one would be crying if they were given 20-25 minutes. I.R.S. is one half of the Tag Team Champions, just incase you were wondering if there was a title change since the show in Barcelona. Lockup, and I.R.S. goes to work on the arm. Steiner counters into a hammerlock, but I.R.S. quickly grabs the ropes. I.R.S. with an overhead wristlock, Steiner counters, I.R.S. grabs the ropes, again. Lockup into the ropes, Steiner blocks a cheap shot, and I.R.S. takes him down with an enziguri. i.R.S. pounds away, knocking Steiner out of the ring. Irish whip is reversed, and Steiner with a powerslam for a two count. Steiner with a front facelock, then quickly changes into a side headlock. I.R.S. with a slam attempt, but Steiner counters with a small package for a two count. Sloppy backslide spot gets another two count, and I.R.S. bails. Back in the ring, and Steiner goes back to the headlock. I.R.S. with a drop toe hold, but Steiner slips free, and lays out I.R.S. with a clothesline for a two count. I.R.S. with some stalling. Steiner with another headlock, and I.R.S. side-steps him coming off the ropes, and tosses Steiner through the ropes in the process. I.R.S. follows to the outside, and introduces Steiner to the ring steps. I.R.S. pounds away on Steiner on the apron, then puts him down with a slam. I.R.S. comes off the ropes for a splash, but meets the knees. I.R.S. wants time, but there's no timeouts in the WWF. Steiner whips Irwin hard to the corner, then takesd advantage of his tongue... sorry, his tie. Steiner charges again, but takes a knee to the face. I.R.S. with a roll up, but the referee sees the feet on the ropes. Irwin goes for the samoan drop, but Steiner counters with a sunset flip, and that's enough for the three count at 10:09. Totally pedestrian stuff and somewhat disappointing, but it's another in a line of watchable-solid matches on this tape.The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji):
Final match on the tape, and we're still in Milan. These two had a lot of matches in 1993, and a handful of them made it to Coliseum Video. I guess this was one of those B-Show "special attraction" main events, since neither man held a championship, but were freaks in their own way. Lots of stalling to start, thanks to Yokozuna doing his pre-match ritual after the bell rings. That's Italians for you... and I can say that, because I'm a full blooded Italian, so there. Bobby Heenan's suggestions for beating Yokozuna includes leaving 50 pounds of fish and rice in the ring, then kicking him over and over with steel-toed boots. Awesome. Yokozuna with rights, and Undertaker no-sells. Irish whip is reversed, and Undertaker takes him down with a DDT. Undertaker goes for the elbow, but it misses (like always), and Yokozuna clotheslines him to the floor. Fuji with a cheap shot, but Undertaker no-sells that, too. Yokozuna rams Undertaker into the steps, apron, announcers table... I guess that's all that's at ringside. Back in the ring, and Undertaker goes back to no-selling and chokes away. Whip to the corner, seemingly in slow-motion. Yokozuna with a slam, followed by the biggest leg drop in wrestling. Undertaker sits-up, and Yokozuna lays him out with a clothesline. Yokozuna celebrates, and Undertaker sits up again. Yokozuna with the salt bucket, and it's a cheap Disqualification at 5:45, awarded to the Undertaker, of course. Outside the ring, Fuji has laid Paul Bearer out. Yokozuna goes for the Banzai Drop, but Undertaker sits up, lays Yokozuna out with a clothesline, and we get a pretty suck chokeslam spot to send Yokozuna running. Match was short and didn't suck. That's the best I can say.Final Thoughts: Solid tape, from beginning to end. Nothing is really eye popping and must-see, but everything is at least watchable, with a few matches being pretty solid if your a fan of snowflakes. 1993 Wasn't exactly the WWF's premiere year when it came to quality wrestling, so any Coliseum Video with a bunch of **-*** matches is well worth checking out. The only real downside is the stuff with Jimmy Hart, since it's completely out of place and unnecessary to be included. The matches are just fine on their own, without lame wrap-around segments.
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