GCW: GCW Die 4 This- January 1, 2022
by Doc Allen
Live from the Carousel Room at the Showboat Hotel in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Our hosts are Dave Prazak and Kevin Gill.
GCW Tag Team Championship:
The Briscoes © (Jay and Mark) vs. Blake Christian and Alex Zayne
Mark and Blake feel each other out. Blake cartwheels into a side headlock takedown. Blake then rolls into a standing splash for 2. Mark lights Blake up with chops and tags in Jay for an aggressive double team sequence. The Briscoes meet Zayne with double shoulder blocks. The brawl heads to the floor, the camera misses a big door bump that leaves Jay down. Zayne hits a standing somersault senton for 2. Jay whips Zayne to give control to the Briscoes. Zayne scores a head kick and Blake storms in on a hot tag. Mark meets Blake with Redneck Kung Fu. Blake recovers with a 619 and springboard bulldog. Standing Spanish Fly by Blake gets 2. Jay returns to blindside Blake, and Mark smashes a chair. The Briscoes hit a cutter/powerbomb combo on poor Blake. Zayne helps with a convoluted, yet pretty cool, Tower of Doom superplex. Jay punishes Zayne with a neckbreaker. Jay tries a suplex through a bridged door, but instead Mark puts Zayne through it with a blockbuster! Meanwhile, Jay lariats Blake, and Mark assists the Froggy Elbow drop onto Zayne. Blake breaks the cover with a 450 splash! DVD by Jay, but Blake reverses the Doomsday Device into a makeshift Spanish Fly! Blake wipes out Jay with a dive, Zayne hits Mark with a flipping leg drop for a very good nearfall. Fans chant "This is awesome." Zayne goes for an Asai moonsault but flies into Mark's chair shot. The Briscoes destroy Blake with a Super Splash Mountain and win at 14:13. Highly enjoyable stunt show, the Briscoes look unstoppable, ***½.Winners and still GCW Tag Team Champions: The Briscoes
Calvin Tankman vs. Yoya
There's quite a size disparity here, as Tankman looks like he's been hitting the buffet, and Yoya is an undersized gentleman. I'm not judging Tankman, I'm just jealous because all the buffets in my town closed due to the pandemic. Bell rings, Yoya floats over for an ambitious German attempt, but Tankman swats him away. Yoya is quick and agile enough to avoid Tankman's power moves, and he hits a leg sweep and dropkick to the face. Tankman fires back with a POUNCE! Yoya desperately hits some chair shots, but Tankman returns the favor, and he hits harder. Yoya gets tossed into a particularly large gentleman in the front row, but blocks a suplex through a door. Tankman takes his time dismantling Yoya in the ring. All looks lost when Yoya suddenly manages a flying rana. Yoya flies into Tankman's arms, but he blocks a powerbomb into the front row. Yoya hits a flying cutter through the door! Yoya holds on for an immediate Sliced Bread off the post! Back to the ring, Yoya hits a frog splash for 2. Yoya attacks the face and drapes Tankman for a flying splash, that Tankman reverses into a power slam onto the apron! That was awesome! I might add * for that spot alone. Yoya hits a poison rana and a big time Canadian Destroyer but Tankman kicks out! Yoya stands on Tankman's back, but he counters into the Tankman Driver for the win at 11:42. This surpassed my expectations by telling a compelling David vs Goliath story and utilizing some inventive spots, ***.Winner: Calvin Tankman
Joey Janela vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
Yes, it's 2022, and I'm reviewing a new Scotty 2 Hotty match. Wrestling never fails to surprise me. Chris Dickinson joins commentary for the match. Scotty looks to be in great shape and has a new bucket hat to boot. I love bucket hats, I think they're cool. Bell rings, Scotty puts his shades on Joey, which means it's time to dance? Crowd chants "holy sh!t" as Scotty dramatically puts on his shades. They exchange shades and shake hands, and get down to the business of locking up. Joey hits a waistlock takedown and mocks the "Too Much" mannerisms. Fans will Scotty up with a soccer chant. Scotty hits a vertical suplex and moonwalks. They quicken the pace, trade leg sweeps and arm drags. Joey wins the exchange and gloats on the buckles. Joey offers another handshake, but cheapshots. Scotty fights out of a chinlock, but Joey hits a palm strike. Scotty comes back with dancing jabs and clotheslines. Inverted atomic drop by Scotty, and then a clothesline for 2. Scotty skins the cat, but Joey clotheslines him to outside for a tope suicida! Scotty answers with a somersault senton from the apron. Joey recovers with clotheslines, but Scotty cuts him off with a neckbreaker. Joey blocks the Worm (to massive boos) and mockingly does "the slither." Scotty dropkicks the knee and applies an STF. Joey gets the ropes and hits a DVD onto the apron! Joey brings in a door, but Scotty suplexes him onto it! Scotty follows with a spear through the door! For some reason Joey doesn't sell the spear, but Scotty puts him down with a bulldog and finally THE WORM! Joey kicks out! Joey blocks a piledriver and nails a superkick for 2. Janela brings in more doors and chairs, and it's surprising to see this turn into a "GCW match." Joey hits a flying elbow through a door, but Scotty kicks out! Scotty gets fired up and flips the double birds! They slug it out until Scotty hits a big clothesline, but Joey sidesteps to send him into the buckles. Piledriver by Joey gets the win at 23:10! Wow, clever match in that it looked like they were going to have a fun little nostalgia match, but this became increasingly serious and personal the longer it went. The fans rallying behind Scotty helped quite a bit, ***¾.Winner: Joey Janela
Joey puts over Scotty's effort after a six year absence, and dedicates the match to Brian Christopher and Markus Crane. They hug it out. Scotty talks about leaving his full time coach job at WWE and everyone keeps asking him why. The honest answer is that Scotty was likely about to get fired just like everyone else still working on NXT, but he says he came back out of passion for in-ring action. Scotty wanted to prove to himself that he could still do this and says this is better than any Wrestlemania moment he's had. They stand tall together.
Effy comes to the ring to talk. He reminisces about discovering GCW and imagining all the radical, game changing stuff they could do together. So, he came to GCW, was thrown in the fire, and became the Effy that is standing before us. He's had every dream match he's wanted and is proud to have brought us the Big Gay Brunch series. This feels like it's heading towards a retirement announcement, but instead Effy declares that "EFFY IS FINE!" As long as Effy is fine, GCW will be fine! He says he's sorry to be dramatic, but he's Effy, it's what he does. He's throwing his name into the Do or Die Rumble because GCW deserves a champion that can do what he does. The lights go out and reveal a hooded cowboy, who breaks a guitar over Effy's head. The man unmasks to reveal JEFF JARRETT, who looks beyond pleased to be there. He's roundly booed, though some fans opt to chant "Slap Nuts."
Do or Die Rumble:
Yes, this is a Royal Rumble-style match, to determine the #1 contender to the GCW World Championship currently held by Jon Moxley. #1 is Jordan Oliver and #2 is Tony Deppen. They shake hands and lock up. Oliver hits a monkey flip, but Deppen holds on to the wrist and tries to throw him out. Deppen gains the advantage as #3 Jack Cartwheel cartwheels all the way to the ring. The countdown clock has a hilarious Mortal Kombat-style voiceover. He cartwheels wild and hits a bulldog/clothesline combo. Cartwheel skins the cat, but Deppen kicks him and mocks the cartwheels. Oliver hits a running dropkick and struggles to lift Jack while #4 Dante Leon joins the party. Leon hits Jack with an airplane spin torture rack bomb. Leon hits Deppen with Sliced Bread. They seem to have trouble filling the time until #5 Ninja Mack arrives. Mack manages to gloriously run wild through the competitors without botching anything. Deppen kicks Mack over the ropes, but he saves himself with a handstand. #6 Atticus Cogar marches in and throws mean forearms at anyone in his way. Oliver meets him with a superkick and nearly tosses him. Cartwheel handsprings into Oliver's backdrop and is eliminated. Mack and Leon battle on the apron. #7 Nick Wayne runs in to fight Deppen while Mack eliminates Leon from the top rope. Mack flies into Oliver's Cloud Cutter! Oliver and Wayne hit Cogar with superkicks. Things settle down until #8 Dark Sheik (cosplaying as X-Men's Psylocke) joins the fun. Sheik hits Oliver with a DDT and enziguri on Wayne. Deppen punches Sheik from behind. Cogar catches Wayne with a headlock driver and eliminates him. Mack eliminates himself while trying a sunset bomb on Deppen. #9 Matthew Justice is next for a hot streak. #10 is Jimmy Lloyd, and he runs wild with a shoulder breaker on Cogar and flipping DDT on Deppen. Oliver and Sheik gang up on Lloyd with dropkicks, but cannot dump him. #11 AJ Gray parties his way to the ring and destroys Oliver with a lariat. Gray and Justice work together against Sheik. #12 Cole Radrick rushes in for a springboard moonsault and stunner on Oliver. Radrick hits a springboard cutter on Oliver and Michinoku Driver on Deppen. The SGC seem to regain some momentum as #13 Homicide enters and takes them on. The ring is pretty full when #14 Shane Mercer arrives for a series of power moves (nearly throwing Cogar into the ceiling). #15 PCO punches his way around the ring. PCO and Mercer find each other for a slugfest. PCO hits Mercer and eliminates himself with a senton onto the apron. #16 G-Raver quietly joins the match. Mercer removes Radrick with an enziguri. Mercer carries Sheik up the ropes, and they're both dumped out by Lloyd. Raver and Lloyd rekindle their feud with a slugfest. #17 Colby Corino goes right after his father's old enemy, Homicide. Corino lands on the apron, and Homicide knocks him down with a fork. Homicide shoves Oliver off the top rope onto Corino for another elimination. Gray and Justice fail to eliminate Raver and Lloyd, who'd rather keep brawling. The SGC interrupt them with chair shots. Cogar cracks a chair over Justice for another elimination, so Gray goes after him. #18 is Allie Katch, and she hits a series of hip attacks. Gray tries to blindside Katch, so she hits him with a piledriver. Deppen hits Allie with a closed fist and then a Bronco Buster (repaying her for a stink face from earlier). #19 Billy Starkz takes Effy's place in the match and picks up the scraps as everyone is down. Cogar and Deppen both grab the women by the hair, but the ladies fight back with knees to the face. The women hit stereo suplexes, but Gray then catches them with double clotheslines. Gray chokeslams Starkz out of the ring. #20 Grimm Reefer enjoys a fat one on his way to the ring. He keeps smoking while taking it to Gray. Deppen has a bad neck and takes away the joint. Cogar stomps out the joint (to boos, haha). Reefer makes Cogar pay with a mean piledriver. Deppen knocks Allie off the apron. Deppen tosses out Reefer, Gray immediately clotheslines Deppen to outside. We're down to Cogar, Gray, and Homicide, and the fans are strangely behind Cogar. Homicide and Gray get booed for teaming up against Cogar. Gray mistimes a clothesline and hits Homicide, allowing Cogar to dump him out. Cogar pulls out the green skewers, so Homicide grabs his fork. Homicide misses a lunge and his fork gets stuck in the buckles. Cogar gets the fork and stabs the thigh. Cogar sticks the skewers into Homicide's forehead and hits Brain Hemmorage. Homicide answers with a Cop Killa and tosses Cogar to win at 47:48! This was pretty average by Rumble standards, lacking any sort of GCW flavor until the nasty final sequence with Cogar's skewers. Still, even an average Rumble is pretty fun, ***.Winner: Homicide
GCW Ultraviolent Championship (Death Match):
Alex Colon © vs. John Wayne Murdoch
Backstage, we see Muroch going through the curtain alone, which is juxtaposed with Colon passing through the same hallway being cheered on by the GCW roster. They each grab a bundle of tubes and crash into each other. Colon reverses some whips and stomps a tube rather than let Murdoch use it. Colon hits a tube assisted tope and gently carves Murdoch in the designated blade job area. Colon prepares a running attack but Murdoch counters with a tube to the forehead. Murdoch hits a DDT into a pile of glass and politely carves up his forehead. Murdoch swings a tube to the midsection for 1. Colon pops up from a German and tackles Murdoch through some leaning tubes. Colon spends an extended time on offense and destroys about a dozen tubes in the process. Murdoch becomes a bloody mess and explodes into a flurry of tube attacks and then a camel clutch. Colon survives, but Murdoch breaks more tubes over his head and hits a missile dropkick. Murdoch hits a tube assisted backbreaker for 2. Colon answers with a tube assisted double stomp, followed by double knees to the chest. The ref goes down and misses Colon's Camel Clutch. Murdoch manages a brainbuster through a chair. Fans chant "this is awesome." They break so many more tubes that I finally become desensitized to it, and Colon hits a top rope Spanish Fly. Colon locks on a Camel Clutch, but Murdoch gets the ropes. Colon grabs a drill and 2x4 covered in steel gusset plates. He smashes the gusset plates over Murdoch, and he quits at 20:34! The crowd chants "Bullsh!t" and Colon looks irate. He takes the drill to the arm anyway, but AKIRA jumps in to break it up. Colon breaks a tube over AKIRA and resumes his attack on Murdoch. The match restarts, despite the blood pouring down Murdoch's arm. They systematically smash all the remaining tubes and Colon puts him in the Camel Clutch for the submission at 22:00. Just a miserable, disgusting display of violence p0rn. DUD.Winner and still GCW Ultraviolent Champion: Alex Colon
AKIRA pulls Colon off of Murdoch, who is bleeding excessively from his head and ear.
Final Thoughts: You know, I have managed to enjoy some of the death matches I've seen over the past few years, but neither of them did it for me this weekend. Tonight, especially, just felt gross, ugly, and shockingly boring considering the excessive violence on display. I liked the rest of this show, so I wouldn't give up on GCW, but I'd recommend turning this off after the Rumble.
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