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WWE Main Event - November 28, 2012

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last week on WWE Main Event, the Miz continued the journey down the path of turning babyface, doing the job for Dolph Ziggler in an effort to make Ziggler look good before jobbing him to Super-Cena. We also saw Wade Barrett squash Justin Gabriel (again), and Damian Sandow issues a challenge to John Cena, who is set to make his Main Event debut. As if that's going to boost the ratings. It's on ion Television, it's not going to get huge ratings. I just want a good show.

- Originally taped on November 27th, 2012 from Somewhere-in, LA. Michael Cole and JBL are already in the ring to introduce us to the hype videos, because, if you haven't heard, John Cena will make his first appearance in a WWE ring... on WWE Main Event. Against Damian Sandow. We recycle a video package pulled from a John Cena DVD. I think I've made comparisons of him to Hogan, and how tired fans are of his winning, but I probably should mention that Cena's over-protection is in-house decided, while Hogan was more known for refusing to work with or put certain people over. I still love Hogan, yet don't like Cena... I don't know, I'm weird. He's a good guy (shown here, of course), but I just need something new, and he's been a mainstay in Main Events for 7-8 years now.

- Second rate hype video for Damian Sandow. He's basically the 21st centuries version of the Genius, using his intelligence and sophisticated nature as a means to put others down. He also prances a bit and where pink and purple, but that in no way makes him less of a man. Does anyone give him a chance in hell of beating Cena, here?

John Cena vs. Damian Sandow:

As mentioned, no backstory to this, just a challenge issued for the sake of getting Cena on this show. We need more C.M. Punk. Cole informs us that Miz, the normal color man for Main Event, is doing a tour overseas as part of the Tribute to the Troops. Sandow cuts a promo on his way to the ring, doing his usual "I'm smart, you're all ignorant morons", then calls Cena a "false idol", something I'm sure he said to DX on Raw 1000. Lockup to start, Sandow grabs a headlock, but Cena squirms free, takes him over with a snapmare, and grabs a chinlock, only for Sandow to quickly grab the ropes for a break. The canned Cena chants are obvious, by the way. Cena gives chase, with Sandow running back in the ring, acting as if he's in control. Lockup, Cena works the arm and takes Sandow over with a snapmare. Whip to the corner, Cena blocks a boot, and monkey flips Sandow across the ring, forcing him to retreat to the apron. Back inside, Cena hooks another headlock, then comes off the ropes with a shoulder, sending Sandow back to the floor. He offers to take a walk, but Cena attacks from behind and drags him back to the ring. Cena with a bulldog for a two count. Whip to the ropes, Sandow catches Cena with his head down, punting his face into the 7th row. Sandow stomps away, as we take a break.

We return with Sandow laying Cena out with a roundhouse right. He shows off with a carthweel, then drops a knee across the chest for a two count. Sandow slaps on a chinlock, one of his favorite moves. JBL makes note that Sandow needs to stop acting like a goof by doing carthweels if he wants people to take him serious. Cena escapes, going for the AA, but Sandow slips out and connects with a neck breaker for two. Sandow with the Russian leg sweep, followed by the elbow of disdain, for two. He goes back to the chinlock... did you know he was trained by Killer Kowalski? Cena fights free with rights and lefts, but misses a shoulder tackle, and somehow spills to the floor. Sandow attacks as Cena makes it to the apron, but gets hung up across the top rope. Cena charges in, only to get wiped out by a clothesline. Sandow with knees into the elbow, then covers for two. If you can't guess what resthold comes next, you haven't seen a Sandow match, yet. Cena escape again, taking Sandow down with a drop toe hold. Sandow fights away from the STF, and a double clothesline puts both men down. Slugfest, won by Cena, of course. Sandow trips him into the ropes, then drops down across the back for another two count. We return from another commercial, with Sandow still in control. Cena somehow traps himself in the Andre Special™, allowing Sandow to lay into him with rights and lefts. The referee's not even trying to count here, allowing such excessive cheating. Cena finally frees himself, and tackles Sandow through the ropes. Sandow's still in control though, reversing a whip into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Sandow covers for two. Surprised? Shouldn't be. Cena's kicked out of 4 consecutive GTS' before. Sandow measures Cena up and connects with a somersault neckbreaker for two. Sandow stomps away and does ANOTHER cartwheel. He's asking for it. Sandow pulls the knee pad down, drops a knee across the chest, and goes back to the chinlock. He's got nothing left, so it's time for Cena's comeback and finish, me thinks. As expected, Cena counters with an overhead throw, but runs into an elbow on a charge attempt. Cartwheel #4, and he finally makes a mistake, missing a knee. Cena with shoulder tackles, followed by a back suplex. Five knuckle-shuffle time, but the AA is countered with a knee to the chest for two. Sandow goes for a neckbreaker, but Cena counters, throwing Sandow on his face, and the STF gets a tap-out almost instantly at 13:29 (minus two commercial breaks). Not that I'm comparing quality, but this match reminds me of the days when Ric Flair would wrestle a midcarder on television. Whoever he was wrestling would look good beating the crap out of him, but really have nothing to finish him off with, so recycling something successful earlier would eventually backfire and lead to their downfall. With that out of the way, good match, Sandow looked better than normal in these extended singles matches, and the finish, well, I just explained what it reminds me of. Solid 3-star match, if I gave it snowflakes.

- Last Monday on Raw, CM Punk took on Kane in the RawActive Match (where Kane allegedly won a rigged poll). Kane was in control, when suddenly the prescence of The Shield (the recently debuted Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns) distracted him long enough to fall to the Champion. Post-match, Kane took a beating, Daniel Bryan took one in an effort to help, and Ryback FINALLY got some revenge on The Shield, until an attack from Punk allowed yet another three on one beating, ending with a triple-team powerbomb. No table, this time. I have to admit... I marked out a bit for Ryback's run in. It'll be at TLC where CM Punk defends the title, against Ryback, again, in a TLC Match. Way to use awesome gimmick matches for a flat feud.

- Josh Mathews is backstage... he has a written note from Damian Sandow, who refuses to allow someone of the intelligence level of Mathews to be in his presence, so there won't be an interview. He also notes again how ignorant the WWE "Universe" is for cheering their false idol, John Cena. That's a different kind of "interview" segment.

Zack Ryder vs. Antonio Cesaro (US Champion):

Haven't seen this combination since Night of Champions, when Ryder won a title shot through winning a Battle Royale earlier in the show. Lockup to start, Cesaro with a fireman's carry takedown and cradle for a two count. Cesaro takes Ryder down with a waistlock, and slaps on a chinlock. Whip to the ropes, Cesaro with a shoulder tackle. Criss-cross sequence ends with Cesaro driving a knee to the midsection. Ryder comes off the ropes with a sunset flip, and we get a series of near falls. Cesaro with a spear-like takedown, followed by a series of rights and stomps in the corner. Cesaro charges in with an uppercut, knocking Ryder's face back to Long Island. Cesaro with another, this time to the back of the head. Whip to the ropes, Ryder goes for another sunset flip, unsuccessfully. He does manage to send Cesaro to the floor with a dropkick, then follows him out with a baseball slide. Cesaro rams Ryder into the post as we take a break. We return, with Cesaro working a chinlock. Ryder fights free, but walks into a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. Cole informs us of a hand injury that Cesaro is working through. You wouldn't be able to tell, the way he's working. He continues to abuse Ryder, the muscles him off the canvas for another slam. Ryder offers a comeback, coming off the second rope with a missile dropkick. He charges in with a forearm and it's time for the Broski Boot, but Cesar rolls away. Ryder with a plancha attempt, but Cesaro counters with the uppercut of doom. Cesaro throws Ryder's limp body in the ring, and the Neutralizer finishes it at 5:47 (minus a commercial break). That was as convincing as you could get. Ryder got, what, two spots in, and both were flukes.

After the match, Cesaro cuts a promo, which usually builds to next week's Main Event. He points out that Zack Ryder is a great example of what's wrong with America... I can't argue him there. Cesaro turns the "USA" chants into acknowledging he is the United States Champion. About time someone turned it around on the sheep. He's interrupted by Kofi Kingston, the INTERCONTINENTAL Champion, and guess what... it's on like Donkey Kong. NEXT WEEK. CHAMPION vs. CHAMPION.

Final Thoughts: Great show this week. Cena vs. Sandow was a nice throwback to what a main eventer vs. midcarder match should be like, with the midcarder getting the majority of the offense, but the main eventer having the "go home" spot to pick up the victory, regardless. Ryder vs. Cesaro is your typical Superstars "main event", before the show became a recap package and Uso's Marathon every week. We set up Cesaro vs. Kingston next week, which could be good. Totally different styles, but Kingston got a 4-star match out of Miz, so who knows.

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