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WWE Main Event - July 17, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last Week on WWE Main Event... Dolph Ziggler and Antonio Cesaro shocked the world by having a pretty good match until the cop-out finish to protect two men who have jobbed more than anyone the last six-months. Tons of Funk and the Great Khali were victorious over the random tandem of Damian Sandow, Cody Rhodes, and Heath Slater. There was also a lot of hype for Money In The Bank, which has come and gone (sorry for no recap of that show, I'm just a bit overwhelmed by other things at the time).

- Originally taped on July 16th, 2013, from Providence, RI. Josh Mathews and the Miz are on commentary, unless otherwise noted.

Christian vs. Fandango (w/ Summer Rae):

Good to see Christian didn't suffer a concussion at MITB, as originally feared. This might be Fandango's first Main Event appearance, at least in a wrestling capacity. Dear WWE Production Team: Audio sweetening is your friends when done right. First blown spot: the timekeeper rings the bell before referee Mike Chioda gives the signal. Fandango catches Christian off the ropes with a slam and dances. Christian responds with a bitch slap. Christian takes it to the corner and pounds away with rights. Whip to the opposite corner, and he takes Fandango over with a back drop. Fandango retaliates with an enziguri, knocking Christian to the apron. Christian with a shoulder to the midsection, and he back drops Fandango to the floor. He heads to the top rope, and follows out with a plancha. That replay is brought to you by Doritos Jacked. Back inside, Christian comes off the top rope again, not finding his target, then misses a charge to the corner. Fandango drops him across the top rope with a suplex, then sends him to the floor with a running knee lift.

Back from commercial break, Fandango chokes away. Whip to the ropes and a charging forearm gets two. Fandango unloads with rights and throws Christian backwards, head-first into the bottom turnbuckle. He trash talks and taunts until Christian nails him with a pair of hard rights. Whip to the ropes, Christian with a forearm. He charges to the corner, only to meet a boot, but has enough in him to catch Fandango coming with a one-man flap jack. Christian from the second rope with a shoulder tackle, followed by a drop toe hold into the ropes. He comes off the top with a missile dropkick for two. He heads up again with a body press, but Fandango rolls through, sloppily, for a two count. Both men hit the ropes, and head-first collision puts both men down. Christian goes for the Killswitch, but Fandango counters and connects with a roundhouse enziguri for two. Fandango tries his luck at high risk, but Christian meets him at the top. Fandango slugs him down, but still misses the Alabama Jam. Christian sets up in the corner for a spear, but Fandango meets him with a knee to the face. He sets up for a suplex, but Christian cradles him for three at 7:39. That was much shorter than I thought, but it was pretty much non-stop action, sans a 20-second chinlock. I could complain about match length, but they crammed a lot into a short amount of time, and it came out as good as you could hope for.

- Last week on Monday Night Raw, CM Punk and Paul Heyman had words for each other. Incase you missed it, Paul Heyman cost Punk his chance at winning a MITB briefcase. After some back and forth trash talking, Brock Lesnar makes his presence felt, easily handling the injured CM Punk, and dropping him on the announcers table with the F5. I said it weeks ago, but WWE has my money already for SummerSlam. This angle, and this segment specifically, have been done so-well, because it features two men who know how to talk, and they aren't using cheap gimmicks to explain the angle. There's bitterness and hatred, and the only way to settle things is in the fucking ring.

Natalya & Layla vs. Alicia Fox & Aksana:

I forgot Layla was still on the roster. I guess that heel turn was no longer necessary with the current A.J. and Kaitlyn program, and the need for only one Divas angle at a time. This is going to be pretty bad. Remember when Alicia Fox turned heel because Natalya took all the credit for visiting starving children in Africa? Yeah, that was a dumb move. Over under on blown spots from Aksana: 3. Natalya starts with her and quickly takes her down with a leg scissors. Aksana uses a handful of hair to hold onto a headlock. Natalya escapes and sweeps the legs, but Aksana grabs the ropes to escape a possible Sharpshooter. Aksana offers a handshake, but ends up in pain over it. Fox with a head scissors takedown, and they do the handshake spot again. Layla tags in, connects with a basement dropkick and a clothesline. Whip, and Layla with an ugly, awkward roll up for a two count. Layala with a drop toe hold and a butt-butt. she gives one to Aksana just for the hell of it. She tries to spring off the ropes for something, but Alicia counters with a dropkick to the midsection. Aksana with a side suplex that would make Dino Bravo proud. Choking in the corner, bringing the gooch-shot tally to 1. Layla comes back with a roundhouse kick, and that's it at 5:17. Well, that ended rather abruptly, but I'm not complaining.

- Last week on Monday Night Raw, NEW-GM Brad Maddox allowed John Cena to pick his opponent at SummerSlam. After soul searching the whole night, and the crowd chanting for it, he selects Daniel Bryan. Remember when I said Brock vs. Punk got my money for SummerSlam? Well, this was just a second reason to order. No matter how much I hate John Cena, his matches deliver, and against Daniel Bryan? Well, come the fuck on, how can I not want to see this PPV?

Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater (w/ Mahal & McIntyre):

Come on, how many times do I have to sit through matches between Gabriel and Slater? Put McIntyre or Mahal in there for once, just to change it up. Lockup and Gabriel quickly goes to work on the arm. Slater counters with an arm drag and taunts Gabriel with air guitar'ing. Gabriel comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle, followed by an arm drag. They exchange taunts, as if we're playing WWF WrestleMania 2000 or No Mercy on the N64, trying to fill out the Finisher Meter. Gabriel sends him to the floor with a head scissors, and follows with a corkscrew senton. Mahal and McIntyre get involved, knocking Gabriel off the apron. Back in the ring, Slater pounds away with rights and slaps on a chinlock. Just a quick break: How does ANYONE defend the claims that Slater is underrated? I've watched this guy over the last year, and his arsenal of offense is literally punch, kick, chinlock. Yes, his goober-attitude can work a crowd, but his wrestling ability leaves a lot to be desired.

We come back from a commercial, with Slater in control with kicks. Slater with a pair of jabs for two, and then some choking. McIntyre and Mahal with cheap shots as Slater distracts the referee. Gabriel offers a comeback, but Slater puts him back down with kicking. He heads to the second rope, only to meet a boot on the way down. What is everyone attempting when that happens? Gabriel with a series of spinning heel kicks for a two count. Whip to the corner, and he follows in with an avalanche...

Suddenly, the screen flashes, and it looks like the Wyatt Family is making their Main Event Debut. Bray Wyatt settles in the rocking chair set at ringside, while Harper and Rowan go to work on Justin Gabriel. They set their sites on McIntyre and Mahal at ringside, and lay a beating in on them as well. McIntyre dares get a shot in, and gets thrown head first into the steel steps. Slater is still hanging around ringside and winds up in front of Bray. The distraction of nothing allows them to attack Slater and throw him into the ring, too. Wyatt joins them in the ring and lays Slater out with that twisting downward spiral. Harper and Rowan make a dog pile of Gabriel and 3MB, as Bray grabs a microphone and proceeds to try and freak everyone out. Well, that was... interesting. Good, but interesting. I'm just so curious to see where everything goes with this stable, and the fact they attacked heels this time just makes it even more odd. WWE is still obsessed with black and white, unless your name is John Cena, so having people that attack anyone makes it more... fun.

Final Thoughts: A little bit of everything this week, which is always good to make everything feel a little more fresh. We opened with a solid match between two solidly established midcarders who can be subbed into a higher spot in the card, given the proper booking. The Divas tag match is a waste, but it wasn't awful. I guess they wanted to pimp that stupid show on the E! Network again. We ended with a bottom-card encounter that ended with a run-in by the new and mysterious stable that the internet is easily falling in love with. Even the Raw recaps reminded us of two awesome segments setting up SummerSlam. So, in short, a good episode that breezes by.

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