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WWE Main Event - April 10, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Originally taped on April 9th, from Boston, MA. Sorry for skipping last week's episode, but with WrestleMania this past weekend, the last episode of Main Event featured one match, the Miz vs. the Primetime Players in a Handicap Match, and a LOT of recapping for WrestleMania, so forgive me in not wasting my time with that. Now that WrestleMania is over with, maybe Main Event will go back to having a kick-ass lead-off match, and then finish off with a quick squash highlighting someone we should be paying attention to.

- Michael Cole and JBL are at ringside to call the action. I guess Miz is still crying over his Intercontinental Championship reign ending after roughly 24 hours. But what will the heels do without Miz at ringside to give a stink eye to?

Tons of Funk & Kofi Kingston (w/ The Funkadactyls) vs. The Shield:

If Super-Teams of Cena and Ryback can't defeat the Shield, this match will likely go 5-minutes and be a glorified squash. The Shield have only worked one match on free television in their 5+ months on the WWE roster, so this is a pretty big deal. Last Monday, the Shield looked to take out the Undertaker, but team Hell No made the save, so expect them to win the Tag Titles, soon. Ambrose and Kofi start. Lockup, Ambrose grabs a headlock and comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle. Criss-cross ends with Kofi connecting with a diving elbow. He sends Ambrose to the floor with a back drop, but misses a baseball slide, resulting in a slugfest. Back inside, Rollins tags in, and walks into a monkey flip. Brodus comes in with headbutts, followed by an avalanche. Here comes Sweet T' for some double-teamin action. He connects with an avalanche and rolling senton in the corner. He goes for a second rope splash, but Rollins gets pulled to the floor. Ambrose distracts T' long enough for Rollins to nail him from behind with an enziguri. He takes a good pounding in the Shield's corner. Reigns drops him with a Samoan Drop as we take a commercial break.

We come back with Rollins connecting on a dropkick to the knees for two. Reigns with a series of headbutts for two, then slaps on a chinlock. Ambrose and Rollins with a pair of dropkicks for two. Rollins with a body press attempt, but Sweet T' plants him with a slam. Kofi gets the hot tag and lays into everyone faster than I can take notes. Dropkick and jumping clothesline to Ambrose, followed by a Boom Drop. He manages to avoid Reigns and comes off the top with a body press for two. Ambrose counters the SOS with a short-arm clothesline. Rollins comes off the top with a knee to the face. Brodus tries coming in to make the save, but Reigns spears him back to the prehistoric ages, and Rollins covers Kofi for the three count at 8:00 (minus the commercial break). Afterwards, Kofi gets discarded like an empty bottle of Pepsi and Sweet T' takes the Triple Powerbomb for the hell of it. Decent action, just a reason to showcase the Shield, who will no doubt play a factor into some major storylines coming up.

- Last Monday on Raw, Dolph Ziggler FINALLY cashed in his Money In The Bank briefcase and won the World Heavyweight Title from an injured Alberto Del Rio. Fans in New Jersey very much approved, but this was also the crowd that chanted for Michael Cole and Randy Savage during a Sheamus/Orton match, so take that with a grain of salt. Honestly, if you would tell me in 2006 that Nicky of the Spirit Squad would hold a World Title, I would've spit on you.

- Matt Striker is backstage with Big E. Langston. Dude needs a better name. What does the "E" stand for? Ervin? Emmanual? Ermac?

Zack Ryder vs. Big E. Langston:

I don't see myself enjoying this one too much. Langston immediately takes Ryder over with a back drop and pounds away in the corner. He misses a charge, but still takes Ryder over with a belly-to-belly suplex. He charges into the corner with a shoulder to the midsection. Ryder gets the knees up on yet ANOTHER charge, and comes off the top with a missile dropkick. Enjoy all the offense you got, Ryder, because it's time take it home. Langston counters a diving forearm with... something, and The Shitty Finisher™ ends it at 1:17. Might as well have called Ryder "Reno Riggins."

- Raw Rebound: Ryback turns heel to the greatest babyface reaction of the night. Whoops?

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter):

Before we get to the match, Zeb attracts such cheap-heat as saying why such an American city plays a Canadian sport where you slap a black... piece of rubber around. Then things get a little racist, as he talks down to Tatsu as if he can barely understand english, and accuses him of eating rice and fish heads for lunch. Oh, and what's the deal with chopsticks?! They "make peace", until Zeb tricks Yoshi into bowing in front of Swagger, who punts him square on the chest. Swagger with knees to the midsection, but misses a charge. Tatsu with rights, but a body press is countered with a powerslam. Back from a commercial, Swagger takes him over with a snapmare and slaps on a double chicken-wing. Yoshi fights free, but takes a boot to the face. Suplex for two, and back to the chicken-wing. Yoshi with another comeback, consisting mostly of kicks. Snapmare and a twisting elbow gets two. To the top rope, a spinning heel kick misses. Swagger with a pair of splashes from the second rope, and the Patriot Lock finishes at 5:32. Squastastic.

Final Thoughts: Well... I'm starting to be a bit concerned abbout the direction of Main Event. Did I honestly think WWE would keep feeding this program top quality matches on a regular basis, consisting mostly of the top tier performers? Maybe, but not likely. We were offered three matches, two of which were squash matches straight out of the late 80's syndicated era, and a 6-man tag that featured a high profile stable against comic relief curtain jerkers and a guy who's being buried for reasons unkown. The show had a steady flow and was very watchable from beginning to end, but there's nothing you have to go out of your way to see.

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