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UWF Fury Hour - NoDecember 10, 1990

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last week on the Fury Hour, technically nothing, since the last episode aired on November 26th... TWO WEEKS AGO on the Fury Hour... We saw the conclusion of a match between Ivan Koloff and Ken Patera, and guess what, nothing was settled... Cactus Jack and Jack Armstrong defeated David Sammartino and the Fake Piece of Crap™... They're teasing something between David Sammartino and Larry Zbyszko over Zbyszko's former relationship with Bruno... Bob Orton furthered his angle with Brian Blair by physically assaulting his valet, the Queen Bee, Honey... The Viking squashed another jobber... Andre the Giant promised us we'll be seeing more of him in the UWF (Spoilers! Nope).

- Herb Abrams and Bruno Sammartino are at ringside to call the action. All matches are taped from November 8th at the Reseda Country Club in Reseda, CA, except for the Main Event, which was at their recent taping on December 6th. We're informed Blair vs. Orton was supposed to be the feature match, but for whatever reason (bounced check? Bait-and-switch?) it won't take place. We will have a new segment called "Ask the Wrestlers", so we have that to look forward to.

- Highlights from last week where Bob Orton laid out Honey with a headbutt. Blair is standing by to give us an update on her. He says he signed his name on the contract, but he's waiting for Orton to make it official. Captain Lou Albano staggers onto the set and takes the stinger out of her hand. Blair actually warns him to be careful with that thing! We cut to comments from Orton and John Tolos. Orton cuts a sarcastic promo about shaking like a chihuahua. Tolos says Blair (or Bumblebee) doesn't know anything about wrestling, and Orton will put him down with the Super-Plex.

Larry Zbyszko vs. Kevin Benjamin:

Zbyszko is still strutting around with the AWA World Heavyweight Championship. He only stalls for about 30-seconds, a new personal best. He quickly takes Benjamin over with a fireman's carry. David Sammartino doesn't waste time coming to ringside for a closer look. This gives Zbyszko another try to stall for time, and we eat up another minute or so before something happens. Lockup, Zbyszko with an arm drag into an arm-bar. Boot to the midsection, followed by a vertical suplex. He connects with a back breaker for a two count, then slaps on an abdominal stretch... and Benjamin submits at 2:30?! Holy crap, the ABDOMINAL STRETCH WON A MATCH! Abrams says he remembers Dominic Denucci using the same hold to win matches... what, back in 1971?

- Louie Spicolli cuts a promo in the guise of singing Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York." He'll be wrestling for the UWF when they come to New York. He'll more than likely not get a check that clears to commemorate the occasion.

Col. DeBeers vs. The Bulldozer:

I wonder if they'll continue his storyline with referee Larry Sampson. Seems like the only thing DeBeers is good for, other than comical bumps selling a knee lift. I'm really wasting time with smart ass comments, making this a much longer sit through than usual. We cut to a pre-taped segment where Larry Sampson refused to sign a form that would suspend DeBeers for 180 days, saying he wants to referee his match, instead. DeBeers with a knee strike and elbows. DeBeers with a scoop and slam of the overweight enhancement talent. DeBeers with a snap mare and double stomp across the chest. Bulldozer shows signs of life, hitting an avalanche in the corner. He makes the mistake of climbing the ropes and gets slammed off. Whip to the corner and DeBeers with a running shoulder tackle. He climbs the ropes behind the Bulldozer and uses the knee to slam his face into the canvas. DDT finishes at 2:32. Nothing impressive about this, other than DeBeer's mustache.

- Herb Abrams is on location in New York, and a police officer wants a piece of Col. DeBeers. Draw your own conclusion as to why.

The Wild Thing vs. Louie Spicolli:

Did I miss the memo where Spicolli was already being used, or did they honestly waste PROMO TIME on LOUIE SPICOLLI? Did I also miss that I sometimes write like Vince Russo with the all-caps? Ugh. Wild Thing makes Van Hammer seem like a reasonably good wrestler, based on previous appearances. Bruno said, "we saw him last week", which is clearly not the case. Nor did we see him two weeks ago. Wild Thing offers a handshake, but Spicolli rejects. They decide to talk in thick Italian accents when talking about him. The crowd (all 3 people) even chants "Cutie Pie" in support for him! Wild Thing takes Spicolli off the middle turnbuckle with a German suplex. Lockup and Spicolli with a clean break. Wild Thing with a series of arm drags, sending Spicolli out of the ring. 4 people chant "Wild Thing's a Woman." Spicolli must've gotten tips from Zbyszko, stalling after every move. Wild Thing doesn't fall for the sucker punch and connects with an atomic drop. Spicolli escapes an arm-bar and puts the boots to Mr. Thing. Back breaker for a two count. Spicolli with a Super-Kick for two. The intolerant Spicolli fans chant "Uno, Dos, Tres" at the referee. Wild Thing straddles Spicolli across the turnbuckle and follows him to the floor with the sloppiest dive I've ever seen. Back inside, Wild Thing with a Power-Slam for two. He climbs the ropes and finishes with a splash at 8:34. *1/2 I don't know what to say, other than the atmosphere seemed like some people having fun with the match, instead of sitting in boredom for other stuff we've seen today.

- Lou Albano is standing by for another edition of Capt. Lou's Corner. His guest this week is another World Wrestling Federation legend, and former Intercontinental Champion: The Rock, The Magnificent, Don Muraco! Not quite the big deal that bringing in Andre was, but hey, who didn't like Don Muraco? He talks about working and surfing in Australia and New Zealand, and that's a shoot, brother. He says the UWF is the place to be. He's in shape and good to go, and he wants to have some fun in the ring.

- Herb Abrams and Bruno Sammartino are standing by at the UWF Box Office! They're coming to New York City's Penta Hotel, across the street from Madison Square Garden. The "Rumble in the Big Apple" will take place on Wednesday, January 9th. Abrams sure is trying to get up Vince McMahon's goat, isn't he? It's no surprise Vince would have his lawyer send a cease and desist for using the term "Superstars" and brought back Andre, among others, he originally was willing to let walk.

- Ask The Wrestlers! This week, the question is for Bruno Sammartino. Steve Stevens (...) from Parma, OH asks "During your great career, has there been one wrestler who has given you more trouble than anyone else?" He name drops Killer Kowalski, Don Leo Jonathan, Bill Miller, and Ivan Koloff, but won't choose just one of them.

The Viking vs. Robbie Allen:

I won't be surprised if Bruno and Abrams talk about "last week" again, something that has happened far too many times, and even if the broadcast date is wrong, stuff is still not lining up to have happened on the last episode. Lockup and the Viking grabs a side headlock. He comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle and clothesline. Whip across the ring and the Viking lays him out with another clothesline. He takes Allen over with a suplex, half-dropping him into the ropes. Clearly, he doesn't understand ring presence. Whip to the ropes and the Viking with a back breaker. Another whip and a sloppy spine-buster gets three at 2:21. Post-match, he comes off the ropes with elbow drops. Another less-than-impressive match from a guy who has no business working on TV yet (I guess you could argue he didn't improve much by the time he came to the WWF, but he was even more limited to what he did on TV by that point).

"Chief Jay Strongbow" vs. Cactus Jack:

Herb called this a CONTROVERSIAL Grudge Match. What makes it controversial? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm looking forward to never having to see Fake Strongbow again. "Strongbow" wastes little time hooking a sleeper hold. Cactus uses his momentum to take himself and "Strongbow" to the floor. "Strongbow" remains on offense, but Cactus blocks a suplex and rams him into the security rail. Back inside, Cactus pounds away, but "Strongbow" doesn't understand the concept of letting the heel get offense without trying to steal his thunder. "Strongbow" blocks the leg across the midsection and hits Cactus with a chop. Suplex gets a two count. Cactus pulls a weapon out of his tights and nails "Strongbow" with it. This guy is the worst wrestler I've ever seen. Cactus spits in the air and catches it in his mouth in, as of this moment, the move of the match. "Strongbow" wastes little time making another comeback, wrapping the leg of Cactus around the post. Abrams actually calls the weapon in Cactus' tights a "gimmick", insider language that doesn't even sound cool. "Strongbow" ignores the referee's warning and chops him for the Disqualification at 6:21. -* He continues to whoop on Cactus, because the guy can't sell, won't sell, and has to be on offense for 99% of a match even though it's the job of a babyface to make a heel look good. Post-match, "Strongbow" complains about the "gimmick" and Abrams suggests an "Indian Strap Match." How can it be your style of match when you're nothing but a Xerox copy of another, more popular, wrestler (from another generation)?

- Next Week! Col. DeBeers, Ivan Koloff, B. Brian Blair, Barry "O", The Wild Thing Steve Ray, and The Rock Don Muraco will be in action. Allegedly.

Final Thoughts: I don't know how many more times I have to sit through matches Fake Jay Strongbow. It's easily the worst thing on the show, even worse than the poor commentary from Herb Abrams and Bruno. The Col. DeBeers/Larry Sampson saga continues, but when will they touch up on it again, or will it ever get a blow off? They teased David Sammartino vs. Larry Zbyszko again, and I'm more than sure we don't see the Living Legend at any further TV tapings. We do have the Rock, Don Muraco, to look forward to, though, and next week should begin a new cycle of TV tapings, so we can probably expect a few more surprises.

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