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AWF Warriors of Wrestling: Episode 16

by Scrooge McSuck

- Blah blah blah. Tag Tournament is announced, some stuff will happen, Terry Taylor and Mick Karch talk about nothing over the wrestling, and I use that term loosely. Hope you enjoy reading this review, because I sure as hell didn't enjoy sitting through it. This show insulted my intelligence as a fan one too many times, and I'm clearly going to snap mid-way through. For the record, I typed this bit up AFTER my final thoughts, so pardon the dismissive and mostly negative introduction.

The Southern Posse vs. "Chief" Charlie Norris & The Z-Man:

The Southern Posse.... Sonny Trout and Junior Thweet? Okay, so they bring in a new tag team, and no one has ever heard of them, except for Terry Taylor, who knows everyone. I guess you meets lots of interesting people working on the farm. Talk about a random team for the faces... you think they're one of the 50 best teams in the world, with a grand total of 0 matches together? Zenk and Junior lockup into the corner, and we get a clean break. Z-Man with a dropkick and armbar as Taylor reminds us that "there's plenty of women to go around." Warriors Corner with Tony Atlas and Koko B. Ware. They're names in the hat for the Tag Tournament. Sonny comes in and gets worked over, as well. Norris tags in and goes to work on Junior with chops. It's like if Sam Houston grew a few inches, got fat, and didn't change his act for 10 years. Whip to the ropes, and Junior plows through Norris with a shoulder tackle. Sonny tags in and works Norris over with eye rakes and back scratches. He must study the Heel Antics of Hulk Hogan. Whip to the ropes, and the babyfaces with a double elbow. Zenk throws Trout to the corner, allowing a tag to be made. Heels with heel-ish antics to take control as the round ends. Warriors Corner, again, with Ricco Suave? Someone must've fell asleep at their computer. Gotta' love typos.

Round 2: Thweet pounds away on Zenk to start the round, then plants him with a slam. Whip to the ropes, and they botch some kind of face-plant double team move, hurting Trout in the process, apparently. Thweet continues working Zenk over, and drops an elbow for a two count. The lights crap out as they do another face-plant spot (Headshrinkers style), and that only gets two. Norris gets the hot tag without any warning, and unloads with chops. The lights continue going crazy while Norris controls with his usual boring crap. Norris with a tomahawk chop, and Z-Man with the Z-Dog for three at 2:44. Yeck. Only time I think we'll be seeing the Southern Posse on here, and hopefully the last time we see Chief Charlie Norris. It takes a lot of talent for WCW to tell you that you stink.

- Chris E. introduces us to the World Champion, Tito Santana. Yes, he wants to team with Sgt. Slaughter. Well, that's good, because we all know when you think of the "50 Best Teams in the World", a team of guys who have never teamed together is sure to make the list. I'm sorry, but if you're going to say one thing, and then completely contradict it, I'm going to hassle it for the rest of the episodes I have to sit through.

Super Destroyer #1 (w/ Super Destroyer #2) vs. "Big V" Vern Henderson:

Henderson is from "Stone Mountain, GA?" Well, I guess Jake is really from "Stoned Mountain". I'm sure I saw him on an episode of UWF wrestling. The "Super Destroyers" are nobody of interest, just scrubs. Squint and punch yourself hard, and Henderson looks kind of like an aged Jim Brunzell. Lockup to start, and Henderson works the arm. He takes Destroyer down with an arm drag, so the masked villain claims of a mask pull. Warriors Corner with Sir Oliver Humperdink. He cuts a promo on behalf of the Texas Hangmen, despte not being at ringside with them for a few weeks. So, I was wondering... was there any rhyme or reason to these tapings, or did they mercilessly bucher things and manipulate them into being shows focusing on singles matches for so long, then tag matches for so long, and saving all the features for random tournament matches? You can tell by my ranting, I don't give half a crap about this garbage. Destroyer slapson a Chicken-wing, and it's over at 3:07. Well, I guess that move was hot thanks to Bob Backlund.

- Chris E. is with "Gentleman" Chris Adams and Konan 2000. Adams claims that Nails and THE EXECUTIONER put 2 Cold Scorpio out of action... ON PURPOSE! His words, not mine. Well, you know, when it comes to great tag teams, you have to think of Adams and Konan 2000 (Scott Putski?) being on the top of the list.

Ron Powers (w/ Fidel Sierra) vs. Manny Fernandez:

Terry Taylor: That's not the Raging Bull! No shit. So why is Fidel Sierra a manager now, and why isn't Shiek Adnan Alkahassie in HIS corner? Fuck it. We've got scrub vs. scrub now, basically, considering Powers having won zero matches in all of his appearances. I guess it's like Koko B. Ware vs. Mike Sharpe. He's a scrub, but a step up on the ladder. Warriors Corner with Nails and the Executioner... and Nails sounds like someone is clamping his nuts. Wow, couldn't bother to do the voice alteration like WWF used to? And wow, yet another of the greatest teams in wrestling: Nails and the Exe-fuckin-cutioner. Honestly, how many REAL teams are in the AWF? The Texas Hangmen. That's it. No, I don't count the Freebirds, considering they made ONE appearance in the ring. Powers misses a boot, allowing Fernandez a body press for two. Sunset flip is blocked, but the referee unhooks the grip on the ropes. Fernandez with a small package for two. Whip to the ropes, and Powers drops an elbow across the back. Powers drops him throat-first across the top rope, then pounds away across the chest. Back inside, Fernandez counters a suplex with one of his own for two. Powers with a charging clothesline as Round one comes to a close.

Round 2: Warriors Corner with the "SST". Why use... again, fuck it. I forgot, they're a real team too, I guess. Tama calls himself the Samoan Savage, so I guess that's what I'm calling him from now on. Fernandez ducks a clothesline and rolls Powers up for one. Powers connects with a clothesline on the second attempt, and a fireman's carry into a back breaker gets the three count at 41-seconds of Round 2. "Impressive victory", because the babyface scrub who completely dominated the match equal dominance for the heel.

- Johnny Gunn and Jim Powers are wearing blue, so you know they're a team! CRANK IT UP! Chris E. throws it to... Ken Resnick, with CHRIS E. OH MY GOD! WHO EDITED THESE SHOWS?!?!?!

- The Tournament Brackets are drawn at random. Invitations were sent to everyone around the world, and a whopping 15 teams replied. Only 12 were selected, though. Here we go with the 12 Teams...

Aw.... you mean that Slaughter and Santana aren't in the Tournament? How about the Southern Posse? The Fabulous Freebirds? Uh... That's it. Resnick is disappointed Santana doesn't have a chance to become a double-champion. What a shit tournament.

Hercules & Mr. Hughes (w/ Shiek-Adnan Alkahassie) vs. Kenny Kendall & Butch Long:

Just put me out of my misery, please. Kendall has been seen working as a scrub on WCW television for quite a while 'round this time, but he's still a scrub. Hercules quickly pounds away on Kendall with rights. Whip to the ropes... and wait, what the... did Mick Karch give a shout out to DAVE MELTZER? Hughes tags in and forces Long to lick his feet. Warriors Corner with Jeff Gaylord, half of the Renegades, aren't worried about not being in the Tournament..... hold on.

- The Tournament Brackets are drawn at random. Invitations were sent to everyone around the world, and a whopping 15 teams replied. Only 12 were selected, though. Here we go with the 12 Teams...

Hercules & Mr. Hughes vs. The Warlord & Jeff Gaylord (a.k.a the Renegades)

... I give up. I'm sure Hughes and Hercules won, but I don't care anymore. I'm done. I can't stand anymore of this terrible editing and production crap. No, they didn't say "The Renegades" were Warlord and Gaylord in the tournament announcements, but they were refered to under that name by Karch and Taylor, and now the two of them have to play stupid. What the fuck is the point of doing that?! Really, WHAT?! I don't understood this bait-and-switch, playing stupid when the secrets are already revealed, build towards something that isn't going to happen, nonsense.

Final Thoughts: The AWF sucked, their television show sucked, the talent falls under three categories: sucks, over-the-hill, and worthless jobber. The editing staff must've been headed by a 9 year old learning how to use a computer. Hell, two of the things I can muster enough to say didn't absolutely blow were the lighting crew and the play-by-play, even if it was a bit out there at times. Trying to pull an ECW, using local sports networks to air their shows in the middle of the night, except offering NOTHING, was a clear example of how to tank a wanna-be start-up promotion. I know I have two episodes left, but really, why bother? It's two episodes of tournament matches, and hey, guess what... one of them is on DISC 1, because some asshole botched the show order on the DVD set. Over a decade later, and they're still screwing shit up, and I'm sure the people behind the DVD set never even worked any shows for this promotion. Garbage. Absolutely garbage.

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