AEW Rampage: August 27, 2021
by Samoa Rowe
Taped from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Our hosts are Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Excalibur, and Taz.
AEW Tag Team Championship Eliminator Tournament:
Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy, with Marko Stunt) vs. Lucha Bros. (Penta El Zero Miedo and Rey Fenix, with Alex Abrahantes)
Once again, The Young Bucks pull up chairs to watch from the stage. JB scores a shoulder block on Fenix, blocks a penalty kick, swings around the ring post like Tarzan, and flips into a fancy arm drag and dropkick. Giannis Antetokounmpo likes what he sees from the front row. Luchasaurus and Penta tag in for a fresh matchup. Penta annoys Luchasaurus and gets knocked off his feet. The match breaks down while Giannis marks out. Time for some ads. They return with Fenix and JB trading blows and then each hitting stereo tope suicidas. They sprint back for a collision. Tags are made, Luchasaurus hits Penta with a German suplex. Luchasaurus hits double clotheslines, tail whip, stacking chokeslam, and standing moonsault for 2. Lucha Bros. overwhelm Luchasaurus and Fenix hits a frog splash for 2. JB returns for a lariat and poison rana on Fenix for a great nearfall. Tiger Driver by JB, and then the Snare Trap. Penta saves the match and hits JB with a brutal backbreaker and Penta Driver for 2. JB and Fenix fight their tway to the top rope, Fenix sends JB onto the pile with a rana. JB kicks out, so Penta leaps off Fenix’ back to hit a Canadian Destroyer on the ring frame! Fenix hits another Destroyer variation on Luchasaurus for only 1, so they destroy him with stiff kicks. Lucha Bros. hit a tandem flapjack but Luchasaurus kicks out again! Lucha Bros. hit one more tandem powerbomb to finally pin the dinosaur at 12:47! I was convinced that Jurassic Express was winning this, so color me surprised. This was a top level spotfest, brilliantly executed and ambitious, ****.Winners: Lucha Bros.
The Young Bucks ambush Lucha Bros. for a petty beatdown, but Jurassic Express help clear them out.
Hype video for CM Punk vs. Darby Allin at All Out. Time to open your wallets, folks.
TNT Champion Miro hauls Fuego Del Sol to the ring. As you might have guessed, Miro feels disrespected by Fuego getting a contract, so he rips off his mask for a thrust kick. Fuego’s “best friend’ Sammy Guevara is apparently somewhere else, but luckily Eddie Kingston arrives for a brawl. Eddie scores an Exploder suplex before referees rush in to break them up.
Tay Conti vs. The Bunny (with The Blade)
Bunny assaults Conti before the bell and stomps her into the buckles. Bunny hits a glancing sliding forearm for 2. Conti comes back with a series of chops, but Bunny rakes the face. Conti comes back again with Judo throws, and swings Bunny’s face onto her knee. Power slam by Conti and a series of kicks against the buckles. Penelope Ford waltzes in just as Conti hits a Tay-KO. Conti lets Ford distract her, and Bunny uses brass knuckles to drop her for the win at 4:44. Yeesh, not only was this a brutally boring match, but they pulled out all the crappy booking tropes that they usually wisely steer clear of, DUD.Winner: The Bunny
Hype video for Brian Cage vs. Powerhouse Hobbs on the next Dynamite. This feud has been dying a slow, painful death, so they really need to knock this one out of the park.
Mark Henry hosts a split screen interview with tonight’s main eventers. AEW World Champion Kenny Omega accuses Christian Cage of planning to injure him to take his title. Christian doesn’t need to injure Kenny, because he’s pinned him already and has figured out the puzzle. Maybe Omega should stop listening to "carny piece of sh!t" Callis.
AEW World Champion Kenny Omega and Brandon Cutler (with Don Callis and MT Nakazawa) vs. Impact World Champion Christian Cage and Frankie Kazarian
Kazarian eats Cutler alive with rapid body shots. Kazarian hits a lariat and throws Cutler at Omega, demanding a tag. Kenny cautiously enters the match, but lets Nakazawa grabs Kazarian’s leg before he attacks. Kazarian answers with a Russian leg sweep, but Omega runs away from Christian’s tag. Christian uppercuts Cutler into position for Kazarian’s springboard leg drop. Nakazawa wacks Kaz with his clipboard, the distraction lets Omega hit a sneaky clothesline. Omega hits Kazarian with the Finlay Roll and Moonsault for 2. Cutler spends too much dancing in between elbow drops, and Kazarian makes the hot tag. Christian tears through Cutler, Omega tries a One Winged Angel, but Christian stacks them for elevated punches. Cutler’s crossbody misses while Christian hits an inverted DDT on Omega. Christian looks for the Killswitch, but Kenny pulls him into the ring post. Kenny misses a V-Trigger and hits Cutler instead. Kenny blocks the Killswitch and retreats to the ramp. Christian stares Kenny down while hitting Cutler with a spear and Killswitch to win at 8:37. This didn’t try to be an epic workrate match, but rather a showcase for the more obnoxious elements of Kenny’s act, *½.Winners: Christian Cage and Frankie Kazarian
Final Thoughts: Rampage started on a hot note, but it was all downhill after the Lucha Bros./Jurassic Express battle. Not every episode has to be a total banger, but I do worry that anyone giving AEW a fresh look because of CM Punk wouldn’t be too impressed with the hack Conti/Bunny match, or the silly main event.
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