WWF Wrestling Challenge - March 27, 1994
by Scrooge McSuck
Scrooge Note: I'm skipping over recapping the March 20th episode. While it was held "on location" with Gorilla and Stan Lane, it was all recap fluff, and it's a waste of review space to do something like that again (see: April 2nd, 1989 Wrestling Challenge). Sorry for the disappointment in not going into detail over the feud between Earthquake and Adam Bomb, that surely had to be covered on that episode.
- We're still coming from a taping that took place the third week of February, so we're not going to be seeing any new Champions prancing around on this broadcast. (No Longer Sweet) Stan Lane and the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase are standing by to call all the action. We're only a week removed from the show that was ten years in the making, WrestleMania X! We have a NEW WWF Champion in the form of former WWF Champion Bret Hart, and did you hear, Bret lost to his little brother Owen earlier in the show! With so much action and so much to talk about, let's make our way to the ring.
"The Rocket" Owen Hart vs. Mike Maraldo:
As previously mentioned, Owen came away with a shocking victory over his brother, Bret, at WrestleMania X. Knowing Owen and his record of quiet dignity and grace, this will be the last we ever hear about Owen pinning his brother, Bret. Owen offers the sunglasses to a fan, but tosses them, instead. Owen starts the match with a fireman's carry, then a waistlock takedown from behind. Maraldo slaps on a headlock, and gets nailed coming off the ropes with an enziguri. Owen chops the stubble off his opponents chest and takes him down with a Russian leg sweep. Owen plays to the crowd, consisting of children chanting "We Want Bret." Owen with a side back breaker, followed by a knee being jammed into the lower back. Owen with a gutwrench suplex, followed by a leg drop, as Owen continues to be offended by the chants. Whip to the corner, and Maraldo surprises Owen with a clothesline. Owen no-sells it and takes Maraldo over with a belly-to-belly suplex, and the Sharpshooter finishes things off at 2:30. Well, that's a squash.
- Courtesy Pay-Per-View (Encore Presentation THIS Monday), we see pictures of the Yokozuna/Lex Luger championship match, with Mr. Perfect acting as special referee. "For reasons known only to himself, refused to count and Disqualified Lex Luger." We get comments from Perfect, still in his referee shirt in front of a big "WM X" sign. Perfect says he allowed to manhandle TWO referees and put his hands on him once before finally Disqualifying for doing it again. Well, he's got a point, I guess. I remember the WWF's "Wrestlemania Revenge Tour" hyping Luger vs. Perfect, but then, just weeks before coming to the MSG, Nassau, and Meadowlands, it was changed to Luger vs. Crush. Lame.
"Double J" Jeff Jarrett vs. Miguel Rosado:
Double J is one of the many WWF Superstars scheduled for a Ten-Man Tag that had it pulled from the card at the last moment for time restrictions. The world was so upset by this, they did the match on Monday Night Raw, along with a rematch between Earthquake and Adam Bomb, on the April 4th episode of Monday Night Raw. I guess that was the first live Raw after the PPV, since they were doing 4 weeks worth of tapings at a time, usually. I tend to make fun of some of Jarrett's outfits, but for the most part, I like them, they fit with the style the WWF presented at the time. Lockup to the corner, and Jarrett complains about hair pulling. Lockup, and Rosado with an arm drag. Jarrett works a wristlock and hammers the elbow. Irish whip, and Rosado surprises Jarrett with a hip toss. Irish whip, and Jarrett catches Rosado with a back breaker. Irish whip, and Jarrett with a dropkick, and a beauty (tm Gorilla Monsoon). Whip to the corner, and Jarrett misses a charge. Rosado to the top, but he get's crotched, and Jarrett takes him down with a super-plex for the three count at 3:28. That was a little long for the lack of anything happening the first 2-minutes, or so. I honestly didn't know what Jarrett's finisher was before he started doing the Figure-Four.
- Promotional Consideration paid for by the following... ICO-PRO (with Razor Ramon). You gotta want it (I don't know what it is, or how to get it, but I want it!)! Jurrassic Park action figures are on the loose! Street Fighter II: Special Champions Edition doesn't care for Mortal Kombat!
- Stan Lane is standing by with Live Event News. Catch Randy Savage along with Bryant Gumbel talking about the New York Knicks/Milwaukee Bucks game from WrestleMania Week, Stan Lane on Good Day NY, along with Men on a Mission, Doink the Clown, and Todd Pettengill. All this and MORE from WrestleMania Week!
"Sparky" Thurman Plugg vs. Iron Mike Sharpe:
Woah, woah woah... Mike Sharpe was still hanging around in 1994? Finally, a Jobber I can get interested in, other than old Sparky, of course. Plugg is sporting a wristband with a #51 on it, and Lane has some story behind it's meaning, but I didn't care to catch it all. The only #51 that matters to me is Bernie Williams, formerly of the New York Yankees. Like Double J, Sparky Plugg was actually going to get to be featured at WrestleMania X before the dreaded clock told him to go fuck himself. Lockup, and Sharpe shoves Plugg down. Lane refers to Canada's Greatest Athlete as the bellowing Mike Sharpe. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Plugg with a monkey flip, followed by a dropkick, sending Sharpe running out of the ring. Sparky is from Taladega, AL, don'cha know. Back inside, and Sharpe with a headlock and thumb to the eyes. Sparky ducks a clothesline and connects with another dropkick. Irish whip, and a back elbow from Sparky. Stan Lane goes into a major ass kissing about Burt Reynolds, for whatever reason. I'm sure that reason was that tabloids were on him for being intoxicated at WrestleMania X, but who cares. Sparky heads to the top, and he hits the "Pit Stop Plunge" (top rope knee drop) for the three count at 2:40. Entertaining squash match, says I.
- Irwin R. Schyster is standing by with some tax tips. He makes a few corny jokes, with the most "notable" being that Reason #56 people cheat on their taxes is because that the average tax payer has an IQ of 80, and that's about the same amount of money they make for the year. HAR HAR HAR! At least Mike Rotunda looks like he was enjoying himself for the vignette.
Diesel vs. David Thornberg:
Lane and Dibiase go on and on about Diesel being thrown from ringside for the Ladder Match between Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels and how pissed off he has to be. Well, if he didn't interfere physically in that match, he wouldn't have been ejected by referee Earl Hebner. Diesel chokes his scrub opponent back into a corner a drives a series of knees into the midsection. Diesel wth a hip toss from out of the corner, followed by a charging big boot. That looked like it had to hurt. Diesel picks his lifeless opponent off the canvas and sends him back down with the Jacknife Powerbomb for the three count at the 59-second mark. Correction, THAT was a squash match. Will Diesel be challenging for the Intercontinental Championship any time soon? Only time will tell.
- Lame WWF Advertisement Time! Todd Pettengill talks over some silly stock footage, hyping WWF Superstars making a Greeting Call for only $9.95. Greetings can be for singing Happy Birthday (Imagine Lex Luger doing that one), Congratulations, Get Well, Happy Anniversary, or "Special Friendship Call" as the screen shows a retarded doofus in a baseball cap looking like one of the failed auditions for Rainman. Funny moment: Owen Hart answers the phone and it's Bret on the other line, forcing him to slam it down in disgust. HA HA HA!
Men On a Mission (w/ Oscar) vs. Mike Bell & Derek Domino:
M.O.M. are coming off a bittersweet victory at WrestleMania X, defeating the Quebecers, but by Disqualification, thus not being able to walk away with the Tag Team Championship. It wasn't a memorable match, but it was pretty entertaining from what I recall, considering my dislike for M.O.M. and Jacques Rougeau (unless he's being ridiculously goofy). Mo surprises Bell with a roll up, then takes him over with a pair of arm drags. "Look what that diet of cupcakes and twinkies are doing to them", sayeth Dibiase about M.O.M. Mabel tags in and quickly drops a massive leg across the back of Bell's head. Whip to the corner, and Mabel charges in. Mabel with a clothesline, and now Mo comes in for a double suplex. Bell rakes the eyes and tags out, but Domino quickly gets taken down with a drop toe hold. Oscar is hanging aroundl ooking dumb, and he might be the worst or most useless manager in WWF History. I think "Head" ranks higher than him. M.O.M. with the "Ghetto Squasher" on Domino. Mabel with a short-arm clothesline, and the Hip Hop Drop finishes it at 3:09. Like a lot of sub-par wrestlers, M.O.M. were fine and dandy doing quick squashes, but they couldn't carry a decent length match to save their lives, since you can't stretch a 15-minute match with the 5-6 moves they can do really well.
- Todd Pettengill is standing by with your LAST WrestleMania X Report! The Encore Presentation is coming this Monday Night at 10 P.M. Todd tells us to record the show on your VCR... I thought we needed expressed written consent, not passive verbal consent! We hear from such WWF greats about WrestleMania X, like Donnie Walberg... talking about Fred Blassie and Lou Albano. That's got nothing to do with WrestleMania X! Bret regained the WWF Championship from the man he lost the title to at WrestleMania IX. Jim Cornette goes off about Roddy Piper's poor job as referee, costing Yokozuna the WWF Title. Roddy Piper talks next about pulling out... or something. I skipped over part of the rant and that's what he said. Order the Encore Presentation before it's too late, then we'll force you to buy the Coliseum Video!
Adam Bomb (w/ Harvey Wippleman) vs. John Paul:
Hey John Paul, how's George Ringo? (I know, you all get so sick of that joke). Adam Bomb is coming off a 20-second loss to Earthquake at WrestleMania X, all because of Howard Finkel. Paul slaps on a headlock, but Bomb plows through him with a shoulder block. Whip to the corner, but Bomb misses a charge. Paul goes to work on the arm with a wristlock. Irish whip, and Bomb takes Paul over with a powerslam. We see Nikolai Volkoff is at ringside wearing that same fucking suit, and Wippleman has unkind words for him. Back in the ring, and Bomb connects with a standing dropkick. Bomb scoops up and plants Paul with a slam, but misses an elbow drop. Paul attempts a dropkick, but Bomb hangs on to the ropes to avoid it. Bomb drops Paul across the top rope, then heads to the top rope and takes Paul's head off with a flying clothesline (or as Lane calls it, the Neutron Bomb) for the three count at 2:28. For whatever reasons, Adam Bomb was turned babyface about a month later. We get a quick sound bite from Rhonda Shear (who?) about WrestleMania X: She's excited and wants Burt Reynolds. Oh-kay.
Earthquake vs. The Brooklyn Brawler:
Woah, another "name" Jobber! This might be a feature match to some people. Brawler attacks from behind, but Earthquake no-sells it and hammers away on the Brawler. Whip to the corner, then back across, and Quake misses a charge. Brawler goes for a slam, but it's not going to happen. Irish whip, and Earthquake catches Brawler with a belly-to-belly suplex. Earthquake comes off the ropes with a leg drop, as Lane speculates a possible encounter between Earthquake and the massive Yokozuna. Earthquake uses his massive size advantage to do an impression of wine making, with Brawler being the grapes. I'm sure a sexual joke can be made there, but I've done enough of those with Steve Lombardi to not have to make one directly until 2019. This seems to be dragging, as Quake stomps away in the corner. Earthquake with a scoop slam, followed by an elbow drop. Earthquake with a powerslam, then starts the tremors, and the vertical splash finally puts an end to the Brawler's day at 3:13. About friggin' time.
- We end things with a bunch of highlights from Fan Festival. See your favorite WWF Superstars, face-to-face, such as Doink (the Clown), the Smoking Gunns, and of course, the greatest man to ever grace a World Wrestling Federation ring, the one and only HBJ himself... Hillbilly Jim. I think this was back when he was the official spokesman for Coliseum Videos. I don't know either. At least he got his dignity back as manager of the Godwinns. Okay, maybe not.
Final Thoughts: What a boring show. None of the squash matches were that interesting, there was very little content to really work with in terms of storylines, and it was just a bunch of hype to sucker fans into ordering the replay for WrestleMania X. Other than Luger/Perfect, nothing was advanced or even talked about in serious discussion. Even I.R.S.' vignette went dead because he was kicking off a feud with Tatanka, but that vignette had ZERO references to Tatanka, nor did any of the commentators pick up on it. What a dreadful show. I hope the next week's episode is worth my time.
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