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WWF TNT- March 28, 1986

by Scrooge McSuck

Captain Lou Albano

- Hosted by Vince McMahon, with co-host Lord Alfred Hayes. This week's guests include Jimmy Hart, Johnny Valiant, and Captain Lou Albano. Light list compared to the last few weeks. They've got the rubber chicken dressed like Roddy Piper, leading me to believe this might've been taped ahead of time (shocker).

Guest #1: Jimmy Hart

Hart has two key matches to worry about for WrestleMania 2, both taking place in Los Angeles: Terry and Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana and the JYD, and Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer. Hart has a graffitied photo of Uncle Elmer taped to his megaphone. "What am I doing this, using this right now?!" He says Adonis has a new move called the "Adorable Squeeze" and he can't wait to use it on Elmer at WrestleMania 2.

- Highlights of Adonis on Piper's Pit, retiring his leather jacket and embracing his "Adorable" persona and subsequent appearance on TNT, expressing who he is and coming out as "gay."

Back in the studio, Jimmy gives a standing ovation to the footage. Uncle Elmer will wake up wearing lipstick and ribbons and doubts his prune-face wife will be with him when it's all said and done. Hart reminds everyone that he's also got a stake in the Battle Royal via the Hitman and the Anvil.

- Cab Calloway is going to be at WrestleMania 2. Good for him.

- TNT moves to Wednesdays starting April 2nd at 8 PM. So, the show originally titled Tuesday Night Titans was moved to Friday and is now being shuffled to Wednesday. Got it.

- Vince McMahon throws it to footage of Roddy Piper training with Lou Duva in Reno, NV. Obviously dubbed music is obvious. One has to wonder what the original music was... maybe the song from "Karate Kid"? Piper's working out seems legit, which makes it hard for us to boo him right now. What has Mr. T done, other than bark and growl at "Mean" Gene? In no way does Piper pass for a professional fighter, but he looks a hell of a lot better than Bob Orton did. He throws a headbutt on his sparring partner, drawing laughter from the few in attendance. BOO THIS MAN. Piper cuts a promo that he's not goofing around but people are still laughing at him. He's not afraid to cheat. Leon Spinks has a walk-on cameo and Piper greets him like an old friend. Piper says he's not a barroom brawler, he's scientific and knows what he's doing. After his rub down, he's going to chase some ducks, because all Mr. T is going to do at WrestleMania is duck. Cut to Piper by the pond, talking to the ducks. Things go off the rails as he does a mock "tribal" dance to let Mr. T feel at home and snarls at the ducks as he chases them. This segment was all over the place, but it hardly made Piper seem like disgusting heel.

- Darryl Dawkins will be the judge at WrestleMania 2. That's nice.

- Vince McMahon fans through the WrestleMania 2 Program. It's interesting with some odd illustrations of the WWF Superstars and NFL players featured on the card.

Guest #2: Johnny Valiant

He's only got one horse at the races at WrestleMania 2, his "Dream Team" of Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine defending the Tag Team Titles against the British Bulldogs. He comes out smoking a cigar, one of the filthiest and smelliest he could find. He denies using a cigar in helping his team win the Tag Titles in the first place. He thinks Albano was paranoid his team would lose, which is why he insisted on the WWF assigning two referees.

- Highlights of The British Bulldogs vs. Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake from the January 27th card held at Madison Square Garden. We actually see the finish where the Champions just barely walked away with the victory.

Back in the studio, McMahon suggests two referees are assigned for WrestleMania 2 because of Valiant's blatant interference like in the match we just witnessed. McMahon reminds us that Ozzy Osbourne will be in the corner along with Captain Lou. Valiant mocks the lot of them with a British accent and says Chi-Town belongs to himself and the Dream Team.

- Kathie Lee Crosby will be at ringside with Gorilla Monsoon for WrestleMania 2. If you say so.

Guest #3: Mr. Fuji

What an unexpected surprise! He'll be managing the Magnificent Muraco, who takes on "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff at the Nassau Coliseum at WrestleMania 2. McMahon wonders if anyone ever told Fuji he has sweaty palms. Fuji says he's always thinking, and when he's thinking, he has very wet palms. He says Muraco is in prime shape and he'll take care of Orndorff.

- Highlights of Muraco vs. Jim Powers leftover from the February 18th Championship Wrestling tapings.

Back in the studio, McMahon asks if the match goes longer than 15-minutes, doesn't that favor Orndorff (spoilers: it won't). Fuji says after 15-minutes, Orndorff would be sucking air like a vacuum cleaner. McMahon asks how Fuji's attempts at making it in film are going, but this goes nowhere as we wrap up the segment. This appearance was very pointless.

Guest #4: Captain Lou Albano

I'm starting to get tired of seeing Albano on this show. He shimmies and shows off his gut, so the over/under for how wasted Albano is set at "hammered." If you haven't heard, he's managing the British Bulldogs in their attempts to claim the Tag Team Championship, and Andre the Giant is involved in the Battle Royal (which doesn't feature managers at ringside). Albano says Battle Royals are the most dangerous encounters in wrestling.

- Russ Francis is standing by with comments. He talks about his father promoting in Hawaii and his brother has put on the tights as well. It's all about promoting the mass of humanity in the ring. Jimbo Covert says the Football players are better athletes than wrestlers. Harvey Martin doesn't say much of anything. Bill Fralic doesn't respect anyone else in the match. Ed "Too Tall" Jones thinks he's stronger than all the ‘rasslers and 280 pounds of muscle, none of that fat stuff. "The Refrigerator" Perry says he's going to use his size and quickness to win it.

Back in the studio, Albano says Too Tall Jones will look like a kid next to Andre. He shows a little respect to Francis for having some background in professional wrestling. The hype continues to revolve around how large most of the participants in the match are, even inflating the sizes of the smaller guys (SHOCKER!) like King Tonga.

- More shilling of the WrestleMania 2 Program. I want to know how much drugs the illustrators were on when coming up with these characterizations.

- Highlights from Saturday Night's Main Event where King Kong Bundy hospitalized Hulk Hogan, Bundy appearing on Piper's Pit, and Hogan's comments from the WrestleMania 2 Press Conference.

Next Week: NEW NIGHT!

Final Thoughts: This episode comes off like a "woah, we need to put a show together for next week" hatchet job, with some uninspired interviews, lots of quick comments from celebrities appearing at WrestleMania 2, and a 7-minute segment at the end recapping the Hogan/Bundy saga.

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