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WWF Superstars - June 11, 1994
by Scrooge McSuck
- After 'capping through a whole bunch of Primetime specials, I figured I would take a short break from that and jump into a random time capsule to see what was going on in the World Wrestling Federation, during the... (pokes finger at a chart) summer of 1994? Oh well, it can't be as bad as, say any point from 1995 through the first third of 1997. And 1999. As much as I fucking hate the Kliq Era of 1995, I would gladly sit through that over anything from 1999 ever again. That's a year for wrestling that needs to be erased from history.
- This weeks episode was taped from Erie, PA, and we're on the final road towards the 2nd annual King of the Ring. During this time for SuperStars, during the introduction video, they would usually hype either the feature match or a major program/angle being developed on the following episode. This week.... Ted Dibiase has promised to deliver us The Undertaker. Vince McMahon and Jerry "The King" Lawler are calling all the action, and they speculate that Ted Dibiase, who arrived in a hearse, has brought the Undertaker with him.
The Smoking Gunns vs. Yokozuna & Crush (w/ Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji):
The pool of tag teams in the WWF, especially on the heel side of things, were considerably weaker at this point. In fact, three notable teams were just super-teams of singles wrestlers. Other than this combination, there was also the duos of Bam Bam Bigelow & I.R.S. as well as Shawn Michaels & Diesel challening for the Tag Titles. I'm not a fan of non-traditional teams, but it's still better than 1996. The Gunns rush the ring and we get a brawl to start things out. The Gunns with noggin-knockers and dropkicks to clear the ring. Crush and Billy Gunn lockup into the corner, and Crush pounds away. Whip across the ring, and Billy with a boot, followed by a second rope clothesline for a two count. Crush with a thumb to the eye, followed by a headbutt. Bart gets the blind tag and along with Billy, takes Crush over with a suplex and a double elbow gets a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Yokozuna pulls the ropes down, causing Bart to spill to the floor. Back in the ring, and Crush connects with a back breaker. Yokozuna tags in, and they nail Bart with a double clothesline. Yokozuna knocks Billy off the apron, then does the wish-bone on Bart behind the referee's back. Crush tags in and hits a crescent kick for a two count. We return from a commercial, with Yokozuna rockin' the nerve pinch. Bart escapes, but gets killed with a clothesline. Whip to the corner, but Yokozuna misses his butt crush. Billy gets the mild tag and takes Yokozuna down with a bulldog. Crush comes in and gets an inverted atomic drop and clothesline for his troubles. Double noggin' knocker! Everyone brawls in the ring, again. Mounted punches in opposite corners by the Gunns. Yokozuna dumps Bart to the outside, but gets KO'ed by Billy. Crush with a press slam, and Yokozuna drops the big leg for the three count at 7:34. Surprisingly entertaining little match. It seems weird though for Yokozuna to look so, I don't know, beatable, compared to when he was WWF Champion.
- Time for WWF Live Event NEWS with Sweet Stan Lane. The WWF was in Madison Square Garden for some charity for handicapped children. Was that Double J handing merchandise out to fans?! Kayfabe, people! We get clips of Bret taking on his brother, Owen, as well as footage of some chick being his "manager" for a night. The WWF Marathon Tour will be in the Meadowlands on July 8th and the Nassau Coliseum on July 9th.
Doink (the Clown) (w/ Dink) vs. Derrick Stone (the Jobber):
Sorry, couldn't help myself there. Doink's program with Bam Bam Bigelow was long over by this point, and it would be a few months until they really did anything to further anything between him and Jerry Lawler. After a quick refresher from Vince McMahon, Doink was actually doing something with DOUBLE J of all people, no doubt stemming from that incident where Jarrett, dressed as Doink, punked Dink out along with the King. Dink rides a little tricycle around the ring before the match. Stone gets in some token jobber offense and grabs a headlock, but Doink quickly takers him down with a back suplex. Doink works the arm and takes Stone over with a firemans carry. Irish whip, and Doink with a dropkick. Doink with a cross armbar and a pin attempt gets two. Whip back and forth to the corner, and Doink with a belly-to-belly suplex. Doink to the top rope, and he hits the Whoopie Cushion (complete with sound effect) for the three count at 1:54. Not the worst squash match I've ever seen. I wonder who was Doink at this point. He seems shorter than he was at WrestleMania X.
- Courtesy of Monday Night Raw, it's the King's Court with, you guessed it, Jerry "The King" Lawler. His special guest is his opponent for the King of the Ring, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper... or maybe not. It's some pasty skinned kid who couldn't weigh more than 100 pounds soaking wet. I wonder... is this that guy that they used to make fun of Owen Hart during the whole "DX Parodies the Nation" bit? He actually name drops Hell Comes to Frogtown! Who the hell could remember such a terrible movie. This is a bit long in the tooth. "Piper" gets on his hands and knees to beg Lawler for mercy, then crawls out of the ring to end things. Weird. You know, for a "New Generation" era, why is JERRY LAWLER vs. RODDY PIPER one of the few matches getting any serious levels of promotion?
- Pre-recorded comments from Roddy Piper. Weird thing about this... Piper almost never actually appeared on WWF television leading up to this show, yet they somehow milked a program between him and Lawler since the day after WrestleMania X. all of Piper's "appearances" were these videos of Piper cutting promos at various locations, with weird edit cuts. Seriously, why was this getting so much promotion? There's just NOTHING to work with, and one of the two men doesn't even show up on television.
Irwin R. Schyster vs. Kenny Hendrix:
I would make a Jimmi Hendrix joke here, but Vince McMahon beats me to it. I.R.S. has This Week's Top Three Tax Cheats on the Jumbo Screen. Tatanka, Oscar, and Mabel, his King of the Ring Tournament, first round opponent. I.R.S. was currently feuding with Tatanka, over an incident involving a sacred head-dress presented to Tatanka by Chief Jay Strongbow. A few weeks back, I.R.S. attacked Tatanka, destroyed the head dress, than beat the crap out of Strongbow, too. This was pretty cool for the time, just to see someone being such an asshole. Insert promo from Oscar and Mabel about the King of the Ring. Lockup, and I.R.S. with a knee to the midsection, followed by a back suplex. Irish whip, and I.R.S. with a back elbow. Irish whip, and Hendrix comes off the ropes with a body press for a one count. I.R.S. quickly goes to work on the leg and slaps on "The Penalty" (STF) for the submission victory at the 58-second mark. That was quick, and made I.R.S. look entertaining. See, squash matches can be good, sometimes!
- It's the King of the Ring Report, brought to us by Todd Pettengill. The King of the Ring will take place "next Sunday on Father's Day", exclusively on Pay-Per-View, at the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD. Last monday, on Raw, Tatanka defeated Crush for a spot in the Tournament, with a little help from Made in the USA, Lex Luger. We finally have the complete brackets for the King of the Ring Tournament. In first round action, it'll be Mabel (d. Pierre) vs. I.R.S (d. Scott Steiner)., Razor Ramon (d. Kwang) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (d. Sparky Plugg), The 1-2-3 Kid (d. Adam Bomb) vs. Double J (d. Lex Luger), and Tatanka (d. Crush) vs. Owen Hart (d. Doink). Bret Hart defends the WWF Title against Diesel, the reigning Intercontinental Champion. Bret will have a Hart Family member in his corner. My money's on Bruce (pretending this is now). Don't forget, there's also the Tag Title defense from the Head Shrinkers against the Super-Team of Yokozuna and Crush, and of course, Roddy Piper takes on Jerry Lawler.
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Reno Riggins:
At least it's one of the more recognizable Jobbers for this one, at least by early 1990's standards. Droese had only debuted a few weeks earlier, but outside a cup of coffee program with Jerry Lawler, did absolutely NOTHING until having a mini-feud with Hunter Hearst Helmsley at the beginning of 1996. Riggins refuses a handshake and loses a shoving match. Droese with a scoop slam, followed by a delayed vertical suplex. Enjoy doing it while you can, Davey Boy Smith isn't back yet. Droese with a weird, twisting elbow drop, kind of like how Gangrel did, except with more elevation. Droese with a bearhug, the most electrifying move in sports entertainment. Riggins escapes and hammers awyay with rights. Riggins has a headlock, but gets caught off the ropes with a powerslam. Irish whip, and Droese with a tilt-o-whirl powerslam for the three count at 1:53. Well, that was okay, I guess. A lot of slamming from Droese, I noticed.
- It's time for the Heartbreak Hotel, with your host Shawn Michaels, and his bodyguard, Diesel. Did Shawn have an injury at this point, or something? Following WrestleMania X, I don't think Shawn wrestled a match, at least on television, until August, a rematch on Monday Night Raw with Razor Ramon. Not like I'm complaining, just something I never really noticed. His guest is the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase. He promised to bring the Undertaker back, but he's brought him to the WWF once again. Dibiase says he produced him with a handful of cash. "Once again, from the Dark Side, the Undertaker!" The Undertaker returns after spending time hanging out at the local deli and playgrounds since his departure at the Royal Rumble. You know, in instances like this, you couldn't tell it's a fake. His fce is masked by long hair and his hat, and having him next to someone of lesser stature like Shawn Michaels makes him appear taller. The Undertaker talks, and it's obviously a pre-recorded message from the real one. Once the Undertaker stepped in the ring, it all went downhill. The UnderFaker is Brian Lee, possibly best known as Chainz of the D.O.A.
"Double J" Jeff Jarrett vs. Marty Gardner:
One last squash match to go home with. I actually didn't mind Double J, but what was with his second-rate stripper clothes? As mentioned earlier, Jarrett had issues with Doink, and is set to face the 1-2-3 Kid in the opening round of the King of the Ring Tournament. Lockup, and Jarrett with a hip toss. Jarrett with some trash talking, followed by a slingshot suplex, Tully Blanchard style, except less fluid. Insert promo from the 1-2-3 Kid as Jarrett tosses his opponent out of the ring. Gardner comes back in with a top rope cross body press for a two counr, but misses a suicide dive and lands RIGHT on his head. And you thought it was nasty when he botched the Pedigree that everyone has to see to believe. Back in the ring, and the Figure Four wins it at 2:09. That highspot was well worth sitting through another squash match. This guy must've had a neck made out of rubber.
- More WWF Live Event News! The Marathon Tour is coming to the Meadowlands Arena and Nassau Coliseum on July 8th and 9th, respectively. Hold onto your hats, because this is going to be one heck of a card.
- Bret Hart defends the WWF Championship against his brother Owen in a Marathon Rules match. That's another phrase for "Iron man."
- "Macho Man" Randy Savage takes on Jerry "The King" Lawler
- Typhoon is in a battle of the beef with Yokozuna
- Tatanka looks to get revenge against Irwin R. Schyster
- The Head Shrinkers defend the Tag Team Titles against the Heavenly Bodies
- The 1-2-3 Kid goes 1-on-1 with Kwang (the Ninja)
- Duke "the Dumpster" Droese looks to rub his smell off on The Model, Rick Martel(!?)
- Virgil takes on Nikolai Volkoff in a "Virgil was still around?" match. Nice nod to him fighting a Ted Dibiase protege.
- Next week, on WWF SuperStars: Razor Ramon will be in action, as well as "the Rocket" Owen Hart, and the Head Shrinkers, with or without the Tag Team Titles. Remember, they are defending the titles against the Quebecers on a very special episode of Monday Night Raw. Intercontinental Champion Diesel will be the guest of the Heartbreak Hotel, and you'll also see Mabel taking on Nikolai Volkoff. PLUS an Update on the Undertaker. All of this, and more, next week!
Final Thoughts: Good enough episode with one "major" kickoff to a program that was the center of attention leading up to SummerSlam, that of course being the whole thing involving the Undertaker. If you just go by this one appearance, it worked. It was fine. But then putting him in the ring for two months before the big payoff just easily exposed the fakeness of it all. Had "Undertaker" not wrestled at all, then it might've been a success, but instead it kind of turned into a flaming turd. The feature match was fun, the squash matches were all tolerable, and even the repeat of the King's Court, while a bit tedious, was still kind of funny
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