WWF Superstars - May 1, 1993
by Scrooge McSuck
- It seems weird of me to jump around with all these syndicated shows, without any real consistancy with what I choose to do... but that's not my problem. I like jumping from random years to do random shows and that's the way I'm going to keep doing things! Besides, a lot of these episodes I've reviewed in the past, but were so unrefined and poorly written, I just couldn't stand thinking about how little effort I put into these back in the day.
- Taped from the Convention Center in Tucson, AZ just days after WrestleMania IX. Vince McMahon, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, and Jerry "The King" Lawler are handling the broadcast position, and immediately hype up the newest PPV in the WWF, the King of the Ring, and on todays broadcast, we have our first Qualifying Match. Savage and McMahon spend the whole show trying to convince Lawler to compete in the Tournament, but his reasoning is that he's already the King of wrestling. I remember being incredibly exciting at the time, since the idea of a Tournament was always a cool idea, and it made the syndicated shows at the time something to look forward to.
- Unusually, we start the show off with a Special Interview conducted by Raymond Rougeau. I guess they retired Mean Gene Okerlund from this position in the company. His guest this week is the Undertaker, and his manager, Paul Bearer. They both have harsh words for the Giant Gonzales, but speak at such an incredibly slow rate that it's just a chore to sit through. What a horrible feud. The matches were pretty awful, and the promos were even worse! Seriously, the best talker of the group involved was Harvey Wippleman. You're in trouble already by just reading that.
The Headshrinkers (w/ Afa) vs. Scott Bazo & Bob Young:
I miss the days when the Jobbers were actually guys worth caring about. Yes, I'd rather watch a bunch of these matches with guys like Mike Sharpe, Steve Lombardi, Barry Horowitz, and the rest of guys in their range of name recognition than random people that look like bums off the streets. The funny thing with the Shrinkers, to me at least, is that I loved their squashes, but hated their feature matches. It also didn't help they had nothing to do for almost their entire heel run. To be fair, they did have a kickass match at WrestleMania IX with the Steiners. The Shrinkers attack from behind, and wipe Young out with a double clothesline. Fatu with a scoop slam, followed by a headbutt. Samu tags in, and comes off the ropes with the Hart Attack clothesline. There's a classic tag team finisher that needs to come back. Samu stomps away and drops a pair of elbows. Fatu tags in, and they connect with a double headbutt. Bazo tags in, and gets his ass handed to him to. Fatu knocks his teeth out with a reverse crescent kick, then chokes away. Samu tags in and they hit their double face slam. Fatu tags back in, and the splash off the top rope is enough for the three count at 2:46. Like I said, loved their squash matches. I guess when wrestlers work stiffer, it's more entertaining for some reason. Maybe cause it looks more realistic.
- It's time for the WWF Event Center, with Mean Gene Okerlund. Sadly, Sean Mooney's WWF career came to an end just around WrestleMania IX, and it's hard to imagine the Event Center with anyone but him. You think Event Center, you think Sean Mooney. Wow, has anyone ever lamented over Sean Mooney before? This might be a historic first. Anyway, we get promos from the Steiner Brothers, who are after the Tag Team Champs, Money Inc. Next, it's the Intercontinental Champion, Shawn Michaels, running down Mr. Perfect. In a realistic point of view, I don't understand how losing at WrestleMania IX suddenly made Perfect the top contender for the IC Title. Wouldn't that make him less deserving of title matches?
Virgil vs. The White Shadow:
You know when you're a wrestling geek? When someone's tights determine how much you like him. When Virgil wore the bicycle short/boxing trunk style tights, I thought he looked like a credible wrestler, but one he went to the long tights with stripes, he just looked like a skinny candy cane jobber. It didn't help that the tights transition seemed to occur once his feud with Ted Dibiase fizzled out, and he was relegated to JTTS. Lockup, and Shadow with an overhand wristlock, followed by a takedown. Virgil counters, and takes Shadow over with a snapmare. Irish whip, and Virgil connects with a dropkick. Virgil with a drop toe hold, then slaps on an armbar. Virgil with a scoop slam, followed by chops in the corner. Whip across the ring is reversed, and Virgil surprises Shadow with a sloppy DDT. Virgil finishes the Shadow off with an even uglier russian leg sweep, then floats over into a cover for the three count at 2:04. No offense to Virgil, but he was even more useless than Koko B. Ware in terms of show-casing in squash matches.
- WWF King of the Ring Report, sponsered by Ico-Pro, you've got to want it! The less said about the whole Ico-Pro fiasco, the better. Mean Gene is certainly taking on extra responsibilities now, but I'm surprised he's still around, too. For those who don't know, the KOTR is a single elimination tournament, where eight of the top WWF Superstars compete in a one night tournament. Bret Hart has automatically been given the #1 seed, thanks to President Jack Tunney. Also announced, WWF Champion Hulk Hogan defends the title against Yokozuna. Both men cut promos. Hulk Hogan, along with Brutus Beefcake and Jimmy Hart, do this on the set of... I don't know, some stupid movie. Hogan not only didn't wrestle or appear on these T.V. tapings, but his promos were taped ON LOCATION! Seriously, how did it take Vince McMahon so long to finally tell Hogan to go fuck himself? Back to the KOTR: Qualifying Matches to take place this week: Mr. Perfect vs. Doink (the Clown) later in the broadcast, and Bob Backlund vs. The Narcissist on tomorrow's episode of Wrestling Challenge.
King Of The Ring Qualifying Match:
It's time for our first Qualifying Match for the Tournament! No rules or stipulations are declared, in case of any booking loopholes that are going to take place. I'm assuming this is still the Matt Borne version of Doink. Doink attacks Perfect in the entrance aisle and rams him into the ring steps. We go into the ring, and Doink works Perfect over in the corner. Doink with a snapmare, but he misses a knee drop. Perfect sweeps the leg and quickly goes to work on the same knee. Perfect with a chop, and the force must've been really strong, as Doink goes flying over the top, to the floor. Perfect follows him out, rams Doink into the steps, and then we head back into the ring. Perfect continues working the leg, despite Doink's pleading for mercy. Perfect knocks Doink silly with a knee lift as we go to a commercial. We return, with Perfect hurting outside the ring. Doink heads to the top rope, and comes down with a double axehandle! We go to a promo from Crush, but it turns out to be Doink. Vince plays stupid about that's possible. One good answer: It was taped before this match. Back in the ring, and Doink remains in control, taking Perfect over with a snap suplex. There's just not a whole lot of stuff going on right now. Doink heads to the top, and comes off with another axehandle. Perfect with rights to the midsection, and now it's a sissy-slap fight! Perfect cradles Doink for a two count, then takes him over with a back slide for another two count. Irish whip, and Perfect with a roll up for another two count. Perfect with a back suplex, and covers for two again. Irish wehip is reversed, but Perfect has Doink ready for the Perfect-Plex... and the bell rings for whatever reason at 6:30. It's declared a time limit draw. Randy Savage: What's the time limit? That's the question we're all asking. Match was decent, but I remember it being a little bit better. Maybe I'm thinking of their match from Monday Night Raw a few weeks later.
Mr. Perfect vs. Doink The Clown:
- Courtesy of WWF Magazine (featuring new WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan on the cover). it's time for Update, with Gorilla Monsoon. On last weeks' episode of SuperStars, Bam Bam Bigelow assaulted the Sensational Sherri, until Tatanka came to her rescue, and fought Bigelow back to the locker room. Later in the show, Tatanka was scheduled to be in action, but a camera finds Bigelow standing over Tatanka's unconcious body. Since Tatanka wised up and left his sacred feathers at home, previously stolen by Rick Martel, Bigelow does the next best thing and clips a bit of Tatanka's red hair into a plastic baggy. We get promos from both men, with Bigelow gloating and Tatanka acting like a rape victim.
Typhoon vs. Larry Ludden:
Talk about wasting space... with Earthquake gone from the WWF, Typhoon was just a second-rate version of the same character hanging around, jobbing to everything in site, before heading to WCW for a main event push as the Shockmaster. Write your own joke in stick it here. Lockup, and Ludden grabs a side headlock. Irish whip, and Typhoon with a shoulder block. Ludden rakes the eyes, but a pair of clotheslines have no effect. Typhoon with a clothesline to take control. Typhoon with a hip toss from out of the corner, followed by a suplex. Typhoon crushes Ludden in the corner with his massive body, followed by an Avalanche. Typhoon with a scoop slam, followed by the Tidal Wave (Big Splash) for the victory at 2:31. Blech. It seemed longer, for some reason.
"The Narcissist" Lex Luger vs. Terry Zeller:
I say this every time, but I really dug the Narcissist gimmick. I know a lot of people claim that the character was just Luger being himself, but, you know what... that's GOOD. Wouldn't you want Luger to be an arrogant prick instead of a flag-hugging Hulk Hogan rip-off who couldn't maintain momentum because fans could tell he wasn't into it. Luger's entrance eats up a lot of time, spending a lot of it taking an eternity to admire himself in his mirror. The Jobber, probably bored from waiting, checks himself out in the mirror, and this unleashes the beast in Luger! Luger nails Zeller with the loaded forearm, and the match never starts. Will someone do something about this unfair advantage! Where's Jack Tunney when you need him?!
- We go to the Event Center once again, with Mean Gene Okerlund. We've got a promo from the tandem of Harvey Wippleman and the Giant Gonzales. Wippleman does almost all of the talking of course, making threats at the Undertaker. Next, it's time for some good ol' USA lovin' from Hacksaw Jim Duggan. He's still a little pissed off at Yokozuna for trying to end his career leading up to WrestleMania. Duggan wants revenge, despite the warnings of his family and friends.
- Next week, on WWF SuperStars: The Nasty Boys and Kamala take on the Tag Team Champions, Money Inc., and Mr. Hughes, in 6-Man Tag Team Action. Also, "El Matador" Tito Santana takes on Razor Ramon in another King of the Ring Qualifying Match! All this, and more, next week.
Final Thoughts: Not much of an episode this week. There was a good feature match between Perfect and Doink, but everything else is rather forgetable. There's little in terms of feud development, most of the squashes featured wrestlers with no direction, and a lot of the interviews and promos were generic or just flat out terrible. Still, there's always a charm for these shows, so I'm sure other people might find more amusement out of things that I couldn't enjoy.
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