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WWE Superstars - August 23, 2012

by Scrooge McSuck

- I don't want to make any promises, but I figure it's a 45-minute show, so why not try and get back into the product... kind of... by doing a weekly recap of one of the lesser-shows that was dropped from WGN because of poor ratings? Really, I don't know when this airs/uploads, but I see videos for them on YouTube all the time with dates, so hell, I'll trust that, and if anyone has a problem, then too bad.

I should explain something before starting the broadcast: I've always had an appreciation for the C-shows, whether it be episodes of Shotgun Saturday, Jakked, Sunday Night Heat, Velocity, or whatever other random shows have made it to broadcast, you were usually given an hour of storyline recaps and midcard matches that typically had clean finishes, and allowed workers more time than 90-seconds or being completely squashed, to show what they had. Hell, I still remember watching Velocity every week because it usually had a pretty good Paul London match.

One last note (I'm sorry): I've pretty much fallen completely out of WWE since 2007, with random sparks of interest, so right now, all I know is what's happend on Raw the past couple of weeks. Does (Friday Night) Smackdown even matter anymore? Still on Sci-Fi... sorry, Sy-Fy, 8-10, or has that slot moved? Sorry, sorry, no more delays, lets go down to ringside....

- Matt Striker and Scott Stanford are calling the action. Who the frick is Scott Stanford? Josh Mathews is selling injuries at the hands of Kane. I guess at SummerSlam, Mathews tried to ask Kane questions, but gets thrown around like a doll. It's a shame he wasn't semi-trained to wrestle, otherwise that might've killed him.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow:

Sandow is the "Intellectual Savior of the Masses", or as I call him, The Genius, 21st Century Edition. Seriously, it's the Genius, right down to the feminine color ring trunks and athleticism. I am amazed that Tatsu is still employed, still working as low-card enhancement. At least he's not wearing those snot-green tights anymore. Lockup, Sandow sends Tatsu to the ropes, and drives a knee to the midsection. Sandow works over the midsection, snapmares him over, and drops a knee across the chest. Sandow with another snapmare and knee drop for two. Sandow pounds away, and cranks on a chinlock. Tatsu fights back to his feet, but Sandow goes to the leg, and regains control of the action. Sandow uses the ring skirt to dick around with Tatsu, and gets two from it. "You Suck" chant, as Sandow continues to punish Yoshi. Whip to the ropes, Tatsu catches Sandow with an elbow, then rolls him up for two. Sandow snaps off a quick clothesline, then goes back to working the midsection. Tatsu counters a back suplex with another roll up for two. Tatsu unloads with chops and kicks, then comes off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Tatsu to the top rope, and he misses another heel kick. Sandow recovers, hits a Russian leg sweep, then drops a twisting elbow. Sandow with the Regal neckbreaker, and that's good for three at 4:26. Might as well have called Tatsu "Funaki", this was about as much as a squash as you could've imagined. On the subject, I wonder whatever happened to him... Sandow celebrates his victory with a cartwheel.

- Saturday Morning Slam debuts on the CW Network, 10 o'clock, saturday... I guess I missed that one. I'm guessing it was a recap show? the promo featured Brodus Clay and his Funkadactyls (that's a real pain in the ass to type), so I can't imagine it being that good.

- At SummerSlam, it was THE PERFECT STORM, between Triple H and Brock Lesnar. It was a grueling, GRUELING, battle, with Lesnar coming out on top, breaking Triple H's arm... again (I think). It was nice of the crowd to give Triple H shit after the loss. I guess that shows not everyone really cared for him. Last Monday on Raw, Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar gloat over the victory. Shawn Michaels has words too, selling an arm injury from Lesnar. Don't give up, Triple H.

- Brock Lesnar, via TOUT, is leaving the WWE, AGAIN. Didn't he just play that card after the match with Cena? Jesus Christ, this guy quits on WWE more than Shawn Michaels, circa Mid-1990's. What the fuck is Tout, anyway?

Alex Riley vs. Drew McIntyre:

Apparently it's a rematch from last week. That's a unique introduction for an entrance... I really don't know how to explain it, but someone might be able to explain McIntyre's video to me. I have a lot to research over time if I'm going to follow stuff, again. He kind of looks like Justin Hawk Bradshaw in that body-length leather vest. Only thing I remember of Riley is his alliance with the Miz leading up to WrestleMania 27. Riley has been Tout'ing too.. what the fuck is Tout? McIntyre is sporting a cast on his left hand, so I expect him to incorporate that into the match. Riley takes him over with a hip toss and goes to a wristlock, but McIntyre grabs the ropes. Criss-cross, and Riley throws a dropkick, but I guess Mac wasn't anticipating it, and it just looked bad. Riley goes high risk, and crashes into the security rail. McIntyre spinebuster slams Riley into the ring apron, then takes it back inside to cover for two. Mac stomps him down in the corner, but A-Ri will not be denied, until taking an elbow to the mouth. Mac with a seated armbar, and damn is this crowd dead. Riley escapes and surprises with a back slide for two. Mac gets up first, and hits a clothesline for two of his own. Mac takes it to the corner, and mounts for some punching, but Riley slams him off the ropes into a roll up, and gets a three count out of nowhere at 4:01. I guess I should say I didn't expect that result. I expected McIntyre to walk away victorious here.

- The WWE Smackdown World Tour was in the Far East a couple of weeks ago. I guess fans in Asia can chant "Yes! Yes! Yes!", too. It's the typical self-loving video where fans are encouraged to say nice things about WWE.

- Raw Rebound, brought to you by WWEShop.com (nice of them to sponser themselves?). CM Punk retained the championship at SummerSlam. He's been allowed to name his own #1 Contender for Night of Champions, and he chooses Cena... if Cena admits that CM Punk is the best in the world. Cena refuses, because he HAS to believe in himself. Remember when the Rock used that argument against Hulk Hogan? He got ran over with an 18-wheeler. Punk uses this to demand an apology from Jerry Lawler for saying he turned his back on the WWE. That's not enough... he wants Lawler to say that he's the best in the world. Lawler says "No", so Punk kicks his head off his shoulders, which means we get CM Punk vs. Jerry Lawler on Raw, no doubt. SMELL THE RATINGS.

Justin Gabriel vs. Cody Rhodes:

Our main event of the show, and a rematch from two weeks ago. All I've seen of Gabriel is from the Nexus stuff, working as a lackey for Wade Barrett. Rhodes has been a bit more relevant to me, having jobbed the IC Title to the Big Show at WrestleMania 28. I know he's probably done something since, but all I know is he's picking issues with Sin Cara, no doubt leading up to a Mask match. As if anyone gives a crap about Sin Cara. Lockup, Rhodes uses a handful of hair to take Gabriel to the corner, then breaks clean. Rhodes might as well be the New Narcissist, except a better worker. Gabriel surprises Rhodes with a roll up for two. They fight over a hammerlock, Rhodes takes Gabriel down with a drop toe hold, then offers a slap, cause he's more of a heel. Gabriel with a hammerlock, and somehow turns that into a victory roll for two. Rhodes with some slapping, so Gabriel returns the favor and pounds away. Gabriel with a snap suplex, then floats over into a weird armbar-type hold. Whip to the ropes, and a fight over a hip toss sends Rhodes flying over the top rope. Gabriel to the top, and Rhodes wisely walks away. Unwisely, he takes his eyes off the ring, and Gabriel takes him out with a sucide dive.

We return from Commercial, with Gabriel connecting with a missile dropkick for two. Gabriel to the top rope, but Rhodes shoves him down to the apron, and hangs the arm up across the top rope. Rhodes goes to work on the arm, and drops him with a front suplex for a one count. Rhodes puts the boots to him, and damn if he doesn't look like Dustin when he's not smiling. Rhodes with knees to the midsection for another one count. He drops a knee across the left elbow, and works an armbar. Rhodes uses a handful of tights to keep Gabriel grounded, and continues to work over the arm. Gabriel fights free, but Rhodes drops down and connects with a well placed right for two. He comes off the ropes with a knee to the face for another two count. More working of the arm, but Gabriel offers occasional flashes of offense. He goes for a lionsault, but misses. Rhodes only gets two on a cover, then goes to a short-arm scissors. Gabriel turns it over for two, so Rhodes goes behind with a more traditional armbar. Gabriel takes Rhodes over with a monkey flip, and damn it, the armband comes off, so he means business. Gabriel with a heel kick followed by a spinning forearm and another heel kick for two. Whip to the ropes is blocked, but Rhodes runs into a sitout slam for a two count. Gabriel eats boot on a charge to the corner, and I'm surprised he didn't use the ropes for a pin. Instead, he walks into a small package for a two count. They trade blows, then fight over stuff until Rhodes plants Gabriel with the Cross Rhodes (har har), and that's good enough for a three count at 11:29 (including commercial for next episode of Smackdown). Striker tries to put over the fact that Gabriel's left arm was too weak to finish what he was trying, but... I dunno, coincidence, maybe? Good match, but a tad boring. If the finish were true to Striker's words, then the work of the left elbow plays into the finish nicely. Otherwise, it's just so-so. Nice to give them more than 4-minutes, too.

Final Thoughts: Not a bad "waste" of 45-minutes. Nothing was really outstanding, or stood out from each other as anything to really get excited about, except for Cody Rhodes, but I've liked him despite my off-and-on viewership. Not too heavy on the recaps, and the ones we did get included putting over the new angle concerning CM Punk, which is interesting enough for me to see where it goes. I think I'll keep up with these episodes, but damn if I'll ever sit through an entire three hour block of Raw, without something incredible to entice me to watch it all.

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