WWF Saturday Night's Main Event - November 2, 1985
by Scrooge McSuck
- It's Halloween time again, so I figured I would get into the spirit covering shows that either dealt with the Halloween theme or took place in time for the Halloween season... so naturally, I'm sitting through an episode of SNME that broadcasted in November, yet still pretended like it was Halloween. I remember doing a short-short version of this show, but here we go with my usual style, from the original broadcast and not the butchered up 24/7 On Demand version.
- Opening comments from Bobby Heenan, practicing pumpkin bobbing in a tub of chocolate, Hulk Hogan, who will be teaming with Andre The Giant to take on the team of John Studd and King Kong Bundy, Roddy Piper, dressed up as Superman, and Terry Funk and Jimmy Hart, who have issues with the Junkyard Dog. All this tonight and more on Saturday Night's Main Event! Cue the instrumental portion of "Obsession" from Animotion!
- Vince McMahon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura are calling all the action tonight. McMahon runs down the card we will be going to see, including that big tag team match, a look into spending Halloween at the house of Roddy Piper, and last but not least, the debut for the music video of Land of 1000 Dances, from the Wrestling Album. I'm sure that album will be selling like hotcakes.
Junkyard Dog vs. Terry Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart):
I know there was some sort of issue here, but I can't for the life of me remember. 1985 isn't exactly my prime year for remembering programs and feuds in wrestling. Funk is pretty new to the WWF, however, having debuted over the Summer, and JYD... well, he wasn't really much in the ring, but a lot of people liked him, I guess. JYD pulls Funk into the ring from the apron and pounds away on him. JYD goes after Hart, but Funk is still the prime target and gets straddled across the top rope. Lockup, and Funk with a slam, but he misses an elbow drop. JYD with a scoop slam, then tosses Funk over the top rope. Funk, crazy as he is, threatens to beat his own manager like ground beef. Lockup to the corner, and JYD with another slam, followed by his signature headbutts on the canvas. Funk spends some time threatening the crowd for chanting JYD. Jimmy Hart trips up JYD, but the bait doesn't work, as JYD surprises Funk with a back drop on the arena floor. Funk finally mounts some offense, pounding away on the Dog. Irish whip, and Funk slaps on a sleeper hold. Irish whip, and JYD applies his own sleeper. Jimmy Hart hops onto the apron again, and JYD yanks him into the ring. Funk bashes JYD with the megaphone behind the back of the referee, and covers for a three count at 5:16. They attempt to brand the JYD, but JYD turns the tables, and ends up pansting Jimmy Hart (ew....) and branding him, instead. Match was all over the place, and I didn't need to see Jimmy Hart in his undies, but the crowd ate it up, so what do I know?
Halloween Pie Eating Contest
It's Captain Lou Albano, dressed as Julius Caesar, taking on King Kong Bundy, decked out as Abe Lincoln to see who can eat more pie than the other. Other costumes for your enjoyment: Bobby Heenan as Davy Crockett, Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik as Batman and Robin, Randy Savage and Elizabeth as Tarzan and Jane, the Hillbilly Clan as the Three Muskateers, Tito Santana is Zorro, and Hulk Hogan is... Hercules? I don't know. Gene Okerlund is running around as a life-sized Pumpkin, too. After some pie eating, Lou Albano is declared the winner. I think if this were a pie-eating contest with the Rock, maybe about 15 years later, this would've been more entertaining.
Special, in-ring Piper's Pit with the Hillbilly Clan
Last month on Saturday Night's Main Event, Roddy Piper interrupted the wedding of Uncle Elmer, running down not only Elmer, but his wife, and just being a complete ass. The Hillbillies aren't very happy about it and have words for Piper, then Jesse Ventura gets involved in it somehow, because he too thought the wedding was a disgrace to wrestling, and this all would lead to... I don't know. There was a match two months later on Saturday Night's Main Event, but there had to be other stuff done during that time to hold this over, right?
Halloween Pumpkin Bobbing Contest
Round 2 of the Set, and this time it's Bobby Heenan and his weasel-skin capped taking on Hillbilly Cousin, Luke. Or Junior. Or Merle. I don't know, you make the call. Junkyard Dog is hanging around, dressed as a Mummy. Whichever Hillbilly it is, he must not be much of competitor, because he gets to do the job to a manager. I guess it's still less embarassing than being pinned by him on Pay-Per-View... Cough:MartyJannetty:Cough. The Halloween Contest Series is now tied 1-1... who is going to takw home the Golden Pumpkin?!
Hulk Hogan & Andre The Giant (w/ Lou Albano) vs. Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan):
The previous episode of Saturday Night's Main Event featured Hogan making the save for Andre in another match involving Studd and Bundy, and I'm pretty sure they were working an Andre/Bundy series around the house show circuit around this time (The Colossal Jostle!). Hogan is wearing all white and Andre the Giant all red... I don't know, I just wanted to point that out. Was there ever an explanation for why Albano was suddenly Andre's manager? Hogan and Bundy with a shoving match to start, and Hogan comes off the ropes with a running high knee. Hogan scoops Bundy up, but Bundy grabs the ropes and hammers away. Hogan ducks a clothesline and fights back, sending Bundy to the corner and following in with a clothesline. Andre tags in and chokes Bundy with his singlet straps. Hogan with an axehandle from the second rope, but he gets trapped in the wrong side of town. Studd tags in, and bulldozes over Hogan with a shoulder. Hogan comes back with an atomic drop slam (try and picture it), then tags out to Andre, who unloads with chops. The referee gets bumped, and it's a big brawl, with the faces clearing the ring. Hey, the second referee looks like Joey Marella. We return from the commercial break, and Andre has Studd in a bearhug. Andre whips Studd into a boot from Hogan and lays into him with more blows. Hogan tags in and comes charging off the ropes with a clothesline. Andre tags in and knocks Studd out of the ring with a big boot. Andre tries to follow, but Bundy traps Andre in the ropes, then splashes Hogan, with the help from Studd. Double teaming on Andre takes place, until it's Hulk Up Time! Hogan nails Bundy with an axehandle and a big boot, then it's a double team effort on Studd courtesy of the Dream Team. In all the excitement, the bell rang at 5:25, a Disqualification victory for Hogan and Andre. Very energetic and entertaining match. Everyone just seemed very game for this one.
- We go from Very Game, to Very Lame, as we get the video for the Land of 1,000 Dances. I honestly don't know what to say about this... it's really campy, mid 80's WWF nonsense. Everyone seems to be in the video, even low-card guys like S.D. Jones, Barry O, and Paul Roma, as well as some oddities, like the Missing flippin' Link. I don't know, but this might be SLIGHTLY better than If You Only Knew, the mass performed song on the Wrestling Album II. For a second, I thought I went crazy thinking I saw Meat Loaf... then found out that really WAS Meat Loaf. Oh, and apparently Cyndi Lauper was the chick in the dark wig... cause that made sense? The video ends in chaos, including Heenan taking a drum to the head, courtesy of Paul Orndorff.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
This could be good... but wow, Elizabeth actually gets microphone time! I mean, it's one long sentence, but that's more than her average of zero. I wonder when they shifted away from this Elizabeth to quiet, sympathetic valet who is verbally abused by her "protege" Elizabeth. Santana doesn't get an entrance, surprisingly. Lockup into the ropes, and Santana gives a clean break. Lockup #2, and Savage ducks out through the ropes to hide, or stall, depends on your point of view. Savage levels Santana with a short right hand, snapmares him, and drops a knee across the chest. Savage sends Santana to the corner, but Santana comes back with a hip toss. Santana misses an elbow drop, allowing Savage to come off the ropes with a double axehandle for a two count. Savage slaps on a chinlock, and I'm sure this won't last very long. Santana fights to his feet, but Savage yanks the hair to keep the momentum on his side. Savage puts Santana down with a slam, then heads to the top rope, but Santana catches him coming down with a fist to the midsection. Santana puts the boots to the face of Savage (ouch), then pounds on him with rights. Santana with a scoop slam, but Savage rolls out of the ring, no doubt sensing the forearm coming. Santana follows Savage in a game of cat-and-mouse until Savage nails Santana off the apron. Savage goes for a piledriver, but opts for a knee lift as the bell sounds at 4:11, signaling a Double Count-Out. Lame finish, but Savage was preped to work with Hogan for a few months, so it makes sense to do a finish like this.
Tito Santana © vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth):
- It's time to spend some time at Roddy Piper's house for Halloween. If you've never seen this sketch, then track it down somewhere, because Piper is WHACKED OUT for this one. Vince McMahon is there to interview him, I guess, and well... it basically comes down to this. Piper hates trick-or-treaters, so he's wrapping up bricks as chocolate bars, and bowling balls with sticks in them as candied apples. A bunch of kids come by, and Piper proceeds to steal their candy by tearing up their bags with his "treats." Piper thinks he has the last laugh, but apparently the kids know he's a jerk, so they swiched out the candy with hot peppers, which results in Piper chugging water from a vase to cool his mouth off. Writing it, it doesn't sound very funny, but it's typical, rambling, nonsensical Piper at it's finest.
I know it's obvious because of the time slot, but why is the last match on Saturday Night's Main Event always as unapealing as possible? Steamboat was working a program with the Magnificent Muraco at the time (probably fighting over Hawaiian pride or something), and one notable televised incident was Muraco and Fuji hanging Steamboat with his karate belt. So what's a Kung-Fu Challenge... a normal match? This will be as karate as the Jim Duggan vs. Meng, Martial Arts Match, from Uncensored '95. Steamboat chops away on Fuji and knocks him down with a light tapping enziguri. Fuji kicks low and double thrusts the chest of the Dragon. Steamboat with kicks to the legs, followed by chops. So... they really are going for a mock-karate match, after all? Fuji with the traditional hip toss from karate. Why has the WWF never done a Muay-Thai Match? It has money written all over it. Steamboat takes Fuji down with a suplex, which should be a DQ in a Karate Match, much like a bodyslam in a Boxing Match. Steamboat with a missile dropkick, and it's over at 2:50. Muraco runs in and tosses baby powder in Steamboat's eyes, and it's a double team beat-down until they just figure they've had enough... I expected a run-in to make the save, but I guess not. This was REALLY lame, by the way.
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. Mr. Fuji (w/ Magnificent Muraco):
Halloween Pumpkin Passing Contest
The Final Competition of the night. Whichever team can pass a pumpkin to as many members without using their hands wins. The babyface team does pretty well until Lou Albano seems to have a seizure in the process of passing his pumpkin, and no, I'm not exaggerating... he just kind of shakes a lot and freezes in place. The heels obviously cheat behind the back of Mean Gene, until Super-Roddy and Elizabeth try and make the exchange, but I guess Piper was too busy feeling her up, right in front of Savage, to pay much attention and they drop it. Elizabeth gets all the blame, of course, so the babyfaces win. Yay?
- The show ends with the credits rolling to The Monster Mash.
Very fun show, for the most part. The matches, at least the ones that were meant to be actual matches, were all pretty entertaining, and all the Halloween contests, as well as the stuff at Roddy Piper's "house", had their own charms, some more than others. Hell, even the Land of 1000 Dances video was sort of amusing, if you're into that sort of thing. The only negative from this show has to be the "Kung Fu" Challenge, but that only wasted about five minutes of an hour-plus long show. I remember the WWE 24/7 version butchering this show, mostly anything including the 1000 Dances video, the audio for any music from the Wrestling Album, and new music for the intro and cutting the credits. What I'm trying to say: track down a copy of the original broadcast.
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