WWF Smackdown - September 30, 1999
by Samoa Rowe
-From Richmond, VA. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Cole puts Smackdown over as the “hottest action adventure show on TV.” And we think the commentary is over the top today.
-We kick things off with the WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws coming to the ring for an interview. Road Dogg does their usual ring introduction before getting to business.
Road Dogg (with Mr. Ass) vs. Chris Jericho (with Curtis Hughes)
Road Dogg attacks Chris Jericho during his entrance. Mr. Hughes is absolutely no help as Dogg drags Jericho to the ring so the bell can ring. The Holly Cousins show up and join commentary, as they are still upset that they didn’t get a tag title shot on Raw. Jericho catches Road Dogg coming through the ropes and delivers some kicks. Road Dogg comes back with his jabs but then tosses the referee. Jericho inadvertently knocks Mr. Hughes off the apron and suffers a DDT. The referee disqualifies Road Dogg at 1:44. Nothing match, just build for later.
Winner via DQ: Chris Jericho
-Road Dogg tries to put Jericho through a table but the Holly Cousins run in and power bomb Road Dogg. Mr. Ass tries to make a save but he suffers a beat down as well.
-Lillian Garcia interviews Mr. McMahon backstage. Vinnie Mac makes Triple H vs. The British Bulldog for the WWF title tonight, but Chyna will be banned from ringside. Also, Triple H has been fined for attacking a referee, so The Rock will be the guest referee tonight. Sure, why not.
-Mankind comes to the ring for an interview, dressed in his Rock n’ Sock jacket from the Rock’s party on Raw. Mankind is upset with Val Venis for being a party pooper. Venis has two hos waiting for him backstage so he wants Mick to get right to the point. Mankind says he wants and needs what is in Val’s pants. Val is as confused as the rest of us. Mankind makes a bunch of penis puns before a GTV segment reveals that Val stole Mr. Rocko and put it in his pants. Val is relieved that Mankind wasn’t coming onto him and explains that it was only a joke. Mankind doesn’t like Val’s “twisted sense of humor” and attacks. Venis retreats and promises to bring back the sock if it means that much to Mick.
-Triple H and Chyna search for Mr. McMahon and they find him after a commercial break. Shane McMahon has his father’s back as Triple H rants and raves.
-Lillian Garcia interviews The Rock backstage. Rock isn’t happy about getting continually screwed out of titles but he promises to call the match right down the middle. Also, there’s something about shoving Triple H’s nose up his own ass.
Edge and Christian vs. Matt and Jeff Hardy (with Gangrel)
This match is part of the Terri Invitational Tournament (T.I.T… get it?). Terri joins commentary as the referee tries to throw Gangrel out of the building. The match started off camera and the Hardy Boyz work together to keep Christian off his feet. The Hardys make quick tags but Christian makes the hot tag to Edge after less than 2 minutes of action. Edge cleans house on the New Brood. Christian drop-kicks Matt into the ropes to knock Jeff off the turnbuckles. Edge and Christian deliver an electric chair superplex for the win at 2:44. The match was too short to amount to anything, but that finish was awesome.
Winners: Edge and Christian
-The British Bulldog is interviewed backstage. Bulldog vows to win the title and warns The Rock to stay out of his way.
-Mankind whines to Rock about Val Venis stealing Mr. Rocko. Rock responds with “Who the hell is Val Venis?” Rock clearly doesn’t care but he humors Mick.
-During the commercial, Stone Cold Steve Austin had a chat with Shane McMahon.
Big Show doesn’t get a televised entrance. Isn’t that nice for a guy who was considered a huge acquisition just eight months earlier? Droz and Prince Albert are on commentary and I’m fearful that we’re really close to his horrific injury. Big Show quickly gains control and delivers a hard suplex. Show misses a splash and Prince Albert teases interference as D’Lo comes back with a frog splash. Show counters with a power bomb. Prince Albert goes for a missile drop-kick, but Big Show counters and delivers a big time power bomb. The match is thrown out at 2:27. Yuck.
D’Lo Brown © vs. Big Show
Winner via DQ: Big Show
-Droz takes his turn beating up D’Lo Brown. Mark Henry runs in for the save but D’Lo isn’t happy to see his former partner. I really hate that this feud is heading toward paralysis for Droz. Henry takes a microphone and confesses that of all the addictions in the world, he’s addicted to sex. His addiction has cost him a lot of things, including his best friend, D’Lo. Henry starts crying because all his friends and family are going to see this and the live crowd is “laughing” at him. The crowd is actually not responding to much of anything as Henry explains that he thinks about sex all the time. The segment just died a slow, horrible death.
-Stephanie McMahon looks at bridal magazines and Test assures her that she’ll be beautiful at their wedding no matter what. Right.
X-Pac and Kane vs. Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley vs. Farooq and Bradshaw
Bubba Ray is wearing one of the Rock n’ Sock Connection jackets. Is everyone stealing Foley’s stuff? Stevie Richards and Mankind see this on a monitor backstage. Kane and Bradshaw tangle with their power moves. X-Pac tags and delivers some kicks. Bradshaw plants X-Pac with a fall away slam. Farooq is in but suffers a spinning back heel kick. Farooq comes back with a power slam for a 2 count. Farooq shoves the referee and the Acolytes get disqualified at 2:25. Bubba Ray storms in and suffers a spinning kick from X-Pac. Kane tags and cleans house on the Dudley Boyz. Kane nails the flying clothesline on D-Von but Bubba breaks the cover. Bubba suffers a Bronco Buster for his troubles. Kane choke slams D-Von for the win at 4:07. Bubba just barely missed a save, so that might not have been the planned finish. This was too short to suck.
Winners: X-Pac and Kane
-The Acolytes return and deliver a revenge beat down on X-Pac, but flee before Kane can do anything about it.
-During the break, Mankind confronts Bubba Ray about the stolen jacket. Bubba is still doing the stuttering gimmick and struggles to call Foley a freak.
-Jeff Jarrett fills the ring with different housekeeping items that he plans on using as weapons. Jarrett announces that Chyna will get her rematch for the IC title in a Good Housekeeping match. Jarrett notices that a couple of actresses from UPN’s Shasta McNasty are in the front row and challenges them to get in the ring for a handicap match. All of the women who Jarrett previously put in the figure four show up on the stage. They swarm the ring and Jarrett starts knocking them off, including the elderly Moolah and Mae Young. Chyna storms in for a sneak attack and clotheslines Jarrett over the ropes. All the women attack Jarrett with the weapons and chase him out of the building. That was actually kind of funny. Moolah and Mae Young assault Jerry Lawler, which is less funny.
-Mankind is still all worked up over The Rock’s missing jacket, and Rock feigns outrage.
-The head security officer is interviewed about his recent assaults at the hands of Steve Blackman. The interview is interrupted by Blackman, who puts a hurting on the poor guy.
-Mankind is in the ring and challenges Bubba Ray Dudley to return Rock’s jacket. I guess we have a match.
Mankind vs. Bubba Ray Dudley (with D-Von)
They start off brawling and Val Venis shows up at ringside with Mr. Rocko. Mankind goes for Mr. Socko, but D-Von grabs his leg. Stevie Richards runs in and super kicks Bubba while the referee is distracted. Mankind gets his jacket back. I guess this wasn’t a real match because the referee is gone and nobody won.
-Val Venis comes back into the ring and says he respects Foley for all that he’s done for the business. Venis tells Mankind to close his eyes before he returns Mr. Rocko, which Foley foolishly agrees to. Venis applies a testicular claw! Richards tries to make a save, but the Dudley Boyz jump him. Venis has the vice grip on Foley’s testicles for quite a while. Poor Mick, The Rock didn’t even try to save him.
-The Rock comes to the ring for an interview. Rock makes fun of the British Bulldog as only The Rock can. The British Bulldog comes to the ring and they start brawling. Rock quickly clothesline Bulldog to the floor.
The Rock is the special guest referee. Triple H takes advantage of the weakened Bulldog and pummels him around ringside. Into the ring, Bulldog ducks a clothesline but runs into a knee lift. Triple H makes a cover but The Rock pretends not to see it. Low blow by Bulldog! Steve Austin is shown watching the match backstage. The brawl spills to ringside with Bulldog in the driver’s seat. Rock joins commentary since he pretty much does whatever he wants. Bulldog nails a power slam on the ramp. Back to the ring, Triple H blocks a power slam and nails the Pedigree. HHH makes another cover but The Rock just applauds. Triple H goes after Rock and eats a Rock Bottom for his trouble. Rock goes back to commentary to boast. Bulldog is slow to make a cover and Rock teases a 3-count but cuts it off because IT DOESN’T MATTER IF ROCK COUNTS TO 3! Actually, Rock, it does. Bulldog grabs the WWF title and takes a swing at Rock. Rock ducks and nails both Bulldog and Triple H with the title. Bulldog gets the Peoples’ Elbow and Rock poses with the WWF title. Rock leaves with the gold and I guess the match is tossed out at about 5:30. Overbooking is fun.
Triple H © vs. The British Bulldog
-Triple H celebrates his non-win but is informed by the timekeeper that Rock took his belt. Triple H shoots the messenger and rushes out back to look for The Rock. Triple H attacks everyone he bumps into backstage, which is really funny. Rock blindsides HHH with a title shot to the head but The British Bulldog sneak attacks as well. Triple H is down and out but at least he has his title back. HHH looks for Chyna but only finds Steve Austin, who beats him up. Such violence. The show ends early so UPN can premier Shasta McNasty.
Final Thoughts: This show was such a hot mess. The only difference between Smackdown in 1999 and TNA in 2009 was that the stars were over and the arenas were full. However, I can’t really hate on this since the show moves along at such a brisk pace, but this still gets a thumb’s down for being so weird and random.
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