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WWF Smackdown!- November 11, 1999
by Scrooge McSuck
- Courtesy of the WWE Network! We're taped from Baltimore, MD, with Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler at ringside to call the action, unless otherwise noted. We're three days away from the Survivor Series, and action film star ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is scheduled to make an appearance... he was still a relevant movie draw in 1999?
- The recently reunited D-Generation X (WWF Champion Triple H, Tag Team Champions New Age Outlaws, and X-Pac) come out for a long talky-segment. Triple H has the odds stacked against him, being forced to defend the WWF Title against The Rock AND "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Don't get me started on that blatant false advertisement. The previous Monday night on Raw, Stephanie McMahon was allegedly being physically and/or sexually assaulted by DX, but Triple H reveals it really wasn't Stephanie (her face was never shown), it was just a device to fuck with Vince McMahon. Speaking of Vince McMahon, he interrupts their fun by announcing tonight's Main Event, in THAT VERY RING, it's a Survivor Series Elimination Match featuring DX against the rag-tag team of Vince's son Shane, his soon to be son-in-law Test, KANE~~!!, and the People's Champion, The Rock. The guest enforcer will be "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. The segment should be over, but it drags on with Test bum-rushing the ring to get his ass kicked. That'll show 'em!
- We have exclusive footage from the Big Show's father's funeral... later tonight.
- Hype vignette for Kurt Angle, 1996 Olympic Gold Medal Winner. He's going to inspire everyone with his three "I's": Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. Angle makes his debut in three days at the Survivor Series!
Edge (w/ Christian) vs. Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash Holly):
Both men will be on opposing teams at the upcoming Survivor Series. Crash accidentally hits Hardcore with the scale on their way to the ring. I always liked Crash (sad face). Lockup, Hardcore grabs a headlock. Criss-cross sequence ends with Holly dropping Edge across the top rope. Whip to the ropes and Holly with a running forearm. Whip to the corner is countered with a Canadian Leg Sweep. Edge goes for a swinging neck breaker, but Holly counters with a delayed suplex. Holly to the top rope, but he comes down kissing boots (I hate that spot and always will). Edge with rights and a back drop. Edge with a Fisherman Suplex for two. He connects with a Tornado DDT, but it only gets two. Whip is reversed and Holly connects with his signature dropkick. Jim Brunzell would be proud of it. Holly to the top again, but he gets crotched along the turnbuckle. Edge follows him up and takes him down with a Super-Plex, but Holly hooks the legs on the impact and has Edge pinned for the three count at 3:23. *1/2 Fine for a three-minute match. Never been too big of a fan of that spot, but it could've been a bullshit run-in or something equally lame.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has arrived!
The Godfather & D'Lo Brown vs. The Dudley Boyz:
I guess hindsight has me change my opinion on the Godfather. I feel embarrassed watching a guy who trots to the ring with a bunch of barely clothed women who are exploited through perverted camera work. The Godfather and D'Lo will be teaming with the Head Bangers to take on the Dudley Boyz and Acolytes at the Survivor Series. The Dudleys are still in their tie-dye phase, rather than the Bushwhacker 2000 look they adopted around the time of the 2000 Royal Rumble. all four men brawl to start, with Godfather and D'Lo cleaning house. Godfather with a big boot and elbow drop on Buh-Buh (get it... he stutters?) for a one count. D'Lo telegraphs a back drop and gets planted with a brutal Piledriver. D'Von headbutts the groin, puts Brown down with a slam, and comes off the ropes with an elbow. Buh-Buh to the top, missing a back splash. D'Lo with the Sky-High from out of nowhere for two. D'Lo with a slow motion version of the Running Liger-Bomb on D'Von. Godfather with the "hot" tag and works over both Dudleys for about 5-seconds. Buh-Buh interrupts the Ho Train with clothesline. D'Lo with his signature leg drop, but in the chaos, gets nailed with the Dudley Death Drop, and D'Von covers for three at 3:59. * This was OK, but the Godfather really adds nothing when it comes to in-ring work.
Val Venis vs. The British Bulldog (w/ The MSP):
Val Venis teams up with Gangrel, Steve Blackman, and Mark Henry at the Survivor Series as the most random quartet possible, to take on the British Bulldog and the Mean Street Posse... Russo's gone, so who booked THAT crap? Venis draws heat by mocking Al Snow's action figure with a severed head being removed from K-Mart shelves... so is he a face or a heel? The Bulldog is the reigning European Champion, as if it means anything... the title, in the last 6-months, went from being disowned by Shane McMahon, awarded to MIDEON, and then handed to Mark Henry courtesy Jeff Jarrett. Venis pounds away in the corner. Whip across the ring and Bulldog comes back with a clothesline. Bulldog with his signature delayed suplex for two. DDT gets two. The Posse help put the boots to Venis behind the back of the referee... and then in the ring, drawing Venis' teammates out for the Disqualification finish at 1:22. Did ANYONE care about this match ahead of time? DUD
- The Rock runs into Arnold Schwarzenegger. I guess the big movie coming out is "End of Days", and Schwarzengger actually says "I know what you're cooking."
- In one of the greatest moments in WWE History, we get to relive the saga of the Big Show and his terminally ill "daddy." The Big Boss Man paid a fake police officer to deliver false news of his death, attempted to murder him with a smoke bomb, and then read the greatest "sympathy" card known to man... but then we see footage from the Big Show's Daddy's funeral, where the Boss Man shows up in the Blues Brothers Mobile, runs the Big Show over, hooks the casket to the bumper of the car ("Your daddy always wanted to be a drag queen..."), and drove off with it, WITH the Big Show hanging onto it. Comedy Gold... oh, it wasn't supposed to be a comedy?
WWF Hardcore Championship Match:
Big Boss Man © vs. Faarooq:
Boss Man' cuts a pre-match promo, continuing to torment the Big Show. Faarooq tells him he's going to shove the Hardcore Title up his ass. It's another heel vs. heel match. Faarooq pounds away to start and quickly tosses the Boss Man to the arena floor. He pulls back to the security wall padding and whips Boss Man into the exposed... whatever. Faarooq whips out a chair and bops him over the head for a two count. Steel steps to the back for another two count. Boss Man knocks the steps back in Faarooq's face on the second attempt. Boss Man meets post on a charge attempt and gets choked out with the nearby electrical cords. Suddenly Prince Albert shows up and maces him. Boss Man with the steps to the head for the three count at 2:37. Then Bradshaw shows up and KO's Albert with the chair, just because he can. DUD All the plunder blows were pretty weak.
- Kevin Kelly interviews Intercontinental Champion Chyna (ugh...), who is accompanied by her Mini-Me, "Miss Kitty." She has some trash talk for Chris Jericho. During the break, Jericho attacks from behind and gives her an atomic wedgie. Oh, and beats her over the head for the fakest juice you will ever see.
Jeff Hardy (w/ Matt Hardy & Terri Runnels) vs. Grandmaster Sexay (w/ Scotty 2 Hotty):
The graphic actually refers to them as Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor, so this must be the early days of Too Cool. The Hardys team up with Edge and Christian, while Too Cool teams with the Holly's at Survivor Series. Funny bit: Cole hypes 10 matches featured at the Survivor Series, which Lawler calls the biggest ever... except for 1998, which featured something like 14 or 15, thanks to the Deadly Games Tournament. Jeff quickly pounds away, sends GMS to the floor, and comes over the ropes with a senton bomb! Back in the ring, a criss-cross sequence ends with a back suplex from GMS. Whip to the corner, and Sexay with a kick to the face. Modified Northern Lights Suplex gets two. GMS with a snapmare, followed by a missile dropkick. Jeff offers a comeback with a hurricanrana from the top rope, but it only gets two. Jeff with a flying body press, but the referee (Teddy Long) is easily distracted. Matt tries to interfere, but GMS outsmarts him(!) and finishes Jeff with the Skull Crushing Finale at 3:37. 3/4* Another rush job with tons of over-booked interference.
- Vince McMahon comes out to hype Arnold Schwarzenegger's new movie (End of Days), coming out in two weeks to theaters near you. Vince awards him a replica WWF Championship Belt for being the "recognized Box Office Champion." Triple H takes offense to him being handed a title, so he put it in his pocket for an angle three years later.
WWF Women's Championship Match:
Ivory © vs. Tori:
Before the match, Ivory tells Tori to crawl out from under her boyfriend, "The Big Red Retard." BE A STAR, WWE! Coming up at the Survivor Series, Ivory teams with Luna, Jacqueline, and Terri Runnels to take on Tori, the Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young, and Debra. Have to give the odds to Ivory's team, even with Terri attached. The match breaks down into chaos immediately, as all eight men make an appearance for yet another "everyone from a Survivor Series Match brawls" moment, and it's a Disqualification finish at 1:18. No Rating this time.
Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match:
The Rock, Kane, Test, Shane McMahon vs. Triple H, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, X-Pac:
This match looks more interesting than anything promised on the upcoming PPV, unfortunately it'll be incredibly rushed. Arnold Schwarzenegger joins commentary... and oh my God, is he awesomely awful. Test is absent from ringside, still selling the punk out from earlier where he may or may not have broken his nose. It's a wild brawl to start. Kane and X-Pac brawl on the floor and up the aisle, out of site and out of mind... so I guess you could say it's a Double Elimination at the 1-minute mark. LAME! Back in the ring, Shane continues to take a beating. Hunter with a running high knee. Gunn tags in and takes him over with a Jackhammer, but Rock breaks the cover. Shane from out of nowhere with a spear on Road Dogg, followed by a diving elbow. Gunn tags in to keep control for DX. Arnold appears to be in total Kayfabe mode over Lawler telling him how DX was planning to ambush him. Shane with another flurry of offense until Road Dogg does his Shake Rattle N' Roll spot. He goes for the Pumphandle Slam, but Rock interrupts with a clothesline. Gunn runs in with the Fame-Asser, and Road Dogg covers for three at 5:57. Impressive beating taken by Shane.
Rock is down 3-on-1, but LOOK OUT, TEST IS BACK! I guess it's legal. Test works over Road Dogg until Gunn whacks him with a chair, drawing a Disqualification at 7:06. Road Dogg slowly crawls over to cover Test, but only gets a two count. Road Dogg to the second rope, and he jumps right into a big boot (with Test standing, so it's OK). Rock finally tags in and cleans the Road Dogg's clock. DDT gets two. Hunter tries his luck and gets sent to the floor. Rock Bottom on Road Dogg is good for three at 8:37, leaving Triple H alone with the Rock and Test. Rock with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Arnold: I can smell what he's cooking! GOLD, JERRY! GOLD! Test comes in and is quickly incapacitated with a low blow. Hunter cheap shots Hebner and heads to the floor. Austin with a chair, and he accidentally hits The Rock! Arnold leaves the broadcast table, feeds another chair to Austin, and this time he KO's Triple H! Test with the cover, and Austin counts the three at 10:13, making Test and the Rock the winners! Post-match, Triple H tries to punk out Schwarzenegger, but gets his ass handed to him for it. "Arnold Schwarzenegger has TERMINATED Triple H" proclaims Michael Cole. **1/2 Fine tag team action, with Shane McMahon's ass whooping being the match stealing performance. I honestly would've bought Test winning the WWF Championship at the Survivor Series. Just saying.
Final Thoughts: Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Big Boss Man mocking the death of the Big Show's daddy... do I have to say anything else? While I don't agree with some of the racy content used, everything went by quickly, and most of the matches had a purpose, even in roles of filler segments. Unfortunately, this was the era of 2-3 minute matches, so with the exception of the Main Event, which was alright but nothing spectacular, everything else was also rushed and never really allowed to build momentum. As a stand alone episode, it's worth a look, but trying to figure out where everything was going is too much of a chore. There's shades of grey, and then there's 1999.
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