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Monday Night RAW December 28, 2009
by Samoa Rowe

-No, I’m not going to be reviewing Raw every week, but it’s just been so bad lately I just need to have it documented. Besides, with John Cena getting his title rematch against Sheamus and Vince McMahon addressing the Bret Hart rumors, this could be an interesting episode.

-The show opens with Chris Jericho trying to gain support for a petition due to crimes committed against... Chris Jericho.

-From Hartford, CT. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

-John Cena comes out to a very respectable pop and immediately sets up a table in the ring. Cena sits on the turnbuckle and gets the crowd fired up for the title match. Cena proposes they make the bout a tables match. Sheamus comes out and rubs his champion status in Cena’s face. Sheamus doesn’t want a tables match (even though it worked out so well for him the last time) stating he just wants to beat Cena up in a straight fight. Sheamus turns to leave, but Cena leaps over the table and puts Sheamus through it with an Attitude Adjustment! The crowd ate this entire segment up, so it came off really well. This show is off to a good start.

-This week’s guest host is Timbaland and he’s busy hanging out with the divas backstage. Josh Matthews interrupts and asks about the Sheamus/Cena match. Timbaland thinks this is the “match of the century” and doesn’t intend to postpone it despite the table incident. The match is still on. This stunk.

-Cody Rhodes thinks The Marine 2 looks pretty cool, but tells Ted Dibiase he isn’t sure if he’s going to buy it. They bump into Randy Orton, who states that he thinks it’s time to break up Legacy, since they lost to a makeshift team last week. Dibiase and Rhodes take offense to this, since they helped Orton with three WWE titles. Orton tells them they must win their matches tonight or they’ll be kicked out of Legacy and he’ll beat the living hell out of them.

-Chris Jericho is picketing outside the building all by himself.

Ted Dibiase vs. Evan Bourne
Randy Orton is sitting at ringside, ready to beat up Dibiase if he loses. Back and forth action to start until Bourne runs into a clothesline. Delayed vertical suplex by Dibiase gets 2. Chinlock by Dibiase. Bourne escapes and hits a headscissors off the turnbuckle for 2. Bourne goes for the SSP, but it’s blocked. Dibiase tries to drop Bourne on the turnbuckles, but it misses and Bourne hits the mat dangerously. Dibiase gets the win at 2:31. That was an ugly botch and the match was too short to develop into anything worthwhile.
Winner: Ted Dibiase

Cody Rhodes vs. Mark Henry
Orton is still at ringside. Rhodes hides in the ropes early on and sends a dirty look Orton’s way. Henry catches him and begins dishing out punishment. Henry appears to hurt his leg after sliding over Rhodes to the floor. Rhodes escapes a press slam and targets the injured leg. Rhodes delivers a DDT for the win at 2:06. Meh.
Winner: Cody Rhodes

-Jillian Hall and Gail Kim are discussing the upcoming Timbaland tour. Meanwhile, Triple H is lecturing Shawn Michaels for not planning anything cool for Hornswoggle to do. Triple H has taped Hornswoggle to a skateboard and wants to see how far he can go. Michaels is distracted by the Bret Hart situation. Triple H suggests that Michaels focuses on their match tonight and not to do anything stupid. Triple H sends Hornswoggle skating right into Jillian, to which Timbaland approves. This segment would have seemed worse if it weren’t for the Little People Court from last week just begging for a Gooker of the Year prize.

Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse
Maryse spends a bit too much time showing off so Kelly gets aggressive early on. Maryse targets the head but eats a clothesline and drop-kick. Flying crossbody by Kelly gets 2. Maryse dodges some attacks and tosses Kelly off the top ropes. Maryse nails a big DDT for the win at 1:39. I suppose I should be thankful this was short, it succeeded in making Maryse look like a contender again.
Winner: Maryse

-Maryse takes the mic and talks some trash about Melina... in French!

-Outside the arena, Jericho is declaring himself a conspiracy victim. Big Show confronts him, telling him to let it go. Show plays it up like he’s breaking up with Jericho, which is actually pretty funny. Show hands Jericho an envelope and walks away. Jericho opens the envelop and laughs. Hmm, looks like something is up.

-We are joined live by Vince McMahon! Vince puts over this guest host concept (ick) and announces officially that next week’s host is Bret Hart! For the benefit of younger viewers, we are treated to a Bret Hart video montage. Vince repeats that he did not screw Bret, but that Bret screwed Bret. Yes, folks, it’s 2009 and they’re still playing up that issue. Vince is upset that when he offered Bret a handshake at his Hall of Fame induction, Bret refused. After thinking it through, Vince has changed his mind, and now he’s saying Bret will never host Raw. This lures out Shawn Michaels. HBK doesn’t want to talk about Bret though, he instead asks for a rematch against The Undertaker. Vince refuses, for the time being. HBK says he understands why Vince is afraid of Undertaker, but doesn’t know why Vince would be afraid of Bret Hart. He challenges Vince to bring Bret back. This lights a fire under Vince and he changes his mind again, Bret will be on Raw next week!

-Josh Matthews interviews John Cena backstage. While being asked if he has the momentum he needs, Cena is ambushed by Sheamus, who leaves the challenger down and out.

-MVP is playing Beaterator on his PSP and taking some advice from Timbaland. Kofi Kingston joins the party and is excited about possibly earning a U.S. title shot. MVP asks for a title shot if Kofi wins and it’s agreed on. The Miz wanders in and declares their little pact to be cute. The Miz plans on holding the belt for the next year. Miz turns his attention to Gail Kim, telling her she can’t keep up with Maryse. Timbaland steps in and tells Miz if he loses to Kofi, next week’s U.S. title match would happen tonight instead. Miz leaves in disgust while everyone else in the room mocks him with a lame dance number.

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Snap suplex by Miz gives him an early advantage. The Miz flies off the top rope right into Trouble in Paradise! Kofi gets the pin at 0:49! Well then.
Winner: Kofi Kingston

United States Championship:
The Miz © vs. Kofi Kingston

The match started during the commercial break. Kofi hits a crossbody for 2. Crucifix pin by Kofi gets 2. Side Russian legsweep by Kofi sets up the Boom Drop. Kofi delivers another Trouble in Paradise, but Randy Orton runs in and pulls out the referee! Orton drags Kofi to ringside and drives him into the ring post. The match is called off at 1:31 (shown). Kofi is down and out as Orton admires his accomplishment.
Winner by DQ: Kofi Kingston

-Josh Matthews asks Orton why he attacked Kofi Kingston. Orton says their issue isn’t over until he says it’s over. They will square off next week and Orton vows to kick Kofi in the skull. The Orton death punt will return!

-DX comes to the ring for their match and go through their usual promo. They make some gay jokes about Big Show and Jericho, which is par for the course. They are distracted when Chris Jericho shows up in the arena. Apparently, Jericho finally coughed up $20 for a ticket.

Shawn Michaels and Triple H vs. Big Show and ??? Show’s partner turns out to be Chavo Guerrero. I can see they put a lot of thought into this. Chavo aggressively goes for the Three Amigos on Triple H but gets blocked on the second suplex. Drop-kick by Chavo, who is getting a lot more offense in on The Game than I would have expected. Michaels tags and unleashes some shops on Chavo. Show pulls HBK’s hair, giving Chavo an opening for a mule kick. Show tags in and goes to work on Michaels with his methodical pummeling. Chavo tags and plants HBK with an uppercut. Chavo springboards into HBK’s knees, allowing Triple H to get a lukewarm tag. HHH battles it out with Big Show. Spear by Big Show! Chavo tags and climbs onto Show’s shoulders, missing a frog splash! Michaels dumps Show from the ring. Hornswoggle runs in and tries to pedigree Chavo. Chavo shrugs him off and eats a Triple H pedigree for the loss at 4:56. This was pretty decent, and it was neat to see Chavo treated seriously for a few minutes there.
Winners: Triple H and Shawn Michaels

-Chris Jericho jumps the barricade but walks into some Sweet Chin Music. Triple H says he’s sick of Jericho’s whining. Next week it’ll be DX vs. Jerishow, and if Jericho loses then there will be no more excuses and Jericho will be gone from Raw forever.

-Timbaland and the Bella Twins come to the ring so Timbaland can play ring announcer for the main event.

WWE Championship:
Sheamus © vs. John Cena

A slug fest kicks off the bout. Sheamus blocks the bulldog and delivers a clothesline. Sheamus takes control. Cena rebounds with some flying shoulder tackles. The Five Knuckle Shuffle connects! Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus grabs the referee in the process, so a DQ is called. Cena wins at 2:17. That was lame sauce.
Winner by DQ: John Cena

-Cena is annoyed that he’s being forced to relive his Randy Orton feud and drags Sheamus back into the ring. It doesn’t pay off as Sheamus knocks him down to the mat. Sheamus delivers his big boot and stands victorious over the fallen Cena.

Final Thoughts: This certainly wasn’t the disaster that the last couple of Raws had been. Seriously, last week with the Little People Court, Johnny Damon, and the general BS had me ready to quit watching for a while. Then they had to go and bring Bret Hart into the equation to keep me around. This entire episode was basically just set-up for next week’s big showdown with TNA, and they really stacked the deck by building towards DX/Jerishow, Kofi/Orton, and the return of Hart. I’ll have to give tonight’s Raw a mild thumbs up for not being boring and for the Chris Jericho antics.

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