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WWF Raw is War- September 27, 1999

by Samoa Rowe

-Earlier today, Vince meets with the referees on strike. It seems that they’ve come to an agreement. Whew.

-From Greensboro, NC. Our hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

-We kick things off with our new WWF Champion, Triple H (with Chyna). The Game overcame the odds at Unforgiven and defeated five other men, as well as Stone Cold Steve Austin, to become champion. Triple H addresses the hostile crowd, telling them that every time he holds up the WWF title they can kiss his ass. HHH proclaims himself to be the “best game” in the world right now. Also, the sweetest part of his title victory was that Stone Cold had to count the 1-2-3. Triple H plans on making Austin the last notch on his belt of success and will not be able to sleep until he beats him in the middle of the ring. The British Bulldog interrupts and he has something to say. Bulldog thinks they should forget about Austin because they had a deal that if either of them won the title, the other one would get the first title shot. Triple H says he lied to Bulldog and refuses his challenge. Bulldog doesn’t like that answer and threatens to beat his ass either now or later tonight. Triple H says “screw you” and a brawl breaks out. Chyna distracts, allowing Triple H to hit a low blow from behind. The referees run in to break it up and we’re joined by Mr. McMahon. Vince orders Triple H to defend the WWF title later tonight against The Rock. Triple H doesn’t like that ruling one bit.

-We get a replay from Sunday Night Heat, where the Fabulous Moolah put a hurting on Ivory.

-Jeff Jarrett and The Kat are in cahoots with Tom Prichard.

-Mankind has presents and balloons and a mystery person under a hood. -Stephanie McMahon and Test are tuxedo shopping for their wedding. Test looks pretty sharp and Stephanie is simply glowing.

-Jeff Jarrett, accompanied by The Kat and Tom Prichard, come to the ring for some talking. Last night, at Unforgiven, Debra returned and cracked a guitar over Jarrett’s head. Jarrett grabs a mic and has more insulting things to say about women. Jarrett announces a “Battle of the Sexes” match of him and Prichard against Chyna and Debra. Wow, that doesn’t sound stupid at all.

Big Show vs. Chris Jericho (with Curtis Hughes)

Jericho has a microphone and brags about ending Ken Shamrock’s career at Unforgiven. Jericho calls Big Show a waste of sperm and vows to end his career. Jericho is quick, but Big Show tosses him into the air anyway. Prince Albert joins commentary to keep an eye on Big Show. Mr. Hughes distracts Show on the apron, allowing Jericho to score with some kicks. Jericho wraps himself around Show’s arm for a submission, but Show dead-lifts him into a counter. Show goes for the choke slam from hell, but the ref calls for the bell because Prince Albert is on the top rope. We have a DQ at 2:10, and Prince Albert delivers a MISSILE DROP-KICK on Big Show. I’m speechless. This match was all angle.
Winner via DQ: Big Show

-Chris Jericho thinks he’s out of the woods, but he’s attacked by Road Dogg, who he’d recently injured. Mr. Hughes takes the punishment while Jericho flees through the side.

-Mankind is hanging out with his mystery guest. He’s joined by Stevie Richards, dressed as Dude Love. Richards wants to be the new Dude Love, which cracks Mankind up. Stevie thinks The Dude is a chick magnet, so Mankind tells him to have fun.

-Stone Cold Steve Austin is storming the backstage area.

-Michael Cole interviews Chyna. She says no one will stop her from getting in the ring with Jeff Jarrett and Tom Prichard. She warns her teammate, Debra, to stay out of her way.

-Stone Cold Steve Austin comes to the ring to a thunderous ovation. Austin says he was pissed off to find out that Triple H was scheduled to defend the WWF title against The Rock. Austin wants what’s his and demands that Mr. McMahon come to the ring to explain himself. Vince thanks Austin publicly for reinstating him as WWF Chairman but reminds him that he didn’t say when exactly he’d get his title shot. Austin has murder in his eyes so Vince assures him that he’ll get his shot at the No Mercy pay-per-view, no matter who the WWF champion is. Austin says his No Mercy shot had better happen or he’ll go back to his kicking-Vince’s-ass ways.

-GTV shows the Mean Street Posse hanging out in towels, along with who appears to be Terri Runnels. It looks like she has sex with all of them in exchange of a favor. Joey Abs and Rodney refuse and tells her to take a hike. Pete Gas is upset with the other two, I guess he didn’t get his turn.

European Championship:
D’Lo Brown © vs. Steve Blackman

Droz joins commentary as the bell rings. Blackman throws a drop-kick but D’Lo retaliates with a hurricanrana. D’Lo hits his patented leg drop for a 2 count. D’Lo hangs Blackman on the ropes and they spill to ringside. Blackman sends Brown crashing into the steps and starts unloading with a kendo stick for the DQ loss at 1:45. Like I’ve said, no one really wanted to be European Champion.
Winner via DQ: D’Lo Brown

-Steve Blackman attacks the head of security and Droz attacks D’Lo Brown. Droz pukes on Brown and seems satisfied. Mark Henry comes out and tries to make nice with D’Lo, but he’s not having any of it.

-Mankind has even more presents and balloons and it looks like he’s headed to the ring with his mystery guest. During the commercial, he bumped into Stone Cold, who seemed appropriately unimpressed.

-Mankind comes to the ring for the infamous “This Is Your Life” segment. Foley feels bad about applying the Mandible Claw on The Rock at Unforgiven and wants to make it up to him. The Rock comes to the ring and says he doesn’t need any apology. Mankind announces to Rock that “this is his life” and cues the music, fireworks, balloons, and confetti. Foley introduces his first guest, Mrs. Griffith, Rock’s sixth grade English (or home economics, who cares) teacher. The Rock reminisces that all he wanted to do in her class was make pancakes, but SHE WOULDN’T LET HIM! She was finally going to let him make the pancakes, but then it turned out she was out of syrup. Rock throws all his catchphrases at her, all out of bitterness that he couldn’t make his precious pancakes. Mankind’s next guest is Rock’s old football coach, Mr. Hart. Rock seems bemused and tells a story about when Rock used wrestling holds to beat up a quarterback. The coach punished Rock by making him do sprints, which has apparently scared Rock for life. Rock suggests that Mr. Hart should shove his whistle up his ass. Rock has had enough of this bullcrap since he has a title match to prepare for. Mankind tries to steal a catchphrase and gets put in his place (prompting a huge “Rocky” chant). It’s not over, Foley has another guest, Rock’s old high school sweetheart, Joanne. Rock isn’t happy to see her either, turns out she CUT THE ROCK OFF ON SECOND BASE! Now, that’s awful. Rock speculates that she’s willing to serve some poon tang pie now but tells her to poon tang her ass out of there. I bet there’s a lot of Democrats in Connecticut that would love that clip. Mankind defends himself, saying he didn’t know how awful the people in Rock’s life have been. It’s time for Rock to open his presents. The first gifts are custom Rock n’ Sock t-shirts so they’ll look more like a team. The second gift is a “Mr. Rocko” puppet. Finally, it turns out the mystery guest under the blanket is Yurple the Clown! Yurple puts a sticker and lay on Rock, who quickly brushes them off. Rock starts scolding poor Yurple, which makes Mankind upset, seeing as he put a lot of work into this party. Yurple sings “Happy Birthday” as a giant cake is wheeled to ringside. Rock reminds Foley that his birthday is May 2nd, which is actually kind of funny. Finally, Triple H comes in swinging a sledgehammer and chases Rock and Mankind out of the ring. I guess the crowd is sad to see this end, as they chant “asshole” at The Game. I know this segment has gone down as a classic Raw moment, partly due to the huge rating it drew, but at a whopping half hour, this was brutal to sit through. Foley and Rock’s personalities held it together, but I was ready for this to end well before it did.

-Road Dogg and “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn, the new Tag Team Champions, come to the ring and issue an open challenge to anyone team who wants to prove themselves. Hardcore and Crash Holly are watching on a monitor and it looks like they’re going to accept.

-Back from commercial, Kane’s music hits, and it looks as though the New Age Outlaws will have to deal with Kane and X-Pac.

WWF Tag Team Championship:
Road Dogg and Mr. Ass vs. Kane and X-Pac

X-Pac and Road Dogg starts things off with a handshake. They lock up and the Hollys should up at ringside with their scale. Hardcore and Crash join commentary and are upset that they missed their opportunity to accept the open challenge. Mr. Ass tags in and overpowers X-Pac. Kane tags in pummels Mr. Ass into the corner. Big boot by Kane but Road Dogg prevents a choke slam. All four men are in the ring already. X-Pac gets crotched on the turnbuckles and Kane gets clotheslined to the floor. The NAO look to finish X-Pac when the Holly Cousins run in for the DQ at 2:25! This was yet another match that was more angle than match.
Winners via DQ: Road Dogg and Mr. Ass

-X-Pac and Kane fight off the Hollys with a choke slam and bronco buster. X-Pac makes nice with the NAO as Kane hangs back.

-Backstage interview with Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah. They feel that Ivory should respect her elders.

Evening Gown match:
Women’s Champion Ivory vs. Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young

Ugh, I don’t want to watch this. At all. Ivory attacks Moolah from behind and gets taken down by Young. Ivory snap mares Young with her scarf! Another snap mare by Ivory and this is getting uncomfortable to watch. Mae Young delivers a power slam and goes for the cover, forgetting the rules of the match. Ivory gets caught by a Moolah clothesline and Young applies a chinlock. Ivory stripes Young out of her gown and dumps her to ringside. This is soooo tasteless. Moolah aggressively goes after Ivory and pulls her gown off for the win at 2:49. Say what you will about the PG era, but embarrassing shit like this doesn’t happen anymore.
Winner: The Fabulous Moolah

-Chyna is ready to fight.

-Jeff Jarrett, The Kat, and Tom Prichard return to the ring. Jarrett doesn’t think Chyna is coming, so he says this proves his point that women are only good for three things. Chyna cuts him off and says she’ll only fight if Jarrett agrees to give her an IC title match if she pins him tonight.

Jeff Jarrett (with The Kat) and Tom Prichard vs. Chyna and Debra

Debra does a striptease on the apron. Prichard is distracted, allowing Chyna an advantage. Jarrett quickly goes for the figure four on Chyna, but Debra breaks it up! The Kat attacks Debra and we have a cat fight. Chyna delivers a low blow on Jarrett in the chaos. Prichard cracks the guitar over Chyna’s head but she lands on Jarrett in a pinning position for the win at 1:10. Terrible… absolutely terrible.
Winners: Chyna and Debra

-Stone Cold Steve Austin joins commentary for the main event.

WWF Championship:
Triple H © (with Chyna) vs. The Rock

They begin brawling right away as the bell rings. Triple H stomps a mud hole but Rock retaliates with a series of strikes in the corner. Rock whips Triple H over the ropes to ringside. They brawl through the crowd, just like they did on the last Smackdown. HHH delivers a suplex in the ringside area. They resume a crowd brawl and find themselves in a penalty box. They head back to the ring with Triple H in the driver’s seat. They block finishers and Rock catapults The Game into the turnbuckles. DDT by Rock gets a 2 count. Samoan Drop by Rock gets another near fall. Triple H gets clotheslined over the rope and they brawl right in front of the announce table, where Austin is intently watching. Triple H grabs a chair but the ref takes it. Triple H clocks the referee and delivers a chair shot to Rock! HHH trash talks Austin, prompting the Rattlesnake to rush the ring! Austin unloads on Triple H and nails the Stunner! Rock pops up for the Rock Bottom! The crowd is going absolutely nuts for this! Rock struggles to make the cover and the referee slowly counts, but The British Bulldog runs in and attacks Rock for the DQ at 7:12. It’s amazing how hot the crowd was for such a rushed, disjointed match, but I suppose these guys were at the hottest points in their careers, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
Winner via DQ: The Rock

-That’s where the show cuts off for me. I imagine Austin wasn’t done dishing out stunners.

Final Thoughts: This was a historic Raw just for the legendary Rock/Mankind segment that ended up drawing the highest rating in the history of Raw. Otherwise, there was a lot of tasteless crap and embarrassing, sleazy happenings with the women. I did like that they wasted no time setting up a main event for the next pay-per-view, as I’m really interested in seeing that Triple H/Austin match in the context of this storyline. Thumbs in the middle.

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