Written in May 2021. Follow me on Twitter @SamoaRowe.
Cold open is a presidential speech from D-Generation X. They've upset the Federation's TV partners, and Triple H promises to only use certain swear words between 9 and 10, and lists all the (censored) words they will never say (again). They will no longer talk about their enormous manhoods, and Michael denies ever sleeping with a young intern, because they were up all night. Waka, waka. You've all seen this segment a billion times, it became a popular clip for WWE to showcase how "cutting edge" DX was in all their retrospective documentaries.
Live from Market Square Arena in Indianapolis, Indiana. Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly, and Michael Cole are calling Raw, Jerry Lawler joins Jim Ross midway for Warzone.
DX frolic to the ring dressed as Uncle Sam and host a campaign rally, complete with patriotic balloons. They are lobbying for Mike Tyson vs. Steve Austin to take place at Wrestlemania, as a means for HBK to avoid Austin. The fans play along with "Let them fight" chants, and then Stone Cold Steve Austin arrives to a hero's welcome. Austin gets right into Shawn's face and makes it crystal clear that he's coming for his @ss at Wrestlemania. Shawn looks humbled and Austin leaves satisfied.
Earlier today, Mick Foley explains to Jim Ross and Terry Funk why he's facing his tag partner in singles action. Foley was told that he'd be in a wheelchair by age 30 and that nobody would care. Well, Foley is now 32, and on borrowed time, and he wants to cement his legacy. Funk loves Foley like a son, but not tonight, they're going to hurt each other.
Back from commercials, officials, referees, and wrestlers pry open the dumpster. Foley and Funk both appear unconscious. Foley's hand starts shaking and this segment continues through another commercial break. The New Age Outlaws come back to survey their handiwork, and several wrestlers lose their temper and attack them. Wow, so there was a time in the WWF when babyface wrestlers had friends. Mr. McMahon restores order, while Funk and Foley are given oxygen and loaded onto stretchers. If I was watching this live, I think I'd have clicked over to Nitro by now. Jim Ross paints this scene to be a tragedy, as if this wouldn't have been the result had the match just continued. They're finally hauled off in ambulances.
Jim Ross interviews The New Age Outlaws about what just happened. They look a bit shaken up, and Road Dogg admits that maybe they went too far. Triple H and Shawn Michaels interrupt and defend their actions because they pushed the bar to a higher level. They'd better suck it up because the show goes on. Apparently not, because this ate up the entire first hour of Raw and we're on to Warzone.
DX come out to join the Outlaws in beating up poor Owen. Triple H hits a DDT onto the steel stage. Triple H orders the Outlaws to swing Owen off the stage, but referees and management rush in at the last second to save him.
Michael Cole calls in from the hospital to let us know he has no new information about Terry Funk and Mick Foley. Thanks, Cole.
Interview with Jim Cornette's gang of NWA has-beens. J.R. wants to know when Barry Windham will have the guts to face Bradshaw. Windham welcomes the chance to fight "Yosemite Sam" if he can find a tag partner.
Tiger Ali Singh is a rich guy with his own private helicopter. He's profiled in a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous-esque video package.
On Shotgun Saturday Night, Kurrgan killed Michael Modest with the Iron Claw.
Bradshaw has no time to celebrate as the NWA goons pulverize him in a gang beatdown. Jarrett puts him into the Figure Four while Windham splashes him. This is far more entertaining than the match itself.
Michael Cole calls in again and reports that all hell has broken loose at the hospital. Police have been called, but the signal drops. GD it, Verizon.
Good news, everyone, Wrestlemania sold out in 90 seconds. Paul Bearer tries to unleash Kane onto Wink, but Vader interrupts for a confrontation. Vader is coming for Kane's big @ss at No Way Out, but first he sprays the Big Red Machine with a fire extinguisher. Bearer won't let Kane do anything about it now.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels arrive to help the Outlaws beat down Austin in front of an anxious crowd. They tie Austin's arms into the ropes while HBK smushes the WWF title into his face. Cactus Jack limps in, still attached to medical equipment, and clears the ring. Chainsaw Charlie slowly, follows, and Austin chases DX to the back. This segment puts a pretty nice bow on the night's events. Austin tears up a DX shirt as they sign off.
Final Thoughts: This is a key episode in the Attitude Era, thanks to the Outlaws's attack on Funk/Foley, and the aftermath. Yeah, it dragged in the middle, but our patience was rewarded by the main event segment. As a complete 2 hours of entertainment, this worked, and is the type of episodic storytelling that is missing in modern WWE.
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