WWF Monday Night Raw August 16, 1993
-Live, from Poughkeepsie, New York. Vince, Randy, and Bobby are our hosts as usual.
Ted Dibiase vs. The 1-2-3 Kid
Dibiase is aggressive, going right to work on The Kid. The action slows down for a moment so the commentary team can talk to Razor Ramon on the phone. Dibiase has complete control, hitting a suplex. Dibiase continually targets the back of the head. The Kid rebounds with a crossbody and builds some momentum. Dibiase blocks and goes back to work. Dibiase misses a heat of steam and the Kid nails a flying crossbody for a near fall. Kid goes high risk again, but IRS runs in and pushes him off, drawing a DQ at 4:44. Basic stuff, *.
Winner by DQ: The 1-2-3 Kid
-Money Inc are looking to beat down the Kid, but the Steiners run in for the save.
-Macho Man appears to be suffering from a seizure on commentary. He promises a surprise for all of us later on. How much do you want to bet the surprise involves an obnoxious midget?
The Headshriners (with Afa) vs. Mike Khoury and Dave Moraldo
Fatu and Samu jump the jobbers from behind, as if they really needed to. Samu delivers a hard super kick and encourages a tag so he can beat up the other guy. Fatu tags and assists in a double team slam. Khoury and Moraldo are both lifeless and are just taking abuse with no sign of a comeback. A top rope splash by Fatu finishes this at 3:06. Good enough for a squash, as it was rather brutal at times.
Winners: The Headshrinkers
-Backstage, Bastion Booger is enjoying an ice cream pop. Lovely.
Bastion Booger vs. Marty Jannetty
It amazes me that everyone on the show can say “Bastion Booger” out-loud with a straight face. What’s even more comical is that this guy was supposed to be menacing. Boogerman wants a test of strength and gets one. Jannetty is unconvincingly overpowered before using his quickness to outmaneuver. Booger stumbles into some armdrags and a hip toss. A drop-kick sends Booger to ringside. Jannetty drops a club off the top to the floor. Jannetty dives over the ropes again, apparently attempting a count-out win. Booger stumbles back to the ring, but Jannetty drives his arm into the ring post. After a commercial, the match seems to be evenly fought until Booger sends Jannetty crashing into the steel post. Luckily, Jannetty manages to counter a pinning predicament and picks up the win at 4:58 (shown). Jannetty gave it his best shot, but this was awful, DUD.
Winner: Marty Jannetty
-Vince McMahon conducts an in-ring interview with Money Inc. Vince can’t help but observe that they don’t seem to be in good spirits. IRS says that The Kid got a taste of what to expect at Summerslam. Dibiase hopes that Razor Ramon was watching. Vince brings up the Steiners, suggesting that Dibiase and IRS won’t even make it to Summerslam because they have to wrestle them in a cage on Sunday. Dibiase calls the Steiners “stupid” and laugh them off. Money Inc promos really help this show.
Men on a Mission (with Oskar) vs. Iron Mike Sharpe and Barry Horowitz
Mo fights off Horowitz with a back body drop. Mabel tags and nails a leg drop. Body slam by Mabel and Sharpe tags in. MOM nail double elbow drops on Sharpe. Mabel slams Sharpe and Mo assists in a splash (which looked awful) and that’s enough for the win at 2:09. Painful stuff.
Winners: Men on a Mission
Bam Bam Bigelow (with Luna Vachon) vs. Rich Myers
Myers targets the head but eats a back suplex. Myers bounces off Bigelow and already looks finished. Bigelow splashes in the corner. Bigelow delivers a delayed vertical suplex. Bigelow’s diving head butt ends this at 3:09. This made Bigelow look like a million bucks, but wasn’t very entertaining.
Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow
-You’ll never believe it, but Macho Man’s surprise is the Macho Midget and a ho train. They kind of just pose and wave in the ring as we head to commercial.
-Next week, Shawn Michaels vs. Bob Backlund for the Intercontinental Championship and an interview with the Undertaker.
Final Thoughts: Another uninspiring edition of Raw. This was really just a lot of filler, squashes, and the usual wastes of time (seriously, Macho Midget has me begging for Hornswoggle). Unless you’re a completionist, there’s really no reason to watch this episode.
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