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WWF Monday Night Raw August 9, 1993
by SamoaRowe

-Vince McMahon, Macho Man Randy Savage, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan are our hosts. Tonight will feature the official contract signing for Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger at Summerslam. Also, the wrestling debut of the Macho Midget. And in less exciting news, the debut of the Heavenly Bodies.

Tatanka vs. Mr. Hughes (with Harvey Wippleman)
Haha, Hughes doesnít even get a televised entrance. Hughes jumps from behind to gain the early advantage. Tatanka bounces back and gets knocked down by a clothesline. The pace somehow manages to slow down as Hughes takes his time. Tatanka retaliates with a cross body for 2. The camera reveals that the Undertakerís black wreath is still at ringside. Hughes grabs the hair to reclaim control. Tatankaís undefeated streak is in trouble as we head to a commercial. After the break, Hughes is using a super exciting rest hold to drag this out for an extra few minutes. Hughes misses a corner splash, allowing Tatanka to go on the warpath. Hughes sidesteps and sends Tatanka crashing to ringside. Bodyslam at ringside by Hughes but he soon runs into a back drop. Tatanka returns to the ring in time to win by count-out at 4:56 (shown). This sure felt a lot longer, ľ*.
Winner by count-out: Tatanka

-Wippleman distracts Tatanka, allowing Mr. Hughes to lay him out with the Undertakerís stolen urn. Heenan makes a crack about Hughes "urning" this victory, huck yuck yuck. Hughes fetches the demonic wreath and tosses it onto the unconscious Tatanka.

-Time for another installment of "Who Is Lex Luger?" This week features on college. Luger fell into the wrong crowd, trying to be a part of the "cool guys." Most people do that in high school, Lex. He ended up getting kicked out of college because he was such a hell raiser. Luger talks about his pro football career and how he played longer than he intended to. Since then, his attention turned to pro wrestling and got started in Florida. What a guy, Iím sure heíll take the championship at Summerslam.

The Bushwackers and the Macho Midget vs. Brooklyn Brawler, Blake Beverly, and Little Louie
This match should be a joy and a half. Hornswoggle might be annoying, but heís got nothing on this stupidity. Luke starts off with Beverly in a back and forth contest. It doesnít take long before Luke starts biting and all six men get involved. Louie chases Macho Midget around but gets drop-kicked. Macho Midget and the Bushwackers march around the ring to much crowd approval. Louie and Macho Midget square off, with the slightly larger Louie playing the bully. Louie gets carried away running the ropes and gets outsmarted by Midgetís superior genius. Butch fights off both Beverly and Brawler, but itís not long before the Midget rushes in to dish out more embarrassment. At least this gives Heenan lots of chances to make short jokes. Butch gets a somewhat hot tag and cleans house. A top rope splash by the Macho Midget puts Brawler away. The crowd loved this for some reason, DUD.
Winners: The Bushwackers and the Macho Midget

-The commentators and a host of Federation officials are in the ring for the WWF Championship contract signing between Yokozuna and Lex Luger. Jim Cornette has seemingly invited himself to the party. Vince is perplexed, but Mr. Fuji explains that Cornette has been hired as their American spokesman. Cornette puts over Japan (prompting the USA chants) and accuses the WWF of taking advantage of Yokozunaís limited English. Cornette closely examines the contract and approves it. Vince can hardly contain his bias as he introduces Lex Luger. Jack Tunney directs the signing and it appears to have gone without a hitch (though Yokozuna has been staring a hole into Luger). Leave it to Cornette to stir things up, and he brings attention to a clause hidden in the contract: if Luger loses, heíll never get another title shot. Luger responds by talking about how wonderful America is and that he only needs one shot.

Razor Ramon vs. Dan Dubiel
At this point many of you are wondering if Dubiel can fulfill his boyhood dream of pinning Razor Ramon on basic cable. Things donít look promising, as Ramon takes charge from the early going. Dubiel ducks a clothesline but eats a fall away slam. Ramon uses an abdominal stretch to stall for time. Ramon plants Dubiel on top for a back superplex! Itís like Ramon knew that 16 years later Iíd be sitting here making fun of his match and wanted to make me eat my words. The Razorís Ramon finishes it at 2:09. Passable squash, Ĺ*.
Winner: Razor Ramon

-Jim Cornette is talking strategy with the Heavenly Bodies, but is outraged that the camera snuck up on them.

Heavenly Bodies (with Jim Cornette) vs. Bobby Who and Mike Bucci
The match started during the commercial, but it doesnít appear we missed much. The Bodies are making quick tags. Jimmy Del Rey kicks the head of Who and drags him to his corner for Bucci to tag in. Big DDT by Del Rey, who tags in Tom Pritchard. The Bodies double team poor Bucci. The quick tags by the Bodies continue, as well as some vicious double team work. Del Rey nails a moonsault on Bucci for the win at 2:21. Not a bad way to introduce the Heavenly Bodies to the new audience, but not particularly memorable either, Ĺ*.
Winners: The Heavenly Bodies

-The commentators run down the Summerslam card. They are more excited than they probably should be.

Final Thoughts: Absolute garbage show this week. Aside from Cornetteís antics, nothing was entertaining or memorable. If youíre watching all these shows in order on WWEClassics.com, Iíd daresay you can skip this one and not feel any hint of regret.

Thumbs down.

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