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WWF Monday Night Raw - March 1, 1993
by SamoaRowe

As usual, they are airing from the Manhattan Center. Our hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Rob Bartlett (dressed as Elvis, randomly).

WWF Championship:
Bret Hart © vs. Headshrinker Fatu (with Afa)

Slow start as the action doesn’t begin until a minute after the bell rings. On commentary, Vince is talking to Bartlett as if he really is Elvis. Yes, it’s as hilarious as it sounds. In the ring, Fatu is using his size advantage to ground Bret. Hart dodges a leg drop and works the arm. Fatu lands a hard Irish whip, but misses a corner splash. Hart reapplies the armbar. Should block by Hart, but he gets tripped by Afa. Hart rebounds with a roll-up for 2, and goes back to work on the arm. Scoop slam by Fatu, but Hart holds on to the armbar. Hart slams Fatu’s head to the canvas, but Fatu rebounds with a super kick. Cover by Fatu gets 2. Clothesline by Fatu gets another cover for 2. Fatu locks on a shoulder claw. Fatu drops Hart with an elbow for another cover for 2. Samu makes his way to ringside. Flying body press by Hart gets a quick cover. Hart slips to the floor, where Samu scoop slams him and rams him into the ring post. We head to a commercial.

After the break, Fatu is capitalizing on the advantage given to him by Samu. Hard Irish whip by Fatu and a backbreaker. Cover by Fatu gets 2. Fatu hit’s a piledriver and gets another near fall. Hart has been busted open by the nose as Fatu keeps dominating. Fatu goes high risk, but Hart leaps to his feet and knocks Fatu off his balance. Hart connects with the superplex! Cover by Hart gets 2.5. Running bulldog by Hart gets another close fall. Hart drops an elbow off the second rope and locks in the sharpshooter. Afa distracts the ref while Samu breaks the hold and replaces Fatu. Samu attempts a cover, and Afa distracts while Fatu comes back. Hart pushes Fatu into the interfering Samu and drop-kicks Afa off the apron! Hart locks in the sharpshooter (while Samu is caught by the neck in the ropes). Fatu taps at 12:55 (shown). This was fun “baby face against all odds” story match, ***.
Winner and still WWF Champion: Bret Hart

-McMahon is annoyed that “Elvis” is stuffing his face at the commentary table. Yes, the hilarity continues.

-Mean Gene Okerlund hypes Wrestlemania IX. Money Inc have accepted the Mega Maniac’s challenge, and they will face off at Wrestlemania. Also signed: Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales, Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka for the Intercontinental Championship, Mr. Perfect vs. Lex Luger, and Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna for the WWF Championship. That doesn’t look bad on paper.

-Crush is hanging out at a Hawaiian beach. Crush crushes a coconut in his bare hands to symbolize what he’ll do to Doink at Wrestlemania.

Doink the Clown vs. Koko B. Ware
Doink’s music is so creepy and awesome. Doink jumps Koko from behind and targets the leg. Doink applies a STF. Doink breaks the hold and continues to work the leg. Swinging Neckbreaker by Doink and he wrenches the leg for the submission victory at 1:50. Doink dismantling Koko’s leg was fun, ½*.
Winner: Doink the Clown

- “Elvis” wants a word with Doink and is curious as to what is in Doink’s box. Doink hands him a tiny pie. “Elvis” takes a moment to enjoy this, as Doink pulls out a larger pie and shoves it in his face. Well, that seemed counterproductive to the evil, disturbing clown persona, but was entertaining nonetheless.

-Vince McMahon welcomes the World Tag Team Champions, Money Inc, to the ring. Dibiase is angry about an article in USA Today, where a rich friend of his will only get upwards of 700,000 dollars a year in retirement and another ten million dollars so he won’t compete with the corporation. Dibiase feels this is a raw deal. Now onto important business, Dibiase can’t believe that Hogan came back from Hollywood. Dibiase accuses Hogan of going soft. Dibiase isn’t upset about losing Jimmy Hart to the Mega Maniacs, as he was an overpaid gopher in reality. IRS defends his attack on Beefcake, saying it was merely a “wake-up” call. IRS has a photo of Hogan taped to the briefcase, as he intends to take Hogan out with it. Money Inc agree to defend their titles against the Mega Maniacs at Wrestlemania IX.

Lex Luger vs. PJ Walker
Hey, Walker is a young Justin Credible, in case you didn’t know. Luger smashes Walker’s back and hit’s a hard Irish whip. Luger hit’s a second hard Irish whip. Luger hit’s a backbreaker as the commentators talk to Bobby Heenan on the phone. Vertical suplex by Luger. Walker gets smashed into the turnbuckles, while on the phone Heenan is trying to prove that Elvis really isn’t on commentary, since Priscilla Presley is at his home. Yeah, the match is that boring. Luger kicks Walker in the gut and drops him with a forearm. Luger pins Walker with his pinky at 3:14. Just really dull, DUD.
Winner: Lex Luger

-Luger throws Walker out of the ring and makes fun of Walker’s smaller size. Luger declares himself the envy of all man. (editor's note: the last two sentences are the Out-of-Context Homoerotic Passage of the Week)

The Steiners vs. Barry Hardy and Duane Gill
Scott starts the match off against Hardy, quickly taking him down by the leg. It’s announced that the Steiners will face the Headshrinkers at Wrestlemania. Hardy hit’s a shoulder block, but Scott smashes a forearm across the back. Overhead belly to belly suplex by Scott Steiner. Snapmare by Scott and a tag is made to Rick. Rick clotheslines Hardy to the floor. Rick rams Hardy face first into the turnbuckles. Gill tags in and runs into a back body drop. Tirt-a-whirl backbreaker by Rick and an elbow drop. Scott tags and goes to work on the arm. Scott hit’s a pump handle slam on Gill! Rick tags and smashes Gill’s back and applies a camel clutch. Scott gets a quick tag and hit’s a double underhook power bomb. Headscissors takedown by Scott and then the cover for the win at 4:08! The Steiners win in another hard-hitting squash, *.
Winners: The Steiners

-McMahon announces that next week Money Inc will face El Matador and Virgil! They thank “Elvis” for joining them, but he’s a mess.

Final Thoughts: Goofy humor, silly gimmicks, and three out of the four matches are squashes. Yes, it was 1993. But it was also a good time. Hart had a solid title defense against an unlikely challenger and brought the work-rate for the week. The road to Wrestlemania heated up even more.

Thumbs up.

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