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WWF Monday Night Raw - February 1, 1993
by SamoaRowe

-They are airing live from the Manhattan Center. Our hosts for the evening are Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, and Randy Savage.

Tatanka vs. Damien Demento
Demento is caught off-guard in the early going, almost getting pinned with a roll-up. Tatanka dominates with slams and clotheslines Demento to the floor. Demento wastes time arguing with his imaginary friends and gets directed back into the ring. Tatanka fires away with chops. Demento rakes the eyes, but gets whipped into the opposite corner. Demento hit’s a clothesline to gain control. Demento drops a leg for a cover for 2. Demento works some variation of the chinlock. This earns a “We want Flair” chant from the crowd. Tatanka escapes, but Demento retains control as some “boring” chants surface. Tatanka makes the baby face comeback. Tatanka hit’s a Samoan drop for the win at 4:06. Yes, this was boring, ¼*.
Winner: Tatanka

-It’s time for a “very special” interview with Brutus Beefcake. He’s making his dramatic return, though I’m not sure who missed him. Beefcake actually gets a decent pop for his entrance, so that’s promising. Beefcake announces that he’s returning to the ring. Beefcake explains that right before his accident, he had to bury both his parents. Oh, and his wife divorced him too. And then a girl parasailed right into his face, shattering it to “millions of pieces.“ That sounds like a bad sitcom. Lucky for Beefcake, his friend, Hulk Hogan, was there for him. Beefcake says he’s signed an open contract and is looking for a challenge. This would have been more effective as a pretaped backstage segment, as the sarcastic crowd make it hard for them to generate any real emotion.

High Energy vs. Skull Von Krus and Iron Mark Sharpe
Owen Hart kicks off the match for High Energy. Sharpe gets some token offense in before Owen directs him to the corner, where he can tag in Koko B. Ware. High Energy make another tag, and hit a double back body drop on Sharpe. The Doomsday drop-kick finishes Krus at 1:32. Squashtastic! DUD.
Winners: High Energy

-They replay the footage of Doink the Clown attacking Crush.

Doink the Clown vs. Typhoon
Typhoon gets easily taken down, and Doink applies an arm lock. Typhoon throws Doink off, but gets taken down again. Front headlock by Doink. The crowd chants “Doink” as Typhoon fights out of the hold. Damn smart marks. Doink takes Typhoon down again and targets the face (to more face heat). Wristlock by Doink. Camel clutch by Doink. Typhoon counters, slamming Doink into the turnbuckle. Bear hug by Typhoon is quickly broken. Doink takes Typhoon down again and transitions to slaps to the head. Typhoon no-sells and power slams the clown. Hard Irish whip by Typhoon, but he misses the corner smash. Doink takes down Typhoon, rolling him up by grabbing the tights, and gets the win at 3:11. This was even more boring than the opener, DUD.
Winner: Doink the Clown

-We take a moment to mourn the loss of Andre the Giant. The fans rise for a ten bell salute.

Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji) vs. Bobby Devito
This match is so exciting that Rob Bartlett takes the time to whine over not having his own action figure. Vince tries to get Jim Duggan on the phone, but fails (he kept that tradition going in 2008 with that million dollar giveaway fiasco). Yokozuna makes easy work of Devito, as Duggan finally gets on the line and hypes his upcoming match with the big man. Yokozuna tosses Devito into the turnbuckles, taking his time with smashes and a running back tackle. Yokozuna finishes Devito with the banzai drop at 2:02. Brutal squash (in the bad way), DUD.
Winner: Yokozuna

-Vince McMahon interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Ted Dibiase and IRS. Vince asks them if they’re bothered by the fans booing them. Dibiase is only bothered by empty bank accounts, so he doesn’t give a damn. Dibiase recites Humpty Dumpty, as a way of taunting Brutus Beefcake. Dibiase and IRS would both like to accept Beefcake’s open challenge. They flip a coin to see which one it will be, and Dibiase wins. Jimmy Hart joins them and is upset that they are risking injury by getting in the ring with Beefcake. IRS accuses Beefcake of being a tax cheat (just like the fans in attendance). I’m glad to see there’s some angle advancement this week.

-Lex Luger comes to the ring for his Raw debut. He was a big name in wrestling before this, but try telling Vince McMahon that. A tubby woman is in the ring, carrying the “Raw” sign around. Hilarious.

-We see clips of Mr. Perfect tossing a football around with Warren Moon, some great football player (editor's note: HA!). We then see the classic clip of Perfect throwing the football and running to catch it himself. Moon is impressed by the fancy editing.

Lex Luger vs. Jason Knight
Luger shoves Knight off and works the arm. Knight gets to the corner and reverses a hard Irish whip. Knight runs into Luger’s boot. Clothesline by Luger. Luger drops Knight on the ropes. Luger hit’s a power slam and signals the end. Luger hit’s a sloppy running clothesline. Luger hit’s a closed fist to the head. Luger pins Knight with his pinky for the win at 2:23. Compared to the other squashes tonight, this was downright lively. ¼*.
Winner: Lex Luger

-After the match, Luger hits an airplane spin for good measure.

-Vince hypes up next week’s Raw. We’ll see a 16 man battle royal and Ted Dibiase vs. Brutus Beefcake. Rob Bartlett might be a participant in that battle royal and he still wants his own action figure!

Final Thoughts: Hey, if you’re entertained by lousy squash matches, then this was the show for you. Beefcake’s promo was melodramatic, and any chance of getting anything meaningful from it was hampered by the NYC fans (especially the one gentleman who suggested that Mr. Beefcake should kill himself). The highlight of the show was the Money Inc promo, so you can guess where my thumb is heading.

Thumbs down!

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