- As usual, the hosts of PrimeTime Wrestling are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. The desk is decorated with a giant championship belt, which was custom made for Andre The Giant, but ended up beign awarded to whoever won at WrestleMania III. Monsoon is pissed off at Heenan for wasting his time, and tricking him into not being able to see Andre the Giant training. Monsoon promises to air footage from his trip, to spite Heenan. HA-HA! This weeks "Feature" will be a Women's Tag Team Championship Match, among other things.
1. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Moondog Spot:
All matches on this weeks program are from the March 7th, 1987 event held at the Boston Garden, unless otherwise noted, and with Gorilla Monsoon and Jimmy Hart on commentary. If that isn't bad enough, the referee is a woman... whatever her name was. You know, the one that accused Vince McMahon of attempting to rape her inside one of his limos. Anyway, this was pretty early in Duggan's WWF run, around the time when he only appeared on T.V. to piss off Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik. Duggan's offense consists of little more than punches and slams. We take a commercial break, and the match ends almost instantly after, with Duggan picking up the pinfall victory with his charging clothesline at 7:12. Duggan doesn't get as good of a reaction as he would later in his run. I guess he didn't do muc work outside of the Southern promotions at the time.
- WrestleMania III Report. Everything's already been announced. The celebrities on hand will be Bob Uecker (guest ring announcer; promo with Jimmy Hart), Mary Hart (guest time keeper; promo with Heenan and Andre), Aretha Franklin (singing America the Beautiful), and Alice Cooper (to be in Jake Roberts' corner). Here are all the matches scheduled...
- Mean Gene Okerlund with a special Interview with the Honkytonk Man, hyping up his WrestleMania III Match against Jake 'the Snake' Roberts. Honkytonk mentions his momma about a million times, no doubt a Elvis jab, since Elvis loved his momma so much. Elvis must've been spinning in his grave, as long as his belly didn't interfere.
3. "Special Delivery" Jones vs. Outlaw Ron Bass:
We're back to the Boston Garden, with Monsoon and Heenan on commentary now, and this match is Joined in Progress. Yes, we did see a match between these two men no more than two weeks ago, except that one was from the Maple Leaf Gardens. Damn recycling matches except from different locations. Much like the Duggan/Spot match from earlier in the show, this is nothing more than an extended squash for Bass. Jones ends up missing a charge into the corner, posting himself in the process. Sadly, the match keeps on going after that, until Bass knocks out Jones with a diving back elbow at 7:08. Monsoon seems to be teasing a possible Ron Bass/Blackjack Mulligan feud (one that I don't think ever went anywhere on television), but Mulligan would vanish from WWF television sometime in April-May of '87, leaving Bass to do nothing for much of his run.
4. Dan Spivey & Jerry Allen vs. The Magnificent Muraco & Bob Orton Jr. (w/ Mr. Fuji):
More from the Boston Garden, and I wonder who's going to win this match... the tag team of former uppercarders, or the tag team featuring a weekend show JTTS and Dan Spivey, the guy who replaced Barry Windham in the U.S. Express because (at the time) he looked exactly like him from a distance. God must hate me... I wouldn't mind sitting through a Muraco/Orton tag match, but against DAN SPIVEY? Come on, someone in the WWF production team had to have had a heart at one point in their lives! After about 10-minutes of non-thrilling action, we take a commercial break. NO! Please, end this match! Jerry Allen ends up getting the hot tag, but Muraco drops him across the top rope, and Orton finishes him off with his signature super-plex at 12:35. Way too long considering the participants opposing Muraco and Orton. After the match, Mr. Fuji lays a beatdown on Allen with his cane until Spivey wakes up from his nap and clears the ring, because lord knows you have to protect a guy that wasn't around by the time WrestleMania III came around.
5. Pedro Morales vs. Jimmy Jack Funk:
Jimmy Hart is back on commentary in place of Bobby Heenan, meaning I must hit the mute button. I'm getting tired of all these matches featuring Morales and Jimmy Jack Funk on PrimeTime Wrestling. Because God hates me even more than I thought, the match ISN'T Joined in Progress. Morales gets a pretty nice face-pop, despite being an opening match act by this point of his career. Another match that I have to watch mainly in fast-forward mode, for the more-than-obvious reasons. Jimmy Jack controls with punches and restholds until Muraco makes the Puerto Rican Superman comeback, and pins Funk with a modified back breaker at 7:26. Funk appeared to have kicked out of it at two, but fuck him, it's Pedro Morales, and if the referee wants to count three just for the hell of doing it, then good for him.
- Mean Gene Okerlund is back again, this time to Interview Jake "The Snake" Roberts. He admits to making fun of the Honkytonk Man on the Snake Pit when Honky knocked him out with his guitar. Remember, Roberts will have Alice Cooper in his corner for his match at WrestleMania III. I don't know why, I guess because he agreed to showing up and the WWF just randomly stuck him in a role on the card.
6. Women's Tag Team Titles: Judy Martin & Leilani Kai © vs. Velvet McIntyre & Angie Minnalli:
This one's a PrimeTime Wrestling Exclusive, or in other terms, a dark match from the latest Wrestling Challenge taping. On commentary is Mean Gene Okerlund and Lord Alfred Hayes. The Champs are still not into the "Glamour Girls" phase of their championship run (as if anyone cares anyway), and still no Jimmy Hart in their corner. I never understood how they decided who got title shots when it comes to the womens belts... I just assumed they would randomly pick one out and say "go have a match, whoever you are." I have a good feeling the champs will retain, since McIntyre's partner is more or less a woman JTTS. Another match that runs through the commercial break, but unlike most of the other matches, the crowd is actually into it. The wrestling fan... certainly a mysterious beast indeed. After some back-and-forth action, Judy Martin KILLS Minnalli with a powerbomb (Seriously, that was a vicious one), and Leilani makes the cover to retain the championship at 11:59. Gene Okerlund obviously miscalls the move as a "Shoulder breaker", despite her being thrown right on her back.
- As promised by Gorilla Monsoon, it's footage of his ill-fated trip to Bobby Heenan's "training facility", despite the constant protests of Bobby Heenan and his attempts to get the directors to not show the tape. They seem to be filmed in some random wooded area. Monsoon has an armful of bananas, courtesy of Bobby Heenan's fabulous catering. They wander around a while, with Monsoon eating bananas the whole time. After a few "hours", Monsoon starts spotting banana peels on the ground, and in comical fashion, says "Gorilla's know their own bananas when they seem them." Classic Heenan and Monsoon the whole time.
Final Thoughts: Just fast forward the matches and watch the studio segments. How many times must I say this?