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WWE Money in the Bank 2014

by Scrooge McSuck

- Originally broadcast on Pay-Per-View and the WWE Network on June 29th, 2014, from the TD Garden in Boston, MA. Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL are at ringside to call all the action, unless otherwise noted. Lawler actually took a drink of his Mountain Dew (product placement), totally killing my questioning of why they never drink from the bottles/cans. Renee Young (replacing recently terminated Josh Mathews) hosts the Kick-Off Panel with Booker T, Christian ("1 More Match!") and Alex Riley. Nothing much is said.

- No Kick-Off Match for obvious reasons (the entire roster is on the PPV except for Xavier Woods and half of the Matadores), but Daniel Bryan shows up to tell everyone he might not be back for a while. Bo Dallas interrupts, doing his best Tony Robbins impression to motivate Brian, only to be called a Bo-ner and told to Bo-leave (get it? Bo... LEAVE? HA HA HA HA...). Nice to see D-Bry, but a waste of a segment since he's not seen the rest of the night.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match:
The Usos vs. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan:

Has it only been a year since the Uso's were treated as anything more than the JTTS babyface team of WWE? Despite having a natural program based on the Uso's helping John Cena during his angle with Wyatt, this was set up by the Family winning a Non-Title Match a couple of weeks ago on Raw. Great opener to the PPV/WWE Network Special. Classic tag team formula action the first half. The Family takes over, and holy crap, did Luke Harper get good or has he been trying REALLY hard lately? I mean, yeah, most of his offense is punch, big boot, and Gator-roll front facelock, but this dude busted out a Ligerbomb and two suicide dives. A man of his size doing that and not looking like complete crap is amazing. The Family hits the Double-team Chokeslam finisher, but Jey Uso breaks the cover. Rowan goes to the top rope to try and one-up his partner, only to get crotched along the turnbuckle and taken down with a double-Superplex. Jimmy with a Splash, Jey with a splash, and the Uso's retain the Tag Titles at 13:14. ***1/2 I'm surprised by the result, but at the same time, the Uso's are over and have improved so much in the ring, so no complaints. Hard work from bell to bell makes for a great start to the show.

- Dean Ambrose cuts an awesomely creepy promo about winning the case and smashing Rollins face. GIVE THIS MAN THE TITLE NOW!

WWE Diva's Championship Match:
Paige vs. Naomi (w/ Cameron):

Another match that was literally made because Naomi won a Non-Title Match a few weeks ago on Main Event. They're teasing a split between the Ex-Funkadactyls. The acting level from Cameron at ringside is borderline Tommy Wiseau awful. If you don't know who that is, be thankful. Once again, the Diva's get a piss-break spot on the card, and yes, I do consider following a hot opener on an otherwise thin card a piss break spot. Paige tries to sell, but Naomi's work sucks. At one point they go for a super-plex spot, only for them to go tumbling to the floor. Naomi applies that goofy modified Surfboard, but Paige won't give up. Rear-View and a face-full of ass only gets a two count. Paige makes the big comeback, they trade near-falls, and suddenly Paige lays Naomi out with an underhook DDT to retain the Title at 7:03. *1/4 That match did nothing to make Paige stand out, having to sell 90% of the time against a poorly-trained non-wrestler, and the match was over-shadowed by a stupid angle they're doing for Total Crap (available NOW on the WWE Network!).

Adam Rose vs. Damian Sandow:

This is what we call "filler", as a show already filled with undercard filler now has ANOTHER match of filler tendencies. I don't know whose Cornflakes Sandow pissed in, but this dude went from potential Main Event heel to THIS... dressing up as a different person every week, this time as Paul Revere. Give him credit, he's actually putting effort into this bullshit every week, but look at 3MB most recently and see where comedy gimmicks get you. Highlight of the match is the reactions people had to me telling them to look up "Lemon Party." That, and Sandow screaming out "The Elbow is coming, the elbow is coming" before dropping the formerly-known-as the Elbow of Disdain. Rose makes the comeback not too long afterwards and finishes with his facebuster finisher at 4:17. 3/4* Good news is the crowd actually sang along to Rose's theme music mid-match, but the bad news is he's not much of a worker, and the match was treated as a joke (and rightfully so).

Money In The Bank Briefcase Ladder Match:

(Participants: Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Rob Van Dam)
I'm afraid I've got some bad news... Obviously excluded from the match is Bad News Barrett, who went down with a shoulder separation during the most recent tapings of Friday Night Smackdown. It's amazing they keep trotting RVD out there, who is progressively becoming more and more incapable of pulling off his signature spots without them being in complete slow motion or looking really bad. The main storyline in the match is obviously between Rollins and Ambrose, and while they didn't go full into what I was hoping, most of Ambrose's offensive attacks were guided at Rollins. They did a spot mid-match where trainers ordered Ambrose out of the match for triggering an injury (kayfabe), probably under orders of the Authority. All the men involved worked hard, with some decent spots, but nothing too out of this world or dangerous. Kofi had the spot of the match being pushed over from a ladder, only to springboard off the top rope onto a pile of waiting Superstars on the floor. Scary spot md-match saw RVD hook his leg falling off the ladder on what looked like a Super-Plex spot. The heat, excitement, and effort actually had me convinced that guys like KOFI could win when it seemed like they had the victory in the grasp of their hands. Unfortunately, my pick (Dolph) didn't win, but was allowed to look strong. Ambrose made a surprise return to interrupt Rollins' climb only for THEDEMONKANE to run in and lay Ambrose out with a Tombstone, opening the door for Rollins to claim the briefcase as his at 23:14. $20 says he gives it to Randy Orton, because it's WWE. ***1/2

Goldust & Stardust vs. RybAxel:

After months losing the majority of their matches, Cody Rhodes gives up on the team, only to come back as "Stardust", which I guess is his tribute to the Goldust character. Got to appreciate the red contact lenses, and the fact he's ALL IN with the gimmick, no matter how ridiculous it looks at times. Axel finally switches from standard trunks to a singlet, an attire change to seemed to take way too long. At times the crowd is on their hands, and other times totally into it... it's just weird. Standard formula match, except with Cody acting bizarre the whole match. Goldust does most of the work, playing face-in-peril. The crowd chants feed more more as Ryback sets up for the Meat-Hook, giving us the best improv' of the night: "I still got it!". Stardust makes the hot tag and hits Ryback with the Cross Rhodes, but Axel breaks the cover. Heck breaks loose, and a random school boy is enough for the three count at 7:40. OK? * These two teams are capable of much better, but the crowd was done after the ladder match, no matter what they tried.

Big E. vs. Rusev (w/ Lana):

For reasons unknown, Lana doesn't get her solo introduction, but still does her pre-match rant after Rusev's entrance. Didn't they already do this match on PPV? I guess they're really going all in with the Patriotic nonsense, as Big E. has decided to borrow from Kurt Angle's old storage unit for his singlet of the night. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Standard power match, with both men trading clubberin' blows in the early stages. They crank it up a notch, throwing each other around with German suplexes, and Big E. gets to work in his spear through the ropes, complete with an awesome "thunk" sound effect as they hit the floor. Rusev struggles to get back in the ring, but is able to knock Big E. silly with his signature kicks. He locks on the Accolade, but Big E. actually teases escaping it to a nice little reaction until Rusev sits down on it and pulls back even harder, forcing Big E. to finally tap out at 7:15. **1/2 Not a masterpiece of a performance, but it was nice to see Rusev show fatigue and his opponent look like they might have a chance at surviving his finisher.

Summer Rae vs. Layla:

Fandango is YOUR Special Referee. Someone gag me with a spoon. This feud, brought to you by TWITTER, has been going on for several months, and I don't think anyone cares. Yeah, there was the one segment where a gallon of milk was used (and someone turned it into a hilarious meme with the Brazzers logo), but what's the point? Is anyone a face? Are we supposed to BOO Fandango for being the guy that two women are throwing themselves at? Match starts, slap slap, bad kick bad kick, bad punch bad punch, Lalya wins with a kick to the face at 3:00. DUD First, the match was nothing but "cat-fight" wrestling, which doesn't make for an entertaining match, period. Second, Fandango is the referee and plays it completely down the middle, not even attempting to be a pig and cop an occasional feel by pulling them apart and getting too hands on.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title:

(Participants: John Cena, Roman Reigns, Sheamus, Bray Wyatt, Cesaro, Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton, Kane)
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon decided to be at ringside for this one. Storyline wise, this seems like it was Roman Reign's match to win... foolish mortals! By process of elimination, we can guarantee non-victories for Sheamus, Cesaro, Del Rio, and Kane, with Wyatt the dark horse of all dark horses. While the first Ladder Match featured a well-balanced effort from all involved, this one seemed to be more "by the numbers", if you will. Sheamus, who injured himself in 2013 doing a tough spot, was surprisingly the most physical of the match. Del Rio only appeared to get thrown back out of the ring 15-seconds later. Orton took an unprotected shot to the back of the head with a Ladder, splitting himself open pretty good in the process. Cena was only physically present to take a big move and disappear, which came across as very surprising. "Coolest" spot saw Cesaro and Sheamus fighting at the top of the ladder, only to have it tipped over, with another ladder wedged between it, acting as a third leg, and then having Cena push it back into proper position, all while Cesaro hung on for dear life and the less-safe side of things. Towards the end, Reigns had the Superman comeback of Hulk Up proportions, cleaning house of everyone inside and outside the ring. Orton and Kane regrouped, had the match all but won, but Cena came to life, hit them both with Attitude Adjustments, and claimed both championships for his 15th World Championship reign at 26:30. **1/2 Considering the level of talent involved (and how much high profile talent, at that), this was one of the most disappointing Main Events in a long time.

Final Thoughts: If we're going by the $10 a month price-tag, this wasn't that bad of a show, but lets look at it from the regular PPV scale: A couple of really good matches, a surprisingly disappointing and weak finish to the Main Event, and a bunch of worthless filler makes this a show worth skipping. Considering how important Money in the Bank has become, I'm surprised by the lack of quality with only a few exceptions, and even then, they weren't match of the year performances. There's no reason to throw 4 non-winners into the MITB matches to make them as bloated as possible, killing the undercard in the process. Mild Recommendation to Avoid.

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