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WWE Extreme Rules - June 7, 2009
by SamoaRowe

-From New Orleans, Louisiana.

United States Championship:
Kofi Kingston © vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. MVP

Four-way stand off to begin things, with Regal sacrificing Hardy to MVP and Kingston (who form an alliance in the early going). Kingston hits a dive to the floor and follows up with a flying cross body for a near fall on Regal. Kofi and MVP butt heads, perhaps by accident, as things hit an awkward pause. Kofi livens things up but gets pummeled by Regal. MVP botches a powerbomb of Kofi and Regal off the top. Hardy tries to capitalize with a series of near falls. Kingston takes the fight to Matt and slams Regal onto him. Regal just barely breaks up a Kofi pinfall. Kofi tries to keep the ring clear, but Regal suplexes him into Hardy. MVP tries to pick up the scraps, but Hardy stops his momentum. MVP drops the ballin’ elbow but Regal breaks the count. Regal tries to clean the ring, but Kingston bounces off the ropes and hits Trouble in Paradise to retain the gold at 6:43. Rushed and sloppy, though Regal almost saved this, *½.
Winner and still United States Champion: Kofi Kingston

-Backstage promo with Big Show. He is confident that Cena cannot make him submit.

-Chris Jericho mixes things up, by cutting an awesome promo and entering through the crowd. He threatens to knock out a young fan for touching him (better listen, he did take out that crazy lady). Jericho recaps his intentions of taking Rey’s mask and Intercontinental title. He will devalue the mask.

Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio © vs. Chris Jericho

This is a no holds barred match. Rey lunges after Jericho in the early going, using his speed to overwhelm him. Jericho tries to drive Rey into the steps, but Rey flips over and drop-kicks the steps into Jericho! Running hurricarana off the apron by Rey and a springboard leg drop gets an early near fall. Jericho drops Rey gut-first onto the ropes, leading to a methodical extended beat-down. Jericho dives off the ropes into a drop-kick. Ring post 619 by Rey and a flying cross body to the floor. They follow up with a great series of counters and reversals. Jericho slides Rey to ringside and we are treated to a slow extended beat-down. Rey comes back with a great suicide dive to the floor. West Coast pop by Rey, but Jericho is up to take more abuse. Jericho counters the 619 with a hard backbreaker for 2.5. Powerbomb by Jericho, but he misses the lionsault. Rey nails 619 but Jericho counters the frog splash with a Codebreaker! Rey kicks out! Jericho suddenly remembers this is Extreme Rules and grabs a chair. Rey drop-kicks the chair into Jericho’s face! Cover by Rey only gets 2.5! Rey uses the chair but still can’t get the win. Drop toe hold into the open chair by Rey and he dives off it, but Jericho counters with the Walls. Rey escapes using the chair! Rey goes for one more 619, but Jericho pulls off the mask! One quick roll-up later and we have a new champion at 14:40! This was a strong story driven match, and while it didn’t play into the stipulations much, had many clever spots and should extend this feud longer without making it boring, ***½.
Winner and new Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

-Backstage interview with Batista, who is still drying his tears over what Orton did to Ric Flair on Raw.

Samoan Strap match:
CM Punk vs. Umaga

The winner is whoever can touch all four corners of the ring first. Power wins over speed in the early going, allowing Umaga to go for an early win. Punk touches a couple corners but eats a Samoan drop. There is a graphic keeping score but not very well. How embarrassing. Anyhow, Umaga gleefully whips Punk with the strap and delivers a head butt. Umaga drags Punk into the post and tries to rip his shoulder out. Umaga kicks Punk off the apron and can only touch two turnbuckles as a result. Springboard clothesline by Punk. Umaga blocks the GTS and nails a spin heel kick. Low blow with the strap by Punk, who takes control. Punk almost gets the fourth turnbuckle but Umaga pulls him into a slam. Umaga almost gets all four corners, but Punk wraps himself around the ropes. Umaga charges but gets sent crashing to ringside. Punk almost wins but gets pulled to the mat. Umaga is on top, but Punk yanks him off. Umaga misses the Samoan Spike and eats a GTS! Punk gets the fourth corner and wins at 8:57! This was a decent brawl, with some very cool spots involving the strap thrown in, **¾.
Winner: CM Punk

-Backstage interview with ECW Champion Christian. He is torn between successfully defending his title and sending Dreamer into retirement. “Well, I’m going to miss Tommy Dreamer” he says. He hopes they can remain friends, but he will still be champion. Dreamer wanders in and gets in his face. Jack Swagger comes in to talk trash, but both Christian and Dreamer walk away uninterested. Nice.

ECW Championship:
Christian © vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger has to fight off both opponents and succeeds with some impressive suplexes. Dreamer and Christian both go for weapons. Dreamer connects with kendo stick shots on Swagger, and Christian brutalizes him with a can lid. Christian breaks a cover so Dreamer slams him with the kendo stick. The fight heads to ringside where Dreamer dives off the apron, driving a trash can into both men. I’m hearing “ECW” chants from the crowd for the first time since 2007. Dreamer sets Swagger up in the tree of woe, but Christian steals his thunder with the drop-kick. Swagger finds the kendo stick and unloads on Christian and gets some near falls. Swagger undoes some turnbuckle padding but eats a surprise kendo stick shot from Dreamer. Slam onto the lid on Christian by Dreamer, but he misses an elbow drop. Christian dives to the floor by Swagger counters with a weapon shot. Meanwhile, Dreamer has filled the ring with an assortment of weapons. Swagger plants Dreamer and positions some cans together, with the intent of a superplex. Christian powerbombs Swagger with Dreamer hitting the cans hard. Christian covers but Dreamer kicks out! Swagger steals Christian’s crutch and drops him onto the exposed steel. Dreamer devastates Swagger with the crutch and nails a DDT for the win at 9:36! That’s got to be the feel good moment of the year thus far. The match was an entertaining train wreck too, ***.
Winner and NEW ECW Champion: Tommy Dreamer

-Backstage, Chavo is wearing a pig nose and helping Vickie throw punches. Chavo gets carried away making pig sounds and Vickie nails him in the face. He doesn’t like that.

Hog Pen match:
Chavo and Vickie Guerrero vs. Santina Marella

Oh, the Ms. Wrestlemania crown is on the line here. Do I really need to recap this one? Unlike the previous (also excellent) hog pen match between Triple H and Henry Godwinn back in the day, they are wrestling the entire match in the pen, and not just trying to throw the other one into it. That’s pretty lame if you ask me. They drag this thing out for about three minutes before Chavo accidentally throws slop at Vickie and Santina capitalizes on the confusion to win back the crown. Just horrible, this feud stopped being funny a few weeks ago, DUD.
Winner: Santina Marella

-Vickie’s bad night continues as even Goldust and Hornswoggle feel superior enough to make fun of her. She turns to her husband, Edge, for comfort, but he’s not in a good mood tonight and is looking for a good divorce lawyer.

WWE Championship:
Randy Orton © vs. Batista

This is a cage match. Orton tries to escape immediately and comes pretty close. Batista drags him back in and they brawl on the ropes. Orton gets knocked down and is dominated. Meanwhile there are audible “You can’t wrestle” chants. Orton breaks free long enough to try another escape but he gets dropped on the ropes and clotheslined. Batista focuses on punishing the champion rather than escape. All Orton wants to do is escape. Orton finally mounts some offense towards the head, but he runs into a Spinebuster. Orton then backdrops Batista against the wall. Orton misses the death punt so he tries to escape. Orton barely escapes a powerbomb but misses the RKO. The Batista Bomb finishes it at 7:03. Whoa, this was an upgrade from Judgment Day just for keeping it short enough so they didn’t totally expose each other, **.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Batista

Submission match:
Big Show vs. John Cena

The story of the match is that Cena can’t possibly win because Show is too big for the only submission hold he apparently knows how to use, the STF. Good job keeping the expectations low for Cena. Show is in a good mood for this very reason. It’s like “Haha, you’ve been a pro wrestler for almost ten years, had a year long WWE title reign, and you only know one submission move!” Anyhow, Show dominates the match in the exciting fashion that only Big Show can provide. So yeah, pretty boring stuff. I mean, really, this is just like the Judgment Day match, except a bit longer and some submission rules are tacked on. Cena tries to silence the critics by applying a big time chinlock, and Show appears to be fading. I’m hoping this would finish things, but there are about 12 minutes of match left. Cena tries to counter a powerbomb but it hurts him just as much as Show. Show is up first and the extended beat-down continues. Cena mans a comeback, complete with the five knuckle shuffle, and nails a big time Attitude Adjustment. He still can’t get the STF though. Idiot. Knockout punch by Show sends Cena crashing to ringside. Show attacks but Cena counters, sending him diving into the ring post. Back to the ring, Cena nails the top rope leg drop. Cena ties Show’s leg into the ropes and locks in a crossface (which Cole calls an STF). Show taps at 19:02. Good finish, but I’m annoyed I had to wait almost 20 minutes of boredom for it. Another anti-classic in this feud, *.
Winner: John Cena

World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge © vs. Jeff Hardy

This is a ladder match and the ring is totally surrounded by them. They wrestle back and forth in the ring in the early going. Jeff goes for a ladder but Edge hits a baseball slide. They exchange attacks with the ladder with no one getting a clear advantage. Edge sandwiches Jeff’s leg and locks in a ladder-assisted sharpshooter. Edge tries to climb but gets the ladder drop-kicked out from under him. Jeff stands the ladder upside down and drops Edge gut-first onto the stabilizer bar! NASTY! Jeff stands up a much bigger ladder and finds time for a Twist of Fate. Jeff climbs to the top and it leans over, with Jeff grabbing the gold. Edge jerks Jeff down and he lands on the ladder in sickening fashion! Jeff rebounds with Whisper of the Wind off the ladder! The fight heads to ringside, where Edge props a ladder on the apron and barricade. They brawl, incorporating the steel steps. Jeff leaves Edge draped on the propped ladder and stands up a second one to climb. Edge escapes and meets Jeff on top. It tips over and they both crash through the other ladder! DAMN! Back to the ring, their brawl wipes out the referee. They both climb ladders and Edge goes for the big spear, but Jeff counters with the Twist of Fate! Edge almost gets to the top, but Jeff pulls him through the rungs, leaving him stuck. Jeff climbs up and grabs the gold for the win and the title at 20:05. Kudos to both men, this was wild and innovative, ****¼.
Winner and new World Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Hardy

-Jeff is celebrating his hard fought victory when CM PUNK’S music hits and Mr. Money in the Bank is here to cash in!

World Heavyweight Championship:
Jeff Hardy © vs. CM Punk

Punk nails GTS (to wild booing) but Jeff kicks out! Punk is caught in an inside cradle for 2! That was close. Punk nails a vicious kick to the head and delivers a second GTS. Punk hooks both legs and pins Jeff for the title at 1:01. The fans are displeased by this, but Punk doesn’t notice or care. I’d consider this to be a great moment, ½*.
Winner and new World Heavyweight Champion: CM Punk

-CM Punk proceeds to celebrate his championship victory in a rather over the top fashion to end the show.

Final Thoughts: There were some serious lows on this card. The hog pen match was a big waste of time, Santino’s face turn really isn’t doing anything for me, as him using his gimmick of being obnoxious to pander to the fans just kills his cool factor. Also, it’s high time to mandate that Cena and Big Show never wrestle ever again, especially in a 20 minute match. Everything else was either okay for what it was or entertaining though. The ladder match was excellent, and there were two big mark-out moments with Dreamer winning the ECW title and CM Punk cashing in on his Money in the Bank briefcase. Even Jeff winning his second world title was a cool moment while it lasted. Chris Jericho also had a great night and was put over as a vicious dream killer yet again. So while there are some blemishes, this show did enough things right to earn a recommendation.

Thumbs up.

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