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WWE Main Event - October 2, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Welcome to the 1st Year Anniversary of WWE Main Event! Last year, on the debut episode, WWE Champion CM Punk made his only Main Event appearance, defeating World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus, in a Non-Title Champion vs. Champion Match. In comparison of just how "feh" Main Event has become, last weeks big match was Big Show vs. Damien Sandow, I think, and a bunch of other meaningless undercard matches.

- Josh Mathews and Alex Riley are at ringside to call all the action, unless otherwise noted. We're coming to you taped from Baton Rogue, LA on October 1st, 2013.

Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow:

Ugh... Santino. It's October, so WWE and the Susan G. Komen foundation are making all the WWE fans, I mean, WWE Universe, feel bad. Remember, Sandow is still holding the Money in the Bank Briefcase for the World Heavyweight Title, so you know he's jobbing. To Santino Marella. Santino seems to be proud to be called a half-wit and King of the Stupid. Santino wastes zero time dragging the match into comedy territories. Sandow with side headlocks, but Sandow counters both times with head scissors. Santino comes back with a pair of hip tosses, but a teased Cobra sends Sandow hiding in the ropes. Whip, and Santino power walks back and forth. Santino with a Russian leg sweep and he mocks Sandow's Elbow of Disdain. Sandow gets up before completion, drives a series of knees to the midsection, and dumps Santino to the floor.

We return from commercial, with Santino fighting out of a body scissors. Santino fights out of a chinlock, only to get thrown to the floor, once again. Sandow rams him into the ring apron and drops an elbow across the chin for a two count. Santino tries for a back suplex, but Sandow shifts his weight to land on top for another two count. He starts no-selling being rammed to the turnbuckle... until he rams himself into the buckle for motivation. Cute. Sandow with the Elbow of Disdain for two. Santino connects with a the back suplex on attempt Number 3 and unloads with rights. Hip toss and headbutt from Santino, and it's time to whip out the Cobra. Sandow rolls to the floor for a game of cat and mouse. Back in, he disrobes Santino of the Cobra, boots him in the midsection, and connects with a Full Nelson Slam (called the Silencer) for the three count at 7:57. I'm AMAZED Sandow won. *1/2 Match was very paint-by-numbers when it wasn't being turned into a comedy match by Santino.

- Another WWE.com interview conducted by Michael Cole with COO Triple H. He's just doing what's best for business, you know.

The Primetime Players vs. The Wyatt Family:

(Darren Young & Titus O'Neil vs. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan)
I haven't seen this match at least three times in the last three or so weeks. With all the hype and hopes for Bray Wyatt and his followers, they've done dick since making their WWE debut in Mid JULY. Oh, wait, they beat up Kane. As if no one else has done that. The PTP are wearing pink tights tonight, possibly in a way for them to Stand Up To Cancer. How exactly does one blow out an LCD light? Young and Harper start, do nothing, and now it's Rowan and O'Neil's turn to impress. O'Neil meets a charging Rowan with a boot to the face, followed by a double-team shoulder tackle for two. Young comes off the ropes, only to take a spinning kick to the face. Harper controls with punches and kicks. Rowan drops a knee to continue the trend of boring offense. These guys need some flashy power-moves, it's like death watching them every week and do stuff that was considered boring in 1971. Audio sweetening is in effect, as the "sitting on their hands" crowd is way too loud. O'Neil gets the hot tag, hits a shoulder tackle and avalanche on Harper, followed by a powerslam for two. Young and Rowan end up on the floor, and Harper finishes O'Neil with the spinning clothesline at 4:26. The only positive thing I can say is there seems to be a bit of progression in the PTP's attempts. They've lost every time, but seems like they do a little better each time. 1/2* Match sucked, otherwise.

Zack Ryder vs. Curtis Axel (Intercontinental Champion) (w/ Paul Heyman):

I forgot Axel was the Intercontinental Champion, but considering his won-loss record lately, I shouldn't be surprised. Ryder should be an easy win for him, as he prepares to defend the title against R-Truth at Battleground. Because everyone has been clamoring for R-Truth to get another push. Axel shoves off a lockup and Ryder greets him with a clothesline for an early two count. Ryder with a school boy, but Axel kicks out a bit quicker, then drops Ryder with a clothesline to the back of the head. Snapmare from out of the corner, followed by a float-over neck snap and basement dropkick for two. Yes, let him work in the signature spots of his father. IT WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE! Axel with a slam, followed by a second rope elbow drop for two. Whip to the ropes, Ryder catches Axel with his head down and slams him face-first to the canvas. Ryder with a jumping clothesline to take Axel off his feet. Knees to the face on a charge attempt and a missile dropkick gets two. Axel fins himself kissing the buckles in the corner, allowing Ryder to work in his signature Broski Boot, but Axel hangs onto the bottom rope like his life depends on it. He uses the tights to leverage throw Ryder into the buckle, then puts a boot to the back of the head. Axel with the neck breaker facebuster (does it have a name?) for three at 3:48. **1/2 That was an action-packed 4-minutes. I wouldn't have minded seeing this get 10-minutes, but at least they packed in a lot in such a little amount of time.

- We continue to hype WWE Battleground, taking place on Pay-Per-View this Sunday night. Other than the saga involving the Rhodes Family, Battleground is shaping up to be one of the least watched PPV's in WWE History. The stuff with Daniel Bryan was going fine until we got two terrible lead in shows that made the angle seem almost unimportant. The rest of the card? Let's see... CM Punk vs. Ryback, Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam in a Night of Champions ReMatch, R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel, and I think A.J. Lee vs. a Bella. Oh, and Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow on the Kick-Off Show.

Tons of Funk (w/ The Funkadactyls) vs. The Real Americans (w/ Zeb Colter):

(Brodus Clay & Sweet T vs. Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro)
We're cramming a FOURTH Match into the hour-long Main Event? I would've gladly traded in two of these matches for a lengthy opening match between two upper-card performers. When will WWE officially drop the Tensai name? It makes zero sense to call him that now that he's just another dancing fatty. I guess the Real Americans are standing up to Cancer, wearing new pink shirts of their own. Swagger pounds away on Clay to start. Brodus comes back with a trio of slams. Remember when Brodus pinned Swagger in about 10-seconds on the 1,000th episode of Raw? Brodus with a shitty fisherman suplex for two. I guess Curtis Axel can't do it because of that. Cesaro tags in and gives Brodus a Super-Sized Giant Swing for 15-seconds! I guess Vince McMahon finds it amusing and just sends Cesaro out their for the sole purpose of doing that one move. Swagger and Cesaro with a cute double team spot where Cesaro leap frogs Swagger and drops down on Clay with the double stomp. Brodus with a T-Bone Suplex on Swagger, and hot tags Sweet T. He uses his bulk to dominate Cesaro and barrel rolls into the corner for two. Cesaro is the meat in the Tons of Funk Sandwich, but a distraction from Swagger allows Cesaro to recover, plant Sweet T with the Neutralizer, and cover for three at 4:35. *1/2 Decent action, but another match that felt like it could've been 5-minutes longer, but was trimmed down just for the hell of it.

Final Thoughts: I can't believe how much Main Event has changed in just one short year. I could've sworn I've read elsewhere that executives at ion Network wanted better quality than what Superstars was, and guess what, it's now officially Superstars. Yeah, we haven't yet reached the point where JTG is making regular appearances, but the writing is on the wall. We received four matches that tallied no longer than 7-minutes, with mostly talent that has gone unused as of late. It's hard to say I will try and keep watching Main Event on a weekly basis, but it's going to be hard to find motivation. Unless things change course and try and return to a formula that allows at least one match to get considerable time to develop, I won't care.

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