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WWE Main Event - June 26, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last Week on WWE Main Event... The Shield made short work of Justin Gabriel and the Uso's in 6-Man Tag Team Action, Antonio Cesaro, along with new manager Zeb Colter (I guess the answer to curing bore-itus is giving them a southern hick for a mouth piece, even when it makes no sense for the character), made short work of Sin Cara, and in a match that two people demanded to see again because it never got started on Smackdown, Kaitlyn carried Aksana to a Zero Star Match.

- Josh Mathews and the Miz are on commentary, unless otherwise noted. Location is not disclosed, which usually means "somewhere of little importance."

Chris Jericho vs. Cody Rhodes:

This might be the first time Jericho is wrestling a match on Main Event. It's way better than advertising him hosting "The Highlight Reel", as if anyone watches a wrestling show for a talking segment. Jericho is set to wrestle Ryback at Money In The Bank, because... they have nothing better to do? Lockup to the corner, with neither man gaining control. Rhodes grabs a headlock, then comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle. Rhodes hits the ropes, only to be greeted with a dropkick. Jericho follows up with a clothesline, sending Rhodes to the floor. Following a baseball slide, Jericho throws him back in the ring and pounds away with rights. Rhodes thumbs the eyes to slow Jericho down and starts pounding away himself. Rhodes with a snapmare, but the kick misses and Jericho rolls him up for a two count. Rhodes counters a back drop with a boot to the chest, then throws Jericho shoulder-first to the post.

We return from commercial, with Rhodes working a chinlock. Jericho simply throws Rhodes off, only to walk into a drop toe hold immediately after. Rhodes with choking and a front suplex for a two count. Jericho mounts a half-hearted comeback until Rhodes comes off the top with a standing moonsault for another two count. Rhodes slaps on a crossface, and you can tell it's inspired by John Cena: There's a good 6 inches between his body and Jericho's face. Jericho with another comeback, including a double axehandle from the top rope. He sweeps the legs, but Rhodes throws him off and connects with the Disaster Kick, for two. Rhodes meets boot on a charge to the corner. Jericho from the top with a body press, but it only gets two. Whip to the corner, and Rhodes busts out the Alabama Slam. Must've learned that from Hardcore Holly back when they were a team in 2007. It only gets two. Jericho with a northern lights suplex for two. He comes off the ropes with a bulldog, but the Lionsault doesn't find the target. Rhodes with the Cross Rhodes, but again, only gets a two count. Jericho from out of nowhere with the Code Breaker, but Rhodes gets the foot on the ropes to break the count. Rhodes goes to the eye again and a school boy gets two. Jericho blocks a kick, sweeps the leg, and the Walls of Jericho finishes Rhodes at 10:07 (minus one commercial break). This was hovering in the range of "average" until a hot final couple of minutes brought it up to around the 3-star territory. Cody Rhodes: May never be the best match on the card, but always seems to have a solid performance, regardless of opponent.

- Rob Van Dam, judging from his recent stint in TNA or Impact Wrestling, a bit out of shape and completely unmotivated, is coming back to the WWE at Money In The Bank! Isn't that enough to warrant spending $45 (or $55 for HD) for the next PPV? Nope, I didn't think so, either.

- Antonio Cesaro and Zeb Colter make their way out to remind everyone that Antonio Cesaro is now being managed by Zeb Colter. I guess we're in South Carolina, judging by Colter's promo. He also hypes Friday Night Smackdown, despite neither announced matches featuring anyone he's managing. Well, kudos to selling the product, but points taken away for using someone who's not even involved to sell it.

Christian vs. Dean Ambrose (US Champion):

Non-Title Match. It seems like forever since I've seen a match with Christian, let alone recapped one. After months and months of "Christian cleared to wrestle", we finally get him back and he's feuding with the Shield... I think. I'm all for veterans being used to put over the new generation of Superstars. Christian is much more likeable for me as a heel, but he's a good wrestler either way, so no biggie. Ambrose plays cat-and-mouse to start, then puts the boots to him. Whip to the corner, a charge meets the boots. Ambrose fights off the Killswitch (a.k.a the Unprettier), so Christian simply dumps him to the floor. He follows out, only to get laid out with a clothesline. Back inside, Ambrose pounds away and connects with a dropkick to the midsection for two. Ambrose continues to put the hurting on Christian and slaps on a modified STF. Unlike Cena, it actually looks like he's trying to make it look good. Christian quickly fights free and offers a comeback. Spirngboard sunset flip gets a two count. He comes off the ropes, and takes a knee to the midsection. He rolls to the apron and hangs Ambrose up across the top rope. He heads to the top rope, only to be thrown off by Rollins, triggering a Disqualification at 3:34. The Shield with triple teaming until new #1 Contender's Jimmy and Jey Uso help clean house. Who knew Samoans and Canadians were such good friends? Match was nothing more than to advance the separate angles featuring all six-men.

- Raw Rewind: The fallout from Brock Lesnar's attack on CM Punk on the June 17th episode of Monday Night Raw. Punk is going to take Brock down, but the real issue at hand: Was Lesnar following orders from Paul Heyman because Punk relieved him of his duties coming to ringside. Heyman tries to bullsh*t his way out of it and swears up and down he had nothing to do with it. Punk "accepts" the excuse and the two embrace, but a cold stare at the camera indicates something else. I don't know how anyone couldn't like this segment: It was well done, paced properly, planted the seeds for a hot main event, and builds towards more weeks of "what's going to happen next?". This coming episode of Raw, CM Punk teams with Curtis Axel to take on the PrimeTime Players. Uh... squash?

- The Wyatts are coming to WWE. Soon.

Tons of Funk vs. The PrimeTime Players:

(Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. Darren Young & Titus O'Neil)
Oh god, I just had horrible flashbacks to one of the worst matches in Main Event History, between Tensai and Titus O'Neil. The Funkadactyls and Some Other Chick do a HORRIBLE rendition of Brodus Clay's theme music. Yes, we need more non-wrestling "diva's", because there isn't enough of them. I guess her name is Jo Jo (what creativity) and she's going to be on that stupid Divas show on E! Network. Does anyone even watch that network anymore? I'm willing to bet money on it that most of that wasn't sung "live". Clay and Young start. Criss-cross ends with Young running to the floor. Tensai greets him with a clothesline, throws him in, where Clay clotheslines him right back out. O'Neil and Tensai do a battle of the hosses, with Tensai winning that exchange. Tensai quickly becomes the hoss in peril. Where's Scotty 2 Hotty to further expand on this entourage? Tensai avoids a charge and belly-to-back suplex throws O'Neil over the top rope, to the floor. Brodus gets the hot tag, and it might as well be over now. Clotheslines and a T'Bone Suplex to O'Neil, followed by an avalanche. Clay with a powerslam for two. Young and Tensai get involved. Clay misses a charge, O'Neil covers, and with a leg hook from Young, they actually win a match at 3:58. Yes, such a cheap victory over Tensai and Brodus Clay makes me believe the PTP will have a shot at defeating CM Punk and Curtis Axel on Raw.

Final Thoughts: Solid, if unspectacular hour of wrestling this week. Jericho and Rhodes was all right, but it's easy to say you can't expect much more out of Rhodes. Christian and Ambrose was a wash in terms of match quality: it was short and was used more as a tool to further the angles that involved the rest of the Shield and the Uso Brothers. Finally, we ended up with a pretty blah tag match between jobbers, introduced a new, lame Diva for the sake of a reality show that will draw dick for ratings, and tried to establish the heel jobber team has a hope in hell of defeating CM Punk and the new Pet Project.

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