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WWE Main Event - May 15, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last Week on WWE Main Event... Randy Orton defeated Antonio Cesaro to build him up for a future encounter with the Big Show (snoring rhymes with boring), and Justin Gabriel and the Usos defeated 3MB in one of the more boring Six-Man Tags you will ever see.

- Taped on May 14th, 2013, from a location they don't bother disclosing to us. Jerks. We're only four days away from WWE Extreme Rules, a PPV I have absolutely zero interest in, yet will end up watching it regardless. Michael Cole is joined at ringside by... The Miz. I missed him so much, Main Event just hasn't been the same without him. I guess he's going to give attitude to all the heels like he used to, except not do anything about it.

Kane (Tag Team Champion) vs. Seth Rollins (w/ Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns):

It's the ever-popular half of the Tag Team Championship Match battle! Kane and Daniel Bryan defend the belts against Rollins and Reigns at Extreme Rules in a Tornado Tag Match, while Dean Ambrose is suddenly challenging Kofi Kingston for the United States Championship. If The Shield doesn't sweep, then there's something wrong going on. Bryan is absent from ringside for reasons that don't really matter. "Prior commitment" is used. Rollins uses his speed to play keep-the-fuck-away from Kane. Rollins with a pair of dropkicks, but he comes off the ropes, meeting a big boot. Kane sends him to the corner and pounds away. Whip across the ring, with authority. To the corner again, Kane catches Rollins with a back breaker. Kane with an inverted atomic drop and shoulder tackle for two. He goes for the tombstone, but Rollins somehow slips free and rolls to the floor for a breather. He tries a sneak attack, but gets launched over the top, on top of Reigns, as we take a commercial break.

We come back with Kane taking Rollins over with a suplex for a two count. He misses the elbow drop that always misses™, and Rollins counters a chokeslam with an enziguri. Rollins with rights and lefts, followed by choking across the middle rope. Kane keeps shrugging Rollins off, building momentum until missing a charge to the corner. Rollins takes Kane over into a cover for two, and quickly grabs a chinlock. Kane fights back to his feet and turns Rollins inside out with a clothesline. Charging clothesline into the corner and the side suplex for two. Kane to the top rope, but he takes too long thanks to the distraction of the Shield, allowing Rollins to dropkick him to the floor. Back from another commercial, and Rollins is working on another chinlock. Kane with another comeback, only to be tripped up into the turnbuckle. Rollins with a dive into the corner, followed by a downward spiral for two. Rollins from the second turnbuckle, eating an uppercut from Kane. Whip to the ropes and Kane takes him over with a back drop. He follows him into the corner with another clothesline and plants him with a powerslam for two. Kane with another attempt to climb to the top rope, and this time the flying clothesline makes contact. Rollins counters a chokeslam with a sunset flip, but Kane rolls through and lays him out with it anyway, triggering Ambrose to run in for the Disqualification at 13:03 (minus two breaks). Reigns with a spear to take Kane down, and a triple-team attack is interrupted by THE USOS?! Match was the typical singles affair from Kane, and Rollins really didn't get much offense other than the basics. It was still watchable, but really only served the purpose of building up the match at Extreme Rules, and possibly the Shield squashing the Usos on Smackdown.

- Raw Rebound: John Cena, Kane, and Daniel Bryan took on The Shield in an Elimination Match. Kane and Bryan were eliminated first, leaving Cena three-on-one... remember SummerSlam 2010 and Nexus? Yep, Cena survived and walked away the winner. Yes, he only pinned one member (Rollins) before the others were Disqualified, but still... no. No. If you want to give anyone a rub from pinning a member of Shield, give it to Kane or Daniel Bryan so they look like they have a chance of winning at Extreme Rules. Cena can lose every match the rest of the century and never lose face because, god dammit, he's the worst of Hulk Hogan and Triple H combined: He's always in the spotlight, is working the same tired stupid fucking character he was doing in 2005, and only loses on occasion when he's working an injury or being mauled by 50 people, and even that's a 50/50 shot at best for whoever gets to work with him.

- More Raw Rewinds: Triple H, who's already beat up Paul Heyman for little-to-no reason and shrugged off the destruction of his office with a "meh", beats the crap out of Brock Lesnar inside a Steel Cage to hype their Steel Cage Match at Extreme Rules. Let me say that again... the BABYFACE has not only ignored the heel's attempts at pissing him off, and not only beat up his manager on several occasions, but also got the upperhand on him in the lead-in show... WHY SHOULD I CARE?!

- Breaking News! The Usos take on Rollins and Reigns on Friday Night Smackdown, as predicted.

Sin Cara vs. Wade Barrett (IC Champion):

I guess Sin Cara is returning from yet another injury. I think the last time we saw him, he pinned then-US Champion Antonio Cesaro clean on Main Event, only to vanish from television for the next two months. It looks like they're doing the match under the weird lighting that Sin Cara worked under earlier in his WWE tenure. Barrett with a swinging neck breaker for an early near fall. He traps Sin Cara across the top rope, pounding away across the back, and punting the midsection for another two count. Barrett with a flurry of knees to the face, followed by a charging boot, knocking Sin Cara to the floor. Barrett rolls him back into the ring for a two count and slaps on a chinlock to keep Sin Cara grounded. Barrett meets boot on a charge to the corner. Sin Cara with kicks to the leg, followed by a springboard elbow. Sin Cara off the top with a body press for two. Sin Cara with an enziguri, followed by a springboard dropkick for another two count. He comes off the top rope and gets planted with the twirling boss-man slam for two. Barrett powerbombs him onto the turnbuckle. He goes for another, but Sin Cara counters with a hurricanrana into a pinning combination for three at 4:09. I guess they're going back to the same plan for Sin Cara, having him go over clean on a Champion for a future title shot? Decent match for the limited time, but the one between Sin Cara and Cesaro, which followed the same script, was much better.

Justin Gabriel vs. Cody Rhodes:

Gabriel is racking up quite a streak of appearances on Main Event, and even Michael Cole makes mention of it. Sure, beating 3MB isn't much to celebrate about, but wins are wins when you don't come by them too often. Rhodes is scheduled to face the Miz on the Pre-Show at Extreme Rules, so I have a feeling Gabriel's winning streak ends at two. Gabriel goes for the arm to start and takes him over with a suplex. Rhodes avoids the leg sweep and takes Gabriel down with a neck breaker for two. Rhodes with the front suplex for another two count. Gabriel escapes a chinlock with a jawbuster and goes to work on Rhodes with a series of martial arts style kicks. Spinning heel kick and a sit-out slam for two. The Lionsault actually makes contact for another near fall. Rhodes goes for Cross Rhodes, but Gabriel cradles him for two. The Alabama Slam connects, but only for two. The Cross Rhodes finally hits, and it's over at 3:14. Fast-paced match to justify the short amount of time. It honestly felt like "do stuff to fill time", as the ending came without much build. So much for hyping Gabriel's series of wins over the last couple of weeks, only to lose without much of a fight.

Final Thoughts: Lots of wrestling this week, but unfortunately not much stands out. Kane vs. Rollins was alright and felt more like killing time between now and the big PPV encounter. Sin Cara rehashed the concept they had in place with Cesaro, and subbed in Barrett instead, and while it's a good four-minute match, it's only a four-minute match. Lastly, Gabriel and Rhodes going through the motions, thankfully only having to waste three minutes instead of 15. Again, it's all watchable stuff, just nothing to truly get excited about. As for the Raw Rewinds, I stopped caring about Raw weeks ago, and will pretty much ignore it for the coming months unless something truely special takes place.

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