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WWE Main Event - February 20, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- We're only days removed from Elimination Chamber, where the Rock retained, and yet regained, the WWE Championship, Alderto Del Rio defeated Big Show by submission after weeks of being told he could never pin him, and Jack Swagger became the NEW #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title. Too bad stupid personal decisions could create a problem with that last one. Over on Raw, not much happened, except John Cena very willingly is giving CM Punk a shot at being in the main event of WrestleMania XXIX, next week. I like the idea, but just throwing it out there seemed... odd.

- Michael Cole and the Miz are at ringside calling all the action. Sorry, I don't think they told us where the show has been taped this week. They remind us of Del Rio's victory at Chamber, but Big Show interrupts and yells at them "making fun" of his loss. Big Show is much more tolerable and threatening when he DOESN'T talk. He has issues with Booker T, and basically issues an open challenge... and it's accepted!

The Usos vs. Big Show:

Thumbs Down.. sorry, that was a bit premature. I guess Yoshi Tatsu was busy taking a piss, or something. In fact, I was whole heartedly expecting this to be 30-seconds so I can say "They got Tatsu'ed", but dammit, the Usos spoil even that! Show fights them both off and works in the slap to the chest on them. He controls with clubberin' rights and headbutts... maybe Great Khali will waddle his ass down there and try and help, again. Show with the Final Cut on Jey, but Jimmy pulls him out of the way of the second rope splash. They fight over a double-suplex until the Usos come out on top of that exchange. They lay out Show with double-team headbutts and superkicks, drop a pair of elbows, and come off the second rope with more headbutts, but it only gets two. Show tosses Jey to the floor, then plows through Jimmy with a shoulder tackle. Double Chokeslam later, and Show pins them both at 3:38. That was quite energetic and well worked. Dammit, Usos had a good match... but we've only just begun!

Brodus Clay vs. Big Show:

Somebody call my MOMMA! No Funkadactyls? Must mean he's getting really squashed, or maybe they were riding shotgun with Swagger. They battle over a colar-elbow tie-up, harking back to the days of WWF Royal Rumble on the SNES and Sega Genesis. Clay's jiggling thighs are something I can do without. Show wants a test of strength, and cheap shots Clay almost immediately. Clay with a flurry of rights and lefts, but Show no-sells all of it and controls with more of the same. Clay manages to block the big slap and connects with a headbutt. He misses a charge, and goes spilling to the floor as we take a break. We come back with Show very... slowly... working the left shoulder. I'm talking super slow-motion. Clay with another comeback, dropping Show with the charging headbutt to the chest. He splashes Show twice in the corner, but runs into a big boot on try number three. Show misses an elbow drop, and Clay splashes for two. Show with the KO Punch from out of nowhere for three at 9:56. That was quite painful, but I've seen worse... and then it happens...

The Great Khali vs. Big Show:

I swear on all that is holy... I did NOT look up spoilers for this show. I never do. He's looking more and more worse as the weeks pass. They start with a slugfest from hell, with Show selling WAY too much for a near-cripple. Khali with his own slap to the chest, 'cause THAT'S WHAT HE DO! Sorry, I'm stealing Mark Henry's bit there. Show stops selling again and returns the favor, and it looks like Khali is already sucking wind. Khali comes back with a short-arm clothesline, sending Show to the floor. We come back from a commercial break, with Show hitting a spear. He pounds on the midsection, but charges into an elbow, and then a big boot. Khali starts to Punjabi-Up, and hits the HASSAN-CHOP, but it sends Show to the floor. Khali follows and sends Show into the steps at around 0.00003 MPH. Seriously, I've seen Andre the Giant, circa 1989, move faster than that. Suddenly, Show hits the KO Punch, and wins by Count-Out at 7:26. To quote the Miz (sorry), "Really?!?". Remember when I said I've seen worse to describe the previous match? This was worse than what I had in mind. Absolutely terrible. I guess Miz took exception to being told to shut up earlier, and offers to take Show up on his offer. He takes advantage of the tired Big Show, boots him in the face a few times, and "runs him off." No official match, no idea where this is going... Miz vs. Show at WrestleMania? But they've been working Miz/Cesaro for months now.

- Last week on Monday Night Raw, the Rock revealed his NEW WWE Championship, which features Brahma Bull symbols. Still better than that "toy" spinner belt. John Cena interrupts, CM Punk interrupts that by knocking Cena out with the old belt, throws it down at him, and screams "I want THAT one" at the Rock before taking off. YES! That was awesome. Will we get a Triple Threat at WrestleMania XXIX? I sure as hell hope so.

- Vicki Guerrero introduces Brad Maddox as the NEW Assistant to the Supervising General Adminstrator or whatever the hell the title is. Also, Vince McMahon threatens to kick Paul Heyman's ass on Raw... NEXT WEEK! Next Week, Raw is going to be awesome. They've almost made a promise about it.

- Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cut a YouTube Promo on Immigration. Zeb (better known to old school fans as Dutch Mantel) is actually quite good in this role, and has made ol' boring Jack Swagger seem like someone to care about. I'm sure some people hate the Xenophobia/Tea Party aspects of the angle, but it's WRESTLING. At least he's not setting an american flag on fire or raping a corpse.

- Justin Gabriel and Titus O'Neil have words for each other backstage, because...

Justin Gabriel vs. Titus O'Neil:

They should do a handicap match with Darren Young and Tyson Kidd... both are on the injured list, I believe. Yeah, yeah, terrible joke. I'm sorry. Last time we saw Titus on Main Event, he put on a negative-star stinker with Tensai. Gabriel kicks away at the legs of O'Neil and lays into him with chops. O'Neil with a big uppercut and pumphandle slam. O'Neil with a big slam and trash talking for random fans. Gabriel with a boot to the face and missile dropkick, sending O'Neil to the floor. Gabriel follows with a baseball slide and plancha as we take another commercial break! We come back with Gabriel attempting a monkey flip, only to be thrown to the canvas. He ends up on the apron, and gets punted off the top rope trying to springboard back in. Titus rolls him back in for a two count, then goes back to working him over. He slaps on a bearhug, trash talking the camera some more. He hits a back breaker, and throws Gabriel over his head like a bag of trash. O'Neil charges into the corner with an avalanche. Attempt #2 misses, and Gabriel rolls to the apron. He heads to the top rope, only to miss whatever, and O'Neil wipes him out with a clothesline for two. Gabriel with an enziguri from out of nowhere, and the 450 splash hits for three at 9:03... Gabriel WON?! Wow, treated like a scrub and won on what was basically a fluke. Gabriel bumps like a champion and O'Neil does stuff a rookie would be doing. One of the worst matches I've seen from Justin Gabriel since getting back into WWE. I just said that.

- Watch Raw for CM Punk vs. John Cena to determine who will challenge the Rock for the WWE Championship, and Vince McMahon is gonna fight Paul Heyman. MONDAY.

Final Thoughts: They sure did cram a lot into this weeks episode. Big Show ran a Gauntlet, we recapped a few angles building up to WrestleMania, and finished with a left-over match from the Superstars tapings. Unfortunately, the only high quality stuff was the recaps from Monday Night Raw. The Gauntlet Match was terrible once we got past the Usos Handicap challenge (yes, I said it... I'm going soft), the finish left me scratching my head trying to understand why Miz is pissy at Big Show, and Titus O'Neil drags even Justin Gabriel down. Overall, not a week worth checking out.

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