WWE Main Event - January 30, 2013
by Scrooge McSuck
- We kick the show off with a quick recap of what happened to close out Raw, with the "surprise" appearance of Brock Lesnar. Surprise, unless you follow WWE on twitter and were spoiled by a photo that was uploaded a few minutes before he came out. Other than that final segment, Raw Roulette was a surprisingly poor attempt from the creative and writing staff. The night after the Royal Rumble, and the unofficial beginning on the road to WrestleMania, and THAT was the best they can do? From the over-use of comedy filler, to the lack of mystery behind the wheel selections (Brodus Clay in a DANCE OFF? Miz is special referee for a Cesaro match?)... it screamed zero effort.
- Taped on January 29th, 2013 from San Diego, CA. Last week we were promised some kind of Intercntinental Cup or whatever to determine a new contender for Wade Barrett... so we won't be getting that. I'm sure plans involving Bo Dallas (another Rotundo son) have rendered that previous idea unnecessary.
- We start things off with MizTV, which I'm sure isn't going to make some people instantly change the channel. His guest tonight... Ryback. Apparently Ryback is a big fan of the Miz's "Show". "Really?" "Really." Repeat for a minute and you can feel the excitement in the air. They talk about Antonio Cesaro, Ryback's opponent for Main Event. Last week, Ryback was on the verge of victory before Cesaro ran for the exit, a trend that's been happening a lot lately. At least this makes the rematch sensible, rather than trotting out Cesaro/Orton four times over a two week span. Cesaro interrupts, and we're instantly heading towards the ring for...
Non-Title Match: Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro (US Champion):
Miz joins Michael Cole at the broadcast booth as we come back from commercial break. Lockup, Cesaro with a go-behind a shot to the lower back. Ryback throws him off from another waistlock and stomps him down, coincidentally in rhythm of the "Feed Me More" chants. Cesaro counters a slam with a series of knees into the midsection. He goes for a suplex, but Ryback counters with his own, delayed version. That would make Davey Boy Smith jealous. Ryback with a clothesline, sending Cesaro over the top rope, to the floor. He brings him back in with a hip toss, then catches him off the ropes with a back drop. Ryback with chops and forearms. Whip to the ropes and it's time for a Thesz Press. He throws Cesaro to the floor, then into the security wall as we take a commercial break.
We come back with Ryback catching Cesaro off the ropes in a bearhug. A charge to the corner meets nothing but the ring post, and he spills to the floor. Cesaro follows him out and rams him into the steps, just for the hell of it. Cesaro tries to win by cheap count-out, but Ryback makes the miracle return to the ring at 9. Cesaro with a flurry of rights and lefts, followed by knees into the chest. He uses leverage from the top rope to drive his knee into the throat for a two count. Cesaro with a pair of double stomps, then slaps on a chinlock. Ryback mounts his comeback with elbows. Whip to the ropes, and he plants Cesaro with a spinebuster. He sets up in the corner, and connects with the Meat Hook clothesline. Cesaro rolls to the floor, but Ryback follows him out and rams him into the ramp. Back in the ring, Cesaro quickly rolls right back out, then in the moment of the night, boots Miz right in the face. He hops the rail to avoid Ryback, and it's yet ANOTHER count-out finish at 11:40. That's four weeks in a row with a lame finish. I'm hoping they build to a No Count-Out kind of match with Cesaro, with all these non-finishes to his matches, lately. Good match other than the finish, and the kick to the Miz was glorious.
- Tensai is backstage, and is quickly insulted by the Primetime Players. Brodus Clay tries to make Tensai feel better, but that's not helping much.
- We recap the Paul Heyman Performance Review stuff, again. I'm sorry, but as good as Heyman's promo was, why can't we get rid of this nonsense with Vince McMahon and the "executive" stereotype character? I'm sick of it all, and this is what, the third time Vince McMahon is doing such a thing with people? Didn't he already do this with John Lauranitis and Vicki Guerrero, and different levels of annoying and pointless-ness? Brock shows up, gives him the F-5, and we get Brock jobbing to Triple H at WrestleMania XXIX. Joy.
Tensai vs. Titus O'Neil (w/ Darren Young):
Oh my God, this is going to be painful. Lockup, with neither man gaining the advantage. O'Neil with a cheap shot, so Tensai pounds away on him in the corner. Titus with an elbow to the face on a charge attempt. Tensai comes back with a shoulder tackle and elbow drop for a two count. Titus throws some elbows, Tensai throws some rights. Titus with a big boot for a two count. He connects with a clothesline, then hits the chinlock. Tensai fights back, but takes a clothesline to the floor. Young tries to offer some illegal help, but Brodus Clay shows up to even the sides. Back from break, O'Neil is working another chinlock. They fight over a suplex for a good minute or so, until Titus takes Tensai over with one. Tensai misses a charge and Titus chokes away. The crowd chants "Let's Go Tensai" for reasons that escape me. Tensai with another comeback attempt, but he misses a splash. Titus with a slam for a two count. Tensai catches him off the ropes with a side suplex. He starts mocking Titus with barking and pounds on him with headbutts. Tensai with the former-Baldo Bomb, and the running senton ends this disaster at 14:40. -** I don't typically do star ratings any more, but that's 15-minutes of my life I'll never get back. Tensai and Brodus (and the Funkadactyls) get down to celebrate a terrible match.
Final Thoughts: Recap heavy thanks to Brock Lesnar's appearance, and we keep pushing for a Cesaro/Miz match with the constant build we've had on Main Event over the last couple of months. Cesaro/Ryback delivered a solid performance, even with (yet another) lame finish. However, the last 20-minutes or so dedicated to one of the worst television matches I've seen lately (not involving the Divas) is inexcusable. How did that match warrant 15-minutes? 5 would've been just fine, but some sick bastard thought it needed more time than the World Heavyweight Title Match at the Royal Rumble. In short: not an enjoyable show this week.
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