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WWF @ Paris, France - 4/8/93
by Scrooge McSuck

- I'm going against my word by recapping another show, but sometimes you come across stuff that's just so fucking unusual that you just have to do it. In this case, I was browsing on a certain internet video website and came across THIS... a WWF event televised in France during their european tour in the Spring of 1993. If everyone remembers, our old friend Samoa Rowe suffered through UK Rampage '93 for us, and I take credit for that since I sent him a copy of that show. Now I get to suffer, but this show appears to have a somewhat more decent lineup.... okay, that's bullshit, but humor me, please?

- Our broadcast team for the night is Raymond Rougeau and some other guy (who looks like he wants to date rape poor Raymond), and of course, this is broadcasted in french, so I have no fucking clue what anyone is talking about.

- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Shawn Michaels © vs. Bob Backlund:

Pre-match promo is a video of Michaels recorded earlier in the day most likely, from some french neighborhood. Generic promo from Michaels, but he still has the Sherri version of his theme music, so it's all good. Watching Michaels and Backlund is like watching night and day, sometimes. One is the standard of showmanship, the other is the standard of old school no nonsense wrestling. Backlund even comes out while Shawn's music is still playing! Some stalling to start. Lockup, and Michaels takes Backlund over with a headlock. Lockup #2, and Michaels with a hip toss this time, followed by some arrogant heel behaviorô. Michaels with a scoop slam, and more nonsense in the corner. Air horns come into play now, and we all know how awesome those fucking things are. Backlund with a side headlock, followed by a series of hip tosses and a delayed power slam. Back slide by Backlund gets a two count. Michaels runs down the aisle, and Backlund follows him back... but no one is counted out, despite the incredibly lengthy amount of time spent by Michaels. Damn you, Danny Davis, screwing over Backlund! Michaels works over Backlund from the apron, but jumps stomach first into a fist. Backlund with a wristlock, taking Michaels down, and he threatens to piss on him, I think. This resthold goes on for a while. Michaels finally fights back with a thumb to the eye. Irish whip across the ring, but Michaels eats post on a charge attempt. More old school rasslin' from Backlund. That means I have no idea what the hell he is doing. Michaels escapes and stomps away at the face of the winner of the Opie Look-a-Like Contest. Outside they go, and Shawn introduces Bob to his old friend, the security rail. Back inside, and Michaels with a series of jabs, sending Backlund down on his back. Michaels goes to the second turnbuckle and comes down with a sledge to the back. Backlund gets to have a taste of canvas, and I'm sure it doesn't taste like chocolate. Front facelock by Michaels, and my attention goes back to ESPN. Backlund escapes with an over-head throw and gets a two count on it. Michaels is up first and pounds away on Backlund before going back to the headlock. Grr... Backlund powers Michaels up onto the top turnbuckle and slaps him like the bitch he is. Michaels comes off and is quickly caught with a back drop. Dropkick by Backlund, followed by a head jerk and face rake. Sloppy swinging neck breaker by Backlund for a two count. Backlund connects with a piledriver, and a good one at that, but Michaels is up at 2.879. Roll up attempt, but Michaels counters and, with a handful of tights, picks up the three count at 13:20 to retain the Intercontinental Title. An OK match, but not very good and definitely a match I'll forget ten minutes from now.

- Crush vs. Doink The Clown:
Wow, a match with some actual back-story to it. The short version... Doink had debuted on WWF TV during the Winter of 92-93, and pulled pranks on wrestlers. One day, he pulled a prank on a little kid in the crowd, and this pissed Crush off. Crush got bashed over the head with a prosthetic arm for it, which resulted in a match scheduled at WrestleMania IX. Doink won when a second Doink mysteriously appeared, and multiple Doink's had been running amuck ever since. Doink hides under the ring before the match, but the sneak attack fails, and Crush pummels Doink with a series of headbutts. Crush uses his ultimate power to throw Doink around the ring and stomps a mudhole in his ass. Crush with a sledge off the turnbuckle, and now we get a game of cat-and-mouse. Doink pounds away at Crush, but that doesn't seem to work, and Crush continues to make Doink his prison bitch. Crush continues to dominate, and plants Doink with a back breaker, followed by a big leg drop. Crush continues to bring the pain, and who can really get bored watching Doink get his ass kicked? Even if it's heel Doink? Crush heads back to the top rope, and misses the Knee Drop That Always Misses, and now Doink is in control. Doink stomps away on Crush's leg and wraps it around the ring post to add injury to insult. Doink continues to work on the leg, but it doesn't last long. Doink heads up to the top rope and comes down for a nice helping of boot. Crush beats the tar out of Doink and connects with his tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Doink with a rake of the eyes and whips Crush to the ropes. Crush reverses, though, and a boot sends Doink out of the ring. Doink climbs up on the apron, and from there, Crush applies the Cranium Crush (head vice)! Crush lets go, allowing Doink to run away, and give Crush the Count-Out victory at 8:14. An entertaining garbage match. Not very good, but watchable at least. This feud would just go on and on, and never really had a true blow-off. Crush ended up being "injured" by Yokozuna and turned on Randy Savage when he returned, and during that time, Doink turned face and forever ruined his character.

- The Nasty Boys vs. The Head Shrinkers (w/ Afa):
(Knobbs & Saggs vs. Samu & Fatu)

This one is NOT going to be pretty. I've never liked the Nasty Boys, and a good HS match is a pretty rare thing to find. Just two horrible "styles." Usual bull crap goes on before any contact is made. Looks like Knobbs and Samu are starting it out for their teams... wait, never mind, it's more stalling, working a crowd that just isn't too into either team. More air-horns means I'm muting my computer. Samu attacks Knobbs from behind and hammers away. Irish whip, and Knobbs comes back with a clothesline. Knobbs with rights, followed by a boot to the face. Knobbs rams Samu into the ring post and puts him down with another clothesline. Samu gets to play monkey-in-the-middle for the Nasty Boys before retreating outside. I'd like to point out the bell rang nearly 5-minutes ago, and THIS was all the detailed wrestling so far. Back in the ring, and it's more clubbering going on. Samu with a scoop slam. Fatu tags in for the first time, and a double thrust puts Knobbs back down on his fat ass. Knobbs comes back and tags Saggs back in. Fatu is put down with a double elbow, and Saggs applies a side headlock. Irish whip, and Saggs with a shoulder block. It's time for a TEST OF STRENGTH! Feel the electricity! Fatu cheats, but Saggs retaliates and tags in Knobbs for a sloppy single-arm DDT. Knobbs drops an elbow for a two count. The Nasty Boys continue working over the left arm of Fatu. Afa trips up Saggs near the ropes, and... Knobbs blows the spot, coming in as Samu reverse kicks Saggs, runs out of the ring, then comes back in to distract the referee while nefarious goings ons are happening to Saggs. Afa with a wicked chair shot on Saggs! Back in the ring, and the Shrinkers continue to double team Saggs. Samu with a scoop slam, and he heads to the top rope, missing a diving headbutt. Only Bam Bam is allowed to hit that move! Both teams tag, and Knobbs is a house of fire, cleaning the clocks of both Head Shrinkers with clotheslines. Fatu throws in the inside-out sell-job for effect. Simultanious DDT's on the Head Shrinkers... and the bell rings at 11:35? The action continues with chairs being thrown in the ring, and Samu actually breaks one of them over the back of Knobbs! Awesome! He's hardcore! He's hardcore! He's hardcore! It's not over yet! The Nasty Boys recover, and return the beating on the Head Shrinkers. The official decision... a Double Disqualification? For what? Lame ass ending to a pretty lame match.

- Mr. Perfect vs. "The Narcissist" Lex Luger:
Now here we go with a main event caliber match. Another WrestleMania IX rematch, too, by the way. That match wasn't very good, just to let everyone know. The back-story to this one is pretty lame. Bobby Heenan introduced Luger to the WWF at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year, and instantly threw harsh words at Mr. Perfect. And here we are... Perfect sling-shots Luger into the ring and quickly hammers away on him in the corner. Irish whip across the ring, followed by a hip toss. Irish whip, and Perfect with a back drop. Irish whip, and a charging clothesline by Perfect gets a two count. Irish whip is reversed, but Perfect catches Luger trying to boot him, sweeps the leg from under, and sandwiches the left knee between his legs. Perfect kicks away at the knee of Luger, sweeping the leg from under neath again, and dropping ass near the ropes. Chops in the corner by Perfect. Whip across the ring is reversed, and Perfect with a dramatic over-sell... not that I'm complaining. Luger hammers away on the back of Perfect with forearm smashes, then follows up with some raking of the eyes across the top rope. Whip to the corner, and Perfect sells it a little bit more realistic this time. Side back breaker by Luger, followed by a vertical splash across the back. That's only enough for a two count. Luger with a trio of elbow drops for another two count. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Perfect with a BIG forearm (maybe his old "Axe" forearm). Sunset flip by Hennig gets a two count. Perfect with a sleeper hold, but it's quickly broken up. Luger gets sent to the buckle, and Perfect sling shots him back into the buckle. Another big forearm by Perfect. Perfect with a series of atomic drops and a clothesline for a two count. Irish whip, and Perfect with a fist to the chest followed by a running knee lift. Russian leg sweep by Perfect for a two count. Swinging neck breaker gets another two count. Criss cross sequence leads to a head collision. Perfect with a roll up (blown) for a two count. Luger with a back suplex, but Perfect lifts up his shoulder before the three count. The result... Mr. Perfect by pinfall at 6:44! I always hated that finish, but it's cool seeing Perfect pin Luger, no matter how lame the out-come. Surprisingly good match, based entirely on their match at WM IX. Luger would eventually go on to do nothing as the Narcissist and Perfect moved on to feud with Shawn Michaels soon after.

- Kamala vs. Kim Chee:
Oh dear God, no. Steve Lombardi seems to have traded in his Yankee shirts for a zoo keepers costume for this match. Back in January, the Reverend Slick (absent here) helped Kamala break free from Kim Chee and Harvey Wippleman, turning him good in the process. Sound lame? It is! Honestly, if you've seen one Kamala match, you've seen them all. This is double true for matches where he's the babyface. Kim Chee yells instructions at Kamala to start. Verbal abuse and poking follows. OH SLAP! Kim Chee hammers on Kamala in the corner. Whip is reversed, but Kamala misses a charge. Kamala catches Chee in a bear hug for a brief moment, then sends Kim Chee out of the ring. Lots of stalling now. Back in the ring, and Kim Chee begs off Kamala's tomahawk chop. More of what was going on earlier. Kim Chee chokes Kamala across the middle rope. This is just pathetic to watch. Kim Chee with a one count then goes to a rear chinlock. Kamala's wagging tongue has been the highlight of the match. Kamala is fading, but the arm stays up on the third drop check. Kamala pats his belly to rally himself. Kamala with elbows to the midsection to escape. Throat thrust by Kamala, followed by a headbutt. Scoop slam and big splash by Kamala... but he's pinning Kim Chee wrong. Kamala ends ujp rolling him over the right way for long enough for the three count at 6:45. Oh my God, that was a painfully boring match. That 7-minutes felt more like twenty for some reason. Kamala uses Kim Chee's hat against him for good meassure, then dons the cap himself. Hilarious! Three people aprove as the camera pans the crowd. I'm serious. Three.

- Typhoon vs. Damian Demento:
This should be an instant classic. Typhoon was going through the motions at this point, and Demento was a glorified JTTS. Neither guy gets much of a reaction from the crowd. Demento starts the match talking to his hand and looking to the heavens, a la Ultimate Warrior. Not the kind of stuff you want to be ripping off to get over, says I. Lockup, and Typhoon shoves Demento off. Lockup #2 has the same results. Demento continues to act crazy and shit. Test of strength is teased, and as predicted, Demento boots Typhoon as they lock up, and puts on a wristlock. Typhoon powers his way back to his feet and takes Demento to the corner. Whip to the corner, but Typhoon misses a charge. Demento covers the fallen heffer, but that only gets two. Elbow drop and leg drop by Demento gets another two count. Demento stomps away, and no one cares. Oh no, it's the dreaded reverse chinlock! Put the women and children to bed! Demento with a hair pull to take Typhoon down again, and stomps away some more. Demento drops a leg across the midsection of Typhoon. Boring has been redefined again during this match. Demento chokes Typhoon across the top rope as I lose interest. Thats only good enough for a two count.

Demento with a sledge off the top rope, but Typhoon won't go down. Demento does it again, with slightly more success. Three times a charm? Nope, Typhoon catches him in a bear hug and squashes him in the corner, repeatedly. Typhoon with a avalanche in the corner! Powerslam by Typhoon and that's enough for the three count at 6:25. Bad match. Now let's never speak of it again. We're just one match away from the end of this nightmare...

- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji):
... Wait, this is the main event? I guess I should've expected it. It's basically the same roster from UK Rampage, except Yokozuna is actually wrestling this time. Yokozuna's ring trunks of the night are a black-on-black combo. Weird, I guess he forgot his red stretchy pants back in "Japan." Jim Duggan does NOT have an American Flag with him tonight. I guess he learned his lessons from the crowd in Toronto for WrestleMania VI (getting boo'ed in favor of heatless Dino Bravo). Back-story for this one... Back in February, Yokozuna had destroyed Duggan during a special challenge on an episode of SuperStars, putting Duggan out of action for about a month, and to the point he even pondered RETIREMENT. Sure he did. Duggan, sportsman of the year, attacks before the bell and hammers away on Yokozuna. Duggan goes for his 2x4, but the referee prevents him from using it on Yokozuna, and in turn, allows Yokozuna to put Duggan back down on his ass. Duggan fights back with some more soup-bone rights, but Yokozuna puts Duggan down again with a double thrust to the chest. Yokozuna with a back elbow and more choking across the middle rope. Duggan fights back again, and Yokozuna once again knocks him back down. Yokozuna follows up with the fat-assed leg drop from hell! Irish whip and Yokozuna catches Duggan in a bear-hug. Duggan fights free with elbows, but is caught once again in the bear-hug. Duggan escapes again, this time opting to chew on Yokozuna's nose. Yokozuna knocks Duggan back to the corner, but misses a big butt avalanche. Duggan with with a series of clotheslines to put Yokozuna down. Duggan calls for the end, but Mr. Fuji trips him up, allowing Yokozuna to squash Duggan in the corner. The Banzai Drop is academic at 7:33. Another painfully boring match, and a poor way to end the show, with the heel going over. After the match, Duggan recovers and sends Yokozuna running with his trusty 2x4, then celebrates in the ring as if he won the match. Yawn.

Final Thoughts:
Well, I guess it's easy to think what my thoughts were on this show. Outside of a semi-decent Intercontinental Title match and the secondary main event in Perfect vs. Luger, everything else either sucked or was just flat out boring. Duggan/Yokozuna was bleh, the tag team match stank, Kamala had no business being on the card, Typhoon and Demento should've been fired by this point, and Crush/Doink was just "there." Outside the fact this is a rare program, there's not much to see. Strong Recommendation to Avoid, unless you're a sick bastard like me.

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