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WWF @ The Nassau Coliseum
Januay 13, 1995

by Scrooge McSuck

- Matches not included on this recording: The opening match between Aldo Montoya and Steven Dunn from Well Dunn (shucks, that had 5-Star potential right there), and in a bit of a surprise, a Champion vs. Champion match between Diesel and Jeff Jarrett is not included. Maybe the smart mark who recorded this show protested Diesel's title reign, and decided to stop recording when his match was coming up? Anyway, even with those matches missing, this still looks like a pretty deep card, considering the WWF typically toured with two different shows at the time.

Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. Henry O. Godwinn:

We all know about Bob Holly, but how about that Henry Godwinn, a.k.a HOG for short? You see, he's a pig-farmer from Arkansas, and his initials are H.O.G. It's sad to think people get paid to come up with these ideas. Godwinn spent some time in WCW, working under the name Shanghai Pierce as (mostly) enhancement talent. Lockup to start, and Godwinn immediately shows who has the strength advantage. He uses a handful of hair to throw Holly down, then hides in the ropes. Holly grabs a headlock, slips through the legs, and lays Godwinn out with a hard right. They trade wristlocks until Holly takes him down with a snapmare. He catches Godwinn off the ropes with a hip toss, then sends him to the floor with a dropkick. Back inside, Holly works the arm. Godwinn fights free, puts Holly down with a shoulder tackle, and drops an elbow across the back. He uses Holly's head as a battering ram and slaps on a bearhug. Godwinn drops another elbow for two, then hooks a chinlock. Holly offers a comeback, only to be thrown to the floor. He fights back on the apron and comes off the top with a body press, but Godwinn counters... for two? For three? I guess the timekeeper botched the spot. Godwinn with a delayed suplex for two. Whip to the corner, followed by a clothesline. He tries it again, only to kiss the bottom of Holly's boot. Holly with a clothesline, running elbow, and dropkick for two. He comes off the top with a clothesline for two. Godwinn uses the tights to throw him to the buckle, and the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) finishes it seemingly out of nowhere at 10:54. Decent match, but nothing to get excited about, and yet still better than expected. Call it two-stars.

- We get a very special, live-edition of The Heartbreak Hotel, with your host, Shawn Michaels. You know what I call this? Fast-Forward Material, as I just skip on ahead to the next match...

No Holds Barred Match: Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Owen Hart:

This should, SHOULD, be good. Short history lesson: Owen conned his own mother into throwing in the towel on Bret's behalf at Survivor Series, and Bret just recently came back from the "injury" (kayfabe for vacation), and he's PISSED OFF, at both Owen and Bob Backlund. Owen attacks before Bret has a chance to settle himself in the ring, pounding with rights. Bret reverses a whip, lands a fist to the midsection, and takes Owen down with a russian leg sweep. He follows with a leg drop, and sends Owen to the floor after a headbutt. Bret follows, ramming Owen face-first to the apron, then a hard whip to the steps. Bret continues dishing out punishment on the floor, ramming Owen into the security rail and slamming him on the floor. Back inside, Owen lures Bret to the corner, unleashing the power of the low-blow. He drops a headbutt across the midsection and connects with an inverted atomic drop. He throws Bret back to the floor, and follows him out with an axehandle. He starts choking him with the microphone cord, and adds some trash talk for the audience. He sends Bret to the post, and rolls him back inside, where he continues to dish out rights. Owen rips off a turnbuckle pad, because it's NO HOLDS BARRED. Bret blocks and rams Owen, instead. He follows with a vicious piledriver, and the Sharpshooter finishes Owen off at 5:13. Yeah, short match, but I was actually thinking after the opening flurry of offense, I wouldn't be upset if this match ended right now. Owen keeps the hold applied until a gaggle of referees and Rene MOTHERF'IN Goulet pull him off. I half-expected a "reversed decision" finish, like at SummerSlam '93. Great match, considering the short amount of time. Call it ***1/2.

Midget Madness: Wink & Pink vs. Queasy & Cheesy:

... If you're going to give us the Midgets, why not at least use Dink? This is just terrible. You know how important a match is when they pick some random goober from the crowd to do the introductions. This is the very definition of a piss-break match. If you looked up "piss break" in the dictionary, a photo from a midget tag team match would be all that is listed under it. Hell, I'm going to go take a piss right now, as they do a stupid criss-cross sequence. Highspot of the match: Referee Jack Doan being the butt end of the old "school yard trip" joke. There's also some mouth-on-ass action, too, if you're into that sort of thing. Queasy and Pink work in the old "midget gets pushed into the referee, referee puts him down for another cover, then roles are reversed and the fatter heel midget is too heavy for the referee to hold" routine. Finish comes with Wink slamming Cheesy, and Pink coming off the top with the world's worst sunset flip for the three count at 8:39. Well, that's almost 10-minutes of my life I won't have back, not that I'd do anything important with them, anyway. Midget matches automatically recieve a N/R, because my hostility and obvious displeasure is too much to balance out fairly.

Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Timothy Well:

I had no idea who was coming out until I saw it was Timothy Well (formerly known as talent enhancement Rex King). I just never knew they actually had theme music. Droese is introduced as being from Mt. Trashmore, FL. That's a pun worthy of the back packaging of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figure. I don't recall ever commenting on Droese before, so here we go: he's a garbage man. Now for the match: We open things with a duel of pantemiming: Droese points to his head because he's smarter, and Well gestures Droese had a handful of hair when taking him down to the canvas. Well grabs a headlock, and sure as shit, uses the hair pull of doom to keep it applied. Droese turns the tables, and denies having a handful of hair, while keeping Well at bay with a handful of hair. Well tries a sneak attack, but a clothesline sends him back to the floor. This brings out Well's partner, Steven Dunn (a.k.a Steve Doll), who must've been taking a dump or something to explain his absence from ringside. Now if only Harvey Wippleman were there, then surely the odds would be stacked in Timothy Well's favor. Well snaps off a few 1-2-3 Kid-like leg drops and grabs a chinlock. Droese gets dumped, or should I say trashed, to the floor, as this turd continues. Well gets cocky, which allows Droese to hit the Trash Compacter (pumphandle slam) and cover for three at 11:33. Really, he needed a fluke to defeat Timothy fucking Well? Who in their right mind green lit this match to get that much time? Barely passable stuff for a Wrestling Challenge feature, which by the way, almost never featured anything worth a damn at this point of it's broadcast run. Were they trying to compete with the midgets for worst match of the night?

WWF Women's Championship Match:
Bull Nakano vs. Alundra Blayze:

I guess the WWF forgot to bring the CD with the Orient Express music, because Nakano comes out to Kamala's tribal track, instead. I guess someone in charge of production figured no one would notice the difference between Japanese and African. Blayze comes to the ring with a fan as her "manager", some lacrosse player from middle school, I think. Nakano takes exception to this, so Blayze threatens her with the dudes stick. Nakano sends Blayze to the corner and charges in with a clothesline. Blayze reverses a second attempt and takes her over with a monkey flip. She tries it again, only to get slammed down hard. Nakano with a handful of hair, throwing Blayze around like a rag-doll. Nakano with a sloppy piledriver for two. She flips Blayze over and slaps on an Ankle Lock. She turns it into a bow-and-arrow, only to nearly be counted down for three in the process. Whip to the corner, Blayze flips to the apron, and hangs Nakano up across the top rope. Blayze comes off the ropes with a sunset flip, but Nakano blocks and drops ass. Slam and a splash gets two. Blayze does a Matrix style bridge, before it was even such a thing, and slams down Nakano not once, not twice, but thrice, for a two count. Powerbomb attempt is blocked and countered with a back drop. Nakano slaps on that reverse Sharpshooter, or as I call it, the Pretzel-Hold. Whip to the ropes, Blayze ducks a clothesline and turns it into a back slide for two. Missile dropkicks ends Nakano to the corner. Blayze goes for a hurricanrana, but Nakano blocks, and with the use of the ropes, rolls her up to retain at 8:24. Solid match, but these two have had better.

Lex Luger & The British Bulldog vs. Bam Bam Bigelow & King Kong Bundy (w/ Ted Dibiase):

It's a special attraction Tag Team Match! Charge an extra $5 per ticket. I'm semi-surprised it's not Bam Bam and Tatanka, considering that was what they were going with on television. Either way, I don't expect much out of this. Bundy and Bam Bam attack before the bell, but the soon-to-be-named Allied Powers fend them off until Bundy sneaks up on Luger. Bam Bam with headbutts and an elbow, followed by some punishment in the corner. Bundy with an elbow and knee drop for two. Judging by the work so far, I expect Bulldog to tag in, take a beating as well, and then make the real hot tag to Luger to close it out. So little of note happens, until a USA chant breaks out, because that's going to bother two guys billed from NEW JERSEY. Luger finally manages to drop Bam Bam with a clothesline, but Bundy cuts off the tag. We work in a fake hot-tag, as Luger continues to take a boring beating. More stuff happens, Luger takes Bigelow over with a suplex. Bulldog finally tags in, 9-minutes into the match, and rocks the ring with a jumbo-sized noggin'knocker. He takes Bigelow over with a powerslam, but Bundy interrupts and gives him a weaker splash than Nakano gave Blayze in the previous match. Luger tags back in (a whole 50-seconds of work from Davey?) and clotheslines Bigelow to the floor, only to get knocked to the floor as well, by Bundy. Luger fights both off, avoids heel miscommunication, and rolls back into the ring for the Count-Out Victory at 11:03. Post-match, Bam Bam and Bundy get in each others face until Dibiase calms them down with a wad of cash. That sure didn't go nowhere. That was some pathetic half-assing from everyone involved. What was the deal with Luger (practically) working the entire match, building heat on the beating he took, only to win with a lame count-out?

The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Tatanka (w/ Ted Dibiase):

The rivalry between the Undertaker and the Million Dollar Corporation was still in its early stages. They managed to drag that shit out through August, and then spun that into a terrible program with King Mabel. I'm going to say this every chance I get: With all the stupid shit he had to do, Undertaker has every right to pick and choose when he works and who he works with, and I've been saying this since the early 2000's. Introductions prove to be longer than the match, thanks to 'Taker's 4-minute walk. Tatanka plays the role of chicken-shit heel, even though he was always willing to fight as a babyface. I guess money changes people. Tatanka tries a sneak attack, but ends up eating a clothesline. Whip to the corner is reversed and Tatanka follows in with an elbow... only to drop to the floor selling, I don't knoe, something. Talk about awkward. Undertaker stomps away and leg drops him for the three count at 1:51. Was there a legit injury there? Tatanka worked the Rumble PPV a week or so later, so it couldn't have been too serious.

Final Thoughts: Being in a more respected area that's been a vital part of WWF's live event tours, it's no surprise to see a stacked card that highlights the majority of the roster, but you can also see how shallow the talent pool was. There's a couple of good matches, but everything else is some stuff out of syndicated hell, and that's not including a midget match. While the star power is there, the match quality isn't. I wouldn't suggest going out of my way for a copy for a 5-minute match between two men who have wrestled countless times at the house show circuit and on WWF television and Pay-Per-View, unless you have a thing for midgets, Well Dunn, and the Million Dollar Corporation.

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