ECW on Sci-Fi: November 31, 2007
by Samoa Rowe
Our hosts for the evening are Tazz and Joey Styles
Well, it's been a long time since I gave this show a
chance and I'm feeling generous this week. The big
matches tonight? Kelly Kelly vs. Layla and then Kane
vs. Big Daddy V. This ain't your older brother's ECW.
Kelly Kelly vs. Layla
Good, let's get this out of the way early. Layla is
way too small and inexperienced to try and pass
herself off as a tough heel. Layla targets the back of
Kelly and chokes her on the ropes. Horrible drop-kick
counter exchange. Kelly drops Layla with a
clothesline. "We want puppies" chant from a few fans
in the crowd. Layla turns truly evil and stands on
Kelly's hair. Balls Mahoney makes his way to ringside
to get some crowd support for Kelly, and he gets a
good review. Kelly botches a backflip into the corner.
Kelly rolls up Layla and this abortion is over. -**
Winner: Kelly Kelly
-Hype video for Big Daddy V. I'm still not impressed.
Let's see how he can do in an extreme rules match with
John Morrison and The Miz vs. Jesse and Festus
Morrison and Miz are the WWE Tag Team Champions.
Morrison is tied with Rey Mysterio for having held
this particular tag team title the most times. This
match is a part of the "special working arrangement"
between ECW and Smackdown, which is a thinly veiled
attempt to hide that these shows are the same brand
now. Festus is amusing the way he goes from retarded
to all business when the bell rings. He's like a
combination of Eugene and Delirious. Festus chases the
champs from the ring, and Morrison coaxes Jesse in to
start things off. Jesse takes the upper hand early,
working on Morrison's arm. Jesse delivers some
"high-flying" offense to maintain control, and tags in
Festus. Miz avoids the tag, leaving Morrison to eat a
hard clothesline and body splash by Festus. Jesse tags
in and allows Festus to slam him on Morrison. Miz
accepts a tag, but is too slow to catch Jesse with any
shots. Jesse gets a near fall after a kick. Jesse
applies the front headlock. Morrison runs in to
assist, but runs into Festus. Miz and Morrison are
dumped to ringside, positioned for Jesse, who dives
off the top ropes onto them. We head to a commercial.
So far, this is pretty solid stuff.
Back from the break, and the tables have turned. Miz
has Jesse trapped in a rest hold. Good to see this
match fell back into the typical WWE tag team formula.
Miz slingshots Jesse into Morrison on the apron, and
then drapes him out for Morrison's springboard elbow
shot. Neck breaker by Morrison gets a two count.
Chinlock by Morrison. That's my cue to fetch myself a
beverage. I come back, and the chinlock spot is almost
over. Miz tags in and hit's a knee thrust. The champs
keep the tags going, solidifying Jesse as the face in
peril. Jesse eventually fights out of a double team
attempt and tags in Festus to clean house. Festus has
a lot of very impressive power moves, included a
standing spear. Jesse tags in and hit's the flying
cross body on Miz for a cover attempt, which is only
broken by Morrison. In the following chaos, Morrison
rolls up Jesse for the win. That ending was weak, but
this was a fine formula match, that gave all four men
a chance to get over, **.
Winners: John Morrison and The Miz
-Kane gets a hype video, as they are really trying to
sell tonight's main event as a big time match.
-They play footage from tonight's negative star
classic between Kelly Kelly and Layla. It's really
painful listening to Joey Styles pretending to be
impressed with the way Kelly slammed Layla's head into
-The Smackdown Rebound looks back at the revelation
that Edge and Vicki Guerrero are banging. Their night
ends on a sour note, as Edge helplessly watches The
Undertaker tombstone the hell out of Vicki (but not
before being told off by Batista). Edge vs. Undertaker
is signed for the next episode.
-Elijah Burke is in the ring, putting himself over as
the man who changed the face of ECW. He introduces his
homeboy, Shelton Benjamin. I must say, it was a great
idea putting Benjamin on ECW, as he wasn't going
anywhere on Raw. Burke also might lure some
personality out of Shelton. Burke passes on the mic to
Benjamin, who says he didn't come to ECW to make
friends and blend in. Benjamin puts himself over as
the greatest athlete to ever step foot in the squared
circle. I want him feuding with CM Punk as soon as
possible, and luckily for me, Benjamin wants a title
shot. This was the best Shelton Benjamin promo, which
isn't saying much, but this is progress.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Shannon Moore
Moore was an ECW guy who went to Smackdown and now
thanks to the current situation is back on ECW again.
How nice. Benjamin aggressively pounds on Moore and
hit's a belly to belly suplex. Benjamin quickly hits
his patented exploder suplex and follows up with a
belly to back suplex. You know, that exploder suplex
was Benjamin's finisher back in the day. Instead of
ending, Benjamin applies a chinlock. The crowd has
been on the verge of chanting "boring" all night, and
they are tested even further. Hard Irish whip by
Benjamin, who then rubs his forearm into Moore. Moore
escapes a slam and rolls up Benjamin for a close fall.
This is token jobber offense. Moore goes high risk,
but Benjamin catches him. After an interesting
sequence, Benjamin hit's a nasty DDT for the win. This
was okay stuff, ¾*.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
Big Daddy V (with Matt Striker) vs. Kane
Lumbering slug-fest to kick things off. V drops Kane
with his elbow and pounds on the back. Kane rolls out
to the floor, and Striker tries to get a kendo stick
for V. Kane grabs the stick and strikes V in the leg
twice. V no-sells the kendo stick attack and slams
Kane. The fight heads to ringside, where Kane slams
V's head into the steel steps. Kane tosses some
weapons into the ring (the usual WWE weapons, such as
flimsy garbage cans). V nails Kane with a street sign
as Tazz describes V as a "planet-like man." Back in
the ring, Kane kicks a chair into V's face. Kane goes
high risk, and barely manages to connect with his
flying clothesline. Kane places the chair on V, and
goes to the apron. V leaps up and knocks Kane off the
apron into the barricade. V pursues Kane at ringside,
as Striker fetches a table. For the record, the table
gets the pop of the night. V sets the table up against
the turnbuckle and rests Kane against it. V then dives
into Kane, snapping the table in half. To my
annoyance, the crowd chants "ECW." V goes for the
cover, but Kane "somehow" kicks out. Striker gets
another table for V. Kane is in a daze, but finally
starts hitting back. V looks for the Samoan drop, but
Kane blocks by grabbing the ropes. Kane beats V with
the kendo stick, until V yanks it from him. Kane hits
him with the trashcan, and signal the choke slam, but
Mark Henry runs in. Henry and V double team Kane for a
few minutes. V whines about a minor cut on his arm,
this is what ECW has become. "Extremely Childish
Whining." Henry and V hit a double choke slam on Kane
through the table and V finally gets the pin. I forgot
this was still a match. This was slow, boring, and
unmemorable, everything I had expected, ½*.
Winner: Big Daddy V
As the show was coming to an end, I thought to myself
"Where the hell is CM Punk?" I can only assume this
means he'll be on Smackdown this week, but it's pretty
sad when the ECW Champion cannot even be booked as the
center of a 45 minute show that features all the
jobbers and directionless midcarders the other two
brands didn't want. This wasn't a bad episode, I like
what I see developing with Shelton Benjamin and the
tag match was pretty decent. However, that divas match
was wretched and the main event bombed, so I'm going
to have to go with the thumb's down here, kids.
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