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ECW on Sci-Fi: October 30, 2007
by Scrooge McSuck

- Broadcasted from the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, NY. Joey Styles and Tazz are handling the commentary duties from ringside. With Halloween just a day away, "ECW" has been dressed up for the occasion, with Halloween decorations straight from the Big Lots bargain bin set up in the entrance aisle. Oh, and don't forget the MONSTER MASH BATTLE ROYALE! I can just picture it... Frankenstein's Monster, the Wolfman, a Hunchback, Dracula, the Mummy... what a Battle Royale that will be! Wait... what? It's just a bunch of fat guys and Kane wrestling? COME ON, I want Monster's, not poor workers who roar a lot! ECW's slogan should've been "Prepare for Disappointment", because that's all you would ever get from this show.

Note: I know by this point, ECW really became just another B-Show, and I'm sure the same could be said about the show when it first started too, but at least then it tried to be a little different before falling apart into being WWE's idea of what ECW should represent in the 21st century.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Elijah Burke:

Joey Styles hypes en episode of Ghost Hunters Live, Tomorrow at 9/8c, and Elijah Burke will be on of the people appearing on the show. Wang is a redneck, Asian cowboy, which makes absolutely zero sense. According to Styles, ECW has a working relationship with Smackdown... if Yang is all that Smackdown was willing to lend, I say end that relationship, fast! Lockup, and Burke slaps on a side headlock. Burke with a shoulder block, but Yang retaliates with an elbow, followed by a standing moonsault for a quick two count. Yang charges and gets back dropped onto the apron, then rammed into the ring post. What's with all the smog at ringside? HALLOWEEN! Back in the ring, and Burke stomps away on the "injured" arm of Yang, then clamps on a hammerlock. Yang escapes, but runs into a knee lift. Burke with a shoulder breaker, and that gets a two count. Burke continues to work the arm, and goes back to the hammerlock. Yang rams Burke into the corner to escape, and sweeps the leg, Mortal Kombat style. Yang with a pair of clotheslines, but he runs into a boot. Burke to the top rope, and he gets nailed coming off with a spinning heel kick. Yang covers, but only gets two. Yang teases a moonsault, then misses a charge. Burke posts the shoulder of Yang, again, then charges in with the Elijah Express for the three count at 4:45. For a 5-minute match, not bad. It's nice to see someone commit to working a specific formula for the match, in terms of working a body part, and having that actually build into the finish. I remember capping Velocity back in the day, and Jimmy Yang (then known as Akio) always seemed to have good performances.

- Kane is standing by to hype the Monster Mash Battle Royal. I'd consider Kane the only true "monster" of the group, and he happens to be the only babyface in the match, too. Kane is like a B-movie horror character... so cheesy most of the time (unmasked era), but still somewhat entertaining, usually.

- Raw Rewind! William Regal pronounces Triple H as "Triple Haitch", and he has to compete in a match against Umaga and Randy Orton. Triple H with the old cliche, if I go down, you go down with me. I honestly don't remember much from this era, so I don't have any clue what the program was. Out of nowhere comes Shawn Michaels to make the save... did DX reunite, again???

- Nunzio is hanging around backstage, dressed up as a Vampire. I thought Dracula was Romanian, not a Full Blooded Italian. He's got a bunch of trick or treaters with him, and they come across such child-friendly characters like Balls Mahoney (Nuetered Balls, that is), C.M. Punk, the reigning ECW Champion, and last but not least... The Boogeyman. Wait, why wasn't THE BOOGEYMAN in the Monster Mash Battle Royal? He gives all the little kiddies a handful of worms. This guy truely was disgusting, but still entertaining to watch, in a horrible bus accident filled with nuns kind of way.

Extreme Halloween Rules Match!
Tommy Dreamer vs. Count Nunzio:

Poor Tommy Dreamer... as a WWF fan, I really don't have that much appreciation for him, but I'm sure true ECW fans are sad to see him clinging onto the "ECW" name so much, being a complete scrub for most of the time of the "ECW" revival, and hanging around well past the point it could be considered an alternative program compared to the rest of the WWE programs. Dreamer comes to the ring, dressed as Paul E. Dangerously, and Nunzio is still rocking the Dracula costume. Dreamer nails Nunzio with a clothesline after no-selling a boot to the padded gut. Dreamer slams Nunzio face-first into the canvas for a two count. Nunzio with a baseball slide on Dreamer, but he misses a plancha. Dreamer with a pumpkin, and he bashes Nunzio across the head with it. Dreamer downs some whipped cream, grabs a Pumpkin pie, and charges off the apron, and creams Nunzio... quite literally. Dreamer puts his Yankee cap back on, and gets rammed into the post for it. Nunzio with a couple of apples, and he beans Dreamer with them. Nunzio charges with the pumpkin, but slips on something and gets dunked into the apple bobbing bucket. Dreamer dumps the contents on himself, and the action heads back in the ring. Dreamer with a large cell-phone (from 1995, of course) and he bashes Nunzio with it. Dreamer slams the bucket on Nunzio's face, then baseball slides it into Nunzio, hanging in the Tree of Woe. Dreamer with a DDT, and it's over at 3:33. That was quite an entertaining garbage brawl. It looked like fun, and it was very fun to watch.

- Hype video with a very poor man's Boris Karloff hyping up the Punjabi Nightmare, The Great Khali. Who was passing around the crack pipe when this guy was given the World Heavyweight Title?

- Raw Rewind #2... it's a Diva Halloween Battle Royale. Victoria had one of the best costumes, a giant sumo suit (Yokozuna!), and it obviously lead to some comical moments. Everyone else was the typical "slutty this" and "slutty that", and there was even a footballer (Torrie Wilson?). Kelly Kelly won, but ended up being the ultimate loser, as the other Diva's feed her to Beth Phoenix, the "Glamazon" or whatever stupid name she was given. I do remember them booking her well, for the brief time I kept up with the WWE at the time.

#1 Contender's Match: John Morrison vs. The Miz:

If you were to ask me in 2007 if the Miz would ever be a main eventer, let alone a WWE Champion, I would call you a stupid scumbag for even suggesting such a thing. I thought these two were a tag team, but maybe that came after this? Sorry, I gave up WWE in 2007 following the unfortuante events that happend during the summer, and my piecing together of things is a little scatter-brained. Lockup, and Morrison school boys Miz for a one count. Miz works the arm, but gets shoved down. Miz goes back to the arm, but Morrison hooks the ropes, and sweep the leg from under. Miz with a bitch slap and a drop toe hold, followed by some hammering. Morrison pulls Miz out of the ring, but gets kicked into the security wall. Morrison retaliates with a hot shot across the wall. Back in the ring, and Morrison covers for a two count. Morrison with a springboard dropkick attempt, but Miz ducks. Whip to the corner, and Miz charges in with a huge forearm for a two count. Miz with a version of "The Stroke", but the Reality Check misses, and they trade pinning combinations for near falls. Miz with a clothesline, followed by some choking. Morrison with a boot to the chest, and the corkcscrew neck breaker gets the three count out of nowhere at 3:23, and will get a title shot next week on ECW (on Sci-Fi). Too short, and a little all over the place. It seems like they tried too hard to get as much action in as possible, and it just went nowhere.

- Hype video for "The World's Strongest MONSTER", Mark Henry. Why is it that Kane was the only one (so far) allowed to cut a full, "live" promo? Henry has a few comments spliced in between the Lamest Karloff impersonator, but he appears to be reading off a cue card.

- Ditto Big Daddy V, 'cause we're running out of time. Remember when Mark Henry fought Viscera in the lamest undercard match possible at the 2000 edition of No Way Out? Yeah, I totally went there. What's with all the random clips of these Battle Royal participants roaring and beating their chests?!?! All this match needs is the shark from Jaws the Revenge, and you've got the ultimate match of nonsensical roaring.

C.M. Punk (ECW Champion) vs. James Curtis:

Morrison has made his way to the broadcast position to help call the action, because that's your typical way to draw heat for an upcoming match. Lockup to start, and Curtis slaps on a side headlock. Punk quickly counters, and comes off the ropes with a shoulder block. Curtis takes it to the corner and drives a series of shoulders into the midsection. Whip across the ring, and Curtis charges in with a clothesline. Morrison accusing Punk of listening to Hootie and the Blowfish is very entertaining... Punk comes back, putting the boots to Curtis, and charging into the corner with a running knee, and takes Curtis down with a bulldog. Punk to the top rope, and he connects with a clothesline. Punk with the GTS, and that gets the three count at 1:39. After the match, Morrison runs in and lays Punk out with that corkscrew neckbreaker... check out next week's episode of ECW (on Sci Fi) to see their ECW Championship encounter! Just a squash match, but it's something that so desperately needs to be reintroduced to wrestling, to give people stuff to do without having to constantly put them over the other established names.

Monster Mash Battle Royal!
(Participants: The Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh), "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, Big Daddy V (w/ Matt Striker), and KANE~!)

Yes, a Battle Royal with only Four Participants... really, could they have not thrown in the Boogeyman for shits and giggles? I never understood Big Daddy V... was making him wrestle without a shirt punishment, and yet they still gave him high profile feuds and PPV title matches? To show how much I know going on, I don't recognize Khali's talker, and had to google it, and even then, I didn't find anything but a name. Feh... Everyone seems to want to gang up on Kane (of course...), but Kane uses his speed(?) advantage, then slugs it out with everyone. Wow... I can see how well this is going to be. Big Daddy V remembers having to job to Henry at No Way Out 2000, and suddenly they have a battle of the bulk, but a double clothesline puts both men down. Khali hammers on Kane, but misses a clothesline. Kane with the goozle, but Khali elbows free and takes Kane off his feet with a big boot. Henry comes back to life and tries to Torture Rack Khali, it appears. Kane slugs it out with Daddy V, but gets... molested? Viscera goes for a sidewalk slam, but THEY BLOW THE FUCKING SPOT. Come on, how hard is that? I can do it with uncooperative people, let alone someone I'm working with. Henry tries crushing Khali in the corner, so Daddy Vis comes over to help out and squashes both men. V charges at 2 mph, but Kane avoids it, nails him with a clothesline, and tosses Viscera at 2:54. Khali with the Vice on Kane, but Henry saves, so he slaps it on Henry, and Kane saves. Double clothesline on Khali sends him out at 3:31, and it's down to Kane and Mark Henry. Kane goes for a slam, but Henry holds onto the ropes. Kane nails Henry coming with a boot, then heads to the top rope for his clothesline, but Henry catches it and chucks Kane over the top for the victory at 4:23. Well, that was quite short. Henry celebrates by beating on his chest like his name is Tiny Lister, and that ends the broadcast. Crappy Battle Royal, but short, I guess.

Final Thoughts: Not too bad for one of those "B" Shows. A handful of short matches, mostly watchable/good, with only one bump in the road, that being the "Monster Mash" Battle Royal to end the show, but thankfully, it was kept reasonably short. I wasn't feeling the Contender's Match, either, but the opener was quite good, the "Extreme Rules" match was very fun, and the squash match was a nice throwback to my era of wrestling program. It's not really ECW, but it's still a decent hour of wrestling related programming. ROAR!!

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