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ECW on SyFy: August 4, 2009
by Samoa Rowe

-I’m due to get back into some ECW again. They are airing from Long Island, New York.

-We kick things off with the Abraham Washington show! This is actually the first time I’ve seen this dude and he’s one funny looking mofo. His mic work is standard but I like the use of the “applause” sign on the tron. I can’t believe it, but they seem to be ripping off TNA by having Washington invite Sarah Palin to the show. Instead, Zack Ryder comes out and makes himself at home on the couch. Ryder puts himself over as the only good thing to ever come out of Long Island. Washington mentions that Shelton Benjamin was supposed to be his guest, but Ryder feels he is a better option due to his killer sense of style. The bad banter continues for what feels like forever before Benjamin storms out to defend his honor. Benjamin stutters through a promo, using the word “smurf” in place of profanity. This is not playing to Shelton’s strength, guys. Washington sets up a round of “Abraham Idol” to find out who is more entertaining. Ryder sings a wretched rendition of “I Wanna Be With You” for his girlfriend in the audience (whose sexual decency was earlier questioned by Shelton). Benjamin takes the mic and sings the same song, though not much better (the crowd is starting to turn on the segment). Ryder cheap shots Benjamin, prompting a brawl. Well, at least their pending matches should be good.

-Ezekiel Jackson is angrily storming around the backstage area. His match is next.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Danny Danger
Jackson doesn’t waste any time delivering a couple of brutal backbreakers. The standing urinagi finishes Danger at 0:33. Well, that was certainly a squash.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson

-Jackson is still in the ring as Vladimir Kozlov makes his entrance. After a staredown, Kozlov delivers a spinebuster to the lifeless Danger. Jackson lifts up the jobber and hits his finisher again. I hope they really are setting up a team for these two, as I feel it would be stronger than the sum of it’s parts.

-Backstage, Tiffany is chatting with the Bella Twins. A stage hand is almost run over by some rogue equipment, but thankfully The Hurricane is there to make the save. Paul Burchill wanders in and the former pirate states that this is ridiculous. Indeed.

Sheamus vs. Goldust
My first reaction to Sheamus is that I like his entrance music, so that’s a good start. Apparently, Goldust lost to Sheamus last week, so he wants revenge. Back and forth action in the early going. Sheamus goes to work on the left arm. Goldust fights back but gets his arm dropped on the ropes. Absolutely everything Sheamus does is intended to wear down the arm, but isn’t enough to get the pin. Goldust mounts some offense with his good arm. Powerslam by Goldust only gets 2. Sheamus pulls Goldust off the turnbuckles and gets the win around the three minute mark. Nothing special, though it was good of Dust to sell the hurt arm.
Winner: Sheamus

-Sheamus takes the microphone and starts going on about how he was looking for gold (get it, he’s Irish) but Goldust cheap shots. Looks like Goldust wants another mulligan.

-Tommy Dreamer hypes up his Extreme Rules match against Christian for the ECW Championship. Meanwhile, Christian is heading to the ring wielding a car door! This could be good!

ECW Championship:
Christian © vs. Tommy Dreamer

Yep, this is Extreme Rules. In addition to Christian’s car door, Dreamer has wheeled out a hot dog cart full of weapons. Awesome, I sez. They start off with a basic, evenly wrestled contest. It doesn’t take too long for Dreamer to fetch some weapons, and they have a bit of a stand off. Christian blocks the kendo stick with a can lid but eats some shots at ringside. Dreamer grabs a garbage can, but Christian baseball slides it into him. Christian dives to the floor and batters the challenger with a crutch. Dreamer counters with a drop toe hold, sending Christian crashing into the hot dog cart! Dreamer gets nasty, shoving some hot dog buns into the champion’s face. Dreamer is in charge as we take a commercial break. After the break, Dreamer is punishing Christian with the weapons, but is unable to get the pin. Christian counters a bulldog but is slow to go for the cover. Christian makes good use of the numerous weapons laying around. Christian takes a back drop at ringside but bounces back with a missile drop-kick into a garbage can. Back to the ring, Dreamer sends Christian hurtling into a can. Cane-assisted slam by Dreamer only gets 2. Christian fights back with the can. Dreamer counters a DDT, sending Christian crashing onto a pair of cans (no pun intended). Christian gets caught in a tree of woe and is helpless to a violent weapon assault. Christian blocks a DDT and fetches the car door. Dreamer blocks the attack and attempts a piledriver. Christian counters with the Killswitch on the door! That finishes it at 16:00! This was an entertaining garbage match, only hindered by some dead spots, **3/4.
Winner and still ECW Champion: Christian

Final Thoughts: The main event was good stuff and it makes me smile to see matches like this happening on WWE’s version of ECW in 2009. I still say that ECW could be a bigger part of their company if they would let it be the edgier, more grown up alternative to their other programming, especially considering the switch to the PG rating. I think this Abraham Washington stuff needs to end fast, as the crowd definitely was turning on that segment (up until something violent happened) and the reports I’d been reading suggested that previous installments of the Washington show suffered the same reactions. It doesn’t help that Washington’s mic delivery feels forced and Benjamin isn’t charismatic enough to try to pull off the cool smartass character.

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