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ECW on Sci-Fi: April 21, 2009
by Samoa Rowe

-Tonight, the official contract signing of Jack Swagger vs. Christian at Backlash.

-Finlay and Hornswoggle make their way to the ring. Finlay takes the mic and reminds us that Hornswoggle got drafted to Raw last week (which pretty much means nothing, mind you) so tonight’s his last night on ECW. Hornswoggle takes the mic and screams that he wants to wrestle. It’s scary how over Hornswoggle is with this British crowd. They are interrupted by Tyson Kidd and Natalya. Kidd is glad that the midget is leaving, as it means more time for himself on the show. Finlay reminds them that Hornswoggle is a leprechaun and that it’s actually Kidd who is a midget. Natalya says that her uncle Bret lied about being “the best there’ll ever be” because that’s Kidd’s destiny. Oh snap. Natalya claims that even she could beat Hornswoggle and tells him to get lost. Hornswoggle responds by, get this, biting Natalya’s ass. Of course, this sets up Hornswoggle vs. Natalya for after the break.

Hornswoggle (with Finlay) vs. Natalya (with Tyson Kidd)
Why couldn’t this be Finlay vs. Kidd? I digress. Natalya challenges a test of strength, but Hornswoggle is too short! Natalya slaps the little bastard around. Hornswoggle goes after the ass again and nails a spear. Hornswoggle attempts a cover, but Kidd is on the apron. Horny throws his jacket at him, Finlay dispatches Kidd, and Natalya gets pinned at 1:34. Not exactly Beulah vs. Fonzie, eh? At least the live crowd liked it, DUD.
Winner: Hornswoggle

-Kidd and Natalya storm into Tiffany’s office. Natalya rants about how she’s practically royalty due to her being a third generation diva. Does that make Bret Hart a second generation diva? They demand she fire Hornswoggle, but Tiffany refuses to be walked all over. She makes Finlay and Hornswoggle vs. Kidd and Natalya for Superstars.

Evan Bourne vs. Paul Burchill (with Katie Lea)
Lock up with Burchill knocking Bourne down. Drop toe hold by Bourne with a kick to the head. Bourne outmaneuvers, gaining a cover for 1. Katie Lea distracts, allowing Burchill to throw Bourne off the top rope. Burchill kicks and blocks a tirt-a-whirl armdrag with a backbreaker. Cover by Burchill gets 2. Burchill applies a dragon sleeper. Short arm clothesline by Burchill sets up a reverse headlock. Butterfly suplex by Burchill sends Bourne crashing. Double knee to the chest by Burchill (even more deadly due to Burchill wearing knee braces). Suplex by Burchill gets 2. Back to the headlock. Bourne fights out like the plucky baby face that he is, but Burchill nails a trapped leg overhead suplex. Cover by Burchill gets 2. Rear naked choke by Burchill, which transitions into a mere chinlock for a bit. Bourne escapes and kicks the legs, but he runs into a back drop. More headlock goodness by Burchill. Bourne mounts a comeback, ducking a clothesline and kicking Burchill out of the ring. Bourne spins around Burchill for a near fall. Clothesline by Bourne gets 2.5. Bourne dives into an urinagi. Cover by Bourne gets 2. Bourne goes high risk but Burchill cuts him off, setting him up in an electric chair. Bourne counters with a head scissors takedown and nails the shooting star press for the win at 9:01. One of Burchill’s better outings as of late, and Bourne looked like money yet again. A few dead spots in the match bring this down a tad, **¾.
Winner: Evan Bourne

-Hype video for Vladimir Kozlov. High entertainment here.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Frankie Sloan
Before the match, Kozlov cuts a promo in Russian. Oh, and Russian athletes are superior. Global domination, he says. The match begins with Kozlov grounding poor Sloan with hip tosses. Head butts and big boots follow. Kozlov slams Sloan to pick up the win at 0:51. At least he’s not using an inverted DDT as his finisher anymore, DUD.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov

-ECW Champion Jack Swagger is strutting around the back.

-Interim GM Tiffany is in the ring for the ECW title contract signing! She introduces the #1 Contender, Christian! Jack Swagger is introduced, sporting his typically goofy smile. Tiffany conducts the signing and her delivery is just plain wooden. Seriously, did she have to audition for this role? Christian signs without making a statement. Swagger takes the mic and questions why Christian didn’t make any witty one liners about him. Swagger rants about Christian’s long absence from the WWE and how a new class of superstars come along while he was gone. And guess who’s at the top of the class? Swagger claims that Christian is overwhelmed by the realization that he is inferior to him in all categories. Swagger gets up to leave, but Christian cuts him off verbally. Christian says that while he’d like to make fun of Swagger for wearing the same suit he wore to his high school graduation, his haircut, and speech impediment, but at the end of the day it’s not going to mean anything. Thank you for making fun of that suit, it is pretty awful. Christian says he’s focusing on Backlash and making Swagger the biggest, fastest, strongest ex-ECW Champion in history. They have a staring a contest and Swagger poses with his belt, at least before throwing it at Christian. They fight, with Swagger getting the upper hand with a clothesline. Swagger nails the gut-wrench suplex through the contract table. This is pretty dramatic build for what will likely be an eight minute match with zero heat at Backlash.

Final Thoughts: Evan Bourne continues to shine as he had a good outing with Burchill. I’m glad that Natalya got so much time to develop her character this week, though I could have lived without the Hornswoggle match. And Swagger/Christian is moving along nicely and probably should have happened at Wrestlemania, but again, I digress. Nothing too memorable this week.

Thumbs in the middle.

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