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WWF SuperTape '92
by Scrooge McSuck
- It's been a long, winding road, but we're finally at the end of the Supertape series, with the creatively titled "Supertape '92." I don't know what the deal was, but it seemed like almost EVERY Coliseum Video in 1992 had "92" at the end of, even series like this and Battle of the Superstars that didn't have years tacked on with any of the previous releases. I guess that's just my fault for expecting more out of a company with the balls to charge $60 for a VHS tape that was just a bunch of Prime Time Wrestling left-overs. Yes, I know the market for these was for video stores (otherwise I can't see ANYONE shelling out $60 for any VHS tapes), but still, that's a lot of money, especially considering inflation over the years and that would probably be like charing $80-85 for a DVD these days.
- Sean Mooney is our host, and he informs us on what we're going to be seeing, including the entire PPV "Tuesday In Texas", as well as Tax Tips from Irwin R. Schyster, Call of the Action with Lord Alfred Hayes, and a very special Superstar Profile on the Undertaker. I would like to note that this tape containing the PPV is one of the reasons I've always been reluctant in revisiting it... everyone and their mother has done the show, because it's a "more obscure" PPV or some other bullshit, but I'll swallow one for the team and finish this series with the justice it deserves.
The Legion of Doom, Big Bossman, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart vs. Earthquake, The Mountie, The Nasty Boys (w/ Jimmy Hart):
It's our Tag Team Match of The Month™ and wow, what a collection of workers I either absolutely hate or have zero interest in! At least all of the pairings make sense... this was taped before SummerSlam, when LOD/Nasty Boys and Bossman/Mountie was a program, but what's with the inclusion of Neidhart? Was Jake Roberts too busy to have it make complete sense? Neidhart's still sporting the Hart Foundation tights, rather than the pajamas he would adopt a few months later. Things take forever to get started, and it's decided Bossman will start with Da' Mountie. Mountie attacks from behind, but is quickly slammed down with a spinebuster. The Nasties run in and are greeted by LOD clotheslines, and Earthquake plays it safe because he's deathly afraid of the sn--... Anvil. Makes a lot of sense. Sags tags in to take a beating from the Bossman. Animal tags in and gets worked over for a moment by the Nasty Boys, but comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle on Knobbs, followed by a powerbomb. Neidhart tags in and he nails Knobbs with a shoulder. Quake hits Anvil from the apron, then tags in to do some punishment. Anvil avoids an elbow drop, takes Sags over with an arm drag, and tags out to Hawk, who is surely going to raise the workrate up a level. Hawk actually nails Sags with an enziguri, no doubt ripping off the Bossman's moveset. Mountie tries his luck again, and gets press slammed for his troubles. Bossman tags back in and rams da' Mountie to the buckle more than ten times. Bossman and LOD with mounted punches on their feud partners until Quake nails Bossman with Jimmy Hart's motorcycle helmet. Earthquake tags in and plants Bossman with a powerslam, then drops an elbow for a two count. Knobbs tags in and tosses Bossman out of the ring. Sags with a chair, and it's a pretty weak shot. Mountie makes up for it, throwing Bossman into the steps, who drops an F-bomb for us to sell how painful it was. There's children watching for the sake of all that is pure! Bossman goes Mike Tyson on Sags and we get a fake hot tag, then Animal accidentally nails the referee, who NO SELLS IT! Hawk gets the real hot tag and pounds away on everything walking, then powerslams Knobbs for a two count. Everyone is in the ring, until it's only Animal and Knobbs. Hawk with a top rope clothesline, and he covers for the three count at 10:12. Wow, that was pretty boring. It wasn't awful, but it was such a waste of time. The most notable moments are the Bossman cussing and referee no-selling Animal's offense. While both moments are quite entertaining, a good match these moments make not.
- Irwin R. Schyster (otherwise known as I.R.S.) is standing by (well, actually he's sitting, but...) with some unnamed punk who no doubt has been cheating on his taxes. Gotta' love that mullet Mike Rotundo is rocking, even in such a professional line of work. Business in the front and party in the back, right? Generic Bum gives a sob story not heard since a Muppet Christmas Carol, but I.R.S. isn't buying it. He accuses us of making illegal copies of this tape as we're watching it... damn that ESP! Anyway, I.R.S. has some tax tips for us, and it's a VERY poor man's version of Letterman's Top 10 List. I notice that I.R.S. almost stops mid-way through his tip on having your daughter's bucked teeth fixed, maybe he thought that was the only funny tip, too. Hey... didn't they have him doing these stupid tax tips on random episodes of Wrestling Challenge in 1994? How original.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart © vs. Irwin R. Schyster:
Another Coliseum Video exclusive, taped a few weeks after SummerSlam from Cornwall, Ontario, Canada, and this was still quite early in I.R.S.' run, so I don't know if we're going to see a clean finish or not. I seem to recall the WWF doing house shows featuring Bret Hart and the WARLORD, so I'm thankful we've got someone else (not named Barbarian). Hart quickly takes I.R.S. over and slaps on a head scissors. They exchange wristlocks until Bret takes I.R.S. down I.R.S. with a standing side headlock, and it's amazing he can keep the hold applied with all that grease in the Hitman's hair. Bret takes him over with a hip toss, and sends I.R.S. packing following a dropkick. Back in the ring, and Bret pounds away with rights, but I.R.S. catches him coming off the ropes with a back breaker. I.R.S. with a pair of elbow drops for a two count, then slaps on the abdominal stretch. Yes, he DOES use the ropes for leverage. Irish whip, and Bret surprises I.R.S. with a sunset flip for a two count, then a school boy for another two count. I.R.S. remains in control, though, and slaps on a chinlock/sleeper. Bret escapes with elbows, but runs into a knee lift. I.R.S. with a leg drop across the midsection, then he gives the Nation of Domination gang sign. BLACK POWER! I.R.S. with a slam, then slowly heads to the top rope, and to the surprise of no one, eats boot on the way down. I FUCKING HATE THAT SPOT! Bret with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline for a two count. Bret with a suplex, excellently executed, for another two count. Bret with a back breaker, followed by an elbow drop for another two count. Russian leg sweep by Hart, and a second rope elbow gets two again. Mounted punches in the corner, but a sharpshooter attempt is too close to the ropes. Irwin with the briefcase, and he KO's Bret with it, drawing a Disqualification at 8:29. This was the "Bret Hart Match for Dummies", as it was just a few quick exchanges to start, a short heat segment in the middle, and all of his signature spots to close. Not very good, but watchable. Sadly, that's just about the worst you can say for a match between two wrestlers like Hart and Rotundo.
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer):
It's time for the Profile on everyone's favorite undead Superstar, The Undertaker! I won't bother commenting on the generic promos leading into each match. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. Pulled from an episode of Prime Time Wrestling, originally broadcasted on October 14th, 1991. I've probably said this before, but Valentine, by 1991, was quite long in the tooth in the WWF, and even then I still wouldn't have turned him babyface, not only for the fact he's a great heel, but there was nothing to do with him, either, other than as a JTTS, and Greg Valentine deserves better than that. It's still better than pretending to be Roy Orbison, though. Valentine is wearing his banana yellow trunks and boots. Undertaker quickly takes control, but eats boot on a charge. Valentine with chops and elbows, staggering the big man. Irish whip, and Undertaker catches Valentine with a shot to the throat. Undertaker with choking in the corner, followed by more choking. Then more choking. Valentine mounts a mild comeback, with chops and elbows. Irish whip, and Undertaker with a big boot, allowing Valentine to do his tree falling spot. Monsoon questions why Valentine doesn't go for the leg... because he's on Job Duty, Gorilla. Irish whip, and Undertaker with a diving clothesline. Undertaker misses an elbow drop, and Valentine quickly slaps on the Figure-Four! Undertaker's shoulders are down for more than three seconds, ref! Valentine uses the ropes for leverage, but lets go to go after Paul Bearer. Undertaker is back up, clobbers Valentine from behind, and finishes him with the Tombstone Piledriver at 5:26. Well, that was decent for a television match, I guess. I always appreciate it when a babyface that was once a notorious heel does heel-ish things, like use the ropes for leverage in a submission hold.
"Superfly" Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer):
In the ultimate act of lazy recycling, we're ripping this off from WrestleMania VII. I know the Undertaker didn't squash too many "names", so there's limited supply here (especially with Tugboat turning into Typhoon, and erasing his previous identity from existance), but they could've found something else other than a WrestleMania squash. Undertaker attacks Snuka from behind, after a lengthy stare-down. Undertaker with boots to the midsection and ramming Snuka into the turnbuckle. Irish whip, and Undertaker comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline to a pretty big pop for an undercard heel. Undertaker with choking in the corner, then a whip across the ring. Snuka counters, but runs into a knee and falls out of the ring. Undertaker brings Snuka back in with a suplex, as Heenan tries making sense of how the urn works. Undertaker misses an elbow drop, allowing Snuka some token offense, mostly consisting of chops and headbutts. Snuka misses a dive, and falls out of the ring. Snuka tries a slingshot back into the ring, but Undertaker catches him... kind of, then puts him down, punches him in the face, and scoops him up for the Tombstone Piledriver, and that ends Snuka's night and begins the Undertaker's WrestleMania streak, at 4:19. Impressive squash match for the Undertaker, back when the undercard at WrestleMania featured such matches.
- The rest of the matches come from the Tuesday in Texas Pay-Per-View, which originally aired LIVE on Pay-Per-View from San Antonio, TX, less than a week after the Survivor Series, which came across as a $25 commercial for what was probably a $15 Pay-Per-View. At least it's a better value than No Holds Barred, a 90-minute movie and a 10 minute match stretched to a 2-hour run time. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are calling the action, by the way. That's always a good start.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart © vs. Skinner:
Hey look, it's another random, pointless title defense for Bret Hart, except this time it's against someone with very little hopes of a push (other than a short house show program with The Dragon), so we'll probably get a clean finish for this one. Bret Hart was kicking off a program with the Mountie around this time, but that never got a proper blowoff, and instead turned into Bret vs. Roddy Piper for WrestleMania VIII. Skinner gets introduced during Bret's entrance, so that just makes it that more obvious. Monsoon claims Skinner is undefeated, but in his own words, I find that highly unlikely. Bret gives his glasses to some young girls, who proceed to moisten themselves over it. Lockup, and Bret with an arm drag, then applies an armbar. Bret with a shoulder block, atomic drop, inverted atomic drop, and a clothesline, sending Skinner out of the ring. Back in the ring, and Bret works the arm. Looking at Skinner, it's hard to believe he once teamed up with Stan Lane as a couple of pretty boys. Skinner grabs a headlock, but Bret is in complete control still. Skinner rakes the eyes, then tosses Bret shoulder-first into the ring post. Skinner puts the boots to the Hitman, then chokes away. Back in the ring, and Skinner applies an abdominal stretch. Yes, he DOES use the ropes for leverage, but Monsoon still criticizes the lack of exellence in execution. Skinner with a shoulder breaker, but that only gets a two count. Skinner eats boot on a charge attempt, but Bret misses an elbow drop from the second rope. Skinner nails Bret with the Gator claw while the referee had his back turned, but doesn't go for a pin? Idiot. Skinner chokes Bret across the middle rope, then changes it up, using his boot instead. Whip to the corner, and Bret does his traditional bump. Skinner continues to control with his generic heel offense, boring me to tears. Skinner hits the Gatorbreaker, but Bret kicks out at two! Skinner to the second rope, and it's that stupid spot I really fucking hate. Bret hops back up and pounds away at the midsection of Skinner. Irish whip, and Hart with a back elbow, followed by a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Bret with a snap suplex for another two count. Side back breaker, and a second rope elbow drop for another close count. Skinner with a surprise roll up, but Bret kicks him out, through the ropes. Bret counters a suplex back into the ring, but can't roll Skinner up. Skinner to the top rope, and guess what... he gets slammed off. Sharpshooter time, and it's over at 13:46. Decent enough, but a little too long considering the lack of credibility for a title challenger and giving someone so much time to pace the match when all they do is choke and kick. I hope not every match on this portion of the tape is overly long, just to fill time.
"Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth) vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts:
This is the match that turned the Survivor Series from one of the most entertaining nights of wrestling to a glorified commercial for a Pay-Per-View to air a week later. If you don't know the backstory to this one, then whatever... Roberts turned heel and began a feud with Warrior, Warrior left over a contract dispute, Savage was inserted into Warrior's role despite being "retired", Roberts let his cobra chew on Savage's arm on an episode of Superstars leading up to Survivor Series, Jack Tunney lifted the retirement from Savage's records, this match was scheduled and pulled Roberts from the Survivor Series card for whatever reasons, and Roberts is no longer allowed to have snakes at ringside. I'm sorry for just going super-turbo speed with all of that, but we all know the deal here, and if you don't, you're probably 10 years old, and not in my key-demographic for reviews.
Savage is in the middle of a promo when he hears Roberts' music, so he takes off and ambushes Roberts in the aisle. Finally, someone fucking does it. Savage throws Roberts into the ring and hammers away on him in the corner, still sporting his green cowboy hat with a giant fucking feather. Whip to the corner, and Savage with an elbow. Savage to the top rope, and he comes off with a double axehandle. Roberts heads out of the ring, and Savage quickly follows. Back in the ring, and Roberts drives a shoulder into the midsection, then tosses Savage over the top rope. Too bad this isn't Royal Rumble Rules. Roberts heads out, and rams Savages bandaged arm into the ring post. Then he does it a few more times, just because he can. Back in the ring, and Savage gets a few blows in before Roberts thumbs the eye. Roberts with an inverted atomic drop, "well executed", followed by a series of knees into the same arm. Roberts tears away at the tape and continues to punish the arm. Savage tries ramming Roberts to the buckle, but Roberts blocks and returns the favor. Roberts with a hammerlock, but Savage elbows his way free. Irish whip, and Savage with a boot to the chest. Roberts with a short-arm attempt, but Savage ducks and nails Roberts with an elbow, then whips him to the corner. Savage meets the knee on a charge attempt, and Roberts nails him with the short-arm clothesline on the second attempt. Roberts calls for the DDT, but Savage rams him into the corner, climbs the ropes, and comes down with the elbow drop for the three count out of nowhere at 6:27.
Things aren't over, quite yet, though. Savage attempts to add further damage, but Roberts comes to and plants him with a pair of DDT's, then heads under the ring and pulls out a black bag.... hey, the snake wasn't at ringside, it was under the ring. Har har! This brings Elizabeth back out, trying to get mercy for Randy, but asking Roberts for mercy is like asking a Yankee fan to hug David Ortiz... okay, bad example, I might hug him if he asked. Roberts lays Savage out with a third DDT, screams at Elizabeth, then in what was easily one of the most dastardly acts in wrestling, "smacks" her, drawing the biggest heat of the night, without question. I know it was clearly obvious that Rpberts made sure not to make real contact, but damn, that was unthinkable at the time. After the match, Savage and Roberts seem to trade off chilling, creepy promos, and there's no way anything can top what the last 25 minutes or so has produced. This section of the tape, alone, is worth the price of purchase. The match was short, but everything together was extremely well done.
The British Bulldog vs. The Warlord (w/ Harvey Wippleman):
Ugh... has anyone else noticed that these guys were involved in the same match for every PPV in 1991? Rumble match, singles at WrestleMania, Six-Man Tag at SummerSlam, Elimination Tag at Survivor Series, and now this. I'm not looking forward to it, either. Did the WWF ever explain Wippleman's taking over the Warlord's contract from Slick, or was it just done and attempted to be ignored. Monsoon and Heenan are still hung up over what transpired earlier on as we get a battle of the needle. Warlord goes low, but Bulldog catches Warlord by the foot, pushes him over, and drops a headbutt across the midsection. Warlord doesn't know long-term selling though, and is back up in time to be clotheslined out of the ring. Bulldog with a plancha, but Warlord "catches" him and rams the Bulldog's back into the ring post. Bulldog also ignores selling to ram the Warlord into the buckle ten times. Bulldog to the top rope, and he connects with a missile dropkick. Bulldog with a clothesline, trapping Warlord in the Andre the Giant Special™. Bulldog attempts a cross body, I guess, but crotches himself, as Warlord is free'd from the ropes. Warlord with a back body drop, then slaps on the most electrifying move in sports entertainment... the bearhug. It could be worse. Could be that Barbarian/Boss Man match again. Bulldog escapes, so Warlord takes him down with a belly-to-belly suplex?! Warlord slows things down, pounding on the Bulldog. Bulldog unwisely attempts a piledriver, but Warlord back drops out, then puts Bulldog down with a clothesline. Warlord slaps on the Full Nelson, but Monsoon points out that the fingers are NOT locked! This full nelson junk sucked in 1987, too, just to throw it out there. Two lifeless bodies = BORING. Do something, ANYTHING, to make the hold more entertaining. Warlord eventually releases the hold, since the Bulldog couldn't bother to escape it himself. Whip to the corner, and Bulldog boots Warlord charging in, then comes off the second rope with a clothesline. Bulldog with his signature delayed vertical suplex for a two count. Bulldog with a clothesline into the corner, but Warlord counters a powerslam attempt, and lands on top of Bulldog for a two count. Irish whip, Bulldog with a crucifix, and that gets the three count at 12:50. Another match that could've used some trimming down, especially with that three minute long bearhug spot that sucked the life form me.
Virgil & Tito Santana vs. Ted Dibiase & Repo Man (w/ Sensational Sherri):
To the surprise of everyone, there is backstory here... Ted Dibiase reclaimed the Million Dollar Belt from Virgil at the Survivor Series Showdown special, with more than a little help from the freshly debuted Repo Man. After the match, it was Tito Santana, who was freshly dubbed "El Matador", that saved Virgil from further humiliation, and thus, we've got this midcard slopfest of random tag team partners. I guess they couldn't bother giving us LOD vs. Natural Disasters, or LOD vs. Anyone, but rather a combination of guys who had no business teaming together. Matador and Repo Man start. Repo pounds away on El Matador like it was WrestleMania IV all over again, but Matador slaps on a hammerlock. Santana with an arm drag and armbar, as Heenan claims Repo Man repo'ed the Lone Rangers mask because he owed Tonto $50. They end up trading hip toss attempts until Santana sends Repo Man flying over the top rope. Dibiase tags in, as does Virgil. Dibiase quickly goes to work on him with rights, but Virgil surprises him with a sunset flip for a two count. Virgil with an atomic drop, sending Dibiase over the top rope. Santana scares Dibiase back into the ring, allowing Virgil to clothesline him back out. Virgil sends Dibiase to the corner, but meets an elbow on the way in. Repo Man tags back in, and plants Virgil with a slam. They take turns choking Virgil. Irish whip, and Dibiase with a clothesline. Repo Man takes Virgil over with a snapmare and "hammers" away. Dibiase with a gutwrench suplex for a two count. Irish whip, and Virgil surprises him with a swinging neck breaker. Santana gets the hot tag and pounds away on Repo Man. Irish whip, and Santana with an elbow, followed by a pair of dropkicks. Santana with the flying forearm, but Dibiase distracts him from going for a pin. Santana goes for that other move with a dumb name, but gets tripped and knocked out of the ring, allowing another heel heat segment, I guess. Repo works Santana over, but I've lost all interest. We even get the lame false hot tag spot. Ugh. Virgil gets the "real" hot tag and sends Dibiase to the corner. Virgil with clotheslines for everyone, and a Russian leg sweep on Dibiase for a two count. Everyone's in the ring now, but heel miscommunication sees Sherri bonk Dibiase with her shoe. Repo Man ends up giving Virgil a knee to the back, and Dibiase comes to and covers for three at 11:20. Long(ish) and dull. Next.
WWF Championship Match:
The Undertaker © (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Hulk Hogan:
I wasn't looking forward to sitting through this one again... in case you've forgotten, Undertaker defeated Hogan for the WWF Title at Survivor Series, with a little help from Ric Flair, but Jack Tunney ordered for an immediate rematch, This Tuesday in Texas, and he himself, the President of the WWF, carved the roast beef... whoops, wrong story. No, he just said he would be at ringside to make sure nothing shady happens. FORSHADOWING! Hogan bum rushes the ring, only to be attacked by Undertaker and Bearer (DQ!), but he fights everyone off. Hogan sends Undertaker to the corner and charges in with a clothesline, then mounts him for ten punches. Hogan an inverted atomic drop, despite Undertaker's attempts at trying to fight free. Irish whip, and Hogan with a clothesline and about the 9th eye rake. Undertaker blocks a slam, but Hogan fights him off again and ends up pulling off the slam, after all. Hogan with another clothesline, knocking Undertaker out of the ring. Hogan tries pulling him back in the ring, but they blow yet ANOTHER simple spot, as Hogan fails to get hung up across the top rope. Jesus, GIVE UNDERTAKER SOMETHING. Undertaker pulls Hogan out of the ring and works him over with shots to the throat and choking. Back in the ring, and more choking. Then to the corner for some more choking. Hogan escapes ramming Undertaker into the buckle, but "runs" into a knee in the opposite corner. Undertaker takes it to the corner, walks the ropes, and comes down with a clothesline across the back. We head outside the ring, and Hogan tastes the ring post. Back in the ring, and Undertaker with a Jaw Hold. What is he going to do, force pills down his throat? Last time I've seen this hold, Mama Fratelli did it to Corey Feldman in the Goonies. Hogan finally fights free (with an eye rake, of course), and Undertaker trips up hititng the ropes. Good GOD, how hard is this?! Whip to the corner, and Undertaker boots Hogan coming in. Again. Irish whip and Undertaker with a diving clothesline for a two count. Undertaker tries going "old school" again, but Hogan yanks him off this time. Suddenly, Ric Flair makes his way to ringside, as Hulk Hogan Hulk's Up. Hogan clotheslines Undertaker out of the ring, then Hogan goes outside and smacks Flair with a chair, who in turn falls into Tunney, knocking him down. Back in the ring, and Hogan rakes the eyes for the 67th time. Flair with the chair in the corner, but Hogan sends Undertaker into it instead, then knocks Flair off the apron. Hogan with the big boot, but Undertaker sits up. Bearer accidentally whacks Undertaker with the urn, Hogan empties it's contents, throws the ash into Undertaker's face, and school boys him for the three count and his 4th WWF Championship at 13:12. What a pile of crap. No chemistry, blown spots, repetetive spots, repetetive finishes, and a total ass for an ending really makes for a terrible main event. Of course, Hogan would be stripped off the title for such a lack of integrity, and a new champion would be crowned at the 1992 Royal Rumble.
- The tape ends with Call of the Action with Lord Alfred Hayes. I pass.
Final Thoughts: Thank you Lord, I finally got through the final Supertape. I didn't think I could make it, but I did. I did it, just like I told everyone I would. It took me more time than it did for me to review every WCW supercard from 1987-1989, but I finally finished. This tape, outside of Savage/Roberts, is just crap. A lousy PPV, plus a handful of random, lousy dark matches, and a few other random crappy Coliseum Video exclusives, and you've got your usual Coliseum Video from 1991-92. Really bad. Pass. Skip. Whatever phrase or word you want to use.
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