TNA Impact! - July 8, 2005
by erick von erich
What the HECK?/Intro
NWA Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling is currently showing their weekly
show, via their website with RealMedia streaming. ECW tried a similar
thing in 1997 and 1998, before the technology was tested and/or
reliable. It's 8 years later...and the technology is tested, but still not
All matches are called by Mike Tenay and
Don West. They use a six-sided ring and usually feature a lot
of cruiserweight (or as they call it "X-division") matches. All of
the belts are branded NWA championships, with TNA as the promotion.
have a Resident Hot Chick (Tracy Brooks) and typical wacky cheesy rasslin' stuff.
To me, it's kinda' like "What if....WCW kept going"
David Young vs. Chris Sabin
The show begins and announcer Mike Tenay skips his signature line: "What a way to kick-off
Impact", not to be confused with "What a way to kick-off THUNDER". Lock-ups and shoulderblocks
begin, with Sabin hitting a drop toe-hold, kneedrop and a hurracanrana.
Sabin slides out, kicks Young and returns with a reverse flying elbow for 2.
Young is whipped to the corner, floats over and connects with a German suplex and
a clothesline for 2. Then.. a HEADLOCK happens! Mike Tenay is "impressed"
as we go to a...commercial break?! Yup, hype for TNA DVD's and Pay-per-views.
Back to the
ring as Sabin delivers a tornado DDT for 2. Young comes back and goes
up top for Missed Moonsault #1. Sabin flies in with a top-rope dropkick, then applies
his "cradle-shot" finisher to score the pin (sort of a Death Valley Driver
Terry Taylor is backstage with A.J. Styles. Styles has brought Larry Zbyszko along
to request a match against Sean Waltman. Well, at least ONE person is requesting a
Sean Waltman match.
More commericals and we return with Terry Taylor interviewing America's Most Wanted -
"Wildcat" Chris Harris and "Cowboy" James Storm. These guys are okay..but I don't
understand the team name. Are they supposed to be ex-cons or criminals? Anyways,
they challenge the new team of Alex Shelley and Michael Shane. Storm says the two have
been acting like the "King Turds of Poo-Poo Town". Modified version of an old
line...but a favorite of mine. It was one of my catchphrases, back when I was
a football coach.
Mikey Batts vs. Zach Gowen
Zach's the one-legged dude who made national headlines a few years back.
Batts has two-legs, by the way. The Handshake of Mutual Comraderie and Respect
opens the match. They trade waistlocks and dropkicks. Zach goes up top
and Missed Moonsault #2 on the day. Jeff Jarrett enters the ringside area and
orders the timekeeper to ring the bell and end the match. Thank you, Mr, Jarrett.
He gets the house mic and demands that the ring empty. Zach remains and Jarrett
says "are you deaf, too?" Niiiiiice. Jarrett brains Zach with his guitar. Security
surrouds the ring as Jarrett dares them to enter. They must be the biggets wimps
in Security Guard History...8 of them can't take
on a guy with a broken guitar. Logic in Wrestling! Jarrett challenges Raven and
all the new talent that's been entering "Planet Jarrett" of late (is that
close to "Planet Stasiak"?)
Samoa Joe vs. Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy
This match automatically rules because it has Shark Boy. Joe and Skipper
argue, shoving away Shark Boy. Shark Boy launches from the top-rope
with a flying dropkick to knock both guys down. Shark Boy bulldogs Skipper, then
Joe knocks Shark Boy to the outside with a nasty clothesline. Joe and Skipper
go at it for awhile. Joe sets up Skipper for a top-rope suplerplex, but
Shark Boy sneaks in below and flips both guys over. Shark Boy and Skipper pair off,
when Joe misses a charge. Skipper crotches Shark Boy on the top rope and tries to walk the ropes.
Joe returns with a dropkick, then delivers a "muscle-buster" suplex (modified
brainbuster) and a camel clutch choke hold on Shark Boy to get the victory.
Petey Williams vs. Amazing Red
Booby Heenan would've made some jokes about Red's siblings. "Fallen Angel"
Christopher Daniels, the X Division Champion joins the commentary team.
Gee, I WONDER why he's suddenly out there?! Red dropkicks Petey in the back, then
both guys bounce outside. Red connects with a shooting-star press off the apron.
Back in the ring, a top-rope dropkick scores 2 for Red. Petey gets 2 by halting
a hurracarana attempt, then follows up with a German suplex. Red comes
back for Missed Moonsault #3. Actually, he added a corkscrew delivery to it...
but I'll still count it as #3. Petey hits his somersault Canadian Destroyer
piledriver. Daniels had been referring to Petey as "one-dimensional", so Petey
looks directly at Daniels and hooks a sharpshooter to get the submission victory.
Petey and Daniels exchange Unkind Words.
Terry Taylor interviews "Alpha Male" Monty Brown backstage.
Monty wants the "2 Live Kru" to answer his challenge for a tag-team match.
They'll get powwwww-nced. Period. If they do. Okay....
Abyss (w/ James Mitchell) vs. Cassidy Riley
Mitchell is the former "Sinister Minister" of ECW fame, or
"James Vandenburg" of WCW not-much-fame. Riley leaps in from the top-rope
and tries attakcing Abyss. Abyss shrugs him off and applies a
torture rack/airplane spin/overhead backbreaker. Abyss whips him in for
his Blackhole Slam spinning side-slam and that's that. NWA Champ
Raven runs in and delivers a Cock Kick to clear the ring. Abyss pulls him out
then chokes him over the ropes with a chain. Tenay says that Abyss is
"hanging" Raven....despite the fact that Raven's ass is sititng on the ring apron.
ANyone who gets to pummel Raven is okay wth me. So yay for Abyss. Also, I think
that James Mitchell's character is a cross between Lord Oliver Humperdink and
evil "Satanic" Kevin Sullivan.
Team Canada (Bobby Roode, A-1 & Eric Young) vs. Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) & Lance Hoyt (w/Jimmy Hart)
Huh...THAT Jimmy Hart? Yup, but no megaphone. HOW will the Naturals know
to "Work on him baby, work on him" without Hart's megaphone?! Young starts with Stevens
and EY stalls big time. Throughout the match he seems more interested in making goofy faces and
finding someone in the crowd to argue with, than with wrestling. Roode comes in, right into
a double-team whip/bulldog from the Naturals. A-1 trips Douglas and hits a charging
powerslam. Canadians work on Douglas for several minutes. Douglas manages a despeartion
neckbreaker on Roode, then makes the hot tag to Lance Hoyt. Hoyt cleans house and
hits the Big Boot on Roode for the pin. If he was wearing, say, wrestling SHOES, would
it have been a Big Boot? And how big must a boot be before being declared BIG?
Team Canada is joined by Petey Williams for a 4-on-3 beatdown to end the show.
Why'd You Tape This?
Probably not legal to "record" RealMedia broadcasts, so no "taping". I don't know how to do it
and not sure I would want to, anwyays. The wrestling is okay...but the quality of the RealMedia
feed is sub-standard. I'm running a cable modem connection, but the audio cut out
several times and I had to re-start the broadcast twice. I like the
aspect of making this an "on-demand" broadcast. A free show that I can watch whenever I feel
like it. I imagine TNA will have these available for awhile, so you can jump over to their
website if you'd like to check it out.
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