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TNA Impact! - June 5, 2008
by Jillie

Here we are on the eve of another PPV. Well, not exactly an eve. Itís more like the eve of the eve of the eve. Or something. But thatís beside the point. The point, as it were, is that PPVs happen SO often in the wrestling world. One show every month is way too often considering there are really only four episodes of Impact between them. Arenít PPVs supposed to be anticipated, full of special matches, and give the audience and fans that feeling of a special event? How can that be accomplished when we see a PPV every four episodes? Perhaps TNA would be better off to have two months in between PPVs. At least Iíd like it better. And really, thatís all that matters.

Robert Roode and Booker T vs Christian Cage and Rhino
Here we go again with the Booker T/Robert Roode business. Still, Christian and Rhino are going to get cheated or beat up at the end of all this. During the entrances of the men, their qualifications into the King of the Mountain matches are shown. Rhino and Roode are in the ring to start. Rhino is in charge and tags in Christian quickly. Christian takes Roode down with a spin kick and Roode tags in Booker. Booker backs Christian into the corner after a brief advantage for Christian but Christian dumps Roode off the apron. This doesnít stop Booker from remaining in charge and he tags Roode in for the double team. Roode and Booker T tag each other back and forth, keeping Christian isolated from his partner, and working surprisingly well together. Christian finally gets the upper hand with an inverted DDT and both he and Roode get the hot tag. Rhino is on fire. He pins Booker T, but Rhino makes the save. Christian, in turn, saves Rhino. Christian takes a trip over the ropes with a crossbody to take Roode out. Back in the ring, Booker T misses a scissor kick and Rhino connects with the gore. However, before he can get the pin, 3D makes the save for a DQ win to Christian and Rhino.

3D continues with the beatdown and goes for the tables. Itís AJ Styles that makes the save and helps clear the ring. AJ gets on the mic and asks Christian if they can be on the same page again. He calls Tomko Angleís butt buddy and lays out his intentions for both of the men. Cornette comes out and tells everyone, with the quote of the evening, by the way, that AJ has recently been beat us like ďa drag queen at a tractor pull.Ē Cornette makes Nash the guest enforcer for AJ vs Tomko later tonight.

This match was pretty good. I want to take this time to comment on Christian Cageís matches. Iíve been noticing lately that he always plays the underdog in a seemingly mismatched match, even if the match is in fact quite even. He always gets beat down endlessly until, miraculously, he makes a recovery and goes on to win the match (or if he doesnít win he loses in some screwjob way). This is becoming similar to the pattern that Shawn Michaelsí matches follow: beat down, hopelessness, miraculous kip up, win. On a message board I used to frequent, the members brought this point up many a time, and argued that if youíve seen one HBK match, youíve seen them all. My point here is that Christian Cageís pattern is mimicking that of Shawn Michaelsí, and that is going in the wrong direction. There is nothing worse than a one-dimensional wrestler whose matches are not distinct from the last one they performed in. Iím not saying that Cage has gotten to this point by any means, but there is a tendency there and I donít like it!

Samoa Joe mid-training promo
This promo primarily focuses on the Joe-Nash drama. Joe says that itís a moot point whether or not he trusts Nash because he will do his thing in the ring with or without Nash.

Beautiful People Promo
Love and Sky make the interviewer lady (what IS her name, anyway? I miss it every time!) hold up their trading card (coughcheapplugcough) in front of her face. Sky really sucks on the mic. Well, not sucks, I guess, sheís just a lot less interesting than Love. Love says Sky is not going to break a sweat tonight before the Beautiful People sign off. Now we watch Raeesha (or however you spell that) threaten to beat someone else from the crowd through Velvet Skyís lipstick. How appealing.

ODB vs Sky
ODB has given up her flask for a tobacco spit cup. This is going to be gross, I can already tell. Oh and look, I was right. Sky got a cup full of tobacco spit right in the boob. Yuck. This brawl quickly goes to the outside where Love periodically interferes. The two fight into the crowd and, while Sky has the advantage for about 3 seconds, itís dominated mostly by ODB. ODB dumps Sky over the guardrail onto the ramp and the fight continues into the ring. Sky knocks ODB off the apron and Love gets her shots in and throws her back into the ring. Sky is now in charge and Love ties ODB up in the ropes. Sky charges, ODB dodges, and then boots Sky into Love. This leads to the pin and win for ODB.

Love comes from behind and Roxxi comes down for the save. Kim is not far behind (with a taped up knee). Some new chick comes down for the final save of the Beautiful People. The three women proceed to brown bag Gail Kim.

Who is this new person? Nicki Knuckels, apparently. Iím interested to see her in action. As a chick, I always like to see new chicks in the ring that actually have more talent than the silicone in their bodies.

Lethalís Bachelor Party Part 1 Shark Boy and Ace Young are kariokiing (if that is, indeed, a word)
Sonjay has something to say on Sunday
Storm is drunk
BG gives some very good and relevant marriage advice that I think all you men should take to heart
Shark Boy demands a Shell Yeah

EYís Search for Elvis
EY is in Graceland this week. The funniest part of the promo is when EY decides that the Tiger leisure suite would look great on Samoa Joe. *shudder* EY leaves a ticket for Slammiversary at the foot of a statue of Elvis.

Sting Interview
The topic of discussion this time is Ric Flair, the great matches with Ric Flair, and how Ric Flairís retirement makes Sting consider the same himself.

KOTM 101
Iíll be honest. I fast forwarded through this. I know what a KOTM match is, and I know the rules.

X Division King of the Mountain Match: Curry Man, Rave, Sabin, Devine, and Kaz, the winner gets a World Title shot.
As you can imagine, this match is a clusterfuck (can I say that?) so Iím just going to give you the biggest owies. Kaz catapults Devine to the outside. During the commercial we see that Curry Man got Rocked the Worlded for the pin, hence sending him to the penalty box and allowing Rave the right to hang the X. As we come back to the match, Rave and Kaz are having a ladder duel. Rave wins. Rave is trying ot hang the X when Sabin dropkicks the ladder. Sabin makes the pin and Rave goes to the box. Sabin tries to get the X up, but Kaz throws the other ladder to knock him over. Sabin hits Kaz with the X. Sabin tries for the X again, and Kaz climbs up as well and swats the X away (silly, but effective). Kaz hits Sabin with the Wave of the Future into a ladder. Curry Man then monkey flips Kaz into another ladder. Devine is now in control and suplexes Curry Man into the pile of ladders. Devine somehow gets himself into a Tree of Woe and gets his face smooshed (a very technical term) by Sabinís hesitation dropkick into a ladder.

We cut to another commercial, and when we come back, we see a tower suplex involving Devine, Curry and Rave. Sabin and Kaz are on the top of the penalty box. Kax tries to Flux Capacitate Sabin off the top, but Sabin fights him off, and jumps off the box inot the ring only Curry. Devine sets the ladder up on the box and Kaz jumps on it, nailing Devine in the chin. Somehow, but I canít read the notes I wrote while watching this match, both Kaz and Rave end up in the penalty box at the same time. Devind tries to hang the X but Sabin interferes. Devine traps Sabin in the ladder and tries again. This time Curry Man brings him down and Spice Racks him for the pin. Devine heads to the box, and now all 5 men have a shot to hang the X. While Devine is trying to get in the box, Kaz tries to escape, and now there is a brawl in the itsy bitsy box.

Curry Man tries to make his way to the top but Kaz finally gets out of the box. Great. We all know whatís going to happen nextÖThatís right. Kaz knocks Curry Man off the ladder, somehow retaining the X, and hanging it up for the win.

Kaz gets a(nother) shot at the winner of the ďrealĒ KOTM winner on next weekís Impact.

And what is with all this Kaz love lately? Yes, heís good. Yes, I like him. But really. Every time there is a match to determine what poor little X Division schmuck gets a shot at the World Title, Kaz wins. In my opinion, theyíre over doing it a bit. Itís not even that I donít think he deserves the shots. I certainly do. Itís just that shot after shot after shot with no results is not really pushing the guy. Itís proving that he, in fact, is not good enough to win. But thatís just me.

KOTM 201
I didnít watch this KOTM preview, either, because I was getting lunch. I could have paused it, I guess, but I was too hungry to think of that.

Awesome Kong vs Some Poor Schmuckette
We see a recap of the two previous beatings before Jeremy Borash calls three women down to the ring. He says they look familiar, listing off the names of two of the women, and introducing the last as Daphne from WCW (I canít remember the names of the other two, nor have I ever heard of them). Daphne ďwinsĒ the right to fight Kong for $25,000. Well, maybe this is going somewhere. After all, Daphne is an established personality, they used her real name, plugged her a little, and maybe sheíll be a new arrival at the TNA locker room. My hopes are, however, dashed, just like Daphneís head against the guardrail (ouch!). Kong inevitably wins with an Awesome Bomb.

Abyss Video
Iím super excited for Abyssí return, for no other reason than these promos kick ass. Iím not even a really big fan of Abyssí. I donít really like his matches as Iím not a fan of the kind of hardcore matches he is best in, and his character seems like a Mankind/Kane ripoff to me. But this whole thing about him removing his mask and reinventing himself as it were makes me excited to see what heís going to be like now, how his character is going to have evolved, what kind of feuds heís going to be involved it, etc, etc.

Kevin Nash interview
Nash has a game plan and is explain this to the interviewer that Jillie is too lazy to look up the name of when Joe interrupts, demanding to know just what that game plan is. Nash calls Joe his investment and says he has done what is best for Joeís career. Nash invites Joe to take a shot with a bat and Joe says he wonít need the bat before storming out. Interesting promo, serving to forward the potential feud and the storyline as a whole.

Lethalís Party Part 2
The Groomsmen will be Koko B Ware, George ďThe AnimalĒ Steele, and Kamala.
Kip James is the stripper.
Shark Boy is throwing up (I am too).

Lance Hoyte, James Storm and Kip James vs Matt Morgan and LAX
Iíd just like to point out that Salinas is not a good dancer. Sure, she can shake it, but she has no rhythm. Just sayingÖ Anyway, Storm and Homicide start off the match. Homicide has the clear advantage and makes the tag to Hernandez. Hernandez makes the pin but Kip saves the day. Homicide tags back in, and finds himself on the outside, where Jacqueline gets her shots in. Salinas makes the save. Now itís Storm and Homicide in the ring. Homicide is up on the ropes but Storm takes him down with a Tornado DDT and tags in Hoyte, who takes his shots and tags in Kip. They are succeeding in keeping Homicide isolated as Storm tags in once more. Finally, Homicide gets a break and a hot tag is made to Kip James and Matt Morgan. As the fresh man, Morgan has the advantage. He does the Undertakeresque rope walk but is interrupted by a backwards moonsault courtesy of Lance Hoyte. Hernandez, in turn, makes the save. Homicide is now in. Homicide and Hernandez take out the other team with twin over/through the ropes suicide dives. Morgan ends up getting the pin on Kip James for the win.

Petey Williams, Rhaka Khan and Rick Steiner promo
Although the question is asked of Petey, Steiner takes over the interview. Steiner asks who Kaz has beaten, citing the Terror Dome was a circus match, not a wrestling match. Petey in the end tries to get his two Canadian cents in, but he is told that theyíre out of time. He freaks out and talks until the commercial take over.

Kurt vs Karen
I was really really tempted to fast forward this segment, but I didnít. I wish I had, though. It was the same exact argument these two have had every show since Karen Angle showed up on screen, pretending or not. I am SO tired of this storyline. The promo wasnít all bad, though, because after this argument we cut to AJ Styles who gives a wonderfully intense promo. I like intense AJ. I just wish he was intense over something other than a stupid marital issue. By the way, I KNOW theyíve had AJís wife on the air before Ė she was there when AJ was making his decision between the Angle Alliance and the Christian Coalition Ė so where is she now? Just wondering.

Lethal Bachelor Party Part 3
A gift is sent from Sonjayís family. Itís a Hemme in a cake. There is much booing as Rock and Rave infection takes the stage. There is also a gift from a guest thatís not here tonight but will be on Sunday. ODB brings out a big box and Sonjay pulls out a gorgeous albino boa constrictor (I want one!), indicating that Jake ďThe SnakeĒ Roberts will be in the ring. Hopefully heíll be sober and his snake will be alive when he gets there.

Tomko vs AJ Styles
AJ starts off immediately by flipping over the top rope onto Tomko before his entrance was really over. AJ is in control as the fight gets back in the ring. As we go for commercial Tomko has the advantage as AJ has hurt his arm. When we come back from the break, AJ gets in a dropkick for the upper hand. AJ somehow thinks heís going to Styles Clash Tomko, but he gets distracted when Robert Roode attempts to interfere in the match. Nash, the enforcer, quickly neutralizes Roode, only to have Booker T come to the ring. Nash takes care of him, as well, just as AJ pulls of a surprise Pele in the ring, following up with a frogsplash for the win.

Cue the obligatory pre-PPV, all participants involved, brawl.

Booker T hits Kevin Nash with a chair. AJ makes the save. Tomko beats up Nash. Roode gets in the ring. Christian Cage, Rhino, 3D, and LAX all come down to join in the fun, respectively. Finally, Joe comes down to clean house. Nash has a chair, and we all know whatís coming now. Nash tries to hit Booker with the chair, but Booker ducks and Nash hits Joe by mistake. There is much freaking out.

This show for me was so predictable. The KOTM X Division match was great. Sky vs ODB was great. Even the main even was really good. But it was the endings to the matches, the post match goings on, the promos that were all so predictable.

Anyway, the PPV looks like itís going to be good. As I said, Iím excited to see Abyss come back, and Iím also looking forward to the KOTM match.

Thatís it for me.

Jillie

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