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TNA Impact! - May 29, 2008
by Jillie

Ah, fast forward. It was a wonderful invention. It allows us to skip parts of a show that we would rather not watch, or speed up boring matches and promos in which nothing actually happens to further the storyline or feud. I know in the interest of integrity I should actually watch this whole show and comment on everything, but I’m not going to lie; I’m probably going to fast forward through parts of this show. Parts like the intro, which replayed the Angle Saga from the end of the show last week.

Opening Promo
A highlight of Booker’s recent shenanigans play as Booker joins 3D in the ring. Ray gets on the mic and gives us all a lesson in kayfabe. Something lowers from the rafters, and they reveal it’s a picture of AJ Styles (a blown up version of the AJ Styles trading card *coughcheapplugcough*) and indicate that AJ is really the bad guy and that he is missing tonight. Ray calls AJ a bunch of names, labeling him an adulterer. Now Booker is on the mic. He says he’s Royal T (I imagine that’s how he wanted it spelled, although I can’t read the man’s mind). Oh goody. This gimmick that made me hate Booker so much in the first place while he was in WWE. I actually really liked the guy in TNA, even when he turned heel. But this King Booker crap sucks. Finally Devon gets on the mic and, just as this promo is going to get tolerable, LAX, complete with Salinas and Hector (esse!), interrupts. Hector announces LAX vs 3D at Slammiversary, but why wait until then? Now Christian Cage (with slightly different entrance music?) and Rhino interrupt. Cage is responding to Booker T, whom he calls Bob Marley. As Cage continues to mock Booker, Devon has to hold him back. Cage says that Booker is nothing without the TNA World Championship, and that he and Rhino are going to advance in the KOTM Qualifier. The next interruption comes from Joe, who stands amongst his peeps in the crowd with a mic. Let me paraphrase this: Christian is not going to win KOTM, the peeps want ass kicking, Booker is a punk ass [beep], Joe proposes Joe, Cage and Rhino vs LAX vs 3D and Booker for sometime in the future.

Wow! What a promo! A lot of housekeeping got accomplished and it was a great way to start the show.

Oh! It’s not over! AJ Styles is beating people up with chairs! Oh great! Now we’re cutting to JB and Karen Angle. Go back to the action! JB says AJ has an announcement about Karen for later.

Ace Young, Lethal, Val, Dutt promo
I don’t even remember this Ace Young guy and I watched the whole season of American Idol…I mean…what!? I did not!! All this promo served to do was hint further at the Sonjay-Lethal feud that is coming.

Kong and Raeesha tell the interviewer lady that they are going to beat up another woman tonight.

Rock and Rave Infection vs Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal
SoCal Val and Ace Young come down with Dutt and Lethal. Hermie Sadler is guest commentating. Rave and Dutt start out. Dutt uses his speed to get the initial upper hand, but Rave makes the tag, and Lethal, who has also tagged in, doesn’t notice. Hoyte gets control and makes the tag, but Rave falls victim to a dropkick to the face. Lethal tags in Dutt for a double team and Hoyte interferes, taking Dutt out. Hoyte and Rave double team Dutt and Rave goes for the cover. Hoyte is back in after yet another double team. He slams Dutt and goes for the cover. Sonjay reverses a chokeslam into a hurricanrana and makes the tag to Lethal. Lethal takes control of Rave and hits a springboard dropkick. Hemme trips up Lethal, but Ace trips up Hoyte, allowing Lethal to get the roll up for the win.

Wow! What an action packed match! This one was so hard to recap it went so fast. I couldn’t keep up! It was a great match.

Lethal has something to ask Dutt as we cut to commercial. Lethal makes it sound like he is going to confront Dutt about his crush on SoCal, but instead he asks him to be his best man.

We are now forced to watch a silly video by Ace Young, featuring Lethal and SoCal. As I said in my intro…thank goodness for fast forward. My question is if this is Ace’s surprise for the two, how did he trick them into all that acting without their knowledge!?

Beautiful People Promo
Angelina Love looks different for some reason. She says that they’re going to “paper bag” all the Divas and insults Roxxi. Velvet takes the mic and does the signature Beautiful People send off. I just say that I’m digging Love much more than I am Sky on the mic. Angelina just seems to have more attitude and spunk than Velvet.

Angelina Love vs Roxxi Laveaux
I’d just like to point out that during Love’s entrance Don West used the word “madder.” Roxxi comes out with new entrance music and runs to the ring, taking it to Love right off the bat. Roxxi goes to the outside and chases Velvet Sky into the ring, only to end up on the wrong side of a clothesline from Love. Love bashes Roxxi’s head into the mat a few times and continues with the advantage. Love gets a pinfall opportunity after a big boot. Roxxi gets the upper hand with a fall away slam and both women are down. Roxxi gets the upper hand with several clotheslines and forearms, going for the cover. Roxxi knocks Sky off the apron and spins around for a roll up on Love. She sets up for the Voodoo drop but Love gets out. Sky sprays Roxxi in the face with hairspray and Love takes advantage with her finisher (whatever it’s called) for the win.

Love and Sky proceed to give Roxxi the “brown bag treatment” and beat her up. Gail Kim and ODB show up on the ramp, Kim with crutches after her leg injury a week or two ago. They start to go down to the ring when ODB steals one of Kim’s crutches and chases the Beautiful People out of the ring.

Cornette/JB promo
This was a hilarious promo. “Violence?” “Violence! The people love violence!” Of course they do! This is wrestling! Booker T and 3D crash the promo and Booker demands better treatment. He tries to kick Cornette out of his own office to use as a dressing room.

EY looks for Elvis
EY checks out the studio Elvis recorded in and messes around with some of the instruments and equipment. Next stop is Graceland.

Cornette in the ring Cornette has the updated card for Slammiversary.

  • Booker T and Robert Roode are joining Joe in the KOTM so far
  • AJ vs Angle is announced
  • LAX defending vs 3D is announced
    Cornette is on his way to his office and Booker T and 3D had better not be there, but is interrupted by Kevin Nash. Nash mocks Cornette for making empty threats and mocks the “crackpot security.” Cornette wonders what Nash wants, and Nash reiterates that it’s what Cornette wants. Nash offers his services to get control of his office if Cornette makes Nash the special enforcer for KOTM, saying that if Cornette wants to know why he should watch the PPV. Nash ends with requesting that Cornette ask him nicely for his services, Nash agrees, and they shake hands. This was a great promo; classic Nash. I really enjoy Nash when he’s not actually wrestling. He’s a great comic relief and does a great job backing up younger talent. I hope they keep him around for a while, as long as it’s in a non-competitive way.

    Abyss Promo
    Abyss is allowed to go home in 10 days. The doctors say he’s cured.

    Kong vs “Random” fan
    Some brunette is in the ring that looks less like a wrestler than the girl last week. She is duly annihilated, even after trying to escape up the ramp. Kong wins, surprisingly, with an Awesome Bomb.

    JB, Booker, 3D in Cornette’s office Kevin Nash comes in to complete his end of the deal. He starts out by asking nicely until 3D makes fun of him. When Devon points out that there’s three of them and one of him, Nash brings out his friend “Louis,” a baseball bat. The office quickly clears. Nash says that it’s not personal, just business.

    Rhino vs Storm
    A promo detailing the history between the two men is cut short, as the match seems to have started backstage prematurely. Rhino is in control until he gets whacked by Jacqueline’s shovel. Security tries to intervene, but Storm chases them off. The brawl continues through the commercial. When we come back, Rhino is back in control and taking the fight out to the ring. Rhino suplexes Storm onto the ramp and takes off after Jacqueline. Storm spits beer in Rhino’s face and throws Rhino around the outside of the ring. Storm throws Rhino into the ring and the bell finally rings.

    The Official Rhino vs Storm KOTM Qualifier
    Storm starts off in control, but the match is very back and forth. Neither man allows the other to stay in control for very long. Jacqueline gets on the apron and helps Storm in choking Rhino. We come back from commercial once again to a spear by Rhino (somehow different from a Gore, apparently). Now Rhino is setting up for a (weak) Gore, which he misses. Storm throws him to the outside where Jacqueline tries to get unconscious Rhino up and into the ring in probably the funniest moment of the show. Rhino miraculously recovers after dodging a big boot from Storm, and finally connects with a Gore to win the match and move on to join Booker, Roode and Joe in the KOTM (clearly I was wrong a few weeks ago when I said that Rhino being one of Cornette’s four was a nice idea but he was not going to advance).

    Christian Coalition promo
    Here we see the history of Cage, Tomko and Styles, including the Angle Alliance, and the now solo members of the former Christian Coalition.

    Tomko promo
    I actually really enjoyed this promo. Tomko was great, intense and certainly got his point across. He’s sick of hearing about AJ, and Christian is going down tonight. It was a great change from having someone speak on his behalf. I found that when he was trying to break free from his respective stables he was weak and unconvincing. This promo was nothing of the sort.

    Tomko vs Christian Cage KOTM Qualifier
    Cage has definitely updated his music. It’s the same basic song, just a little different. FYI, it’s an instrumental version of an Evanescence song. Can’t remember which one right now, but I looked it up once. Anyway, the match has been started. Tomko cheap shots Christian while he’s posing on the ropes. Christian reverses a gorilla press attempt, but can’t get the upper hand. Christian gets to the middle rope, but is kicked to the outside. As we come back from commercial, Tomko is still in charge and goes for the cover. He locks Christian up and Christian tries to recover, but is knocked back down. Tomko is throwing Christian around like a rag doll in this match. Christian just can not catch a break. Christian finally, from the top rope, slaps Tomko and takes him down with a tornado DDT. Both men are down. Now it’s Tomko that just can’t get a break. Christian dodges everything thrown at him before getting to the top rope. He goes for a splash but Tomko rolls out of the way (not quite far enough…he got nailed in the back by Cage’s legs). Christian tries for an Unprettier but Tomko gets a chokeslam for the cover. Tomko just about falls off the ropes while on the second rope punching Cage. Cage gets Tomko to the mat and connects with a splash this time. Christian covers but can’t make the 3 count. Tomko misses a big boot, Cage goes for an Unprettier, Tomko reverses, and Cage reverses the reversal into an Unprettier. Cage makes the cover for the win and a shot in the KOTM.

    What a match! Again, I could hardly keep up to the action! There were SO many covers and reversals…it was great! Great chemistry between the two, and great psychology in that it seemed as though the two former friends knew each other’s repertoire very well. This was easily the Match of the Night.

    AJ and Karen Promo
    AJ tells JB that he can wait with everyone else to hear the special announcement. We go to commercial with a shot of Kurt Angle backstage.

    AJ and Karen in the Ring Promo
    Hrm…AJ Styles isn’t showing up on the ramp to his music. I bet Kurt Angle is beating him up right now…ah yes, there we are. The camera goes to the back where, just as I thought, Kurt Angle is beating up AJ. With AJ out of commission, Angle comes out to the ring. Kurt wants Karen to tell the whole world what a jerk she is. Karen slaps Kurt. Kurt gets angry. AJ makes the save. 3D, Tomko and Booker come down. Someone rings the bell and everyone stops what they’re doing, thinks again about their actions, and head to the back, obeying the almighty authority of the bell ringer. Haha! Yeah right! When, in the history of the world, has this inane bell ringing ever made a difference? Anyway, Christian Cage comes down to try his luck at saving AJ; he gets obligatorily destroyed. Angle’s music plays and everyone poses as we go off the air.

    Well, that was an interesting show. I really liked it, actually. The matches, although few, were great. The promos for the most part were relevant and furthered their respective storylines and feuds. The PPV lineup is starting to excite me.

    Anyway, excuse my rushed ending, but I have to go chase pigeons off my mf'ing balcony now. (Editor's Note: Have you tried... bullets?)

    Till next week,

    Jillie

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