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TNA Impact! - May 22, 2008
by Jillie

I missed the entire intro to the show because my boyfriend would not get off the phone. As I was watching the noise-less intro, I realized that I didn’t even finish watching last week’s show because I had to clean pigeon poop off my balcony instead.

So by the time I got my boy off the phone I had missed the entire recap of the 3D-Hector Guerrero business, and started watching just in time to see Brother Ray elbowing Homicide in the head.

Brother Ray vs Homicide
Ray is in charge until a splash dedicated to Hector went awry. Homicide gets on his feet and in the air, levelling Ray with a missile drop kick and hurricanrana. He goes to finish with a Gringo Stunner when Devon comes in with a kendo stick to end the match in a DQ.

[Does anyone else want to desperately to type DX instead of DQ? Hrm…] Devon goes for the tables and Hernandez makes the save. Just as Hernandez was going to level Devon, Booker T comes out and saves HIM. Now who is going to save LAX? Probably no one, if I know TNA. Presently, 3D and Booker and laying the Tag Champs to waste and Ray is blabbering some racial slurs, I’m sure, into the camera before putting Homicide through the table.

JB Interview #1
Karen Angle wants us to expect the unexpected, and Kong has a crazy plan to wrestle fans involving $25,000.

Beautiful People Video
This is a video about their actions at Sacrifice where they helped Gail Kim win, and on Impact when they interfered in two matches. I actually like the direction Love and Sky are going. They are nasty and stuck up, just like all the little bitches in school we all hated. Perfect characters.

ODB Promo
To sum that up, ODB’s boobs are real, she’s drunk and she’s sticking her flask up Angelina Love’s ass. I love ODB. Her character amuses me so much. She is so unorthodox and unexpected. She has to be my favourite chick in this promotion.

Angelina Love vs ODB
The match starts out with ODB spitting vodka in Love’s face. While she is recovering, Sky takes ODB out allowing Love to get the initial control. While we’re waiting for a rest hold, the commentary completely ruins Kong’s surprise for later. Good work, guys. By the time they’re done, ODB is back on her feet and clotheslining the crap out of Love. ODB goes for the cover with a side slam, but doesn’t make 3. ODB is knocked out by her own flask by Sky, allowing Love to get the win.

Love has the shears ready to go on ODB when Roxxi makes the save. Love takes a nasty looking boot to the chest. After a bit of Roxxi being beat up, she takes out the Beautiful People and goes to shave Love’s head, only to have Rudy Charles steal the shears. Roxxi responds by Voodo Dropping good ol’ Rudy.

I like Roxxi’s new look. She was pretty bland to me before and I think this head shaving gives her an edge. She has also changed up her wardrobe a bit, but I think the change suits her immensely.

King of the Mountain Promo aka Samoa Joe announces his 4 semi-finalists
Robert Roode, Matt Morgan, Tomko and James Storm are Jim Cornette’s four choices. Joe and Nash are in the ring right now, ready to announce his choices.

  • AJ Styles – Joe’s perennial foe
  • Rhyno – Nice to see him get a shot, but he won’t make it to the final
  • Christian Cage – No surprise there
  • Nash thinks the last pick is himself. Joe announces Booker T. Ha ha, joke’s on Nash! Booker T is a natural choice, really.
And now on to the drama…
Nash wants to “have Joe’s back” and Joe wants “good competition.” I’d just like to interject while Nash is babbling about what Joe knows and doesn’t know about being a champ that it’s super hard to eat soup and type at the same time.

Angle and Trigg with JB
Silly. Stupid. Pointless. I hate this storyline. It’s an effort for TNA to get their money’s worth out of Angle while he can’t wrestle. Ridiculous. Send him home, let him have a little vacation, let us forget about him a little bit, and have him come back with a vengeance when he’s feeling better.

Jay Lethal + SoCal Val auditions Rock and Rave Infection
Oh dear. “I mean, I hear a piano, but I don’t see one…” That was the only good part of the entire promo. I’m not even going to mention that Ace Young, the American Idol finalist, is going to be on Impact next week. Puke.

Abyss Promo
Well this is kind of creepy. I’m kind of excited for Abyss’ return. I can’t wait to see him without the mask. Geeky, maybe, but I don’t care.

Roode Promo
First of all, Roode is not a handsome guy. Roode has a little blurb to say about others in the tournament. Booker T he sees eye to eye with. Morgan has too much brawn and not enough brain.

My lizard is staring across the room at me for some reason. It looks like he wants to hang out over here on the couch. However, when I take him out and bring him over here, all he does is freak out. Silly lizard.

Anyway…

KOTM Qualifier 1: Roode vs Morgan
Morgan is in control to begin the match with his power, but it’s not long before Roode outsmarts his big boot and takes Morgan down. Roode is working on Morgan’s now injured leg. Morgan manages to just barely hold Roode off, but Roode won’t let Morgan get to his feet. Morgan is finally up and unaffected by Roode’s efforts. A big headbutt takes Roode down and after repeated warnings from the ref for underhanded tactics, Morgan losses his temper on Earl Hebner. Roode takes advantage with feet on the ropes and makes the cover for the win.

This match was ok. It was short but action packed. I enjoy how Roode made his point to Morgan that his brains would prevail over the brawn.

Eric Young looks for Elvis
Where is the Honky Tonk Man when you need him? I really love Eric Young. He’s fun and cute.

As the Angles Turn
I really don’t need to comment on this again, do I? You know, if I wanted to watch crap like this I would watch soap operas. Which I don’t. Basically, the gist of it is Karen wants a divorce and Kurt is begging for her to come back. Karen leaves the ring and the Impact Zone and Kurt cries. That is a good five minutes of my life I will never get back.

Kong Promo
Kong has beaten everyone so she has to beat up a fan? LET HER PLAY WITH THE BOYS!

Petey vs Kaz Promo
Steiner is the greatest scholar!? The holy grail!? It’s like they made up this Petey part of the promo just to explain the head gear! This was a nice promo to build up for the X Division match upcoming. It should be a good match, and this promo made me mark out. I know, I know. I am a victim of corporate advertising.

AJ Promo
AJ plays the naďve guy so well. I’m glad AJ is going out on his own. Maybe he’ll be allowed to be a little more serious and back to his greatness.

Sting interview
Sting talks about Jarrett losing his wife and whether he’s spoken himself. Sting then really ages himself by talking about how he met Jarrett when he was just a kid.

Kong Fiasco
Must be female!? Arg! Well this should be interesting. Some blonde chick that clearly looks like a wrestler has volunteered to fight Kong. After a commercial break, we are in the ring with Melissa and Kong. Kong obviously is in control to start. Ok, so I lied. This wasn’t interesting. I thought maybe this would be the debut of a new Knockout, but obviously not. Kong, obviously, won.

3D/Booker Promo
Does Ray bother anyone else as much as he bothers me? Booker’s already been here 6 months? I guess the whole time he was whining about his wife I just blocked him out. Booker seems to be bringing that King Booker crap back into his promo’s sneakily. The best part of the promo was when Booker was pointing out his shoddy surroundings and he picked up Ray’s shirt. The way he said “Excuse me, I’m sorry” was hysterical to me for some reason.

KOTM Qualifier 2: Booker T vs AJ Styles
Booker T has the advantage and is looking more brutal than usual. AJ turns it around and is also more intense than usual. What is with the retards moshing in the first row? Someone get them some more beer… Booker is pulling out the rest hold now, but AJ fights back. Booker won’t let AJ keep the advantage until he gets hit in the head with a standing drop kick. AJ is in the air with a flying forearm. AJ goes for a springboard of some kind but Tomko trips AJ up. Booker takes advantage for the pin and the spot in the KOTM.

Tomko and AJ come to blows in the ring just as we cut for commercial. When we come back, AJ finally gets a few shots in to Tomko before 3D and Booker come in for the save. AJ fends them all off until all four regroup and start the beatdown. It’s not long before Earl Hebner is the victim of some abuse. Everyone gets their shots in on AJ and AJ is in a pulp. Karen Angle finally comes down and gets in the way of everyone. She even gets a slap in to Brother Ray. There is something not right about Karen Angle having AJ’s blood all over her. Karen runs to the back and the beat down continues. It’s only a matter of time before Angle comes out to make the save now…wait for it….wait for it….There we go! Kurt is coming down with a chair and the ring clears. Karen gets a big hug from the bloody AJ and Kurt realizes what’s going on. Now Kurt and Karen are fighting and Kurt finally hits AJ with the chair. Apparently, this is all Karen’s fault. How sad.

The show was quite good. It had some good matches and storylines either went places or new ones were formed. The only big complaint I have about the whole thing is the Angle Saga, however, I understand that TNA is just trying to make the best of a shitty injury situation. As I mentioned before, they should have just left Angle off TV for a week or two and hype his return. All in all, this show would have been way better if there had been as much wrestling as there was talking. All the promos seemed a bit weak to me tonight, except for the ODB one and the Abyss promo. I am looking forward to Abyss coming back, and the inevitable Tomko/AJ feud.

That’s it for me this week. Seeing as how Lost is not on, I guess I’ll have to settling with So You Think You Can Dance. Wish me luck.

Until next week;

Jillie

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