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UWF Fury Hour - November 19, 1990
by Scrooge McSuck
- Last week on the Fury Hour... Billy Jack Haynes defeated Col. DeBeers when DeBeers accidentally on purpose struck the referee, Larry Sampson. After the match, DeBeers continued to attack Sampson, possibly for the color of his skin... Bob Orton Jr. called out Mr. Wonderful, but settled to yell at B. Brian Blair and apparently picked up John Tolos as his manager... John Tolos and Captain Lou Albano got into a spit-spewing contest on the Captain's Corner... Larry Zbyszko is on his way into the UWF because it has the competition he needs... Nikita Koloff, Paul Orndorff, Dr. Death, and Brian Blair all won squash matches, some more entertaining than others... and Ken Patera is still collecting a paycheck, I guess.
- Taped on November 8th (NEW TAPING CYCLE) from the Reseda Country Club in Reseda, CA, with Bruno Sammartino and MR. ELECTRICITY HIMSELF, Herb Abrams, calling the action.
Scheduled for this week, "The Russian Nightmare" Nikita Koloff faces Ken Patera in what should be a negative-star encounter. Also this week is the debut of "The Wild Thing" and Larry Zbyszko, as well as "Cowboy" Bob Orton, "UWF Tough Guy, Dr. Death Steve Williams", "The Ever-Popular Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff, and Captain Lou's Corner.
The Wild Thing vs. Riki Ataki:
The Wild Thing is Steve Ray, and no, not the Harlem Heat, brother of Booker T Steve Ray. He comes out to "Wild Thing"... you know, the song used in Major League for "Wild Thing" Rick Vaughn? Have I mentioned he's the Wild Thing yet? Ataki avoids a lockup and showboats, so Wild Thing rolls him up for a two count. Wild Thing with a pair of arm drags, followed by a delayed scoop slam. Bruno: Wild Thing is pretty wild, alright. What wonderful color commentary by the Living Legend. Steve Ray, whoops, I mean WILD THING brings Ataki back in with a slingshot and connects with a clothesline. Crisscross and Wild Thing with another clothesline for two. They botch a spot, so Wild Thing gives him a back drop without any momentum. Wild Thing with a slam and elbow drop for two. Abrams insists Ataki's from Japan, but I'm confident he's from Los Angeles. Ataki with an "Oriental Chop" (they're noisier than American chops!). Whip to the ropes is reversed and Wild Thing sends Ataki over the top rope with a clothesline. Wild Thing to the top and he follows with another clothesline. Back inside, and Wild Thing finishes with a Power-Slam at 4:18. That was not the most impressive debut. Wild Thing looked green as grass. I'm disappointed when Bruno said Ataki was a tough cookie, he didn't call him a fortune cookie.
- Captain Lou Albano tells us the UWF is coming soon to New York City! Albano stakes his reputation on supporting the UWF. What reputation?!
- Last Week, Col. DeBeers viciously attacked referee Larry Sampson. Voters in the Midwest and most of the South probably approved. Commissioner Ross didn't step in, so Commissioner Ross has been FIRED from the UWF, and a punishment for DeBeers is still pending. Commissioner Ross, we hardly knew ye... and I mean that seriously.
"Cowboy" Bob Orton (w/ John Tolos) vs. Kevin Benjamin:
Good to see the Orton and Tolos relationship carry over from the last set of tapings. Kevin is of no relation to Shelton. Abrams continues to push Danny Spivey's name, but he isn't coming back, at least not for a long while. They lock knuckles and we get a surprisingly clean break. Lockup and Orton with an arm drag into a wrist-lock. Orton with a short arm scissors while Tolos jaws at some front row fans. Benjamin fights back to his feet, so Orton transitions an arm-bar into a bear-hug. He turns it into an awkward back breaker, then takes Benjamin over with a high angle butterfly suplex. Orton with knees to the back as Bruno continues to hype Benjamin as more than a random jobber. Orton a delayed slingshot vertical suplex and a pat of his own back. That's copyright infringement! Barry Horowitz would sue if his wages could afford a television set and access to Channel America (still with a wider audience than whatever Impact Wrestling has these days). Orton finally finishes with the Super-Plex at 5:13. I'm amazed that nobody is picking jobbers off the canvas to prolong the inevitable. Post-match, Tolos tosses Benjamin to the floor to add insult to injury.
- Buy Bruno Sammartino's new autobiography! AVAILABLE THROUGH THIS SPECIAL UWF OFFER!
"Dr. Death" Steve Williams vs. Stephen DeLeon:
Williams wastes no time going to work on the arm of DeLeon. Williams is the #1 ranked Superstar in the UWF and a Champion will be decided via Tournament sometime next year. Whip to the corner and Williams follows in with a clothesline. Williams with a belly-to-belly suplex into a cover for two. Woah, DeLeon actually kicked out of that one! DeLeon fights back with a flurry of rights, to Sammartino's surprise. Williams shrugs it off and lays him out with a headbutt. Williams with a DDT and starts yelling at some masked goof at ringside. Maybe his name is Mark, and he thinks he's Smart. Whip to the ropes and Williams kills him with a clothesline. Williams yells at the fan some more, and he's clearly a plant, allowed to come over the barricade and hang out around the ring area. Whip to the corner, and Williams finishes DeLeon with the Oklahoma Stampede at 3:02. Quicker than usual for a Dr. Death squash. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FAN WITH THE MASK!?
- "The Unpredictable" Cactus Jack cuts a promo about the UWF coming to NEW YORK CITY BABY!
- Captain Lou's Corner with Special Guest ANDRE THE GIANT. Lou Albano whips out an LJN doll of Big John Studd, and Andre laughs it off. Andre is the REAL GIANT of professional wrestling and he rips the doll in half. There's nothing much more to this segment except Albano putting over the 7'4/7'5" 542/543 pound Andre (more like 6'9" at this point, but that's another argument for another day). The image of someone trying to make money off Andre must've driven Vince McMahon insane.
"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. "Palmball" Patterson:
Speaking of #1 ranked Superstars, Paul Orndorff has to be in that argument as well. After all, he's being paid like he is, so dammit, we must consider him the top contender to the Universal Championship. Patterson wastes time yelling at fans. Maybe they're all plants. Lockup and Orndorff goes to work on the arm. Patterson yanks the hair to escape and hides on the apron before Orndorff beats him with a pair of flip-flops. I wonder if this referee knows he's supposed to fall for the heel complaining about phantom hair pulls. Patterson grabs a headlock and hangs on with a handful of hair. The referee asks for a break, proving he's completely over-qualified to be a professional wrestling referee. A few people chant "Paula" because they weren't informed he's the babyface of the match. Orndorff with a cross body press, but the referee was out of position to count. Orndorff with a snap mare and elbow drop. Whip to the ropes and Orndorff throws a dropkick, followed by a back suplex. Orndorff makes a rare trip to the top rope and connects with an elbow to the top of the head. Piledriver finishes at 5:51.
Immediately after the fall, Dr. Death Steve Williams runs in, and puts the boots to Orndorff. He goes for the Oklahoma Stampede, but Orndorff escapes and pounds away. They take it to the floor, with Williams sending Orndorff into the post. He retrieves a steel chair from the crowd and whacks Orndorff over the head with it. Kevin Benjamin runs in to take a terrible chair shot. He swings at the referee several times, but the REFEREE NO-SELLS IT (the chair shots were Hulk Hogan at SuperBrawl VI levels of bad), and the gaggle of jobbers rush the ring to try and hold Williams back while he puts the boots to the referee. In the meantime, Paul Orndorff is BUSTED OPEN! HE'S BLEEDING! For those wondering, this wasn't the first time they got in each other's business. That would be on the October 1st episode of the Fury Hour.
- Because of the length of tonight's episode, the debut of Larry Zbyszko will be shown next week.
"The Russian Nightmare" Nikita Koloff vs. Ken Patera:
The feature match for the week, and I'd gladly have Larry Zbyszko's match shown and have this one preempted. I know I've got a long way to go, but I'm getting REALLY tired of Bruno's mush-mouth babbling. Koloff has his ribs taped for no reason. Lockup and Patera shoves Koloff back. Herb Abrams makes a terrible Rocky reference. Not only does he stumble over himself constantly, but he specifically says a "Rocky V" story, then proceeds to give us the synopsis of Rocky IV... and he's trying to paint PATERA as the patriotic favorite overcoming the Russian antagonist. Take a nap Herb, you're drunk, or possibly high. Maybe both, I don't know. Koloff with a "dropkick." I use quotations because we didn't see it, but Herb says it happened, and I'm sure we can trust his word for it. They do a test-of-strength, and of course Patera cheats to take control. Koloff comes back with boots of his own and grabs a side headlock. Patera with a snap mare and a rake of the eyes. Whip to the corner and Patera follows in with a clothesline. Patera with a blatant choke hold. Koloff escapes, but a rake of the eyes slows him down again.
Oh no... because we're out of time, we'll be seeing the conclusion of the match NEXT WEEK! Oh, and the feature match is David Sammartino and "Chief Jay Strongbow" vs. Cactus Jack and "Wildman" Jack Armstrong. Oh boy, is that a treat.
Final Thoughts: Even though there's no logical reason for it to happen other than whatever excuse we can make up ourselves, Dr. Death beating the crap out of Paul Orndorff was pretty cool until it became a comedy with Williams throwing pathetic chair shots and the referee having no clue that he's supposed to be selling them. "The Wild Thing" debuted and it wasn't the best first impression I've ever seen. They tried pimping out Andre the Giant before Vince McMahon came calling, and I guess the UWF is looking to work some dates in New York City. Overall, not a completely worthless episode.
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