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UWF Fury Hour - October 29, 1990
by Scrooge McSuck
- Televised on SportsChannel America, more taped on October 11th, 1990 from the Reseda Country Club in Reseda, CA with Bruno Sammartino and Herb "Mr. Electricity" Abrams calling the action and mostly being morons. Last week on the Fury Hour, Nikita and Ivan Koloff had a falling out that was hardly explained, Mr. Wonderful got a cheap count-out victory over Bob Orton, Cactus Jack defeated David Sammartino in a No DQ Match, Ken Patera looked old, and weíre anticipating the debut of newcomer "The Viking."
- Expected to see this week... Billy Jack Haynes, "Olympic Strongman" Ken Patera, "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff, "Killer Bee" B. Brian Blair ("direct from his hive"), The Bounty Hunter, The Viking from Helsinki, Finland, and in the Feature Matchô, Nikita Koloff takes on Uncle Ivan Koloff. What about Captain Louís Corner?! WHAT ABOUT LOU!?!
Billy Jack Haynes vs. Gary Keyes:
Herb Abrams addresses a challenge in the locker room between Haynes and Ken Patera. I hope we donít see that one. Lockup, Haynes grabs a waist-lock and takes Keyes down. He takes Keyes over with a snap mare and drops a knee across the chest. Haynes with a back breaker, sending Keyes to the floor with such incredible force. Back inside, Haynes with a big knee and chops, followed by a dropkick. Haynes completely no-sells Keyes attempts at some offense (and I mean dead no-sell). Whip to the ropes, Haynes with an elbow and a leg drop. He signals for the finish, and sure enough, he slaps on the Full Nelson for the victory at 2:30. Short and inoffensive squash.
- One of the sponsors for this weekís programming is Rocky V. Thatís not something to be proud of! We actually follow that with an extended commercial for the film, with the awful "Go For It" song playing the entire time.
"Olympic Strongman" Ken Patera vs. Riki Ataki:
Are they pushing a Battle of the Full Nelson? As if we havenít seen that from Billy Jack Haynes before. The crowd chants "Jailbird", and at least he acknowledges it. Lockup into the corner and Patera gives a clean break, much to the surprise of Bruno. Lockup #2 and Ataki avoids the sucker punch. He saw that Pearl Harbor job coming, didnít he Herb? Patera with some weak blows, a snap mare, and a chin-lock. Patera with a knee to the back and a bear-hug. Partera with some sorry looking knees to the midsection and another snap mare. He plants Ataki with a slam and drives a pair of elbows across the nose. Whip to the ropes, Patera with an elbow. Whip to the corner and Patera with a clothesline. He slaps on the Full Nelson, and Ataki is done at 4:06. Two matches in a row where the jobber wasnít covered and pulled off the canvas. A new record!
- "The Golden Greek" John Tolos is standing by for a green-screen promo with his protťgť, the Bounty Hunter. Heís facing the Killer Bee, B. Brian Blair, later tonight in the program. Not the most impressive man to have in your "Stable", John. Heís also claiming he has "Dangerous" Dan Spivey, but heís in a villa in Greece, relaxing. At least theyíre attempting continuity.
"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. Matt Starr:
Iím sure Orndorff is steaming over the Piledriver being banned... oh wait, thatís a different, actually entertaining wrestling company I was thinking of. I canít believe heís using "You Canít Touch This" for entrance music. Lockup into the ropes and Starr complains about a pull of the hair. I wouldnít put it past Mr. Wonderful, to be honest. Starr grabs a side headlock, but Orndorff powers out with a back suplex. He tosses Starr to the floor and boots him to the face. Whip to the ropes and Orndorff with a clothesline. He signals for the end, and the Piledriver finishes at 2:52. Three matches without someone being pulled up! Can we go the whole show?!
"The Killer Bee" B. Brian Blair (w/ Honey) vs. The Bounty Hunter (w/ John Tolos):
Would this be considered a featured match? Itís considered a Grudge Match, despite neither man having any interaction with each other. I canít say I liked Tolos better as "Coach" for his short-lived run in the WWF. I guess the "Grudge" is on behalf of Danny Spivey, who probably no-showed the taping over lack of being paid. Blair has a female valet, known as "Honey." When checks bounce all over the place, you can hire as much useless talent as you want. Of all people, BRUNO knows who this is? Lockup and the Bounty Hunter acts like a strongman. Blair grabs a headlock. Crisscross, Blair with a drop toe hold and some leg extensions. This Bounty Hunter isnít very good at what his name suggests, laying down on the job so much. I just realized why Honey is out there and not a mannequin doll... you have to actually have the money on hand to pay for the mannequin. ZING! Tolos cheap shots Blair, allowing the Bounty Hunter to take over. Would Tolos split the money since heís done more work so far? Bounty Hunter with a fist drop from the middle rope for two. He goes up again and misses the second attempt. Blair with rights and the "buzzer" elbow from the middle rope. Whip to the ropes and we get a referee bump. Blair gets the knees up on the splash attempt. Blair goes for the Scorpion Deathlock, but hereís Tolos with a shoe to the back of the head. Honey stings Bounty Hunter with her contraption, and Blair rolls him up for three at 6:37. * Some Bounty Hunter. Tolos pitches a fit over the loss, and rightfully so, and actually puts the boots to him. Hey, his job is to take out Brian Blair, and got in exactly 15-seconds worth of offense!
- John Tolos with another green screen promo, running down his Bounty Hunter. He defines what a Bounty Hunter is and calls him a dumb loser who got stung and stuck in a honey pot. Midway into the promo, and he starts calling him the Head Hunter. I wonder if he got his nose in Abramsí stash...
The Viking vs. The Patriot:
No, this Viking isnít John Nord, a.k.a The Berzerker. Itís Tony Halme, best known for his time in the WWF as Ludvig Borga. No, The Patriot isnít Del Wilkes, a.k.a... uh... the Patriot. Itís just a masked jobber. Probably isnít Tom Brandi, either. At least he isnít Davey Melzer... wait a minute... it IS Davey Meltzer! Heís got the same pudgy body, short arms, and perm sticking out of the mask. Lockup and the Viking throws him away like a piece of trash properly disposed of in a garbage can or recycling bin. Whip to the ropes and Viking with a shoulder tackle, followed by a slam. Whip to the ropes and he connects with a clothesline. Half-hearted whip to the ropes, Viking press slams him across the rope, and drops an elbow for three, only needing one finger to do it. They have a medic come out to check on the Patriot, who sold the crappy offense at an equally awful standard.
- Captain Louís Corner with his very special guest, Ivan Koloff. He runs down Nikita for growing soft for the American way of living and being a disgrace to his Motherland of Russia.
Nikita Koloff vs. Ivan Koloff:
A Main Event anywhere in the country! I wonder if Ivan is going to bring out Vladimir to make sure he has the numbers advantage. Nikita bum rushes the ring, pounding away on Ivan. Whip to the ropes and he takes Ivan over with a back drop. Nikita with a clothesline, sending his Uncle to the floor. Whip to the ropes and Nikita with an elbow. He charges into the corner, meeting nothing but the turnbuckle. Ivan puts the boots to Nikitaís conveniently taped ribs. Snap mare and Ivan with a chin-lock. Whip to the ropes, Nikita blocks a hip toss and takes Ivan over with a back slide for two. He slaps on a (Russian) bear-hug to keep things in slow motion. Nikita tries to mount a comeback, but Ivan keeps targeting the ribs. Ivan with a leg drop. He climbs to the top rope and misses a big knee drop. That move won him the WWWF Championship, Maggle! Nikita misses a clothesline by a Russian mile, but has enough in the tank to sweep the legs and ram it into the post. Nikita with the Figure-Four, and suddenly the bell rings at 8:35? DUD Just a bad match. This was allegedly a 10-minute time limit match, but they werenít even close. They continue to fight on the floor, with Nikita whacking away with some truly awful chair shots.
Next Week: Billy Jack Haynes vs. Ken Patera in the Battle of the Portland Boys and Masters of the Full Nelson!
Final Thoughts: Poor wrestling as expected, with an inconclusive feature match between the Koloffs, and what was basically an extended squash for Brian Blair (along with his mysterious new valet) over the Bounty/Head Hunter. The Viking proved to be only slightly more impressive than "Chief Jay Strongbow" for his debut, and oh boy, weíre getting Billy Jack Haynes vs. Ken Patera next week. I knew that Demolition drove a wedge between them, and now the UWF is the living proof by exploiting the breakdown of their friendship!
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