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Saturday, September 23rd 2017.
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AWF Warriors of Wrestling: Episode 13

by Scrooge McSuck

- We're officially 67% of the way through the Warriors of Wrestling collection! Last week, Tony Atlas and Nails had the lamest pull apart brawl you've ever seen, the Fabulous Freebirds (lame version) reunited, and we saw the debut of AMBASSADOR Steve Casey. There was no hype for this weeks episode, so everything will be a "pleasant" mystery.

- Ken Resnick is standing by with President Paul Alperstein. I bet he's going to fine some people. He is going to fine both men $10,000 each, and will be suspended until the fines are paid... come on, Tony Atlas can barely afford a $10 steak. Where is he going to dig up 10,000 clams?

Hercules & Mr. Hughes (w/ Sheik Adnan Alkahassie) vs. Ronnie Vegas & Hawkeye Cody Hunter:

Balls! At least the team of Herc' and Jerk v2.0 have a remix version of the typical generic heel theme. It's like WCW/nWo Revenge on N64, recycling the same 2 or 3 themes for everyone. Hugh takes Vegas to the corner, but misses a sucker punch. Hunter tags in, and gets laid out upon arrival. Taylor brings up Hawkeye Hunter was the one who took the bribe from Hughes and Alkahassie that allowed Hughes a spot into the Title Tournament. Sean Mooney would be jealous. Irish whip, and Hughes connects with a dropkick. Hercules tags in, and connects with a powerbomb for the three count at 2:02. Well, that was a pretty swift squash match. Nice of Hercules to do absolutely nothing but a half-assed powerbomb.

- Ken Resnick is hanging around with Mr. USA, Tony Atlas, and it's nice of him to show off that back acne as the camera zooms in on him. Atlas is trying to be all symbolic by facing his back to the camera, because that's all how Nails knows to recognize him by. Tony Atlas vs. Nails could totally main event Heroes of Wrestling II.

"Gentleman" Chris Adams & 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Billy Jo Eaton & Ken McGuire:

Talk about a random combination in the form of Adams and 2CS. Karch makes reference to Doug Gilbert and some other guy, in regards to the high-flying and ground-based styles of Scorpio and Adams, respectedly. Lockup into the ropes, Adams blocks a sucker punch, and lays out McGuire in response. Apparently Adams has been thinking a lot about AMBASSADOR Steve Casey, lately. Scorpio tags in, and slaps on a front facelock. Eaton tags in, and puts down Scorpio with a shoulder block. Criss-cross, and Scorpio connects with a jumping heel kick, followed by a leg drop for a two count (cue the Hulk Hogan impersonation). Adams tags in and nails Eaton with a violent clothesline. Adams with a snap suplex, and Scorpio with a much more inspired powerbomb, but for only a two count?! Irish whip, and a double elbow from Adams and 2CS. Eaton continues taking a beating, including an enziguri from Scorpio for a two count. Scorpio with a slam and standing moonsault for another two count, as the round comes to an end. Round 2: The Samoan Swat Team are in the Warriors Corner, as the round begins. That's Samu and Tama, by the way. McGuire starts the round, and that shouldn't be allowed. Eaton tags back in about 7-seconds into the round, and he works an armbar. McGuire tags back in, and gets pounded on for his effort. Adams tags in, and kicks the leg from under McGuire's leg, then kills him with an enziguri. Eaton tags in, and he takes a clothesline. Irish whip and a double back drop, and hey, it's AMBASSDOR Steve Casey! Adams with a superkick, and Scorpio with the 450 splash for the three count at 1:44 of Round 2. Adams eyes Casey, who casually walks away.

- Chris E. is standing by with Koko B. Ware. This is painful to listen to.

Chief Charlie Norris vs. Chad Miller:

Meh... I don't care much for this guy, and I'm not a fan of Norris, either. The crowd cheers Norris on with racially insensitive war cries/whooping. Norris works the arm and quickly rolls Miller up for a two count. Chad Miller is one ugly fucker. Someone get the kid a paper bag so I don't vomit up my english muffin. Norris with a BIG hip toss, because he's a BIG Native American. Norris with a headlock, and is quick with a takeover. Miller takes it to the corner, takes Norris over with a snapmare, and slaps on a chinlock. Norris quickly escapes, and catches Miller off the ropes with a side suplex. Norris dances around like he's walking on hot coals, and the bicycle kick connects. Norris with an abdominal stretch for the submission victory at 3:04... are you fucking serious? Why not let him with with an armbar, if you're going with the lamest submission possible?

- Ken Resnick is standing by with Nails, the most fined man in AWF History. He cuts a promo, and he sounds so lame without that voice distortion that the WWF did for his promos. He sounds like Rick Steiner after the neutering. He's going to beat Atlas until they put him in a bag and carry him out. DEATH THREATS = RATINGS!

"The Z-Man" Tom Zenk vs. The Bounty Hunter:

Hey, Zenk is using the same music as Charlie Norris. They must be good friends, and both are from Minnesota! I smell a conspiracy! Lockup, and neither man gets an advantage. Lockup into the ropes, and Zenk gives a clean break. What is with Mick Karch saying people give 150%? I know I failed math and science classes all the time, but even I know it's impossible to give more than 100%. This show needs some Barry O to make it more entertaining. Zenk works the arm and rolls Hunter up for a two count. Now he's ripping off the Chief's wrestling playbook? I smell insta-feud! Zenk with a single leg trip, and a step over toe hold. Zenk lets go, then slaps on a full nelson. Bounty Hunter shows off his double chin, as this match is dying a slow, painful death. Zenk goes back to the leg, and grapevines it, and I'm surprised that doesn't get the victory. Bounty Hunter cheap shots Zenk at the bell. Fidel Sierra is "on his way to the AWF", despite already showing up.

Round 2: Hunter goes back to work on Zenk with some awful blows, but he runs into a boot in the corner for trying to get more than 5-seconds of offense. Irish whip, and Zenk connects with a clothesline. Zenk with a scoop slam, heads to the top rope, and comes off with a missile dropkick for the three count at :58 into Round 2. That seemed like it was a lot longer than a 5-minute match, especially when Zenk did all the work.

- Ken Resnick is standing by with the Z-Man, Tom Zenk. Zenk name drops all of the top names of the AWF as possible opponents in the future. Zenk is still trying to figure out the round systems still. Wuss.

Greg Valentine & Tommy Rich (w/ Rico Suave) vs. Danny Boy Hawkins & Night Train Jackson:

Jackson actually has a conductor's costume on... I guess he got a raise since the last tapings? There's only so much time left, so I'm afraid this one will get a second round treatment. Jackson takes Rich to the corner and gives a clean break. Irish whip, and Rich with a shoulder block. Criss-cross sequence, and Jackson with a pair of arm drags, then into an armbar. Warriors Corner with Johnny Gunn and Jimmy Powers. They will be here NEXT WEEK! Valentine tags in, and drops Jackson with an elbow across the back of the head. Valentine with a snapmare, and chinlock applied. There's rumblings that we will have a Tournament for a Tag Team Championship! Jackson with an arm drag and dropkick on the Hammer, but stupidly doesn't follow up. Jackson grabs a headlock, but Valentine quickly counters with a back suplex. Hawkins tags in as Taylor sings "Danny Boy". Valentine quickly takes control and plants him with a slam. Rich tags in, and comes off the second rope with a fist drop. Irish whip, and Rich with a clothesline for a two count. Rich slaps on a chinlock, as the time expires for Round 1.

Round 2: Hawkins takes Rich over with a hip toss, and Rich complains about a yank of the tights. Valentine tags in, and connects with a stomach buster (Taylor calls it the Wind Breaker). Valentine takes Hawkins over with a snap suplex, then comes off the ropes with an elbow drop. Rich tags in, and connects with the DDT, and that gets the three count at 1:30 into Round 2. That could've been much worse. They should beat the crap out of Jackson, just for the hell of it.

- Ken Resnick talks to AWF Champion Tito Santana to end the broadcast. The usual, generic promo Santana has been cutting on all of these episodes.

Final Thoughts: I'm starting to get the "falling flat" feeling, as they continue to "establish" their tag team division, but we've been doing it for 4-5 weeks now, and we're still nowhere close to seeing anything in the form of a championship tournament, or whatever other method they could come up with that would feature something more than a bunch of squash matches. The Atlas/Nails thing seems to be getting more air-time than Santana, and it appears that Sgt. Slaughter's issues with Tommy Rich magically vanished in favor of a vague possible program with Fidel Sierra. In short, this one was all over the place.

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