WCW Monday Nitro - January 17, 2000
by Tempest McAwesome
So, I haven't really done one of these in quite some time. Actually, to be frank, I kinda swore off wrestling reviews for a little while. I guess you could say I got a little burned out. But what the hell? Its only a crappy episode of Nitro. Lets give it a whirl.
- Backstage, as was customary at the time, a black limo pulls up. Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Jeff Jarrett come wandering out. Oh yeah, they're the NWO black and silver.
This is great already....
Our opening match is a surefire hit; Billy Kidman vs. Psychosis
Lockup to start, Kidman gets to the ropes. Psycho breaks clean. Another lockup, Kidman gets a sideheadlock. Kidman gets shot off. A series of reversals leads to Kidman hitting a headscissors. Psycho reverses an attempted whip to the corner, but eats a boot on the charge in. Kidman gets a crossbody for two. Back up, Psycho ducks a clothesline and dumps the Kid to the floor. Suicide dive by Psycho. Back inside, Psycho hits a lazy looking spinkick off the top rope. That gets two. Stupidly Psycho argues with the ref. Psycho gets back to work, stepping on Kidman's throat. Psycho hammers away in the corner. Kidman reverses a whip and hits his corner clothesline. That gets two. Back up, Psychosis reverses an attempted tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and gets his own for two. Psycho tosses Kidman outside and throws him into the barricade. Back inside, Psycho hits a slam and heads up top. He tries someting but eats a dropkick on the way down. Back up again, Kidman hits a springboard bulldog for two. Kidman sets Psycho up top, but eats a sit-out facebuster for two. Kidman counters an attempted bulldog with a German suplex for two. Psycho counters a bodyslam with a DDT. Psycho hits the Guillotine Legdrop and only gets two. Psycho tries for a powerbomb (bad idea....) and eats a faceplant for three.
Pretty "meh" match; * - Decent stuff, but they were just going through the motions.
- Backstage: Arn Anderson talks about the match the night before this one at Souled Out between "Wrestler Name Deleted" and Sid Vicious for the WCW title. "Wrestler Name Deleted" beat Sid with a "Crossface", but Sid's foot was under the rope. Now lets never speak of this again....
- In the ring Big T (aka fat Ahmed Johnson), Stevie Ray, and Big T's fanny pack cut a promo. This was during the whole feud over who owned the "T" in Booker T's name. Booker interrupts and goes on the attack, but gets double teamed and beat down. Big T ends the whole mess by hitting The Pearl River Plunge and falling on his ass.
Must have been the fanny pack....
Apparently, this thing's a match now. Booker T vs. Big (fat and worthless) T
Big T hammers Booker in the corner and whips him across. Booker gets a loafer up (they're wrestling in street clothes) but runs into a crappy powerslam. Big T whips Booker off, misses two clotheslines and eats a flying forearm. Booker hits an Axe Kick and a Bookend, but attacks Stevie Ray instead and turns around right into a slapjack shot. Big T covers for three.
DUD; I'm not mean enough to give this a negative rating. It was too short to be offensive.
Our next match has the potential to be very offensive; Disco Inferno vs. Vampiro
At least Disco's offensive to me. It seems that Disco has stopped simply liking disco music and instead is trying to dress like a disco ball. You really should see his ugly ass shiny gold jacket. Also, he's here with Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli and Big Vito. This is during Disco's "married to the mob" storyline.
Vampiro is sans ICP, Raven, or The Misfits at this point, by the way.
Disco charges to start, Vamp leapfrogs him and hits a spinkick. In the corner Vamp chops away and follows it up with a nice looking spinkick. Disco reverses a whip across and attempts a monkeyflip but Vamp lands on his feet. Disco charges in to a "Samoa Joe" style single-arm takedown from Vamp. Vamp heads up top and misses a top-rope move. Disco follows up by stomping Vamp down in the corner. Disco tosses Vamp out to his mob buddies, and distracts the ref while they pound on him. Somehow, the ref catches them and throws them out. Vamp gets a whip but sets early and eats some canvas. Disco hits a big clothesline. Disco tries for the Chartbuster/ Last Dance/ whatever he's calling it this week, but gets thrown off. Vamp misses a highkick and eats a neckbreaker for two. Disco hits an atomic drop and a Russian legsweep as Disco's mobster buddies walk back out. Meanwhile Disco gets two. Disco hits a bodyslam but takes too long on a second rope elbow and misses. Vamp recovers and hits a pretty nifty flying back kick and a bulldog off the ropes followed by a sidekick that knocks Disco to the floor. Disco's Mobster buddies throw him back inside to a waiting Vampiro who hits the Nail In The Coffin driver for the pin.
3/4*: Decent TV match, but nothing more than that.
- Backstage: A bunch of random whores are hanging out with the NWO.
In the ring 3 Count (arggghhh....) are gearing up for a match against Crowbar and David Flair. By "gearing up" of course I mean doing their terrible dance routine.
'Ya know, I don't think I've ever been happier to see Devon Storm....
David Flair/Crowbar vs. Shannon Moore/Shane Helms
Shannon Moore and Shane Helms start things quickly, dropkicking David and Crowbar off the apron. Moore hits a plancha on Flair. Helms hits one on Crowbar. Crowbar and Flair are thrown inside. 3 Count (or is that "2 Count"?) get a double flip into a rollup for a double two count. Meanwhile, Miss Hancock (not Footpenis) makes her way out, flanked by two dudes. Inside, all four guys are fighting. Flair and Crowbar manage to get the upperhand clotheslining Three Count. Moore eats a pretty ugly double backdrop. Flair hits a vertical suplex as this thing finally settles into a normal tag-team match. Flair stomps away and hits a backsuplex for two. On the floor Evan Karagias is stalking Daffney. Inside Crowbar hits a front faceslam on Moore. Crowbar covers for two as Helms breaks it up with a dropkick. On the floor, David works over Karagias with a crowbar and leaves with Daffney.
There's a tag-team match going on, you say? Well, back in the ring Crowbar eats a Shannon Moore superkick and nearly gets pinned with a flying Moore splash. Flair comes back and pulls the rope down on a charging Helms who hits the floor. Inside, Crowbar reverses a backsuplex on Moore and hits a reverse DDT for the win.
Decent stuff, but nothing great. Seems to be a trend. 3/4*
- Backstage: Jarrett kicks the random whores out of the NWO lockeroom.
Our next match is a shootfight between Tank Abbot and The Maestro. This one's not going to be pretty.
Shootfight: Tank Abbot vs. The Maestro
The Maestro taunts the crowd and Tank Abbot punches him in the head. That's literally the whole match.
If you think this was anything more than a DUD, you're crazy.
- For some reason, after the match WCW's "Hardcore Champion" Norman Smiley heads off Abbot. He's backed by Meng. Abbot and Meng face off, but before anything happens we cut to a commercial.
- Apparently Kevin Nash is the new WCW "Commissioner" or something. Yay? Actually it's not that bad... At least he makes an "Oz" joke.
Onto our next match; Rick Steiner and Mike Rotunda vs. Super J and Masahiro Chono
Yay! Wrestling! And with four moderately talented wrestlers!
Steiner and Rotunda are escorted to the ring by Leyla Meow's tits followed shortly by the rest of her. Chono and J are accompanied by generic "Asian" music and, well... not Leyla Meow. For the sake of it I should mention Chono is dressed like a futuristic ninja assasin. Super J, on the other hand, is dressed like a sanitation worker.
Chono starts out the match talking shit to Rotunda, he bows down allowing Super J to get a few cheap shots in. Steiner attacks J as all four men brawl in the ring. J hits a backelbow on Rotunda. Steiner and Chono brawl outside. Steiner gets whipped to the barricade. Inside, J drops an elbow and covers for two. J kicks away in the corner and whips Rotunda across. Rotunda gets an elbow up on a charge and J takes a clothesline. Rotunda drops an elbow. J fights back with a knee and a headlock but gets shot off and tossed to the floor. J comes back in and tags Chono. Chono and Rotunda cirlce each other as the "boring" chants begin to surface. Chono gets a singleleg takedown and misses an elbow. Rotunda does the same. Back up, they lockup and Chono gets powered to Rotunda's corner. Steiner comes in with a kick to the leg. They go to a test of strength and Chono kicks Steiner's leg. Chono goes for an armbar, Steiner counters with a punch and an odd over-head throw. Chono counters a kick with a backheel trip. Chono kicks away at the knee and tags in J who pounds away. Steiner counters with a shitty waistlock takedown and tags Rotunda. Rotunda comes in with some boring legwork before tagging back out. On the floor J gets whipped to the barricade. Rotunda and J slug it out a bit until Steiner intervenes. Stiener tags in Rotunda and brawls with Chono on the floor. Back in the ring Rotunda locks in an abdominal stretch. J hiptosses his way out. Rotunda gets a headlock, but J breaks it with a jawbreaker. Chono and Steiner both get tagged in.
Chono and J doubleteam Steiner with a corner splash and a whip into a kick. Steiner gets tossed to the floor, but lowblows Chono. Chono gets "whipped" into a weak "clothesline". Steiner gets whipped to the barricade. Back inside, Steiner reverses a whip but eats a spinkick. Chono nails Rotunda heads up top and hits a flying shoulderblock for two. Steiner counters an attempted doublesledge with a belly to belly. J tries to interfere but eats a Steinerline instead. Rotunda gets the tag in, he reverses a whip but runs into a boot. Rotunda nails a Samoan Drop on Chono, Steiner heads off J. The finish comes when Rotunda gets a small package on Chono, J kinda walks by Steiner and reverses it allowing Chono to get the pin.
What the hell did I just watch? Steiner, Chono, and Rotunda are all good wrestlers. So why did this match suck so damn much? -**
If you thought that was bad, prepare yourself for something probably, slightly better. (But not much). The Wall is set to take on Sid Vicious.
The Wall vs. Sid Vicious
The Wall gets plastered (get it?) as soon as he hits the ring, with a big boot followed by Sid's crappy looking punches and another big boot off the ropes. Sid simply shoves the Wall over the top rope and heads out after him, dropping him across the railing. Sid continues to clubber away, and hits the Wall with a couple chairshots. Sid throws the Wall across the announce table and follows it up with a doublesledge. Back inside, Sid pulls the Wall up to the apron and clubs him back down.
We cut backstage momentarily to see Kevin Nash telling Disco Inferno and his mob buddies to go "kick Sid's ass". Back in the ring Sid chokeslams The Wall for the easy pin.
Well, it was better than the last match, at least. I'll call it a DUD, but at least it was an energetic DUD.
- After the match Sid powerbombs Johnny Stamboli and Big Vito as they try to attack him. Disco runs away.
- Scott Steiner's out with some chesty women. He cuts a generic promo on Ohio (where Nitro's from tonight). Oh, and Steiner also beats up a "fan" for wearing an Ohio jersey.
Lex Luger vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Bigelow charges the ring, Luger catches him with stomps. Luger with a whip, Bigelow nails him with a backelbow. Luger bails out, Bigelow catches him on the apron with a headbutt. Bammer heads outside and clubbers Luger around ringside with punches and headbutts. Back inside, Bammer stomps and clubs away. Luger takes a whip to the corner but explodes out with a clothesline and stomps away a bit. Back up, Luger hammers Bigelow into the corner. Luger kicks away a bit and whips Bigelow across. Luger charges and eats a boot. Bigelow hits a couple running clotheslines and a falling headbutt. Bigelow nails the flying headbutt. He sets Luger up for his finisher, but Chris Kanyon runs in before he can get it. Luger hits a distracted Bigelow with a champagne bottle for the win. How didn't the refferee see the broken bottle next to Bigelow? Oh well... logic in wrestling....
3/4* - Nothing much here.
Its main event time -- Diamond Dallas Page is taking on Buff Bagwell with Kimberly as the chest... I mean guest ref.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell
We get a faceoff to start. Page spits on Bagwell. Apparently this whole match is based around Bagwell hitting on Kimberly. Can you blame him?
It's a slugfest to start, Page gets a knee and a headlock. Bagwell shoots Page off and gets run over with a shoulderblock. Page counters a hiptoss with some sort of spinning rock bottom move for one. Page tries for a Diamond Cutter, Buff counters with an atomic drop and a clothesline. Page does his little "pop up in the corner" thing. The lockup and roll out to the floor, still holding on. They break and start to clubber each other, Page gets the better of it, punching Buff over the barricade. They continue clubbering each other in the crowd. Page steals some poor handicapped guy's crutch and breaks it over Bagwell's back. Page continues to slug away, but gets whipped... somewhere into the crowd. Bagwell uses a trashcan on Page. They clubber each other back to ringside. Page lands a doublesledge off the announce table. Back inside, Page clubbers away on Bagwell in the corner. Page tries to taunt Bagwell while standing on the second rope and gets dropped across the turnbuckle. Bagwell follows up with some stomping in the corner and steps on his throat. Bagwell looks like a "fagwell" with his stupid strut, and Page takes advantage by throwing him into the corner and slugging away. Bagwell gets whipped across, Page charges into a boot in the corner. Page slides undeneath Bagwell and crotches him on the ringpost. Back inside, Page goes for the Diamond Cutter, Bagwell grabs the top rope to counter. Bagwell goes to some stomping and choking. Back up, Bagwell goes for a whip, Page counters with a discus clothesline. Bagwell avoids it and hits a crappy looking DDT. That gets two. Bagwell goes for another cover, Page counters out with snapmare for two. Bagwell bridges out and gets another cover. Bagwell gets some kind of move for a two count. Bagwell heads to the seocond rope for the Buff Blockbuster, Page counters it by hitting the ropes. Page clubbers away and tries for a superplex, Bagwell counters with a lowblow and nails the Blockbuster. Kimberly throws herself at Bagwell giving Page enough time to recover and hit the Diamond Cutter for the win.
*1/2 - Well, shockingly enough, Diamond Dallas Page and Buff Bagwell of all people actually put on pretty good match. I'll be damned. Sure it's wasn't a classic or anything, but it was still a good, basic main even brawl.
Final Thoughts: I'll give this show a mild reccomendation. It's not that great, the Chono/Super J vs. Rick Steiner/Mike Rotunda match was shit, and everything else was pretty much average, but its still not a show that you should actively avoid.
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