WWF @ Madison Square Garden - January 15th, 1990
by Scrooge McSuck

I've never been good with introductions, but I'm sure everyone noticed I vanished off the face of the earth... again, for roughly 5 months. The last everyone heard from me, I was pursuing a romantic relationship at my shit job while doing my best trying to figure out why a certain wrestler erased from WWE history did what he did. 5 Months later, I had the itch to finally come back and reclaim my rightful spot as the MVP of DWS. I'm re-energized, filled with joy for the first time in what seems like forever, and finally have done what Shawn Michaels couldn't do. Find my smile. Anyway, enough with this sappy bullshit, it's time to mock wrestling matches that no one gives a shit about.- Commentary for tonights card is brought to you by Gorilla Monsoon and Hillbilly Jim. Yes, I'm so thankful Hillbilly Jim kept finding new ways to stay employed despite an obvious lack of talent at everything he did. Other than raping his dog, of course.

1. Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart vs. The Genius
Interesting match to open the show with. I don't understand i myself. I guess the Hart Foundation were still doing singles duty considering this card, but Neidhart vs. THE GENIUS? Wow, talk about random. The Genius was floating around the planet of Mr. Perfect, who was feuding with Hulk Hogan at the time, and Neidhart was just going through the motions. The Genius does his usual act. Left-handed shake offer, skipping, stretching, and stalling. Neidhart controls with power, but that's not saying much. The first half of the match is nothing but power move, stall, power move, stall. The Genius gets the upper-hand with a wide range of punchy-kicky, but that doesn't last long. Neidhart makes a mild comeback, chases Genius outside the ring, then gets sucker clotheslined from behind, courtesy of Mr. Perfect, and the Genius gets the three count at 9:20. Wow, Neidhart must've pissed someone off to have to do a job to Lanny freakin' Poffo. I guess it was done to give the Genius SOME credibility as a wrestler, even though he was on T.V. for YEARS as a jobber, so it's not like he was some random guy WWF put on T.V.

2. The Rockers vs. The Powers of Pain (w/ Mr. Fuji):
I've already reviewed this match before... several times, since it's featured on the coliseum video "SuperTape Vol. 2." No background for this match either, but for whatever reason, Jannetty has his ribs taped up. Or maybe he had to find a new way to smuggle cocaine into Madison Square Garden. You make the call. Despite the fact the PoP, for the most part, sucked wet ass, this is a pretty entertaining match, thanks to the Rockers selling their asses off and keeping the pace up enough that the PoP never have a chance to drag it down to the depths of hell. The finish sees Michaels cleaning house until Fuji trips him up as he bounces off the ropes, and the Barbarian drops a nasty looking elbow for the three count at 9:58.

After the match, Jannetty gets up in their grill, and gets an ass-kicking for his trouble. He even does a stretcher job. Wow, those Powers of Pain were going somewhere in January of 1990... right into singles pushes weeks later with new managers. One of the few times I actually enjoyed a Powers of Pain match.

3. Paul Roma vs. Al Perez
This match certainly will light the crowd up. Roma was back to Jobber duties, yet he still comes to the ring to the tune of Crank It Up, and has his Young Stallions jacket and tights on, despite the team splitting up about a year earlier. Perez was some guy I saw here and there in WCW, but he never did anything on WWF T.V. that I can remember. Pretty boring match. Back and forth the whole time, but Perez relies heavily on the chinlock. Roma mounts his comeback, nails his signature sledge off the top rope, and connects with a dropkick for a two count, Roma heads back to the top rope and comes off with a cross body, but Perez uses the momentum of Roma to reverse the pin and pick up the three count at 11:20. Not the worst match in the world, but not terribly exciting. You have to be a big fan of normal gimmickless, heatless wrestling to enjoy these kinds of matches.

Royal Rumble '90 Commercial. Featured names are Hulk Hogan, The Model Rick Martel, Roddy Piper, Mr. Perfect. Jimmy Snuka, Andre The Giant, Jake The Snake Roberts, Randy Savage, Ted Dibiase, and the ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE Warrior.

4. WWF World Championship Match:
Hulk Hogan © vs. Mr. Perfect (w/ The Genius)
Finally, some main event talent. Pretty big feud at the time, kicked off on an episode of Saturday Night's Main Event when Perfect stole Hogan's belt, then destroyed it with a hammer (not Greg Valentine). Too bad that Warrior dude was penciled in for a title run, otherwise Perfect might've had more time to see the top of the cards before being shunted down to the Intercontinental Title level. Rehash time, because I've done this match before, too. Perfect runs away to start but eventually comes back in for a lockup, which Hogan wins with a giant shove off. Perfect back in the ring for another lockup and Hogan with a hip toss followed by two scoop slams. Perfect runs outside again so Hogan follows and gives him and The Genius a double noggin knocker, followed by simultanious head slams into the ring apron. Slam on the Genius by Hogan and he heads back inside where Perfect stomps away, soon joined by Genius. Wouldn't that be a DQ? Stupid referee... Hogan leg sweeps Perfect down and throws him into the Genius in the corner. Irish whip and Hogan with a back elbow, sending Perfect over the ropes and getting hung up. The Genius takes two atomic drops, sending him to the outside. Hogan hammers away on Perfect with rights and goes outsides to slam Genius' head into the ring post. Hogan with more rights to Perfect followed by an Irish whip. Hogan connects with a back elbow and that sends Perfect outside again. Another double noggin-knocker to the heels and back inside we go for a clothesline by Hogan. Perfect is rammed hard into the turnbuckle followed by another clothesline. Irish whip and Perfect catches Hogan with a boot to the face followed by a clothesline. Perfect stomps away on the champion and chokes him across the top rope. Roundhouse rights by Perfect and he rams Hogans face into the turnbuckle. Back inside Hogan no-sells and tries slamming Perfect off the top rope, but Perfect blocks with an eye rake. Perfect applies a sleeper hold and that stalls for a quite a bit of time. Hogan with elbows to the midsection of Perfect but is shoved into the corner. Perfect heads upstairs for a moonsault (?) but Hogan crotches him up. Hogan follows him up and does the Cranium Crush to continuously ram Perfects crotch into the steel pipe holding the turnbuckle to the post. Back rake by Hogan followed by an atomic drop. Perfect stumbles around so Hogan repeatedly kicks his leg from under him. Hogan bounces off the ropes but misses an elbow drop, allowing Perfect to recover. Perfect-Plex connects, but it only gets a two count! This might be the first time anyone kicked out of the hold on Television. Hogan with the Hulk Up! Three roundhouse rights to Perfect. Irish whip and Hogan with a big boot, sending Perfect flying over the top rope. Both men exchange rights and Perfect takes over. He grabs a chair, but misses, hitting the steel post instead. He heads back inside while Hogan plays with the chair. Perfect gets a pair of fake brass knuckles from the Genius and lands a roundhouse to the jaw of Hogan, knocking him to the outside. Hogan beats the count back in and takes control again, steels the knuckles and blasts Perfect with them. Leg drop connects, but the referee sees the knuckles and disqualifies Hogan at 13:38! Hogan complains about the ruling even though he has the knuckles in his hand, saying they were Perfects. Hogan cleans house of the bad guys and does the pose-down anyway, because he rules damn it. Very good by Hulk Hogan standards, but it could've been better if there was a clean finish.

Intermission time, and that means Sean Mooney gets to interview people. We hear from Jake Roberts, Ted Dibiase, Ron Garvin and Jimmy Snuka, and Rhythm & Blues. Well, two out of four isn't bad.

5. Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Akeem
Weird pairing here as well. Akeem is Slick-less, but still does his best to Jive to the music... which seems to have a hard time playing over the P.A. System. Some loser fan gives Bret a bouqet of flowers at ringside, which he disposes of seconds later. Pretty bad match, proving that even Bret Hart isn't a miracle worker. All he does is armbar, punch, armbar, punch, wristlock, punch. Akeem does what he always does. Use his fat to gain the upper hand and totally suck the wind from the front rows. Bret uses a comedy spot to take Akeem down (the "school boy" trip), but gets squashed trying a sunset flip, and Akeem gets the easy three count at 8:29. Some might wonder why Bret did a clean job to Akeem, but remember, this was 1990. Bret was still a midcard tag team attraction to common viewers. According to sources I don't trust, Bob Orton was allegedly scheduled to be Bret's opponent for this match.

6. Jimmy Snuka & Ronnie Garvin vs. Rhythm & Blues (w/ Jimmy Hart)
Talk about a strange duo for the babyfaces. SNUKA AND GARVIN? Yes, they had issues with their opponents, but damn if that's not a strange duo. Garvin is wearing his Hammer Jammer, to counter Valentine's Hart Breaker. Yes, it's the battle of the shin guards! As usual, Honky and Snuka stink the place up, but whenever it's Valentine vs. Garvin, the match is pretty good, in a Early 80's NWA-Kind of way. Nothing exciting, but the wrestling seems authentic and has no cartoony aspect to it. Long match too, with both faces playing a punching bag for the heels (oh, and yes, Garvin and Valentine do the Figure-Four no-sell spot). Garvin gets caught in the bad guys corner, and gets his shin guard removed... and beaten over the head with it too. Valentine applies the Figure-Four again, but this time Snuka makes the save. Garvin with a small package for a two count. Valentine heads up top and gets slammed up for his troubles. Garvin removes Hammer's shin guard now and goes for the "Reverse Figure Four" (the sharpshooter to everyone else), but the bell sounds at 19:40, meaning we have a Time Limit Draw! LAME! As I said earlier, it was a good match when it's Garvin vs. Valentine, but any other combination in the ring licked balls.

Hype for the 2/19/90 card at MSG! Tito Santana will be in action! Rick Martel faces the Red Rooster! Ron Garvin takes on the CANADIAN Earthquake! Bad News Brown goes up against Jimmy Snuka! Akeem will face the American Dweam Dusty Rhodes. The Rockers and Jim Duggan team up to battle the Powers of Pain and Mr. Fuji. And in the MAIN EVENT, Hulk Hogan battles Mr. Perfect and the Genius in a Handicap Match. Card Subject to Change.

7. Million $ Championship Match:Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. "Million $ Man" Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil)
These two sure did wrestle a lot during their little program at the end of '89 through WrestleMania VI. In T.V. time, Roberts had yet to steal the belt from Dibiase, so this being a title match seems rather pointless. Especially since at the last MSG card (12/28/89), Roberts pinned Dibiase in a No DQ Match. Not to down-play the abilities of either man, but if you've seen one match between these two, you've seen them all. They are perfectly fine matches for the most part, but they follow the same blue print. Roberts controls early, Dibiase attacks neck, works neck over, works it over more, Roberts gives minor bursts of offense, Dibiase works neck over even more, then finish. And the matches were always long. As I expected, the match goes down just as I described. A lot of "holds" and resting is done by Dibiase. Roberts comes back, but stupidly attacks an attempting to interfere Virgil outside the ring. Naturally, he's counted out at 20:30, meaning Dibiase retains his Championship. Roberts returns to the ring though and lays him out with a DDT for the hell of it. Virgil makes the save before Damian is unleashed though, so referee Earl Hebner gets the snake treatment instead. Not the best match to end a show with, but at least it was a high profile showcase.

MORE INTERVIEWS hyping the next card! Mooney is with the Powers of Pain and Fuji, Mr. Perfect and the Genius, and World Champion Hulk Hogan as the show finally comes to a close.

Final Thoughts
Not a great card, but not too bad, either. Hogan/Perfect, Rockers/Powers of Pain, Roberts/Dibiase, and to an extent, Losers/R&B were all technically fine matches. The only "Bad" stuff on the show featured the Hart Foundation doing jobs in singles action. A thinned out card aside, it's one of the more entertaining MSG cards from this time frame. Mild Thumbs Up, but I wouldn't go out of my way to get a copy of the show.

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